First time to a Gay/Lesbian/CD friendly bar

[Dian077]

A night of a lot of first for me :). Last night I went to a local club that caters to the Gay/Lesbian/CD community. I stayed about 1 1/2 and to my surprise no one even talked to me. I walked around for a little bit, sat at the bar for a bit and at a table. nothing. I was there in drab, other than the under-dressing. There were a few CD/TV's there. They were very pretty, but seemed to be busy talking to others. I tried to make eye contact in a effort to break the ice, but nothing. It was like everyone was scared of me or something.
For some reason, I thought people there would be a little more friendly....IDK.....I was kinda disappointed.

[Margot]

It obviously was not that CD friendly. IF you had gone in drab what would have changed do you think?
Next time try going with a friend.
Margot

[Billijo49504]

Some times you just have to walk up and say HI!! I'm like you, but just not as brave as you are. In drab, they might have figured you were gay and looking for something new. You never can tell, they might take you under their wing and help you along. You're not some celebraty, so who knows who or what you were there for. So next time, go up to them and complament them on their looks. And ask for advice on clothes or makeup. Good luck...BJ

[charlie]

Hello Dian!
Next time go dressed. You will have lots of talks, drinks and friends.

[AKAMichelle]

Apparently they were too friendly that night. Since you didn't die then maybe next time you can go dressed.

[sterling12]

OK, lets count The Possible Mistakes. 1.) Your brand new in The Place, so nobody is going to seek you out. Did you try to talk to them? 2.) You were in drab, so around T-Gurls, that would place you in The Admirer/Possible Predator/Possible Murderer Category. You have to "break The Ice, and spend a little time assuring them that your not a threat. Because you didn't dress, they really have no idea your a Sista'. You could have even talked to them, told them your status, and they still wouldn't have believed you....because you didn't have on a "Cowboy Outfit." (If you want to be like The Cowboys you have to be, and dress like a Cowboy.) 3.) You only stayed for an hour and a half. Those who were watching you, (Yes, they were!) assume that you were looking for a "Date," and then you left. Next Time, relax, enjoy The Show, act like you want to belong, rather than just "passing through."

Next time, go dressed, be friendly, engage in some small talk, "Gee, I'm new here and I don't know anyone, can I talk to you for a little while?" And DON'T Act Weird or Suspicious. The Club World will open up for you....if, you play by The Rules. It's A Military Town, full of aggressive, and sometimes violent young men. They are going to be stand-offish until you gain some Street Cred.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[AllieSF]

Congratulations on your first time out like that. Unfortunately, wall flowers many times just stay like that. I remember a motivational poster that was simple and straight to the point. It was a picture of a large turtle with the following caption (if I can remember it correctly), "The turtle cannot move forward unless it sticks its neck out!". Interesting that you were surprised that nobody came up to you in 90 minutes. I would guess that 80% or more of the patrons in gay/lesbian/TG friendly bars and clubs are very friendly and will talk with anyone when approached in a nice friendly way. At least that is my experience. I know it was your first time in a place like that. As others have said start a conversation with who ever is sitting next to you at the bar, smile a lot and if you do catch someone's eye, go introduce yourself and start a pleasant interesting conversation and ask a few questions to get a few answers. You do not need to go into a lot of detail about yourself (probably better to keep some things to yourself) just keep the conversation light. Good luck and the next time will probably be better. Once it is better you may just form a great new habit!

[Dian077]

Thank you all so much for your advice. You have really hit on a lot of points that I would have never thought of. Since I have never ventured out into that world before, nor do I have a violent, hateful bone in my body, its hard for me to think that someone might would be scared of little o me. :). You advice and comments make a lot of since.
I would really love to go dressed the next time, but again, i have never been in public dressed and not very confident on my make up ability at all. Honestly that is why I decided to go. I knew that some people had said that this club had CD's there. i just wanted to go and make new friends.
I think I will try again next weekend. They are only open Thursday thru Sunday.
I did meet a GG that I had told about my dressing a short bit ago. She would love to go with me.....but she wants a relationship and I am just not attracted to her in that way...So....I would really love to find another Gurl to go with, but if not I will just keep taking baby steps :)

[AllieSF]

Hi Dian, that is a great idea to go back there. The more you go, in whatever mode, the more comfortable you will feel and the better chance you will have to let your real personality out. Along the way you will start to meet people and they will remember you so that you may have a known contact the next time you go. It is always recommended to befriend the bartenders. They are normally great and friendly people and know more about what is happening there and the regular customers than anyone else. They also can be a needed friend if you have problems while there, which I would not expect to happen. The bar is LGBT friendly because it tries to create a safe, fun and accepting atmosphere. Good luck and stay in the saddle.

[Being Paige]

Maybe they were regulars at the bar and being your first time there they just kept to them selves, sometimes you just have to take the first step and say hello. When I have gone out I try not to be afraid to say hello first, it's amazing how many times you get a hello back. then just make small talk to let people know that you are comfortable being there.
Works for me.

[laurincd]

I have not yet had the courage to go to a bar although I really would like to.
It would be fun to meet other CDs.

Laurin

[Dian077]

Well....I tried to make it back out there lastnight, but plains fell though and did not make it.
I really wish I could find a GG or someone to go with. Friday night, the 15th, they are having an 80's night theme..... That could be very fun. Anyone interested in going? lol

[JennyA]

I would go a little tipsy so you would dent your inhibitions. If you get tipsy there it would be too expensive. Next time go in female, or a cross between male/fem. Compliment the tg girls you see next time on a nice part of their outfit and you'll probably make them happy inside and break the ice.

[Sandy Banks]

Maybe we should try it soon...................................

[amots49]

what club were you at?

[Kate17]

Here is something you can try - Put an ad in Craigslist asking for another CD companion. Maybe there are others in the area that are in the same predicament. When I go to a new town on business, I often put an ad in asking where a good place for an out of town CD to go is. Most of the time, another CD will answer and you can go from there. I am pretty shy but I have met lots of friends that way. Yes, guys will answer also so its your choice. By the way, it works in big towns and small towns. A lot of times, there are other "girls" just looking for moral support like I think you are.

[Dian077]

Sandy, that surely could be an option :)

amots49, its Alexanders. Do you know the place? Are you close to Jacksonville?

Kate, what a wonderful idea. I had not thought of that. I will have to give that a try.