18... A time for coming out?

[Kimberly]

Some of you may know about my drunken antics on Friday night, and me telling a friend about my CDing. (I had no choice, she wanted to dress me up in front of clueless friends, so I had to!!) I was talking to her today about it and she seems absolutely fine with it, and also understands that it needs to be kept a complete secret.

Which is fantastic, and we basically got onto a conversation about sexualities... and I learnt that she is bi, (as am I)! So we chatted about the situation with some of the more unpleasant people we know. We talked about how we'd get lynched if it was general knowledge what we are... me a CD and her Bi-sexual. But I've noticed that even outside my Theatrical friends, (which is where no one cares about my bi-sexuality) I have been more camp and slightly more open about it anyway. Like giving my opinion of a guy to someone who doesn't know about my bi-sexuality... I mean, I wouldn't have dreamed about it a year ago, back at College, but I just said it today!! Heh... wow.

So, I'm questioning now, whether this is the part of my life where I can just be honest with most people who take me for who I am. This is probably to do with the age in which we live... I think most well-balanced people don't mind bi-sexual or gay people. I know, or knew, a lot of people who wouldn't like that... but I seriously think it's improving.

I'm not going to be completely open about my CDing yet, but I'm thinking about just letting people know that I'm bi anyway - if it comes up in conversation. Those I know I can trust can know about my CDing, if they are genuinly interested... but I won't be completely out.

I just want to ask; what kind of experiences did you girls have at this age, (18 going on 19,) and was it a time when you could have started coming out about things like sexuality and CDing?? If 18 wasn't a good time, then what time was/is??

hugs xx

[Toyah]

Oh too long ago, it was not talked about or even considered if found out that was it you were in the fairy category and basically ostracized.

[Deborah]

LOL I think if i came out at 18 the Army would have been very upset.

I didn't start talking about it or admit it until just a couple of months ago and i am 35.:p

[kristi cd]

I don't think there's any certain age when it's best, it's just whenever you feel comfortable doing it. If you think you could do it at 18-19 I say go for it. I just turned 20 in July and I still can't see myself ever telling anyone in my "other" life anytime in the immediate future, but that's just me. Anyway, hope that helps. :rolleyes:

[Lauren_T]

One thing I can tell you is, the sooner you come out, the less likely your social network (friends, business associates, etc) will include people it would be dangerous to come out to... If you don't keep it a secret, the more your circle will consist of accepting, supportive people...

Just a thought. :)

[TammyB]

I started tellin people last year when I was 24, at 18 I was completly closeted and still trying to be a proper bloke. I'd certainly agree most well balanced people are ok with bi and gay people. Its getting better for trans people aswell. I'm not sure there is a right age to do these things, its a matter of if you think you are strong enough to cope with potential fallout (which is less these days and varies for different people). I think its great that you've found the courage to be honest with your friends :)

[heatherCD8772]

I would say start telling people whenever you feel comfortable with it. Myself, I am still very much in the closet, only a couple of really close friends know and my SO knows, but that is just me, in the end it is your call.

[Shy]

I'm 24, and I'm going to finally come out to my friends on Halloween.

[Katie Lynn]

I am 21 and came out to the first person (my g/f) at age 20. Actually she brought me out, i didnt come out to her, but thats a whole different story. All and all I say do whatever you feel like doing. There are always going to be what ifs, what could have been's, and what will happen's, but everything is theoretical till you do it.

Personally Id rather deal with consequences of my actions then regrets from not doing something I felt like doing. However I have not told any of my friends, or family. I think some people in my apartment complex know from seeing me come in as a guy then leave 5 minutes later as a girl, but I have never had a negative reation from anyone, and no one has actually said anything to me.

If someone asked I would never deny it though. I figure if they got the balls to ask me to my face, I can give them the respect of an honest answer. Whatever happens from there happens...its then beyond my control.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

OK, I've been celebrating the anniversary of my 39th birthday for awhile now, so take this for what it's worth.

I think it coming out has less to do with your age than who you're coming out to. (Although I do think it's probably a lot more acceptable than I was 18.)

The key question is how widely you're interested in being out. If you don't care if everyone knows, then it doesn't matter who you come out to. To state the obvious, if you do care, it's important to find people who are both accepting and discrete. I have a friend who would be accepting, but I know she can't keep a secret to save her life, so I won't be telling her.

[HaleyPink2000]

Well this Holloween I will be dressed to the hilt. Then I will trick or treat everyone I know. That will be my gift to myself. I'll retire in two years then I'll dress most of the time. Right now I dress only at home and TriEss meetings. Which is fine with my Wife. She still thinks I'm sick.

Smile*

Haley:)

[Lisa Golightly]

I just want to ask; what kind of experiences did you girls have at this age, (18 going on 19,) and was it a time when you could have started coming out about things like sexuality and CDing?? If 18 wasn't a good time, then what time was/is??

I was 17 going on 18. Just wanted to boogie in a frock and heels... so I did. This was back in the early 80's before Britain tried to be a prudish, draconian, Victorian, 'family values' nation where politicians were caught in bed with anyone and everyone, but denied everything!!!

I was lucky as the early 80's were a boy wears makeup is cool time... the dress almost was as Boy George was current... I was equally lucky as I was quite girlish in looks and was quite developed. No-one really clocked me, and when they did I just ran for it :) Useful learning to run in heels!

I think you're right... the country is far more laid back now. If I was you I'd visit a few clubs. Meet some like minded kids and have a good time. When you are confident and bored of the 'Scene' then think of introducing Kimberly to the people closest to you. Enjoy the best of both worlds for a while and you'll learn which path you want to follow. Write the script around that.

