What makes you need to go...OUT.

[GirlieAmanda]

I was just about to finally go out in public on a date with another CD who was going to be in boy mode. This is a huge fantasy of mine. To be treated like a girl on a date with the doors opening, the paying for my dinner, the hand holding, the footsie under the table and such. All of that. I was so excited and scared also. OMG I need a new dress what will I wear, are my shoes going to look right, do I have the right makeup? Just fun panic though.

However, when my wife found out that I was going to be leaving the house dressed up as a girl, she went ballistic. She cannot fathom why I would want to go out in public dressed as a girl. She thinks it is doubly disgusting than she usually does about my CDing and she does not understand WHY I need to go out and subject myself to ridicule and danger. She asked me "What would the neighbors think?" The only thing I could think of is...It's like bungee jumping or something thrilling and a little dangerous. You know you want to do it and it scares you, but you feel compelled to do it because you know the rush and the thrill will be so good. Someone described to me of having feminine power over men of sorts. She was thrilled to make some men who came up to her in a club fumble their words and be nervous. That is something that most men will NEVER experience. The other side. Its situations like that that make it thrilling to go out as well as just being able to be who you want to be without being bottled up and caged inside. Just a feeling of: I'm just a girl, in the world.

So I ask, What compels you to go out into public? Do you want to? Do you need to? Do you have a burning desire? Do you know why? Maybe there is another way of explaining it to my wife that I have not thought of.

[LitaKelley]

For me, I just HAD to get out. I was no longer content with being limited to just home.. I mean really, WTF do I have all these clothes and shoes for if I'm not gonna go out and enjoy my self, lol.

OMG.. be careful.. where ever it is you're gonna go, all the guys are gonna be tripping over themselves drooling.

[Marcia Blue]

I guess I do not need to go out but, I sure love to. I got tired of just sitting at home. I can interact with my wife at home, but our boundaries limit what I can wear.

When she is gone and I can fully dress, I quickly get bored. I want to interact with others when I am dressed. That is why I go out. I go out with a group of like minded girls and have a lot of fun. I am not looking to be flirted with, I just wish to be a social women.

I have not had a real bad experience yet. A few funny second glances, or stares of non-approval. Remember you are only as safe as you are smart.

[Aprilrain]

If I'm dressed All the way I mean like make up and every thing I pretty much have to go out even if it is just to the store. That started about a year ago or so though I wanted to do it much earlier. Anyway I have to admit that if I were your wife I would be upset if I thought you were going out on a date with someone else. If you need to fulfill that fantasy you might want to look at your marriage. This is not a judgement on you far be it from me to judge someone just an observation.

[janice murray]

I want to be a woman. I want to look as feminine as I possibly can.
Now it's all very well family and friends telling me I "look like a real girl" but I know if I can go out alone fully dressed and be accepted as a woman then I think I'm achieving my aim.
Plus it's great practice for when I start living full time.
Plus it's the greatest feeling in the world!

[Steph.TS]

I would LOVE to go out en femme, but I'm scared, the best I've done is out n a major city wearing fem jeans, shopping... If I'm ever going to step outside en femme, I need to believe that I can be a good looking woman, that most people or everyone that see me will think I'm a woman... otherwise I'll be too ashamed...

[prene]

I have no SO.
A lot of you do not know what you have until it will be gone.
If I had a wife who accepted my cding. I would be thrilled.
I would love it she would xdress. We could switch roles, could be fun!!!
Or pretend we were both lesbians . . . who knows.
I would at least talk about it.

Be careful, dressing and going out with a gm can get you in trouble.

[Shayna2008]

I just can't stay in my room anymore - it's that simple. There's only so much you can do in a 8x10 foot cube. I feel the need to go out and meet others who are like me for friendship. I also get Shayna a social life finally by going out. To me it's just pleasant to go out and be seen and treated as a lady. I will say, people are a lot more social with females lol. Getting hit-on by guys is nice, though many are too persistent lol. For me at the age I am (24),I really felt like I was missing out on things,which is why I've been going out more as of late. I visited my therapist last week for the first time as Shayna which was nice. She didn't recognize me at first lol.

