It appears the majority of members are over 40. Why is that do you think?

[crashd0309]

Does anyone know of any studies out there that would explain why a lot of the members here are over 40? Just curious. My desire to dress was dormant from the time I was 10 until recently, after I was 40.

[Jeanna]

It may because our testosterone levels drop like a stone around that age. But I remembered something about mid life crisis, what's that all about?

[cdinmd206]

Probaly because by the time we reach 40 we are tired of always having to take care of others and put our little enjoyments to the side.

[BobbiU]

My initial reaction is that

a) By the time someone is 40, they've come to accept who they are, and that cross dressing is in fact a part of them. At least that's part of my case, I would have never wanted to be known as a "crossdresser" up until a few years ago, even though I've had a desire for some female lingerie since my teens

b) As we get older, I also think we're more open to seeking out advice from others, and sharing our experiences with others. We've accepted who we are, and are now looking to build and developer that part of our personality rather then being ashamed of it, and hiding it.

:2c:

[Kelly Greene]

Could it be that when we reach the age of about 40 that we finally realize that resistance is futile.

[Lorileah]

Probaly because by the time we reach 40 we are tired of always having to take care of others and put our little enjoyments to the side.

Maybe a little but there is also the time is running out and why the heck am I trying to keep this inside syndrome. You have less requirements on you as you age so you get to reflect and think. You get tired of having every tell you what you SHOULD be. And the younger kids who dress don't seem to have the stigma

[sterling12]

All of The Above, combined for many Folks with a realization that life is finite. When you lose friends and loved ones, (A logical Aspect of Middle Age) you begin to realize that your life will also end one day. Then.....you start thinking about "What have I missed? What haven't I done that needs doing?"

I think that has a lot to do with People "coming out" in Middle Age. Let's call it "taking advantage of Opportunities before they are lost." Joining This Forum, just one of many things that will probably change for Trans people in Middle Age. It's also worth noting that many TS Gals decide it's time to Fully Transition at this similar age.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Shapeshiffter]

Well Iv'e been underdressing for over 30 years. Until I found this forum , who would I tallk to about it? I think it because of the internet. Everyone can still be undercover. At least until they get used to the idea of talking with others.

[joanieb]

I guess I would simply say, because we can.

Life changes when you reach 40, those things that were once important Kids Career Marriage aren't so much. Many have already mentioned that you now need time for yourself rather then making time for others. You've matured, your a little bit more brave and of course curious. It's easier to seek out others when there is something in it for you. I'm sure everyone has their own reasons. But basically, you have more time available to you, you know more about yourself, you aren't as timid and you want to share being a girl with others so that you have something more in your life.

[Marcia Blue]

I think at 40 plus years we have had enough of repressing our desire, and feel confident enough in who we are, to explore our female side in greater depth.

I never totally gave up dressing. The urges were stronger after 40. I did not have the courage to go out in public till I was 50, and once out I wondered why I had not done so earlier. So much time lost and so much left to do.

[Sophie86]

I've done the guy thing, and I no longer feel the need to prove my manhood to anyone.

[CalamityJane]

It is not really possible to answer that question without doing a survey of all the active members of the forum, there are quite a few younger members but it is probably true to say that the mature members make up the bulk of users on the forum. Like many others here my desire to dress has been with me from since I can remember and has never been dormant at all.

It is possible that some of the younger people feel slightly intimidated by the forum, after all they are opening up about a side of their life with still carries some social stigma, and young people today are under some pressure to "fit in" and play by the rules.

It must be a bit easier for the more mature person who is comfortable with themselves to come forward and present on the forum, although it is easier for some more than others.

One last aspect to consider is the level of confidence that a young person might have, just because you see a group of kids displaying great bravado does not mean that when one is on their own that confidence disappears and they are left in turmoil pondering how to deal with all these ideas of crossdressing.

