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tari
09-06-2005, 01:26 PM
I could use some ideas here. An aquaintence I've worked on and off with for almost 20 yrs was forced out of the closet. Seems this person didn't realize someone could use the computer after him at work and find out where he visited on the web. Must have been a site like this cause her picture popped up on this work computer. The work area is kind of a macho enviroment, so it didn't go well. I am compelled to come out to this sister and show support, but I don't know how to begin the conversation. and ideas? (we are not really friends, just fellow workers) tari

suzi_cd
09-06-2005, 01:29 PM
Well are you out? contacting them is likely to out you too at work isn't it?

Anything anonymous might just scare them..

Sorry for not being much help

suzi

xx

Dixie Darling
09-06-2005, 01:46 PM
Tari,

There's no reason to come out to this other sister publicly. You stated that you're not really friends, but rather just co-workers. Right now would be a great time to BECOME friends since this is a point in time when this person NEEDS a friend. And what better friend could he have right now than one who is also in the same boat he's in? Of course, as others have pointed out, this will depend a lot on whether you are "out" or not and how well the two of you can keep the secret between the two of you.

Dixie Darling -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

Tristen Cox
09-06-2005, 02:00 PM
You take the risk of making a new friend and having someone who shares your common interests. See how well you can trust them first. Once you know that then I see no reason why you couldn't keep a secret between you two and offer support by way of friendship.


0.02

Katie Ashe
09-06-2005, 02:19 PM
I agree with Tisten. Do a Lunch together, or at break time go outside. Be supportive when starting the conversation, don't make it seem like something to be ashamed of... don't talk down to them either...

If this is what you want to do, then best wishes to you. Keep us updated hey.

Rachael Warren
09-06-2005, 02:52 PM
Just my 0.02 worth.

In my experience of the macho environments, there can be a mix of sexual persuasions, as it were.

I have in the past been approached by quite a few men and it frightens me.

Just bear that in mind if you do approach him, do it in an appropriate way!

Nice to see that you want to help though, I would do likewise.

Hugs, Rachael. :)

JocelynG
09-06-2005, 03:03 PM
Tari,
This fellow sister sounds like she needs some support now than ever. I would console her as a friend and coworker and if it does come up you can share your secret that may increase the bond.Good luck with whatever you do

Alayna
09-06-2005, 03:07 PM
Shinya brings up a really good point - someone feeling that vulnerable might feel that anything said to them is an attack.

You don't even have to come out yourself if you're unsure. Maybe just try and time your break at the same time and casually tell them that you've heard everything and that stuff doesn't matter. Just give this person a little understanding and go from there. Something like "I heard about what happened to you - don't sweat these idiots. They're so caught up in the alpha-male contest they can't see what matters in life and what doesn't".

I guess I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said but still just my 2 cents

Katie Ashe
09-06-2005, 03:07 PM
Or is it that she doen't have a home computer. This is all on a slippy slope.

I can understand that you might like to extend a helping hand in this case, but relize your place of employment. Chances are you will be out`ed also.

I use my work PC all the time. If you clear your cookies, history and files, and use your track eraser. It is almost impossible for someone to come behind you and find out. It takes like 2 min to clear all at the end of the day. So don't say you'll be outed. It isn't fair or nice. Some are better than others with PC's. Fact is work PC's are public ground, just cover yourself. This shouldn't be a diciding factory to come out or make a new friend if that's what you want.

thawngPwincess
09-06-2005, 03:09 PM
They're so caught up in the alpha-male contest they can't see what matters in life and what doesn't".


THAWNGZ!

Tristen Cox
09-06-2005, 03:13 PM
The whole point is to make friends first, if you want a friend that trusts you, you have to get to know them, not just come out and say 'yo you that crossdresser guy?'

Anything along those lines would seem like someone put you up to asking them so make a new friend first. Ask questions later. And as Shinya said it may all be something to entrap you instead so be careful.

parris james
09-06-2005, 04:25 PM
I have to agree with Tristen, be careful :)

Wendy me
09-06-2005, 05:00 PM
see thats when being able to read someone and trust them because if thay turn on you and out you then your in the same boat but you did it to your selfe....

HaleyPink2000
09-06-2005, 07:16 PM
I think I'd ask Him out for a dinner and I'd tell Him I will pick up the tab. You need a friend right now at work. It's time we discuss a few things.
Or something along those lines to get Him/Her in a kinder situation away from the work site. Then I'd be a very very good listener. Cause that is what He/She needs. Also Hun with out friends like us to help, to talk to, to hang with. What is life about? I feel it's about helping each other.

Remember one thing also. You can't help others unless you yourself are settled in your own life. Like with my Children. I can't help them unless, I am well enough off in all ways before they have needs. I mean money, material, and emotional etc. I hope I don't sound like I’m preaching to the choir.

