Crossdressers and having kids?

[Kylie666]

Ok so i was talking with my Girlfriend tonight and she was worried that if we have kids that i should not crossdress in front of them or maybe not at all any more etc etc for fear of losing the kids.

I told her i don't think SS' would take the kids just because i was a Crossdresser, But she replies with she looked it up and yeah they would, Really i think she's just scared.

She's still trying to be supportive about me and my crossdressing but at the same time she wants me to be Normal, i told her. (I would stop for you as i love you that much) "even though it would kill a part of me" yet she say's don't change who i am and that i can keep doing it as she loves me etc etc

I guess my question is, Can your kids be taken away if your a crossdresser? I mean is would be so Dumb if that was true. :eek:

[DanielleLee]

No, your children cannot be taken away from you because you are a crossdresser. Do you realize how many of the Judges sitting on those benches, are probably wearing panties of their own? :devil:

I think what is more important, is for you and your GF to honestly discuss expectations or boundaries, as it relates to your crossdressing. The bottom line is this... she may never be accepting to the point where she will marry you or have children with you... BECAUSE of your CDing. She may come around and tell you... "as long as you don't do it around the children and they don't know about it, until they are mature enough to handle" There are many deifferent scenarios. The only way you can find out for sure however is to be honest with yourself and her... and then let the chips fall where they may.

D

[sissystephanie]

I was a CD when I married and my late wife knew it. One thing she insisted on was that I would not dress openly at any time around the kids. I wore panties most of the time but never dressed so they could see it around our 2 children. In fact, they did not know I was a CD until earlier this year when I told them. Since my wife died over 5 years ago, and they were both grown I thought it was time. BTW, they do not care as long as I still don't dress around them!

I do not believe that any State could take your children away from you just because you were a CD! I am not a lawyer, but I don't believe there is any law that would allow them to do so, unless there were other factors involved! There is probably a lot of CD's who have children, probably of all ages. If this really the potential wife for you, then you might want to ask her where she obtained her information regarding taking the children! Maybe she just wants you to stop crossdressing!

[LitaKelley]

No, they can not take your children because you're a crossdresser because it does not jeopardize the health, welfare, safety or well being of the child. The only way they can take your children is IF they have substantial supporting EVIDENCE that your children are at imminent risk of harm, abuse or neglect AND they need a COURT ORDER to do so.

As for dressing in front of children, I appear en femme in front of my daughter, but in moderation. I felt it was wrong for me to keep this a secret from her because I supposed that she'd find out later in life and I did not want it to be a shock to her..and also because I really wish to go full time. I also wish for her to grow up as a compassionate and understanding human being with an open and accepting mind... and I also thought of the consequences should I decide to transition, therefore, in case I wish to make that decision in the future, I felt it best to acclimate my daughter to my fem self. Although she is only 4, she is so smart for her age and she really enjoys my fem self.

[tiffanyjo89]

I'd say you not dressing in front of the kids, or somehow letting them find out (like through internet history of pictures on the computer that they have access to) is a fair enough compromise.

[silkysophie]

My wife is about to give birth any moment now. We have discussed my dressing & I like to think that I will continue to dress in the home in the first year but will more likely just underdress as I don't wish to damage or cause upset (bullying etc) or confusion to my child.

[Shananigans]

First of all, as people echoed, SS cannot take your kids away because you're a CD. However, and I am not saying this will be the case at all...but, with divorce rates, it might as well be mentioned...it has been used in divorce cases. I'm sure there are probably a few people on this forum that this may have happened to, or were at least threatened by...

Second of all, this brings up an interesting point. After all, if you are truly accepting and see nothing wrong with CDing...why hide it from your children? When they are really young, I sincerely doubt that it really matters. But, at some age they do start figuring out gender differences...I know I distinguished boys and girls from attire and length of hair when I was a kid. If the adult had long hair...the adult was a girl. My little cousin apparently had the same way of thinking...he asked one of the kids in his class who had long hair if he was a boy or a girl. Well, the kid was apparently pissed off and pushed him down. (Though in some weird way, I feel that the kid made his point and answered the question at the same time). My cousin didn't mean anything by it, of course, he was just generally confused.

However, at the same time...the household and other environments that the kids are subjected to are what shapes their idea of gender and gender roles. You could break the mould and make it not about clothing at all. My parents inevitably had to do this with me because I just asked a lot of questions as a kid...so, I was told anatomical differences at a really early age. (My mom was studying to be a nurse, so she said I'd always ask her questions about this or that).

