Aprilrain
10-05-2010, 11:33 PM
The last two weeks has seen me move out of the home. I'm staying with a friend. Spend a ridiculous amount of money on clothes make up and jewelry some of which I threw out! Dumb! And start going back to therapy with my wife. My friend works in another state so he is not home most of the week needless to say I have been dressing up as often as posable. The anxiety has been all most to much to bear. I have been obsessed, trying to decide if I just need to come out to everyone because I need to be April all the time. I have spent much time researching hormones and surgery Reading all the literature on transsexualism. So today I got out of school at 12 and drove back to my friends house and immediately started doing my makeup got dressed and was out the door. Today was the first time I went shopping en femme during the day then I got gas at a busy gas station (why is that 6 foot tall girly girl driving a diesel crew cab?) went window shopping on a busy street, ate at subway and went to the grocery store. By 9 o-clock I was tired and wanted to go home take a shower write this post and go to bed. The moral of the story is "to thine own self be true" first of all every one I dealt with was professional and friendly. The woman at Dillards even made small talk with me. By the way I don't pass I blend in if your not looking real hard but if I talk there is no way I pass. Second of all I got my fill. I didn't want to admit it but after 8 hours I was tired of tucking, fretting over makeup and hair and crossing my legs. On the other hand there was no shame afterward either which is why I used to purge. I hope I never purge again. I think I can strike a balance. Time will tell.