What would you do?

[Speck]

If you were a heterosexual MTF TG and met a woman and she didn't just accept your female side but celebrated it. Let's say that she brought your female persona to life, nurtured it and that she fell in love with "her" and simply adores "her". Now let's also say that you are in love with this woman. You get along with her on many levels. She showers you with gifts of make-up and clothes, wants to be out and about with you "en femme" and you have phenomenal sex together.

There's just one catch. She happens to live 2,000 miles away and her moving to be with you is not an option (kids). What would you be prepared to give up to be with her? Would you give up your job? Would you take a job that payed less? Would you part with some of your hard earned money to make frequent trips?

Or would you just let her go? Just wondering...

[tamarav]

At first blush I would be very interested in moving to her area and attempting to live with her. But, reality to me is that long distance relationships don't seem to ever work out as good as they do when the two parties stay apart. Her acceptance of your CDing may be simply a lack of immersion on her part, or a plead for help with her kids, (sorry, that may be the bottom line) First and subsequent great sex does not necessarily make for a great relationship. Being together 24/7 and living with her habits may be more than you bargained for, or it may be the greatest thing ever. Who really knows?

[docrobbysherry]

Tamarav's words contain much wisdom. I agree with her. And yet, I am STILL the romantic!:o

I would travel to see her when I could. And, I believe time would tell me, us, if it was rite!:hugs:

But, that is just me! U must follow your OWN heart, Grasshopper!:thumbsup:

[Rachel Morley]

I can't tell you what is best for you, but my situation 8 years ago was not a million miles away from your current scenario. My wife (then girlfriend) and I met online on a crossdressing forum (not this one). She had had a previous relationship with a CDer and was looking to date another one. I was a shy in the closet, hetro CDer and she was actively encouraging me to dress and embrace my feminine side. She dislikes "regular guys" and wants a feminine (but still male) partner. She likes girly guys, especially if their personality is "girl-like". We lived 5,500 miles apart at the time. I was in the UK she was in California.

There were no kids involved (not for me) other than her (then) 12 year old son who lived with her. What did I give up? ... I quit my well paying job (I was about to get a promotion and buy some shares in the company), I sold my house, I sold my car, I sold everything I couldn't put in a suitcase. I left my family, and I emigrated to the US just to be with her. I didn't care about anything except for being with her.

We got married straight away. It was 18 months after we "met" online. I had only been in her physical presence two times (for two weeks at a time) before we wed. She earned the money and I was the "housewife" before my change of status was complete. I was only dressing at home during that time, never outside (although that changed after a couple of years). All my UK guy friends said I was "brave" to go to the US and "put all my eggs in one basket" but what they didn't understand was it was all the things between us, the growth we had during that 18 months that had nothing to do with CDing, that was what made us fall in love. Nowadays, I dress often (not all the time and not at work) she now stays at home and is the "housewife" and we are still deliriously happy, and not only that, we help run one of the largest and most active TG support groups in Northern California. As far as I am concerned, my life is perfect and doing what I did was the best decision I have ever made. If I were to die tomorrow I would die a very happy person with no regrets.

I am a total believer in "love will conquer all" and "there's someone for everyone." You just have to find them. If it's meant to be…it WILL happen, we just don't know when. I had twelve years on my own without any kind of serious romantic relationship before I met Marla. I was very lonely back then. Then my whole world got turned upside down because of a late night email to a fellow poster.

Hugs
Rachel

[Stephanie Miller]

Really don't know enough to make a call. But, what did come to mind is the thought pattern here sounds awfully similar to the way guys think. You know.. it's O.K. for the girl to come move however far to live with YOU to see if it works - but when we put the shoe on the other foot....?

[eluuzion]

Not enough information to form any credible opinions.

But enough information to ask more questions for clarification. How does a person do what you described in your first paragraph when they live 2000 miles from you? How much time have you spent face-to-face with her?

In your list of "options", all of them involve you "giving up everything" and she "giving up nothing". They all require a major investment on your part, but you do not mention anything about her investment other than what she is not willing to do.

Based on the fuzzy information you provided, my only observation is that there is something going on behind all of that air that she pumped into your ego balloon.

I am not you and have enough challenges keeping my own life on the tracks. But I will tell you that I would never place myself in any position in my life that leaves me with the option list you suggest. I know people too well. I will also say that securing my personal data and assets would be a top priority if I was in your position (which for me, will not occur).

In any case of dealing with a person in another country, I triple the amount of time typically devoted to personal safety, data protection and background research. The potential "risks" involved increase astronomically in those scenarios.

Just my thoughts based on personal experiences...Good Luck!

[Kate Simmons]

That has to be a totally personal decision my friend.:)

[GaleWarning]

Tipyish, you do not provide me with enough information to share my experiences with you.
You mention her kids, but not her SO ... does one exist?
You don't mention any ties of your own, apart from your job.
If she (or you) is/are married, then let her go ...
If both of you are unattached ... then go for it! But take care to accept her kids unconditionally (this is the hard part).