[Kimberly]

Write the script around that.
Hehe... that's what I'm gonna do!! :D

[Daphne Renee]

Yes.. Whenever you feel the most comfortable doing it .. That is the right time.

[Karenscott]

I am 41 now,, and STILL on the verge of coming out. It doesnt get any easier as you get older. I wish i could have done it at 18,, think of all the cute outfits i could have worn ( outside even!). Even perhaps shared clothes with my little sister. If you can muster up the courage,, DO IT NOW ! Also at your age,, hormones have MUCH more of an effect,, all those femme curves happen much easier and more pronounced. Good luck.

[Lauren_T]

I am 41 now,, and STILL on the verge of coming out. It doesnt get any easier as you get older. I wish i could have done it at 18,, think of all the cute outfits i could have worn ( outside even!). Even perhaps shared clothes with my little sister. If you can muster up the courage,, DO IT NOW ! Also at your age,, hormones have MUCH more of an effect,, all those femme curves happen much easier and more pronounced. Good luck.

True, true, true, Karen! :thumbsup:

Kimberly, lemme add, if I had started at your age (and I would have, had I only known!), I'm reasonably certain I would be today, if not passable, then somewhere near - instead of looking like, surprisingly enough, a old guy in a skirt... :p

[cd_isabelle]

hello,

i had a rather interesting experience at 18.

was my final year of high school and leading up to final exams. i had made friends with another guy that year through both of us sharing a passion for soccer. i dont want to sound like a bitch but he was just ok, i was in the school first team but thats kinda irrelevant. anyways, we shared a few classes and became good friends. one night on a weekend we went to a house party with a few of his friends i had never met before. the girls were all over him and i couldnt understand why because he wasnt exactly a really good looking kinda guy (bitch i know) and i just couldnt understand the attraction. anyways a week later i was at his house and we got to talking, i cant remember how but all i remember hearing was him remark at one stage "thats the advantage of being bi". thats all i can remember, i kinda freaked out and made an excuse to have to head home, study or something like that. we stayed friends and i forgot about the whole thing until about 1 month later i received a letter in the mail professing that he enjoyed his time with me and that he was interested in me more than a friend. once again i freaked out and this was at a time right before final exams so i was really stressed, i didnt know what to do so i simply ignored him. probably not the best thing to do as in the letter he stated that at times he had been suicidal. it kinda went away and only this year at a school friends 21st, i saw him for the first time in 3 years. what i thought would be awkward was ok, he was really rather well adjusted now, had a bf and had his own interior design business. funny how things work out sometimes. now all i need is a gf.

thanks for hearing me.

kisses,

cd_isabelle

[Heelwearer2002]

29 years old, rent my home next door to my father & oppisite my grandmother, live in a small town 8000 ppl& still haven't told anybody except for my partner.. am still wanting t obreak out..

[Holly]

Kimberly,

Ultimately, the answer to the question as to when and to who you come out to is entirely up to you. But here are a couple of observations from someone who is old enough to be your grandmother :eek: .

The earlier you come to grips with who and what you are, the easier it will be to BE that person with those around you. Kimberly, it has taken me a long time to learn this lesson (too long:( ). It's the attitude you have about yourself that will be THE most important factor that others will take into consideration in accepting you for who you are.

Another thing that you have going in your favor is that you are not in relationships where others are dependent upon you emotionally, financially, or physically. All these things add to the dynamics of coming out. Right or wrong, when you have the responsibility of a wife and/or family looking to YOU as their source of security, it puts additional pressures on you to conform so that you will be able to provide these things for them. I've spent more years than you've been alive doing just that. Don't get me wrong... I don't regret it for a moment. I have the most wonderful wife I could ever ask for and two children that I am so proud of who and what they have both become. (My wife has known that I am a CD for some time now, my daughter just recently found out, and my son suspects and I am going to confirm it with him, hopefully this week). But this part of me was bottled up and hidden away from them for years and years. Admittedly, this was mostly out of my own fears, but it was the reality I had to live with at the time. No one should have to live through that!

Having gained the wisdom of hindsight, I would have attempted to come to terms with myself much earlier in life than I did. Although I have had the desire to dress in women's clothes since my preteen days, it has only been within the last ten years that I have admitted to MYSELF that I am a crossdresser. All those years of denial took their toll on me emotionally and mentally... and it made it just that much more difficult for me to come to accept myself. All that effort could have been channeled in such a more positive way!

On a more positive note, Kimberly, I see young transgendered individules, such as yourself, and I see signs of better times ahead for us all. I sse young adults who ARE in tune with themselves and are seeing that sexual preferences or orientation has little to do with being a person who has things to bring to the table that will benefit society. I see people more willing to look at a person as a whole, not just how they present themselves or how they enjoy a physical relationship with another human being. I see less fear among those of us who are transgendered and increased opportunities to step out of the shadows of supression and into the sunlight of tolerance and acceptance. Oh, we have a long way to go in our journey, to be sure, but the train HAS left the station and we are on our way!

So, Kimberly, tell others if YOU"RE ready. You have a lifetime of living ahead of you. What you do now will most certainly set the stage for what is to come later.

[michellejean]

Well Said Holly

[CJFMix]

For me , it was the need to showoff in public
I could not fight !!!
I did it progressively up to 26
and became fulltime CD up to 31 .

I would be in no way a example or a reference ,
but I think the earlyer , the better !!!
What's important to you , is do it whenever you're ready .