Outed at Kroger! By my wife

[Michelle James]

Funny (sort of) story. Yesterday my sife and I had a girls day out. We wnt to Kroger for some much needed grocerie shopping and later dinner and a movie. While we were at Kroger I was attempting to get a loaf of breadfrom the shelf and wifey wanted to get my attention. Instead of calling by my girl name (Michelle) which she picked, she blurted out my given name 3 times in a very loud voice. As I attempted to get her to stop, for the love of god she said my name again only this time all three of my given names which are not Robert John Wilson but you get the point. Not a female name in the whole tirade. At this point there was a number of people (male and female) looking right at me. Some amused, some not, and one redneck with only about two active braincells who looked like he wanted to kick the trannies ass. I just smiled at them all and the wife and I left as quickly as we could. We went to Wally World and finished our shopping without incident. Then later at the theater we gave out tickets to the ticket dude and she walks through the entrance and........wait for it................................................ .........says Bob I'll meet you in there.

So I ask you: how can i get my very accepting wonderful wife to call me whatever girl name she wants and stop outing me. if this goes on I am sure to get my ass beat by some low IQ tranny basher.

[Bernadina]

Thought that crosses my mind is, just how accepting is she really?

[AKAMichelle]

Why don't you just wear a sign on your back with you male name on it. It couldn't be much worse, but it is hugely funny

[subwrx]

Wear a really big "Hello my name is Mechelle" sign on your front.

[Michelle James]

Thought that crosses my mind is, just how accepting is she really?

I believe is is totally accepting but just has a mental block about my fem name.


Why don't you just wear a sign on your back with you male name on it. It couldn't be much worse, but it is hugely funny

How about "I'm a crossdresser kick me" LOl


Wear a really big "Hello my name is Mechelle" sign on your front.

I have tried everything else.

[Janet Bern]

Obviously she isnt that accepting ,hmmm

[Sedona]

A lot of us don't have SOs who would go out and about with us dressed, so, in my book, I'd say she's pretty accepting. If you feel there was no maliciousness on her part, I'd overlook this gaffe (no pun intended) and move on. Heck, I don't know what you look like, but most people can read most of us pretty quickly (I sure am not fooling anybody!), so they probably knew already, before the male names came out.

[Kathryn Martin]

I have had similar experiences. I have to say in all the spouses defense, that it is very difficult to spontaneously hit a girl name when you have called that person by their man name for so many years. Elizabeth called me Martin for ten years before I added Kathryn to the mix. I always forgive her and will give her another ten years to get it right.

Kathryn

[regina young]

Well I must say it is a funny story......but then I wasn't in your shoes, er heels. And you handled it the best way, just smile and go on about it.....regina

[Chloe Renee]

I don't think it is a case of malicious intent. My wife has a mental block when it comes to my femme name. To add to that she was the one to choose my femme name. Thankfully, I have an unisex nic name, which she often uses. In my case she has known my male name 17 years and the femme name has been around less than 2 years.

[sue ellan]

i think it is kind of cruel to do that when out in public.

sue ellan

life is like a roll of tp the closer to the end the faster it goes.

[johnboy23]

I have to do this when my fiance forgets certain things. Just remind her as you get out the car and anytime you go through a door. If you can not remember to remind her, then dont get mad at her for forgetting as well. Its annoying, but works.

[HEART BROKEN]

LMAO I do the outing thing all the time to my SO.It's not on purpose.Once I called him by his name and realized in an instant and added to his name to change it quickly lol. Like" Come one Phil...Philmena lets go" lol He was pissed lmao.I will walk up to something I think he would like in a store and just blurt out you want this honey? lol We couild be in that store for hours and as soon as we get out in the car he will be do you know and why lol.All I can say is sorry.Just the other day I found these active wear shirts .Really cute longs sleeves forn fitting spandex with hoodies,They had zippers in the front that only went down to show cleavage.The really special thing about them is they had thumb holes in the end of the sleeves and small pocket mid way down one arm to hold a credit card or such that blended into the shirt.I bought myself a pink one,yellow anda white one.They looked good on me and hid my muffin top.Well about a month goes by I am wearing one and we are in line together getting coffee as I am waiting for my change with my hand out I decided to look up at SO without thinking and said look honey these shirts have thumb holes is that cool? lol I was thinking he could wear these while out driving and if he put his thumbs in the holes like I do the sleeves never move up to expose hair lmao .Alot of stupid stuff like that.lol

[PretzelGirl]

Try going out and calling your wife Broderick all the time. You may not find it so easy. Then you will say her instead of him and many other gaffes. It is hard to change what you are used to. I wouldn't call this non-acceptance. Give her time. My daughter still yells out Dad when we are out. Gotta go with the flow and just not draw any more attention to it by doing something like making a cutting motion across your throat.

