New Girlfriend Dilemma

[aggi123]

Ok! Here's the dilemma. I PROMISED myself I was going to be completely up front and honest at the start of my next relationship. So now, the inevitable has happened. I've met someone that may be someone I want to have some fun with. Maybe not permanently, but it's worth a shot.

The Problems

- She knows several people that I know. None of which know about my alter ego.
- She's a christian. Nothing wrong with that, but I can see maybe being a problem.

However, I've already told her that there is something I want to talk to her about. Before anything goes further. So basically, all I'm asking for is some last minute advice and mostly....wish me luck!

[Amanda22]

I think you have to be prepared that if you tell her about crossdressing, your mutual acquaintances will hear about it. It sounds like a very new relationship; too new for you to expect any sort of trust to keep your privacy safe. You're kind of on the hook, though, since you said you have something to talk to her about. You're right, this is a dilemma. I wish I had better advice.

[aggi123]

yeah, but it's not really too much of a secret. a lot of people already know. Just none that she knows lol. So she's going to be completely blindsided i think.

[subwrx]

The first question you must ask yourself is. How out do I want to be??????...... Then what is the worst that can happen?????

I respect you for wanting to get of on the right foot. However, everyone goes through live carrying a bag of secrets. It is wise to slowly open it up as the level of trust grows in your new relationship. I am also talking about a serious relationship and it sounds like you are having fun right now so why spoil that fun with some serious stuff.

Also, how long and how well do you know her?

[aggi123]

I've known her for a few years now, just never really devolped into anything serious. If I'm not open up front, it'd be hard to explain my completely shaved body and long hair/fingernails. I'm sure she's already wondering

[Steph.TS]

well if you are ok with people finding out, then it'll just make you that much freer to do as you please. I've never been in a serious relationship with a woman, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt, when I told my mom I eased into, she's known that I crossdressed so I could use that to ease into the "I want to be a woman" thing, you could maybe say something about being a gentle, sensitive, man, and that you are glad you met this girl and you want to share something that is very important to you with her, and try to express your appreciation for women's fashions, but make it clear that you aren't gay, christians have real hang up about that.

I feel that I should also warn you even though I bet you are very much aware of this, bringing this revelation to her no matter how could end the relationship.

[Jaylacd]

Aggi,

ive had acouple relationships where ive told the girl. one before hand and one after a year into the relationship. personally i felt alot better and i think so did the girl when i was upfront and honest with her and most importantly myself.

just my 2 cents...its really going to be up to you to make your path....

im here if u need me hun

[Jay Cee]

I told my gf about my cd'ing past (and other issues) a few months into our relationship. I told her that I wanted to continue crossdressing about two years later. That was about three months ago, and we are still going strong.

If I was in your shoes (a nice pair of strappy heels, perhaps :) ), I'd wait to see if it was going to become more than a fling. Any time that a long term relationship is going to being, that is the time to let her know.

[docrobbysherry]

Do u plan to dress around her? R u planning on asking her to get engaged? Then, u SHOULD tell her now!:straightface:

But, if u haven't established a solid dating relationship yet, I'd wait. When, AND IF, it becomes obvious u R establishing a relationship, THEN u should tell her!:thumbsup:
Like JCameron said!

[Patty B.]

I'd go and read and reread the section on how to tell so/wife. I'm not sure how you can ease into telling your gf. Either you are or aren't I guess. Be prepared that if one knows, everyone else will know. Wish you the best.

[Josey]

I agree with Patty's recommendation...read the thread on telling our SO or GF your a CDer. You'll receive some really great advise.

[Sharon B.]

About two years ago some friends were going to set me up with a single woman that they knew. My problem was that my friends don't know about my alter ego and if I did date this woman that would mean I would have to allow her and all of my friends to shun me. Yes, it would be too weird for them and all of the questions that goes with it and premeditate answers they they know.
I just kept putting it off, calling her and finally they found someone else to ask her out.
In one sense I want to find someone but with another sense I enjoy my lifestyle, would like to go full-time but need to make some other arrangements to my living in the area where I am at, at this time.

[mscatie85]

Finding the right time to tell someone you crossdress, especially new un-tested relationships, is difficult to say the least. There are many factors that you have to consider, the biggest one being where you see this relationship going? If this is just a short fling that you don't see going anywhere then perhaps telling her is not the thing to do. My personal feeling is that you should give the relationship a few months to settle in. Allow you and your new beau to get acquainted with each other and get through some of those early relationship issues (2 - 3 months, varying from situation to situation). You should know two things by then, if this will be a long term thing and get a feel for her personality. The best advice I can give you is to go slow and maybe find a way to discuss the topic of crossdressing to gauge her reaction.

