Stopped my HRT

[Daenna Paz]

As part of my agreed settlement with my wife (I came out a few months ago), I agreed to stop all 'meds'.
This has been an interesting experience ... emotional shifts, physical changes, etc.
Has anyone else done this to appease the S.O.?

[gretchen2]

No, I can not even comprehend stopping. The best drugs I have ever taken. I hope that you two can work things out. This has to be terrible hard for you.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I can't stop. I won't stop. I have never been this happy in my life. Going back to me would be making the worst decision I ever could for myself.

You apparently are agreeing to this because you love your wife. Does she love you enough to allow you to be you and to be happy? (You don't need to answer this it's a rhetoric question).

I hope it all works out for you in the end.

p.s. My wife sees how much happier I am on HRT which makes us both happier.

[CharleneT]

No, nor do I think I would. BUT I would also not start HRT while in a strong relationship where the person did not approve. So my answer is not so very useful.

What is your SO's view of the future with you ? How do you feel about stopping HRT ? Have you been on HRT for long ?

[jambam]

I honestly can't even imagine stopping HRT because my significant other wanted me to... I mean, if they can't love you as you are, they're not the right person for you IMO. I just think you should do what makes you truly happy.

[Chickhe]

Maybe that's what I'm missing.... i've got all the mood swings and I'm sure they are related to being the husband. Will HRT make it better?

Oh and sometimes we have to make a tough decision for others... so I respect your decision.

[Inna]

Daenna, you are definitely much stronger than most of us, my self included. Since starting HRT over a year ago I do not imagine the world any other way, in fact thought of stopping the regimen is scarier now then when I faced start of potentially hazardous HRT. Your love and devotion to your S.O. is truly inspiring but I am worried about you and the toll this selflessness might take on your psyche and body. I wish you love and hope for better tomorrow.

[Melody Moore]

I share the same sentiments as everyone else here - I wouldn't quit HRT for anyone or anything - because this is truly who I am. I think if you were so convicted on your decision to transition before, then quitting HRT because of an ultimatum given to your wife was one really bad decision.

Personally if I was in a strong relationship and my partner didn't approve then I would be straight out the door. I would have left purely to prove that I am strong in my convictions & wont be emotionally blackmailed & also to prove to myself I am not emotionally dependant on her or anyone else. If she really cared about you & loved you unconditionally, then she would have respected your decision & wanted you to be happy living your true self This would have also allowed her seeing that you cared enough to give her the time & the space to come to terms with things & that you always respect her wishes without any compromising your own convictions.

I believe you have failed there by showing her that you are weak - I really don't think your decision to quit HRT will serve your relationship any good in the future because she always have lots of doubts about you & in the back of her mind your not truly a man & certainly not a strong man. You've already proven to her who you really are & who you want to be. The very worst you could have remained good friends and lived your life

But this is only my opinion for what it's worth and if things work out for you and you are truly happy then good for you and I
was wrong, but some how I really do believe that your relationship is seriously flawed & is destined now to only end in disaster.

I really do wish I was wrong but I'm also a realist.... Sorry.

[Mistybtm]

I honestly can't even imagine stopping HRT because my significant other wanted me to... I mean, if they can't love you as you are, they're not the right person for you IMO. I just think you should do what makes you truly happy.

I agree here.

[Rianna Humble]

As part of my agreed settlement with my wife (I came out a few months ago), I agreed to stop all 'meds'.
This has been an interesting experience ... emotional shifts, physical changes, etc.
Has anyone else done this to appease the S.O.?

I haven't started on meds yet, but I think that what you are doing to try to save your marriage is very brave.

Have you discussed your Gender Dysphoria with your wife? Does she undertsand that this is a medical condition that will only get worse if left untreated?

Would she be willing to go to counselling with you?

[Steph.TS]

if you are quitting HRT, I would recommend talking to your endo about it, hormones are powerful but dangerous, one warning I see on the forums is not to try home made HRT as it can put your life at risk, I assume it's due to the stress on the body, that wears it out or something, stopping cold turkey mid transition might be just as dangerous. If you discuss it with your endo he/she may be able to ease your body back to being male.