But, that also bases gender on anatomy...gender can also be psychological. Haha...at the end of the day...I feel like you can go around and around in circles. We all have very complex ideas of gender, but a kid might see it as very black and white...no matter how much you want to stress the many facets of your personality.

Also, I feel that it is worth noting that marriage is all about compromise. If your wife is very uncomfortable with you dressing in front of the rugrats...why not just keep it on the DL? Maybe bring up the convo a few years down the line when your kids are actually old enough to even notice clothing differences between males and females.

Inevitably, you have to pick your battles. If this is something that you just really want to put your foot down on with your wife and say, "I'll dress whenever I want, even around the kids," go for it. Argument will ensue. Either A) You reach a compromise with it. Or, B) She might actually start despising the dressing or get anxious about it.

[Gerrijerry]

crossdressing is very different for each couple. When talking about kids together you should set up some kind of rules that will work for both of you. If you can't then you should not get married. A CD or for that matter any other gender issue will never stop. so saying I will give it up does not work. Not in front of the children will work for many but in the end the kids will find out anyway.The point is, when you tell them not if you tell them.
Talking about gender issues to the kids at a very early age is ok as long as you keep it simple. Dressing in front of them is a different issue. If started from the beginning I would think that the child would simple not think anything of it. Like two gay or lesbian parrents. The child will not become a crossdresser just because you are etc. My daugther is a doctor who has studied that issue for many years. She says you are born that way. Simple put you are what you are as is your S.O. you have to work out what is acceptable to both of you. If you can't really do that then maybe you should not be together.

[Pythos]

Personally I think the time for hiding the fact you crossdress from your kids ended long ago. It ended when at least on the female side, gender stereotypes started taking hits.

Why do we feel the need to hang on to, and perpetuate silly and outdated, and sexist rules...especially when both people involved are "accepting" If you hide the fact you crossdress from your kids, then all you do is feed the notion that it is something that is wrong. My dad didn't hide the fact he was a racist bigot, nor an abusive person...now those are things I think should be well hidden and evolved out, but wearing clothing style you like? Why hide that?

Gerrijerry, I beg to differ about the child not "becoming a crossdresser" I would hope that I as well as others here if or when they have offspring will present both clothing styles for both the boys and girls and let the kids themselves decide. Clothing is not inherently male or female, it is only when society has crammed down our throats for too long. When my niece was born I was highly disappointed how she was absolutely showered with "girly" things. From the get go mind you.

[JulieC]

Kylie, I live in Indiana. I'm not a lawyer, or work in any field associated with law. But, to my knowledge I've never heard of any case in Indiana where a father's parental rights were stripped because he wore feminine clothes. Times have changed. A friend of mine right here in Indiana is gay and (same sex) married (as much as you can be in Indiana). They're foster parents, and have had a number of children come through their home. The system knows full well they're gay, and don't care. This case is not isolated. Not that it would EVER go to court, but child protective services would have to prove that you wearing feminine clothing constitutes a threat to your children. That would be essentially impossible. There's no science of any kind to back that up.

As to telling or not telling your children, that's a personal choice. You've seen both sides above in other responders before me. For my wife and I, we have chosen not to tell them at this time. My wife knows and knew before we were engaged that I crossdress, and she fully supports me (and I her, in all she does). We have chosen not to tell our children because asking a young child to keep a secret is wholly unfair to them. It also teaches them that daddy's crossdressing is something to be hidden, to be ashamed of, to be fearful of. That's not the message we want to convey. Yes it does need to be kept a secret, because our financial livelihood very likely depends on it. Instead, we've chosen that we may some day tell them when they're adults. In the meantime, we educate them about a broad range of diversity issues, and teach them acceptance...not tolerance, but acceptance.

[brandi]

My ex wife tried to use my crossdressing in our divorce. MY attorney told me that I had nothing to worry about and it wouldn't affect seeing my children. Her attorney brought the subject up in court and was laughed at by the judge. Her response, " how is his wearing womens clothes going to harm the children." IN the end, I received custody of the children, mainly because she was more messed up than I was, and my crossdressing didn't have any affect on the decision. Just to clarify though, I don't dress in front of the girls just because I am not ready to tell them, however, they may already know because of their mother.