[Shari]

Sometimes the having is not nearly so good as the wanting.

[Maria in heels]

This is a very hard question to answer. I would first run off, sell everything, and change my life, but then I could come to regret this. I did read all of the posts so far, and understand how hard this can be...

On a personal note, I too had someone who I thought was the "love of my life" and changed everything to be with her...including living arrangements, giving up money, and trying to adapt. Once this happened, everything changed, and actually fell apart after only 7 months. Not to say that your situation is the same as mine, but it is totally different until you try and see what happens.

Maybe it is best to try and visit and make frequent trips at this time...Rachel had a wonderful ending to her story, and her move worked out just great! Mine on the other hand did not...

Now that I have totally confused you, follow your heart, but make sure that your brain in involved as well in the decision...hope this helps!

[Frédérique]

There's just one catch. She happens to live 2,000 miles away and her moving to be with you is not an option (kids). What would you be prepared to give up to be with her? Would you give up your job? Would you take a job that payed less? Would you part with some of your hard earned money to make frequent trips? Or would you just let her go? Just wondering...

In this economy? :doh:

I’ve been down this road, and it has more to do with the...stability...of the other person than anything else. Sex is certainly important, but it isn’t everything. I would keep in touch and not “let her go” entirely, maybe see her every now and then, but not go overboard. I assume there will be others in HER life while you are away, so you need to factor that into any commitment and restrain yourself to a certain degree...
:straightface:

[Karren H]

I'd roll over and try to get back to sleep because obviously I was dreaming... Wish the wife would stop friggin snoring... Now where was I .............. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[kristinacd55]

I would DEFINITELY keep in touch and explore all the possibilities. Of course, it all depends on your current situation, how happy or unhappy you are. Rachel's story is the very best outcome that someone who's unhappy could come away with. Her journey just blew me away! Keep us updated on what happens, it sound very exciting. :)

[TxKimberly]

. . . But, reality to me is that long distance relationships don't seem to ever work out as good as they do when the two parties stay apart. . .

Couldn't agree with Tamara more. Everything you mentioned may be going so well BECAUSE y'all live so far apart. Somehow when you get in each others face, day after day, things have a way of not being so interesting, exciting, and fun. I'd think long and hard before I moved if I were you.

[AKAMichelle]

My thought would be to move there, but the reality of kids causes an issue. Would she change if you were there around her kids? Sometimes you may never know, but one way to get the answer to this question would be go stay with her for a week or more before you consider any more decisions.

[SusieB]

Maybe I am just an old fool. But, If you love her and you are certain it is her you love and not her acceptance of your dressing, and if she loves you, you must be together. Of course there are issues and these need to be discussed and resolved before you move. Mabe a visit for a couple of weeks befor any irrevocable changes are made would be a good start. But for goodness sake girl, true love dosent come around very often.

[sometimes_miss]

I'd make several trips to be sure; if everything seemed like it would work, I'd move to be with her and find a new job. Sometimes you just have to jump in with both feet and take a chance, especially when there are virtually no chances of success anywhere else.

[Emma England]

True love knows no distance.

If she has nurtured you and have had sex, that must mean you are already living with one another.
Tells me you are in fantasy land.

[t-girlxsophie]

I hope you find the right outcome which will allow you both to be together,sometimes the right way to go is the difficult way,Certainly makes the 7 miles My wife and I were from each other chicken feed

:hugs:Sophie xx

[Vickie_CDTV]

Here's a horrible, un-PC question to ask, but... what happened to the daddy of the kid? Why isn't he around? Again, horrible to ask, but depending on the reason for that, you might be stepping into a minefield of a relationship.

As we head into Great Depression II, I'd be awful, awful reluctant to give up a good job, stability etc. and relocate somewhere you have no idea if you will find work there or not, or ever find work there.

[Shananigans]

This is a tough one. Long-distance relationships can work. I am currently in a long distance relationship...but, not that long of a distance...only 2 1/2 hours apart. Also, I lived with my SO for a year before we were long-distance, so that may have something to do with the fact that we are still together.

I would say wait and see. Keep in touch and try to spend as much time with each other as you can before you pack your bags and make a permanent decision. How long have you known this person? Would she accept you dressing in front of the kids? Have you talked about how often you dress? Possibilities of moving in? Does she take it (the relationship) as serious as you do?

[Speck]

Thanks everyone for your responses. Just to clarify, I'm the GG in this relationship. I've been separated from my ex husband for a number of years. I've been in this long distance relationship for 3 years. I loved and love him and her, differently but equally. It's difficult to love a TG and perhaps it's difficult for a TG to love. I don't know. I've tried so hard to understand what it means to be TG'd but I guess I'll never be able to fully understand. Thanks again.