I think I have to agree with Rianna, I find myself looking forward to transitioning, the more I think about it the more eager I am. I'm certain that if I don't do it I'll be filled with regret, if your wife could go to counseling with you, she might come to understand the importance of transitioning. At least she might understand where you are coming from a bit better anyways.

[morgan51]

I am exactly where you are now I have also been given the ultimatum. Please pm me and we will talk. Morgan

[Melody Moore]

Have you discussed your Gender Dysphoria with your wife? Does she undertsand that this is a medical condition that will only get worse if left untreated?
That is so true and you've only got to look around here at how any of us are aged over 40 before we finally decided to to what is right for ourselves.

[Scotty]

No way. For one it's too hard to quit, and for two This is who I am. I enjoy my body being feminized. While I don't take T-blockers it did not take long to lose a cup size when I cut my dose in half...

Felt like I was angry part of the time and didn't take too much crap from people. I am back to myself and quite happy where I am and my SO likes that.

[AllieSF]

i can only add to what has been said so clearly and in my opinion so correctly above. It sounds like a "Win - Lose" situation. She wins stopping you from being the real you and you lose that same most important thing. I respect that you are showing your love for your wife. But I would ask this. Is it true everlasting love for her, or is it your own inner insecurity of losing someone you love because you do not want to face the unknown and new life without someone? Either way, good luck.

[Melody Moore]

Daenna, let me tell you my situation - I just hope that my story will serve as an example to you and to others having difficulties in
their relationships with their transitioning and that you should never really make any compromises if you are ever given an ultimatum.

I was so convicted in my desire to live as my true self as a female that I left my girlfriend Rachel who I really do love about 5 months ago to start my transition because I didn't want to stress our relationship anymore than necessary & because she does also have her own mental health issues to deal with that I didn't want to make any worse. So I figured that by staying with her & expecting her to deal with my transitioning would have been very selfish on my part. Yes it was very hard to let go of someone you love, but after I weighed everything up, I knew without any doubts that I had to follow my heart and be true to myself - and that is no way selfish on my part.

But as how everything has turned out, leaving my partner was the best thing I could have ever done - because I know now she does really still love
me UNCONDITIONALLY and is very accepting & supportive of me & really is now my best friend with a lot more trust & mutual respect & understanding.

When I was with Rach she had no idea that I was a transsexual female even though I dropped lots of hints and never hid any of the signs. I didn't tell her outright that I was transsexual thinking about transitioning while I was with her because I was still trying to work everything out in my head & I seen no point because I wasnt really sure I would go ahead with it. However while I was still with Rach I even told her about my cross-dressing as a young child, the abuse by my father for identifying as a female from the age of 5 or 6, and also that felt like a female lesbian trapped in a male body - but she never took any of this seriously.

There was lots of signs as well I was transsexual because we did lots of girlie things together, and I took a real interest in her floral art & sewing. I was never impatient like a typical male when we were out shopping. I even asked Rach to teach me how to do her finger nails because she is really good at this because she is a qualified beautician & nail technician. As 'a male' Rach was fully aware that I was a lot different to other males, but wasn't sure she could trust what she was seeing with me because she has had lots of bad experiences with other males. This was also the basis of her trust & mental health issues which was also having a serious affect on our relationship at the time. So really there was no other way that I could prove to her how genuine & trustworthy I really was as a person but to leave her & start being really true to myself.

One thing I learnt many years ago was that...
"if you love someone or something, then set it free if it comes back to you, its yours, if it doesn't, then it never was."

After I started my transitioning a few months ago, I contacted Rachel by phone and told her that I had changed a lot & that I was now living full-time as a female. She was shocked to hear this on the phone and refused to believe it, but I made arrangements to go out to visit her & that another transsexual female friend would also be with me. Rach was even more shocked to see me at that stage as a female, but it was also great that I had my other transsexual friend there with me as well for support & to help explain what was going on with me to Rachel. After this initial meeting I didn't contact her for about a week.