[docrobbysherry]

Before, and AFTER I started dressing at age 50+, I wondered:

"Why would a decent looking guy want to become an unattractive woman?":brolleyes:

I may have answered my own question! Because after being an unattractive guy my whole life, in my 60's, I get to be a HOT CHICK!?:daydreaming: How cool is THAT!?:devil:

I've noticed MANY OF U do the same! You're PRETTIER AS FEMALES!:D

[Kelly Blaine]

I do think that as we get older we say the heck with it, I was born in the wrong body and will do my best to live the live I am suppose to.

[LitaKelley]

I asked my self the same question. Matter of fact, that very question is one of the things that brought me here to crossdressers.com in the first place. Since then, I continued to ponder various things and I found out about andropause as on possibility, nonetheless, I'm no longer questioning my self or looking for reasons and am just embracing it with love and joy with plans on moving forward.

[Daintre]

My position is this. The over 40 crowd did not have access to the internet when they were young. CDing was thought of as perverse and it was hidden deep. We felt alone and that we were the only one thinking like this.

The times have changed now and we finally found a place where we can be with people like ourselves and that gave us a sense of community.

I also think that the younger CDs are far more open with their friends and because of Google, they are better informed than we were. Our Young Member section is thriving and that means their numbers are slowly increasing.

[NicoleScott]

I didn't have this internet distraction when younger. So I just dressed up more then.

[NathalieX66]

When you're in your 20's you are trying to put your life together. You are persuing relationships and career opportunities. The world seems competitive at that age, and you are trying to do what seems right in order to succeed.
When you get older, and many events have occurred in your life: for instance, you get married, have kids, own a home.....then you come to realize that your urge to crossdress since youth never went away. The way I see it, we TG folk (cd'ers & TS) are today what gay was to my parent's 40something years. I'm hetero, btw. However, I am amazed at the startling amount of friends & aquaintances of my parents who started out with marriages & children, then divorced afterwards after admitting they were gay or lesbian. It just seems like society forces people to live in a box, thten that box becomes too small after a while.

[Alice Torn]

Being single all my life, and going to many singles activities, I also notice, that MANY wives divorce their husbands, about 40 to 50 yrs old. These women want to "spread their wings", leave the fart behind them. Yes, it also seems there are many men looking for another mate, too. At singles dances, there are men ranging from 45, to 70 after the same women! Too many men after too few women. No wonder so many start dressing!

[Christy_M]

You're PRETTIER AS FEMALES!:D

Well, Doc, I am not sure what to say...very unusual experience for me... :)

I am not sure I ever tried to pretty myself up in guy mode but as subjectivity goes, you are probably right. Even though I feel I am not attractive as a woman, I am sure I am not attractive as a guy.

[melina]

Wow, thats a good one. There were no outlets except for a few gay bars in the 70s 80s. Thank GOD for the internet or al gore, for me to find out that I was not the only one. I find myself drawn to CDs, but what a paranoid bunch we are. I am here to share this side of me that no one else knows about. whether we hide behind this keyboard or actually meet, I am truely happy to meet all of you, whether here or elsewhere.. cheers!

[Ann Thomas]

I love this thread - so many good answers. For me I think it's related to hormones like one post side, but it goes beyond that into all the other areas as well!

Hugs,
Ann

[Chickhe]

I agree a little bit with the mid-life comments, except for myself the dressing was always there, although I really supressed it, I think it was the internet and connections with others in the same situation that really allowed me to work through my own issues and explore it. I wonder about the younger crowd, it seems maybe they have integrated this activity better and are accepted in society so no need for special group? We are in the generation that saw our parents go to jail for dressing in drag and our kids walk around in drag as a fashion statement... Maybe that's what is difficult for us, because its a mixed bag of acceptance out there.

[Sarah Doepner]

By the time I got to 40 I began expecting people to listen to me. If I'd found the site before then I would have just lurked in the background, but now I'm full of false confidence built on years of experience and line of B.S. that will stand on it's own.

(Younger CD's Please correct me here if I'm making assumptions that are wrong) I think much of it relates to a more open society for younger Crossdressers. They have options that those of us who are older never imagined and can take advantage of them. We come here because it's realtively safe and we can remain anonymous, still fearing being outted in our communities. We stick around because we need to feel a part of a community and this is one of the best neighborhoods around.

[Lucy_Bella]

(Younger CD's Please correct me here if I'm making assumptions that are wrong) I think much of it relates to a more open society for younger Crossdressers. They have options that those of us who are older never imagined and can take advantage of them. We come here because it's realtively safe and we can remain anonymous, still fearing being outted in our communities. We stick around because we need to feel a part of a community and this is one of the best neighborhoods around.
I completey agree and not in a bad way.. It's never easy to go against societys grain.

[Marsha My Dear]

Hi all, I started dressing up at 12 in my mom's undies. That was 45 years ago. There's been pauses here and there, but there's always been panties, stockings, a skirt and nail polish near at hand. I've always needed vanishingly little approval from others- I can't make up their minds for them. More than ever before I don't care if someone can't grasp what being dressed up does for me. I can hear the mental buzz among us... 'Why did it take so long to find one another?' - Marsha

[alyssaenglefield]

Just with hormones - i've gone to my Human Body Systems textbook (Anatomy & Physiology 7th ed by Kevin Patton and Gary Thibodeau) and found Figure 31-15 on page 1032, which shows testosterone levels over a lifetime.

You are right about testosterone dropping off when you reach 40 - between the end of puberty and the age 40, testosterone is around 5.0 millimoles per litre of blood plasma (just ignore the units - 5.0 is good enough), but the drop-off is slow: at age 65 you still are at 4.5 mmol/L, and only by the time the Queen or President sends you a telegram do you levels reach the halfway point of 2.5 mmol/L.

(Just out of interest, a level of 5.0mmol/L is equal to 4 grams (0.15 ounces) of pure testosterone in the blood of an average 70kg/155lb genetic male)

I have no idea otherwise about the age effect - and i'm 19.

[sometimes_miss]

My own theory on this, is that over time, many of us, well, we simply become psychologically exhausted by suppressing the desire to crossdress every waking (and perhaps, even sleeping) moment, so it overcomes us and we have to express what we feel. Same with many middle aged transexuals. After spending most of our lives thinking it will go away, at some point we have to face the obvious and be who we really are, because we run out of the energy to keep it all bottle up.

[eluuzion]

Developmental psychologists usually consider early adulthood to cover approximately age 20 to age 40 and middle adulthood approximately 40 to 65.
According to a psychologist named Erik Erikson, one problem we attempt to address is this stage is “generativity vs. self-absorption”.

In middle adulthood, we often develop a “genuine” concern for the welfare of future generations and to contribute to the world through family and work.

While a midlife crisis is not something we all experience, most of us face the recognition that more than half of one's life is gone. That recognition may prompt some us to feel that the “clock is ticking” and that we must make sudden, drastic changes in order to achieve our goals and live out the satisfactions we had hoped to achieve, but placed “on hold” for a greater cause.

So, at the end of the day, here we all are…

“jus’ chasing the dream”… :heehee:

In my world…there is always a chance of catchin’ it…:thumbsup:

If not, there is always another one to discover, around every corner…

[alyssaenglefield]

I would be excellent to find an epidemiological study on cross-dressing, and see the true figures of cross-dressing. Unfortunately, I can't find one.

[Patty B.]

Good post JennyY, I didn't find this site until age 56 and if it'd been there thirtyfive years ago I've been on it then, oh well.

[lizaw101]

Could be that we don't have to be so concerned about what other people think and do not have to conform to everything

[KELLYANN]

as many have said, there are differant reasons. for me, the "CLOSET" was getting old and boring. so i decided in my mid 40's to get out! came out to family and a few good friends. been going out in public now dressed for over 7 yrs. now and LOVE IT!! with the help of this forum, i have so many friends now who are just like me. did you think you were the only one? younger ones are prob. a bit more aprehensive. us young "OLDER" girls know it's TIME TO GO GIRL. i'm not totally passable, as many of you are but do my best. shopping,dining,dancing,clubs etc. LOVE it all. yes i get those "LOOKS" occasionlly is that a guy? i smile. i prob. dress better than most of them. but do have much more respect for a womens perogative. happy in heels KELLY

[Rianna Humble]

Does anyone know of any studies out there that would explain why a lot of the members here are over 40?

It is actually a quite well-documented condition known as Anno Domini. :heehee: The scary thing is that it happens eventually to nearly everyone who posts on this forum :eek:

That said, I believe that statistically, there is a much higher proportion of those who have not yet suffered this phenomenon in the Young Members' section.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Wow, such great ideas. For me, like many of the answers above is I am reaching a stage in life where I want to do things I enjoy. I have no need to "please others" so they will like me, I am pleasing myself. When I was a teen, I crossdressed in the privacy of home, fearing others may find out I kept to myself. There was no internet, I had no idea that many others did it too. I had heard of LesGirls, an all male dance troupe who danced in feathers, massive head pieces but I thought that was only theater. Now I have no need to please others for their sake. Their lives are busy with children, grandchildren, mortgages, retirement, homes and their own interest in hobbies. Now we have the internet, someone to chat with who share common interests, read and learn. Once a certain age has come, we begin to accept life and other people for who they are and not what they stand for as in material provisions. I am not one to judge, nor am I one to dictate but everyones experience in life someday may help us all to tread carefully and respectfully. Once forty or fifty is reached many realise time is short, a year feels like a half year, a night feels like an hour, and the body aches but for me I look forward to putting on some makeup, let my hair out and create an updo and slide into a dress and sit down and enjoy MY TIME, I think I have earnt that right for me.

[SusieB]

For me it has been a combination of many of the experiences outlined by others. I have been under dressing for as long as I can remember. However I was in my late forties before I had the real opportunity to dress fully. This coincided with a significant increase in the urge to dress. So I suppose the answer for me is opportunity and hormones.

[Josey]

JenniY;s responce best fits how I believe this 40 plus thing came about.

[Cherie]

I personally have become more accepting now of who Cherie is. Im over 40. for me ive allways put family 1st now they have moved on i have more time to be me and loving it thanks to finding this foram knowing that others like me are around so my other life does begin at 40 ish

[Engendered]

As a "younger" member (Ie..under 40), I'm here now out of mostly curiosity. I've grown up with a lot of support and was out to a few of my friends when I hit 18, and everyone else in my early 20s. It was never a thing I felt I needed to go online to find support for, so I never came to sites like these. If there are fewer young people here (I hadn't particularly noticed this), then I believe it's simply because they don't need it!

[Gerrijerry]

Yes there are two times in your life where being different comes into play. one is when you are young and don't think about what others see. The other is when you are older and stop carring what others say. Between those two points we live in fear. That is the way it has always been until the net started to tell everyone that the world has a larger mixt of different people many more then we all thought. Today in this new age of computer networking and faster communication. things are changing and more and more are learning that you do not need to stop or change the way you were born. The fear is becomming less and less for many.

[GingerLeigh]

I certainly can't say it's because of less responsibility as I'm raising two little ones and carrying a hefty mortgage right now. The desire to dress is as intense as it's ever been. I dressed from 4 on to 40 but the need wasn't as intense, so it was with far less frequency.
If I had to theorize about it, I'd have to say its hormonal. I believe there is a physical reason for cross dressing. We're wired different and as our hormonal system ages, this wiring comes alive.