[christinek]

Well Chris or Christine is close so I am good there but I dont pass well enough that it matters much. If my wife want to go out with me dressed I would be happy!

Christine

[Chickhe]

Stuff like that used to bother me, but it would not bother me that much anymore. Although it works better if you use a feminine name if others are listening. If she gets it wrong, just say 'He just left... its just us girls here now!'...

[Roberta Marie]

The way that I see it, my wife didn't go screaming off into the night when I told her that I am a crossdresser after keeping it from her for over 30 years, so she has earned the right to call me anything she wants.

Same with my kids. While standing in the checkout line at Kohl's during a crowded holiday sale, my son, holding up a bargain that he found said, "Hey Dad, look at this!" He instantly realized what he said and became emberassed, but I passed it off as nothing out of the ordinary had been said. The only reaction that we got was from the clerk, who just gave the both of us a smile and went on like nothing happened.

There was a time when I would have been bothered by this, but now that I've accepted myself as basically a guy in a skirt, but with a bit if feminine wiring it doesn't bother me in the least.

And if some redneck wants to emberass himself by trying to emberass me, I'll be happy to oblige him.

Bobbi

[LitaKelley]

I don't know what I'd do in this situation. I'm fortunate that my given name is a feminine one used by both M & F, however, my wife has called me Lita a few times in public while I was in drab, lol... although I think my fem name should be my given name when out in public, with friends, etc.. I just can't use it for online activity.. I mean, I really like my fem name, but suppose it can be confusing to expect my wife and friends to use an alias instead of my name.. I don't know how this is supposed to work..

[Emily Ann Brown]

If you have been married for 20 years or more..it would be normal to call you be HE name, it is a habit that takes hard though to over come.

Em

[Sophie86]

One thing that might help is to have her use the name more around the house so that she gets used to it.

I was having the the opposite problem this past Saturday while dressed at a masquerade party. My wife referred to me a few times as "Sophie" around friends who were just supposed to think I was dressed for the party.

I blame the wine. :straightface:

[Elizabeth Martin]

I have had similar experiences. I have to say in all the spouses defense, that it is very difficult to spontaneously hit a girl name when you have called that person by their man name for so many years. Elizabeth called me Martin for ten years before I added Kathryn to the mix. I always forgive her and will give her another ten years to get it right.

Kathryn

I'm glad you didn't tell them I've called you by my ex-husband's name several times.

:eek:

Love E

[Cherry Lynn]

I'm glad you didn't tell them I've called you by my ex-husband's name several times.

:eek:

Love E
That is cute.

[JulieC]

she ...says Bob I'll meet you in there.

In your best feminine voice respond "Ok John, see you in a moment"

[Abbey Lane]

Great story..well out it to you this way at least you can go out together many of uis are still inside our houses watching the world go by. At least you get to mingle and go out. Even with the name calling. Quite funny. Have a great day.

[Gisele]

She will learn in time.
Jennifer (my SO) has called me by my male name a few times when we were out. She knew what she had done after the fact. Once we were in the middle of the mall and I noticed more than a few people looking at us. I really thought that I had a boob falling out of my belly or something. I then happen to notice that we were walking hand in hand! LOL I started to laugh and she was like what's up? She didn't even notice what we were doing. Still funny to us.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Thought that crosses my mind is, just how accepting is she really?


Obviously she isnt that accepting ,hmmm

I think both of these responses are way off the mark. I think it's exactly the opposite. She doesn't see you as anything but her husband no matter how you're dressed and she sees you as the man she loves so that's how she refers to you. I honestly think you're overreacting. Guess what? You're out. You think if someone who knew you and your wife ran into the two of you out together that they wouldn't figure it out? Do you know how grateful you should be that you have such a supportive wife that will willingly go out with you to shop and go to the movies?

Man up and get over it!

[TxKimberly]

Thought that crosses my mind is, just how accepting is she really?

Good Lord - the woman is out shopping and going to the movies with her. How much more accepting can it possibly get? I'd love it if my wife were willing to do that, regardless of what she called me.
Let's be a realistic here OK? How many years have y'all known each other and been married? For how many years has this woman been calling you as, and thinking of you by, the name "Robert John Wilson"? She may or may not ultimately get her mind wrapped around the fact that she ought to call you by a different name sometimes, but I would try and understand where it is coming from and also try and be thankful for the fact that she is willing to out with you regardless of what she calls you.

Many years ago when I first started going out, my wife went with me to a TG event in Austin. Early in the night she refereed to me as "he" when speaking to a couple of TS's, and they both "corrected" her. This made my wife feel terrible and really kind of pissed me off. At that point we would have been married about 15 years, and so I think my wife knew damn good and well who she had married, and had earned the right to refer to me in what ever way she was comfortable.