I gave Rach the time & space she need to get over the initial shock and get use to me living as my true self. The next time I visited her was about a week later, I was driving past and just decided on the spur-of-the-moment to just drop in & see her. I was also aware that some other friends we both knew were also there at the time. After I knocked on the door and walked in these other friends were just as shocked to see me - their jaws literally dropped to the floor LOL. They had heard about my transitioning already through my girlfriend, but this was the first time ever they had actually seen me in the flesh. After the initial shock & reaction a conversation then started about my transitioning with Rachel telling them 'Now you know how I felt". But our friend Antone, said that it was one of the most amazing & beautiful things he had ever seen & could easily see that through the changes in me, that this was the person who I was meant to be. He also told my girlfriend that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I was doing wit y life and that i was now living as my true self - this helped Rachel to come to terms & accept my transitioning even more. A very similar situation occurred again more recently but this time with one of her other good friends, Maggie. Rach was now becoming more accepting of me because she could see that her friends were not judging me harshly & being critical of me in anyway.

Since starting my transitioning I have also become involved with my local GLBTi community and have lots of new & very supportive friends. A couple of weeks ago, I took her to an event where she got to know some of my new GLBTi friends. They got to know her through me & told her how good it was that she was now starting to accept me & go out with me again. They also told her there was nothing wrong in what we were doing and that there was nothing wrong if she wanted to have a lesbian relationship with me. Rach was now in a place where she found that she wouldn't be judged in any negative way by being with me. A bit later that night, another lesbian girl was trying to get a bit close & was being overly friendly to me and that was when Rachel turned around & told the other lesbian girl... 'Hands off Melody, she is mine'. That moment of jealousy was the first sign that I seen that our relationship was being rekindled - I cant find enough words to explain how happy I felt with that - but we ended up back in each others arms later that night and have been together now in very intimate ways a few times since then.

Since then Rachel realises now how much she does really love me & she knows now how much I really do love & respect her. She knows now that I am giving something very special to her that she cannot get from any other male. Even though we probably wont live together again because of pressure by her family about our previous relationship and because she is still at the point where she is still really worried about what they will think if they know that she is now in a gay or lesbian relationship. But that might change as well because other people she is now talking to for support are now telling her that its wrong for anyone else to judge our relationship and it doesn't matter what the sex of a person is & that its what you feel inside for that person.

Rachel has never been gay in her life, however now she is opening right up & exploring her sexual boundaries again with me in a lesbian type relationship with me. Rach has learnt to love me again and so much more now as a female that she doesn't want me to ever go back to being my former 'male' self. Rach loves me more now & unconditionally as a woman than she ever did as a male. Now how cool is that?

I really believe that none of this would have been possible if I made any compromises - she had to accept things for what they were & learn to accept things from my point of view, but that would have not been possible without letting her go and giving her the time & the space to accept everything & get to know the real me, while also exploring her own emotions and what she really felt about me.

The bottom-line is this - If you are going to transition, then dont ever make compromises when given any type of ultimatum. Its really that simple.

[Veronica_Jean]

Daenna,

I can only speak from my own experiences, much like many of the others have. I did not stop transitioning for an SO because I never had to do that. She passed away before I started in earnest.

However, many many years ago, when she first found out, I promised to stop and never do anything like it again. It was a promise I faithfully tried to keep, but ultimately broke many times.

Eventually within 10 years of my original promise, I was unable to hold back the truth: I am TS and have to find a way to live with this, or leave this world. It really came down to that. She convinced me to stay and we agreed somehow we would find a way through it.

For me, although I tried for many years in the end I was not able to live with myself and continue, for her or anyone else. I think most of us reach that point which is why so many posts here are telling you not to give in to her demands.

It is far less about bending to her will,k and so much more about simply having lived through trying for the same of another, only to find it impossible that makes us tell you this.

It is up to you though. Perhaps you are able to do what the rest of us were not. Just consider that this could easily simply put off the inevitable and create an even worse situation in the future. It seems that you are both being honest with each other. Why stop now for the sake of what you think you may lose? :2c:

Good luck sweetie
Veronica

[Maryanne_sa]

Wow Melody! What an inspirational story. So lovely that things turned out better than OK in the end. It is amazing that it was other people (& non T Girls at that!) who were able to get Rachel to come to terms with it.

It is so good to read something that has turned out really well.

Take Care

Maryanne