If she truly cares about you and wants a relationship with you she will see past the clothes but the key is slow and when you do tell make sure you come prepared to answer many questions.

Good Luck,
Megan

[KarenCDFL]

You just need to find out something about her that she does not want everyone to know!

So now you are both playing on the same level.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Three cheers for being honest in a new relationship. Just go slow! Woman can handle the news if we don't drown them in waves of shock. My lady didn't see the real me for 3 months. When she said she was ready we went out to a club. After a year she is still asking questions. I thank her for caring a nuff to ask for more information.

And don't under judge Christians ability to accept us on our merits.


Em

[Emily_3]

Kudos for honesty, looking at this situation logically

1. it's a new relationship
2. not many people know about your alter ego
3. she's of the Christian Faith

so summing that up I would be careful about saying too much too soon, because if you're not already totally out, you could end up coming out much quicker than you expected, the end result could be less than desirable.

A few questions you need to ask yourself

1. Is it love or lust (this one is important in new relationships, the old saying "looking through rose tinted glasses")

2. Can I trust this person totally with my "secret"

hopefully this has helped, talking from previous experience

:)

Kind Regards

Emily

[kitchenette]

.... Just go slow! Woman can handle the news if we don't drown them in waves of shock.

And don't under judge Christians ability to accept us on our merits

Em

I'm with docrobbysherry and Emily on this one. Wait and see a little, see how the relationship is going... Test the waters. My SO first mentioned it by telling me he had "feminine" qualities in our first week of dating and slowly started told me everything in the first months of our relationship. Just don't make yourself too vulnerable at first. It's totally healthy to protect yourself. If you have the feeling that she's an honest, good person and trustworthy, and you really like her, then sooner is better. And is she's the one, she'll understand why you had to wait a little while.

[AKAMichelle]

There are many Christians who accept us. There aren't any stereotypes that work when it comes to acceptance to us. You might out yourself to many others but it is always better to be yourself instead of always hiding. So I say go for it and explain it to the best of your ability. You might just come out on top and have a wonderful friend to boot.

[NicoleScott]

You said she was someone you just want to have fun with, maybe not permanently. Since it's not a serious, committed relationship, what's the rush to reveal your innermost secrets to her? Maybe that time will come. Tell her then.

[Jessicainme]

May be you should ask her some questions first, before you say anything. How does she feel about gay marriage. (Not saying that all crossdressers are gay but some people think we are.) Say to her..When I was out today, I thought I see a man dressed as a woman, what's your feeling about that anyway. You're not lying to her just trying to feel things out. I wouldn't say anything to her until you were certain that she could be trusted. Plus are you willing to be outed if you told her then she used it against you.

[Alicia_lynn419]

Don't write off Christian girls.... I have dated some girls who know about me and have some very close GG friends who know. One actually knew my sister from Church, and the other actually teaches children's Sunday school. Not all Christians are uptight bigots. I think God created us this way, and most Christian are not going to start pulling verse on you. I also know plenty of Atheists who are not favorable to CDing.

[catriona36]

i think i may have said this b4 somewhere.
sure go and tell her.. just DONT send her any pics. that way IF shew does go telling people she cant back it up.
this happened to me over something else.. no one believed her so i was lucky :)

[Krysta]

Idunno, tricky, I may personally wait a little to see if it has a future or not, and like others have said, if she can be trusted/confided in. I wouldnt worry too much about the Christian thing, unless she is really crazy about religion, really devout, then i might be worried. hell, I have seen porn starts where a gold cross around there neck......whats up with that? idunno. You will be the best judge of the situation. its a game of Russian Roulette, she may not have a problem and are glad that you are upfront, or she may cash out. or if you wait a while she may be mad that you werent upfront and have kept secrects. sooo.....? I hope that you get a chamber with no bullet. In all honesty, i wish you the best. let us know how it turns out.

[eluuzion]

You PROMISED yourself you were going to be completely up front and honest at the start of your next relationship.

From the thoughts you shared after making that statement, it appears to me that you set the bar a bit too high. You may want to consider setting more realistic "goals" with lower expectations that are more realistic and thus, more achievable for yourself. It reduces the self-imposed stress that results from unrealistic expectations. (But probably will not have much effect on the guilt issues, lol)

Good Luck!

[PretzelGirl]

Aggi, this is a soul searcher. I believe that if you truly have good intentions, then you don't need any luck. You know when it is the right time. You just may not realize it. :D

[Alice B]

It is always said that honesty is the best policy. I for one believe that to be very true. Tell her and give her the encouragement to ask questions and answer them. Good luck.

[Chickhe]

Easy, dress in drag this halloween and see what her reaction is...

[aggi123]

UPDATE

she's completely accepting :D

[Tasha McIntyre]

UPDATE

she's completely accepting :D

Aggi, that is fantastic. Hope she can keep a secret though!

[JulieC]

UPDATE

she's completely accepting :D


Woohooo!!!!

Also, major kudos to you for telling her! Bravo!

[Babeba]

Yay for accepting relationships!!!!

[mygirlsgirl]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww....so koooooooooooool!! :)

[MichelleOhioCD]

Much better that you tell her. If there are going to be relationship problems later (there always are) they really should'nt be about the crossdressing - she knew what she was getting into.

[PretzelGirl]

Good for you Aggi! I hope you two have a wonderful relationship, both with and without the dressing.

[kristinacd55]

UPDATE

she's completely accepting :D

Whew, thank goodness :battingeyelashes:

[MrKunk]

I think that if your up front with her and the relationship continues after that then she is the girl you want to be with.

[Annaliese2010]

UPDATE

she's completely accepting :DI'm curious and mean no disrespect but...do you think you're gonna ever be makin out with her as Aggi, and is your new gg gf okay with it - maybe even turned on by it?

[PortiaHoney]

It's fantastic that she is completely accepting. Have you told her all the truth as you know it - or only half truths? Do you know what it is that you really want?

If this relationship is for long term possibilities, many of us only tell part of the story and, if that is ok with our SO, we make do with that. A little something is much better than nothing at all. Only short term, there is nothing wrong with withholding some information. It's all about where you both are comfortable. Longer term, it's all about honesty.

Good luck and I really hope you have found "the one". Woo hoo to you :-)

[aggi123]

I'm curious and mean no disrespect but...do you think you're gonna ever be makin out with her as Aggi, and is your new gg gf okay with it - maybe even turned on by it?

she told me she'd have tea and krimpets with me as Aggi lol. That was it though, so I don't think she's thrilled in bed lol.

I've told her everything and I'm hoping to begin therapy to see how far I want to take it. Only thing I've been thinking is that she doesn't think I'm as serious as I told her I was.

[sarahjo1989]

u need to tell the person so they know what there getting into.

[danielletorresani]

That was a pretty bold move to tell her. Hopefully it pays off in the end!

[JenniferB]

yeah, but it's not really too much of a secret. a lot of people already know. Just none that she knows lol. So she's going to be completely blindsided i think.
Most women are pretty perceptive. She may have already figured you out. She may be cool with it. Just remember, if you do decide to tell her you CD, you can't un-tell her.

[annomusE]

I myself as well as my girl are Christians and she loves my cding! Be open and upfront about your dressing and dont be afraid to show off how it makes you feel when you do!

[aggi123]

whoa old thread is old =P

We broke up, but not because of dressing. We're like girlfriends now lol

[ReineD]

OK Aggi, now I'm dying of curiosity. What happened?

Glad you're girlfriends though. :)

[eluuzion]

whoa old thread is old =P

We broke up, but not because of dressing. We're like girlfriends now lol

hiya aggi,

By my calculations, that "relationship" lasted about 6 weeks. I remember back in my 20's/30's when a buddy and I used to try and "guess" how long it takes before the "sexual aspect" of a new relationship "wears out".

You guessed it...about the sixth week...:D

Ok, I am curious...what is your definition of a "long-term" relationship? :heehee:

[aggi123]

hiya aggi,

By my calculations, that "relationship" lasted about 6 weeks. I remember back in my 20's/30's when a buddy and I used to try and "guess" how long it takes before the "sexual aspect" of a new relationship "wears out".

You guessed it...about the sixth week...:D

Ok, I am curious...what is your definition of a "long-term" relationship? :heehee:

long term to me is about.....a long time =P

[bridgetta]

its all in presentation.. if your cool with it.. then she will be... if you show fear and doubt she will too.. its like with animals.. if she throws a fit.. then she isnt the one for you.. .. if you dont think she is capable of enjoying it with you.. get out while you can..

[aggi123]

OK Aggi, now I'm dying of curiosity. What happened?

Glad you're girlfriends though. :)

There just wasn't a "click". I know it's cliche, but we both felt it. So we mutually called it off. And since we didn't complicate anything with sex (we never did it), we work well as friends.

[Sallee]

tell her better for both of you

[NathalieX66]

Happens.

Happened to me. I dated a girl that was into the fetish scene. Her fantasy was she wanted crossdressers to man the door of the dance club she wanted to own in order to screen out the lame crowd.
Only problem was there was not enough intellectual or mental parity between us. When chemistry feels right, it just does. I'm less concerned about total acceptance, and more concerned about chemistry. On the long road. If she doesn't accept this side of me, fine. Things are going to be bad if we hit it off in a big way, and then she does not accept this side of me (if I admit it) which is never going to go away. How can one be madly heterosexual yet transgendered, and still find the love & respect we all feel we need?