Like mine, your wife knows who she married . . . :D

[Michelle James]

I know she does. I was just hoping someone else had been through this and knew of a gentle way to help her remember. I realize how lucky I am to have her and have not and will not be upset about it. I am sure if she wanted me to start calling her george I would make the same mistakes.

[suchacutie]

This forum covers a remarkably wide swath of issues and emotions involved with gender identity and transgenderism in general. When it comes to interpersonal relationships, however, the vast majority of postings are at the extremes of animosity from one spouse to complete acceptance/involvement.

The middle ground of "how do we actually make this work on a day-to-day basis" seldom gets talked about (not never, just much less). This name issue is an example, and there really is no one answer to this question because all of our relationships are different.

The only negative I can see from the original post is the time that the wife went on and on with a male name, even when it wasn't working. That one time doesn't seem to be an accident. However, the poster makes no mention of a discussion about this incident. If you both almost ran from the Kroger, didn't you discuss the situation? Was there an understanding reached? How could it have been ignored?

I agree with Kimberly that so much of the activity in the post screams acceptance and something most here would give a lot to have. My wife has been a part of Tina from the first moment, and when Tina shows up it is for a "girl's night" every time. Now I will admit immediately that our relationship with Tina is as a third person, and there is no disagreement about this at all, but we have had a relationship for 37 years as husband and wife. It's just almost impossible to expect that my wife will not inadvertantly talk to Tina about something she had done earlier in the day that clearly my male self had done. My wife and I are just too involved with each other to expect that she will turn that switch, even with the tremendous gulf we have built between my gendered selves.

The one thing that does seem to help is to have my wife and Tina talk about me as a third person. The fact is that my wife gets a kick about Tina talking about my male side, pointing out flaws and idiosyncracies of "him". We've realized that if you want the male self to take a back seat for a while, "he" must be able to be talked about, joked about, and generally religated to someone else. Also it is better if, initially at least, that Tina has different activities and, as my bi-line says, a different life. It's so very hard to do the same activities in both genders and expect a spouse to flip a switch somehow.

So, I would suggest that "making a life for Tina" is not just a bi-line, but a necessity if the gendered selves are really going to be separate. (i.e. for those who want their gendered lives separate :) )

Tina

[Traci Elizabeth]

My daughter still yells out Dad when we are out.


You will ALWAYS be "Dad" to your daughter no matter the breath of your transition even if your have SRS.

Ask me how I know...

Father's and daughters have a bond unlike any other so I would accept your daughter's "Dad" in public with a big smile and tenderly love.


To OP: My wife has NEVER done that to me in public....why & how you ask...She has always called me "Hon" or "Honey" since day one. I'm not sure there have been more than a handful of times that she has called me by my birth given name. She does however use it when talking to others about me.

So should I get pissed at her when she calls me Hon or Honey in public?????? I think NOT!

[Maxine_b]

Funny (sort of) story. Yesterday my sife and I had a girls day out. We wnt to Kroger for some much needed grocerie shopping and later dinner and a movie. While we were at Kroger I was attempting to get a loaf of breadfrom the shelf and wifey wanted to get my attention. Instead of calling by my girl name (Michelle) which she picked, she blurted out my given name 3 times in a very loud voice. As I attempted to get her to stop, for the love of god she said my name again only this time all three of my given names which are not Robert John Wilson but you get the point. Not a female name in the whole tirade. At this point there was a number of people (male and female) looking right at me. Some amused, some not, and one redneck with only about two active braincells who looked like he wanted to kick the trannies ass. I just smiled at them all and the wife and I left as quickly as we could. We went to Wally World and finished our shopping without incident. Then later at the theater we gave out tickets to the ticket dude and she walks through the entrance and........wait for it................................................ .........says Bob I'll meet you in there.

So I ask you: how can i get my very accepting wonderful wife to call me whatever girl name she wants and stop outing me. if this goes on I am sure to get my ass beat by some low IQ tranny basher.

shock treatment maybe? Every time she calls you by your male name electrodes attached to the buttocks give her a jolt? Don't know?

[JenniferB]

Your wife sounds like she just might be into public humiliation. Some chicks dig that. Ask her if you can dress up like a maid and see if she takes the ball and runs with it.

[PretzelGirl]

You will ALWAYS be "Dad" to your daughter no matter the breath of your transition even if your have SRS.

Ask me how I know...

Father's and daughters have a bond unlike any other so I would accept your daughter's "Dad" in public with a big smile and tenderly love.

Absolutely! When she calls me Dad while out, it just becomes a joke and we laugh about it right there. The reverse happens with my other daughter in that she comes in the house and no matter how I am dressed, she calls me Sue. So I tell her "That is Mom to you!". :heehee: