Marriage Slows Down CDing?

[MiamiMarie]

I often see in these posts and read in many books how a lot of guys don't tell their fiancees about their CDing because they truly believe they will stop CDing once they are married. I know this is a common thought process, but there never seems to be an explanation as to why a CDer would feel that way.

Can any of you gals explain the thought process? Is it because you think you would force more discipline on yourself once married? Or did you think the urge would naturally go away?

[ArleneRaquel]

During my marraige of 33 years I dressed at most one every 3 - 4 months. Now that I am a widower I live a woman.

[Shadeauxmarie]

Perhaps it is the misguided perception that crossdressing is only sexual in nature, and that being married equates to unlimited sex.

[Karren H]

It does!!! Depending on your wife... Approaching zero....

What the don't advertise is... In reality marriage slows sex down... Which inversely accelerates crossdressing...

[RhondaLynn]

My thoughts as well, in a way. I was thinking that crossdressing balances out the effects of marriage, or vice versa.

Crossdressing is a form of expression - a person expresses as a female what they cannot as a male, for whatever reason(s). Entering into marriage would lead some to believe that marriage will suffice as an outlet for one's libido, but if that isn't sufficient, the two will find their equilbrium within the bounds of one's libido.

Hmm - did i just type that? That doesn't sound like me... (looking under my keyboard for strangers).

[AllieSF]

I fortunately don't have that problem at present. However, I think that first there is a lack of knowledge about what being a CD really entails. Most like me only find this site and other sites after we start CDing. So we do not have the luxury of reading what so many others have experienced. Then, of course, there are those that think they know better and can go against the norm and stop when they think it is necessary, only to find out that they really cannot stop this. I am also not saying that it is impossible to stop. I think that some can do that just like stopping drinking as an alcoholic or smoking, but that takes a very special and rare person. I hope that I never put myself in a position to think that I have to stop doing this. Since my CD life is all about going out in the real world and do whatever I do in male mode in that real world, I don't think that I could ever stop this, and I definitely don't want to stop it either.

[Shelly Preston]

There is also another reason this seems to be the case

I know when I was married there was no real reliable information on how long crossdressing would last

Yes I understood a transexual has a need to change but nothing on the fact that crossdressing would not go away either

This was not something I expected to return in the future

With the information which is now available online there should be no reason for anyone to think it will dissappear due to getting married

[GaleWarning]

What the don't advertise is... In reality marriage slows sex down... Which inversely accelerates crossdressing...

This is so true, with some women! It's kinda like both parties think the hard work is over and they no longer have to keep wooing each other. Selfishness creeps in. Little things ... you no longer help her by setting the table and washing the dishes, she no longer dresses in those items you love to see her in ... you spend more time at work, she feels neglected and so stops wearing those items you love to see her in ... when you mentions sex, you are suddenly a pervert; when she mentions sex, it's too often in terms of her headache, that time of the month, the kids ... and all her skirts, dresses and fine lingerie are replaced with jeans, t-shirts, socks and sensible shoes.

To compensate, you start to crossdress.

On the other hand, it's definitelty not true of all women! There are women out there who actively enjoy being femminine and know how to please their crossdressing SO. Marriage is simply an extension of the courting process. You now share everything, including the cooking, the setting of the table, the food (think feeding each other), the washing up, the wardrobe, the lingerie/underware drawer, the shoes ... sex is fun, because you can wear anything you like or nothing at all and you no longer have to worry about time limits ... work is fun because each of you is using modern technology to titivate the other all day ... life is total bliss!

But kids are always a problem. :straightface:

Can't crossdress in front of them. :straightface:

[serinalynn]

I often see in these posts and read in many books how a lot of guys don't tell their fiancees about their CDing because they truly believe they will stop CDing once they are married. I know this is a common thought process, but there never seems to be an explanation as to why a CDer would feel that way.

Can any of you gals explain the thought process? Is it because you think you would force more discipline on yourself once married? Or did you think the urge would naturally go away?