Anyway see what you can do about being a good listener.

Love to you and yours Hun.
Haley:)

Jodi
09-06-2005, 07:24 PM
I feel for the plight of Tari's friend, but just a word of caution for all. If you are logging on to this site or a similar one at work--Be advised. Some one knows. Most all companies today have systems in place by IT to monitor the activity of all employees on company computers. If you use the company computer to log into a cd site, you will be outed eventually. This could be the least of your worries. You might be fired for unauthorized use of the company computer on company time.

Just my .02.

Jodi

Holly
09-06-2005, 08:22 PM
I could use some ideas here. An aquaintence I've worked on and off with for almost 20 yrs was forced out of the closet. Seems this person didn't realize someone could use the computer after him at work and find out where he visited on the web. Must have been a site like this cause her picture popped up on this work computer. The work area is kind of a macho enviroment, so it didn't go well. I am compelled to come out to this sister and show support, but I don't know how to begin the conversation. and ideas? (we are not really friends, just fellow workers) tariTari, as most of the others have said, be her friend first. Once you establish that, then you will be in a better position to determine if you can safely share your female side with her. The thing she needs most right now is an understanding, compassionate friend. You should be able to do that in relative safety. If later she finds out she has a sister at work, that would be a big bonus (for both of you:D ).

thawngPwincess
09-06-2005, 08:24 PM
get drunk before work and go dressedup and
say you did it to take focus offyour coworker in an aactofempathy andcompassion and if you get fired sue
and own the place and make them wear uniforms!
and thawngz on the outside!

Stephenie
09-07-2005, 09:59 AM
Support doesn't have to mean outing your self. You can be supportive just by telling some of the more jerkier ones to "lay off" or "drop it". Or just by not treating her any different than before. Talking at a break about things you would have talked about before. Let her know that not every one is a jerk.

Lisa Golightly
09-07-2005, 10:03 AM
Try... 'Fancy a beer after work?'... Then at the drinking hole of your choice say ' What happened to you is what we all fear.' Think that about covers it. No physical evidence = No evidence.

DonnaT
09-07-2005, 04:05 PM
I agree with Alayna and Lisa. You can provide a shoulder to cry on if she needs it, but there is no need to come out in order to do so. However, if you think she'll only accept your support if you out yourself, then do it where there are no witnesses, then it becomes deniable, a she said/he said issue, if she tries to out you.

TVStevie
09-07-2005, 04:54 PM
I feel for the plight of Tari's friend, but just a word of caution for all. If you are logging on to this site or a similar one at work--Be advised. Some one knows. Most all companies today have systems in place by IT to monitor the activity of all employees on company computers. If you use the company computer to log into a cd site, you will be outed eventually. This could be the least of your worries. You might be fired for unauthorized use of the company computer on company time.

Just my .02.

JodiAbsolutely true. I have a friend who's head of the UK IT dept of a large international law firm and he recently had to warn someone for inappropriate use of the computer during work hours (in this case, surfing for porn) - he had a complete log of every internet activity for the entire building. Just be careful, unless you really want to be outed, in which case, be reckless and enjoy the fallout. :)

JaneDresser
09-07-2005, 05:18 PM
I use my work PC all the time. If you clear your cookies, history and files, and use your track eraser.

Pardon my ignorance, but can you tell me what a track eraser is? I already do the cookie/history/file deletes.

A tip to others - make a shortcut on your desktop to the cookie folder, and sort by date, it makes it easy to locate & delete the day's cookies...and don't forget to empty your recyle bin last ;)

Rainbow6562005
09-07-2005, 05:38 PM
Jane Dresser: :) a wonderfully-simple way to protect yourself, though using a company computer for the conducting of personal stuff like we do here is a very risky business. With the rapid increase of spyware, one never knows who's watching.

Tari; :) I agree that extreme caution is called for here. You have the option, of course, of telling this "outed" co-worker your secret, or not. In any case, you can talk with this person about how appalled you are at her treatment and ask her how you can best support her.

It takes lots of guts, of course, to stand up against this variety of sexism.

Rainbow

JaneDresser
09-07-2005, 08:06 PM
Rainbow - wasn't suggesting using a corporate computer. I know better.

I work at a large company, and it is common knowledge that ALL traffic is recorded and anytime the managers want to have a peak they can.

This includes instant messaging :eek: as well as web usage and e-mail. Even our text pagers! After all, it is their sandbox. So everyone please be careful!

Sweet Susan
09-08-2005, 12:29 AM
I say it's a set-up. All the macho guys really know that you are what you are, and they are setting you up to cozy up to your workmate. Once you've let your guard down and revealed yourself to your friend, they'll jump out from behind a set of computers zap you with the homo-phobia taser gun. You'll be on the floor in agony, and they'll pull of your levi's and expose you in your panties. Beware. The Homo-phobes are everywhere!