Ginger

[renee k]

Very good point Jenni, I agree with your take on this thread. When I was younger and dressing, Al Gore hadn't invented the internet yet. The only social connection I had with other girls was with local support groups. Plus as other girls have mentioned the over forty thing, "that it's time for me to do what I want". Holds a lot credence as well.

Renee

[LitaKelley]

Having discovered the many different various emotions, feelings, and sensations, etc associated with crossdressing at the age of 41, I really regret not starting way back when I was a teenager as I would certainly have been prettier as a young woman, and well, if I had done it back then I'd probably be a fully transitioned woman today.

[Julogden]

(Younger CD's Please correct me here if I'm making assumptions that are wrong) I think much of it relates to a more open society for younger Crossdressers. They have options that those of us who are older never imagined and can take advantage of them. We come here because it's realtively safe and we can remain anonymous, still fearing being outted in our communities. We stick around because we need to feel a part of a community and this is one of the best neighborhoods around.
I completey agree and not in a bad way.. It's never easy to go against societys grain.
I think you've brought up a significant factor in the "kids" not hanging around here so much. While there have been lots of other valid reasons mentioned here, I think the younger folks haven't experienced as much repression as we who are older have experienced, so they don't feel the need for a "safe" place as much as we do.

Carol

[linda.wai]

I first had CD feelings when 16 and CD on and off up to 23. I then purged for a year at a time and managed to control my CD to one indoor session a year. Then by the time I am 40 odd, I realize that there is nothing in life that's more relaxing and exciting than CD, especially going overseas on vacation en femme. I can also afford it better and want the escape from my work and my life since after 40.

[t-girlxsophie]

Maybe kids have more of an active life than us shall we say more seasoned Ladies,they just get on with it and dont feel the need to come online to share,I only came on here last Nov,that was basically due to only just been dragged into the 21st century at that time LOL when I was younger there wasn't as good a support network around,If I had that I sometimes wonder how my life would have turned out

:hugs:Sophie xx

[maggiecdva]

I agree with several others ... by the time we are in our 40's we are accepting about who we are and realize that CDing is nothing harmful and even helps us in our daily lives.

hugs - maggie

[Alice B]

Maybe it is just because some of us are old.

[Cassi3]

Well I'm new here, but for me, it definitely has nothing to do with age. Since I was a teen I supported my family financially, put my first wife through college and as well as one brother, put some of my own dreams on hold, and after loosing everything and suffering for not being me, I decided to be me and accept myself and to stop putting my life and happiness on hold. It's just happens to be a coincidence that I am pushing 40. And I certainly don't feel like it, lol......

[Nikki A.]

While the urges have been there before, the opportunities have not. The internet has been a boon in many of us realizing that we are not alone and having a chance to meet and go out with others like us.
Also like some of the others have said, we spent much of our lives, taking care of others needs. Now we've come to realize that life is short and we need to take care of our needs and wants too. I know I've done more in the last 2+ years that the last 50yrs and I keep pushing the envelope and lost that fear of the what ifs. If I'm seen, I'm seen. Most people would not recognize or notice that it is me and alot of the others would not care.

[Lauren B]

For me, probably because I just turned 40 last month, so now I'm over 40:D

[Jorja]

Oh, no one ever told you? At 41 men automatically turn into women. :D

[KateW]

I am 29 and I have certainly become more comfortable with dressing since I got past my teens. Right now I'm in a place where I'm even considering telling close friends. Add 10 years to that and I can see me being out or posting in the transgendered section of this board!

[Sophie_C]

Younger people go on different forums, use different words and terms for everything and go about things in a completely different way. That's why. There pretty much are traps and girls who fully transition, and that's it. The term 'crossdressing' really doesn't come into the mix. Just like a lot of people are into dressing in clothing that was around before most of us were born, a lot of things are dated here. I really don't mean to be insulting, but it's just a generational thing. I only get it because I'm inbetween both of them...