I had dabbled in CDing asd teen growing up, but then stopped until after I got married in the early '80's. when my wife started buying sexy lingerie for me to wear during our sexual experiences. In the early'90's i started looking for lingerie for my self. Bras, nylon panties, pantyhose and slips. One night my wife and I went to a mall and in to a Lane Bryant store and I was hooked. My wife got a couple things for herself. I had 2 plunge bras 3 panties, a sweater top and a skirt. we paid for it all and left. She gave some statig over the bras saying those are gender specific for woman. well, I kept the bras and eveery now and then my wife will reach her hand up the back of my top and when feeling the back of my bra she will ask "whats this? as if she doesn't already know.
She and I are still married after 29 years. she has seen me put on a bra and and take them off and she knows how much womens clothing I own and I have never had to hide any thing rom her. I take good care of her tell her that I love her.

[Janine cd]

I've had a similar situation. I've been married for 46 years and have only been able to dress about once a month. Myspouse knows about my CDing but has never accepted it.

[dominique]

When I first married I supressed my urges, first flush etc. But the feelings were still there. Then I had to give in to my urges because I was supressing a part of me. As time went bye the urge to dress became too much and I had to give in. I had to be a woman again.

[Josie M]

I posted something similar to this on the "last purge" thread. My wife knew and accepted Josie before we got married. I just was in this mode of "starting a family now, got to say goodbye to Josie". In the end, Josie never really went away and I've come to learn that, while the heart may have been in the right place, suppressing who you are is the wrong thing to do in the end.

At least that's what I now believe

[evadan]

Josie -

I posted below you on the other thread. The big slow down for me was not having the ability to be alone and knowing that would only get worse as our children got older.

[docrobbysherry]

It does!!! Depending on your wife... Approaching zero....

What the don't advertise is... In reality marriage slows sex down... Which inversely accelerates crossdressing...

I never even THOT of CDing, until my ex stopped thinking about SEX with me!:sad:


------------ she no longer dresses in those items you love to see her in ... you spend more time at work, she feels neglected and so stops wearing those items you love to see her in ...
To compensate, you start to crossdress.----------------------------

Hey all, this is only MY EXPERIENCE, OK?! :brolleyes: Maybe her not dressing that way is a GOOD THING, Clayfish!?
My ex wanted to SURPRISE ME on my birthday. Came into the bedroom in a skimpy teddie! After adding maybe 30+ pounds!:eek:

That mental image may have destroyed my sex drive for YEARS!:doh:

[NicoleScott]

Perhaps it is the misguided perception that crossdressing is only sexual in nature, and that being married equates to unlimited sex.

For some of us crossdressing is (or was) largely sexual in nature. It's not a misguided perception, it is reality. That's for SOME of us. The second half of your post I agree with. Along with many others, I believed that the sexually-driven crossdressing would be replaced by unimited great sex with my new bride. How were we to know otherwise at the time? Many of us lived out our cd-ing lives in total privacy. We know better now, but can't have a do-over.

[Chickhe]

I had to think... I think, it was a case of feeling a lot of shame or guilt...that is wasn't normal, that I wasn't a man... then I met my wife, thought it would scare her away and stopped for a long time. Thought getting married would make me a man... perhaps. Became too busy with work, but always had some desire. Dabbled a bit periodically and finally got in to fully dressing. I lived on my own for a while before I got married and the funny thing (or sad) I never took advantage of that to dress up...maybe its being around my wife all the time that increases the desire.

[Shananigans]

It does!!! Depending on your wife... Approaching zero....

What the don't advertise is... In reality marriage slows sex down... Which inversely accelerates crossdressing...

...well, that may depend. Especially if the two go hand-in-hand a lot.

Never learned to keep my hands to myself, I guess.

[Patty B.]

Without the internet and info, I knew cd'ing was not only a need but something sexual. But like many others I just assumed once married that the cd'ing would not longer be present, that it would just go away and no longer be there. Now with the info out there, cant see why anyone would think this way, but I'm way before the internet. Hope this helps.

[eluuzion]

Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.

If I had money, I would be happy.’
Just one more cigarette before I quit.
Obviously, when I run out of money I will stop buying drugs.
When I get a roommate I will have to stop crossdressing.
I can quit anytime I want to.
I am just doing this because I am bored. When I get a job, I’ll quit.
I will be so busy I won’t have time to think about it , let alone do it!
When I move out of this dump, everything will be different.
I will quit because there will be too much at risk.
Love solves everything.
There will be too much at stake to risk continuing this behavior.
I will be starting a whole new life and I won’t look back.
I finally found something worth quitting for.
I can’t wait to start over and leave this behind.
I know myself well enough to know I will quit.
I would never sabotage an opportunity like this one.
I was just doing it because I was lonely. Things will be different now.
I would never do that to somebody I love.
I will finally get the chance to stop this stuff.
That is all I will need to quit.
There won’t be any reason to continue.
I’ll get in shape after New Year’s.
I’ll lose interest when I get married.
I finally found something/somebody worth quitting for.
I found something better to replace this nonsense.
All I will be thinking about is her.
I don’t plan on doing this my entire life, it’s about time I quit.
It was just a phase.
I can still cover my tracks until I get a chance to quit.
If I just ignore it long enough, it will go away…

Ah, self-deception…the ultimate procrastination strategy to avoid reality.

