A bit about me...

[Areyan]

i have always known i was hym on the inside since a very early time. i believed i was mowgli from the jungle book story at age 3... lol, then again at 6 i thought i was atreyu from the neverending story... whenever i saw a male who looked like me i took him on as a role model in my head. i eventually came to accept that i was not a male in the physical sense, so i made every effort to "kill" hym inside. i realised i had a romantic interest in girls from around age 6 and tried to kiss one at school. i was caught and reprimanded by a teacher and so it never happened again, though it did not stop me from trying a few more times with girls before giving up for awhile and indulging in relationships with pretty guys for a few years...

i have spent my entire life from around 10 years of age up trying to depict a feminine exterior in order to fit better with my peers. at around age 6 i got a short haircut and tried on the behaviour/dressing of a natal male and was hoping it would impress my father (he had no sons, but this one :heehee: lol). the teasing from other kids was horrible too, i felt like an ugly girl and was teased mercilessly about my looks from both boys and girls. i look feminine but i have masculine features as well. i guess it is part and parcel of not being so binary on the inside....

i think i ended up scaring my parents and the pressure to be more femme started then... i remember my mother taking me to women's stores to buy me petticoats and stockings and other girly things to discourage my boyish behaviour. the only thing that stopped me from being that way in the end was the truth from my mother at age 7. i asked her if little girls ever grew penises and she said no. i double-checked with medical books and saw she was telling the truth. i gave up all hope of ever being hym then, though not without a few tears and deep sorrow.

so i have never taken to dressing more man-like or taking on any male-ish outward physicalities, though i am very interested in trying it out soon... i get the feeling it may help with the anxiety that sometimes presents itself when i wish i appeared more male. i will keep my hair long and i can be quite femme in appearance when the mood strikes me but i am all boi in my head. heh. this is just me and i would say i have known i was a male inside much longer than i've really been true to myself about liking girls.... i don't think this means that i'm rushing off to transition, but i really am keen to express hym with cross-dressing. i am on my way to accepting hym again and letting hym be. :daydreaming:

- this is still a very condensed version of my story.... i have it all on my blog if anyone would like to read further, just send me a message.

[DanteDonovan]

Yes, I hear you on the feminine traits, as I have those too-love my hair, but in the end I am boy boy boy! :D

Definitely for most, when dressing more to their gender roles, a lot of tension is released. But you will have another tension of the feeling of doing something for the first time and probably "grading" yourself XD Try it out and give yourself some time to see if it grows on you and if you like it, or if you still want to think about it some more. Only do it when you think it's the right time, don't push yourself if you're not truly ready to experiment or you'll probably be filled with some doubt if you should be doing it or not, and if that happens, the full experience of learning could be clouded by self-conscious judgment.