Brandi

[Sparkles]

My sweetheart is not interested in being sexy. She like to feel prissy as she calls it. I am a tomboy. I think she's crazy for actually wanting to wear a bra! As for our children, if I had known from the beginning I would have my children knowing both sides of their father. Respecting them and not dressing when they had friends over, but always aware that it's not wrong, immoral, sinful, or against the law. My brother is a youth director and my father was preacher. My brother supports Carrie and lets him dress in front of his kids. My other brother has nothing to do with us. His loss not ours. I love my baby, and I don't want her to change. It's not just clothes. It's not sexual, but it is "her" without her other half she wouldn't have the same feelings, even personality. I had her for 15 yrs as only a man. She didn't come out to me until our daughter left home. Our life would have been much better if she had trusted me years ago.

[RachelF]

I think we must differentiate accepting from tolerating. I agree that when the SO really accepts the crossdressing, doing it in front of the kids should not be a problem. But maybe your SO is not really accepting. You described her as supportive, maybe is what I would call tolerating SO, that is maybe she can see you full dress, shop feminine things with/for you, and share good moments with Kylie but may be she does not want you to go full time, dress outside or things like that.

That is the case of my wife, she shares my crossdressing between some boundaries and just because I like it, but she will not accept my crossdressing in front of anybody else including our kids.

My two cents, Rachel.

[Christy_M]

My first wife threatened to use the crossdressing in our divorce and ultimately, it never came out. I have never heard of kids getting taken because of this. I never dressed in front of my older kids but that was a personal choice to protect them from the crel realities of growing up with an "other than normal (as described by traditional family values)" family. My first wife tried to out me to them when they were teanagers and I denied it. Their Mother was by that time disrespected for being a pathological liar so they believed me over her. I don't regret that decision and maybe one day, I will tell them the truth but not any time soon.

My younger kids will not see me dressed, either. Again, this is a personal choice that is not intended for advice but rather perspective. I would hate for this to come out duiring some schoolyard conversation and then they would be at a loss trying to defend something that they don't understand and cannot justify. IMHO that is too much burden to put on my children.

[Hope]

No. SS will not "take your kids" because you cross dress. Your girlfriend is lying to you. Call her on it. Ask her to show you where she read that this is something that happens.

When she finally admits that she made it up, or at any time before that, you need to have a serious conversation with her about what is REALLY bothering her, and about why she felt like she couldn't talk to you about how she is feeling. If she is ashamed of you (even if she won't put it in those words) you need to have a conversation about that. If she honestly thinks that cross-dressing will somehow harm a child you need to be able to have a talk about that as well. If it is something else, you need to have a conversation about that. But you need at the very least to be able to communicate openly and not in this sort of cloak and dagger sort of way if you are going to remain a happy couple.

[Kylie666]

Thank you all for your Info on the subject, Right now i don't see it as a Big deal "unless some how she get's pregnant"

I think right now it's still hard for her to understand what i am and what i want, As even I don't really know yet :straightface: i'm still trying to find myself and who i am.

We have talked a little more after posting this, Right now she just want's to focus on me getting a Job and both of us getting out of our mom&dad's place. Right now we are both under stress with every day life to really focus on other stuff like my CD'ing "I fully agree"

Right now till I get my own life in check I am going to keep Kylie more on the side But not locked away :battingeyelashes: I think once things get better and my life is not so Stressful then we can start talking about Kylie and how she feels about Her.

I have decided that if we do have kids Not to dress in-front of them, unless i have TG'ed before hand, But that's most likely not going to happen "i think"

Even with me trying to find myself and what i want in life i am 99% sure i just want to crossdress But i do have thoughts about taking HRT or growing my own breast, But to her that maybe going to far "even thou she told me that even if i became a full girl she would still love me and become fully Lesbian "Note that she is Bi" Then again she could have just said that to make me feel better, Like i told her as of right now i have no desire to become a full woman.

[charlytuna]

I never got dressed in front of the my kids but that didn't stop me from who I was. My wife gave me pleanty of time alone to do what I wanted to do. Just sit down with her and discuss thing out try to work something out. I have feeling that ny kids knows about charlie but now I realy don'tcare for they are no kids anymore

[Emma England]

If you crossdress in front of your kids from their birth, then they will just grow up and accept it as normal.

It is adults that have more fear.

[Jennifer in CO]

I believe Emma makes the simple point. Our daughter was almost 2 before my wife had a problem with it when she started calling me 'mommy' as well for some reason. THAT she didn't like (hey..I'M the Momma!) so I/we toned down the CD to a bland/drab level so as not to confuse our daughter. I was living full time female at the time however and in general this was the start of my transition back to 'male'.

Jenn