:brolleyes:

[Kate Simmons]

Ideally being married to a woman should displace any need we have to personally experience perceived femininity. Okay in theory maybe but falls far short in real life. That is because real life is full of surprises, is fluid and never behaves according to any set paradigm.:)

[DeeInGeorgia]

For me, being the shy person unable to even find a girlfriend, I thougbt my crossdressing was due to physical and emotional contact with a female person. If I got physical and emotional contact with a woman, then (I thought) the need for a surrogate (crossdressing) would go away.

Deanna

[MiamiMarie]

I truly hate to compare the two, but to me it's like masturbating. I understand why a guy would think that unlimited passionate sex with his new bride would cause him to slow down or stop masturbating for a while, but most grooms would ultimately assume that one day, they'll start masturbating again. Same thing with CDing - so I don't get why so many guys think their CDing will permanently end the day they say "I do."

[nikkijo]

some of us originally dressed because of our insecurity, and thinking it was due to the actual relationship once that relationship was solitified the dressing would slow... however it never really worked that way because the insecurity went far deeper and was because of issues with our bdy, not our relationships... so actually marrage accelerated things by making them more uncomfortable being put into a roll that made things that much worse for the original issue.

[Tiffany Diamond]

It is my own opinion.............. But maybe it is just a lack of pickin the right mate. And being honest with her from day one. Try to hide it at the start you will never stop trying to hide it. And I have been married 14 years and still having sex with my wife 3 times a day. I am sorry and I know that many will not like this post. But again it is just my opinion. I meet and told my wife within the first two months. I hate lying and hiding. And keeping my crossdressing from her was keeping my true self from her.

Just my opinion.....

Tiffany

[Shadeauxmarie]

On a more serious note from my previous comment, I believe I would not desire to cross-dress as much if my wife would wear the same types of clothing she wore when we were first married. I mean, she almost always wore a dress or skirt to work. With pantyhose. Makeup well done, perfume, stockings and a garter-belt at times. Nylon or silk was the standard for bras and panties. Pastel colors galore.

She doesn't even OWN a dress now. (If she knew I have 2, she'd probably divorce me). I wear the makeup, perfume, pantyhose or stockings and garter-belt, with nylon or silk bras and panties in pastel colors. She wears white cotton bras and panties. And yes, I have bought many items for her over the years that sat in her drawers until they were thrown out. (Not ****ty stuff either - panties in colors other than white in her size and style... in cotton even)

[docrobbysherry]

I've just never heard from one in person! U r like Neil. U r, "THE ONE"!!!:worship:


It is my own opinion.............. But maybe it is just a lack of pickin the right mate. And being honest with her from day one. Try to hide it at the start you will never stop trying to hide it. And I have been married 14 years and still having sex with my wife 3 times a day. I am sorry and I know that many will not like this post. But again it is just my opinion. I meet and told my wife within the first two months. I hate lying and hiding. And keeping my crossdressing from her was keeping my true self from her.

Just my opinion.....Tiffany

Seriously, 3 times a day? You're BOTH very lucky!:thumbsup:

[Christie ann]

Been married for 32 years, she has known for 33 years and she has hated it for 33 years. In the beginning I just figured I could stop, it was no big deal...right?

[sissystephanie]

I told my late wife that I was a crossdresser when I proposed to her. All she did was ask me if I ever went out in public dressed as a woman. I told that I did, but not very often since I was not very good at fixing my wig or doing makeup. She told me that she could do that so we could go out as 2 girls! I dress because I like to, not for sexual reasons. My crossdressing really improved after my marriage, with her help! And it lasted for the almost 50 years we had together!! I did stop for a 5 year period because I thought it would be better for the family. After 5 years my wife begged me to start dressing again! she told me that she missed Stephanie in her life! So I did, and still do it daily! Marriage did not slow down my CD'ing!!