[PretzelGirl]

Unless I missed one, the responses seem to be generally from those that felt this way young and repressed it.

Another take then. I didn't start until about 44. So was it testosterone changes? Did I just not hit my trigger event until that age (like many say, they tried on a bra or something else and then they couldn't stop)? It is hard to say. Let's see, possibly testosterone change; had some stress then; and that was the point where only one child was left in the house and she was pretty scarce as a teenager. Could be any or all.

[sissystephanie]

The only proper answer to the question asked is that we all had BIRTHDAYS!!! I started CD'ing somewhere between age 6 and 7. Except for 4 years of military service I have been doing it ever since! BTW, I am 78!

[Christy_M]

I am 29 and I have certainly become more comfortable with dressing since I got past my teens.

I recently celebrated my 29th birthday for the 16th time...I still haven't got "comfortable" with my dressing. I have to admit the sense of community when for many years I thought I was alone makes a difference to me. I agree that many of us were stigmatized by society a lot more so than today's younger CDers. Not that the world has turned so to speak but kids are more open to each other's differences than they were when we were younger.

[erika_s]

I think, over 40 you don't care anymore if somebody learns you are a TV.

[eluuzion]

Here is another twist I have been curious about with the ""40 + crowd'...

How many of us escalated our CD focus after the death of one or both of our parents? That seems to have potential as a contributing factor for some of us. If nothing else, it has potential for being another "excuse" we can use to blame our CD behavior on something other than ourselves...lol.

[morgan51]

Ive been this way my whole life and my folks are still alive and well . I think this just is the true me! I do beleive with some maturity my sense of self has been given some lattitude. I have seldom worried what others think about me and love to make them do a double take. My presentation has shifted tremendously over the years. This has happened as I have accepted my true self. LOL

[Danlp]

I agree, not all of us were blessed with movie star looks as a man. We watch TV and look at all the great looking chicks. It's our turn, at least to fantisize, and look great. However my mirror is my worst enemy! LOL

Daniel

[BRANDYJ]

I think as we become older, we are more accepting of ourselves and ready to seek out those that share something we kept hidden and secret for so long. Besides, we went through most of our livers without the benefit of the Internet and the education, knowledge and sharing that those in their twenties had from day one to find out more about themselves.

[littleronidude]

Being 21 and having told several friends over that past couple months, I think cd's my age don't have a lot of support around them or are to nervous to tell people because they don't want to become an outcast. At around my age so many people are concerned with how people will look at them and if they don't like it rumors can spread very fast and you can become an outcast. I came out to my roommates who are like my family and all has been well. It's getting over the fact that people might judge you, and realizing that peoples opinions shouldn't matter. Being yourself is much better than pretending to be someone your not. I realized this and now I'm happier than ever.

[sissystephanie]

Here is another twist I have been curious about with the ""40 + crowd'...

How many of us escalated our CD focus after the death of one or both of our parents? That seems to have potential as a contributing factor for some of us. If nothing else, it has potential for being another "excuse" we can use to blame our CD behavior on something other than ourselves...lol.

I lost both my parents when I was quite young, and was raised by an aunt and uncle. The only escalation of my CD'ing that occurred was buying more femme clothes when I had more money!! That is natural for girls, isn't it?

[irmichelle]

Remarkably correct!

[MsJanessa]

My initial reaction is that

a) By the time someone is 40, they've come to accept who they are, and that cross dressing is in fact a part of them. At least that's part of my case, I would have never wanted to be known as a "crossdresser" up until a few years ago, even though I've had a desire for some female lingerie since my teens

b) As we get older, I also think we're more open to seeking out advice from others, and sharing our experiences with others. We've accepted who we are, and are now looking to build and developer that part of our personality rather then being ashamed of it, and hiding it.

:2c:

Exactly---most of us deny our femme self until we reach a certain age---I always knew I was a cd/tg but didn't really do anything about it or express it outside the closet until I was in My 40s