CD'ing in general, for me at least, is a progressive thing. For example you may start out trying on a bra and panty set, then eventually you'll try a skirt, than maybe a dress. Fast forward, now you have your first wig, then forms, make-up set, and it continues on like this throughout life. I think wanting to go out is just another step in the process of exploring this part of one's self.

[WandaRae2009]

My SO is the same. She doesn't approve, but knows and tolerates and understands that the need will not go away. She did have a fit when I told her I wanted to go to a support meeting dressed, and made me promise that I will not go out. She is afraid I will be attacked or killed if out in public. I wish she would take to time to read all of the outings in this forum. Then maybe she wouldn't worry as much

[Fab Karen]

Your wife has a problem with it, that is what pushes her to ask such things ( talking with a therapist is likely the only way to get her understanding ). Really the answer is the neighbors don't sit staring at who comes & goes, if noticing at all they'd think a female friend was visiting. or if anyone noticed you're a crossdresser, they might think "wow, Fred looks good as a woman."
As for avoiding danger, you could tell her you're taking the same precautions out there any woman would- not parking in a dark lonely area, etc.
If a woman buys a nice outfit, she doesn't get it to just sit at home wearing it.

[GirlieAmanda]

Sorry just to clarify. My wife and I are working toward separation. She has a BF and I am open to date. These answers are great. I hope to get more opinions.

[Missy Tanya]

Sorry just to clarify. My wife and I are working toward separation.

None of my business, but why are you so worried about what she thinks if your separating. If going out dressed, completes you then by all means go for it. You look great and should have no problem passing. Once you do some shopping enfeminine, there's no turning back. It's a kick to be side by side with women checking out the latest fashions.

Sorry to hear that you are thinking of separation, but you need to live too. And if dressing is what you what to do, why not, your not hurting anyone.

Tanya

[Pythos]

Let me understand this. You arranged what most people would call a date, with a CDer that was in boy mode, while you were in girl mode.

So where is the confusion when it comes to your wife.

She is wrong in thinking what you are wearing is wrong, but I could see her worry about you "wanting to be treated like a lady". That could raise some serious questions in her mind.

As far as why we want to go out? What the hell not? Why should we always hide? What are we doing that is wrong, when a guy can dress up like a thug (a type of person associated with violence and crime) and not face any sexist BS?

I wear what I wear because I like to wear it, and hate the notion that it should just "stay in the bedroom". Jeans for the most part were a work only outfit. There were people that when they were first around thought jeans should only be seen in areas of heavy or diry labor. Now look at them. They are EVERYWHERE!!!.

When we CDer, or Gender label ignore-rs get out and about, the easier it will be for people to wear what they want.

[sissystephanie]

First of all, I have been a CD for over 70 years. I dress enfemme because I like to, not for any other reason. I have no desire to be a woman, just to wear their clothes. My first experience going out in public was when I was about 17, which was a long time ago. When I got married at age 23 I went out even more. My dear late wife was completely supportive of my CD'ing, and always did my makeup and fixed my wig. In fact, we went out often as 2 girls!

She passed away over 5 years ago, but I still go out dressed enfemme. Since I have never been very good with makeup or fixing my wig, I don't bother anymore. I just put on femme clothing and go out! People don't really care what you wear, as long as you are decent. I go everywhere dressed enfemme, but looking very definitely like a man!! I get compliments on my outfits, but rearely any other type of comments!

As Tanya and others have said, what you do is your business! Not the rest of the world! If you want to dress up and go out. then do it! You arer a good looking girl, so why not?

[danielle_from_cal]

For me it was like many other things in life. I never questioned why I wanted to do it, it just seemed like it needed to be done. The first time was especially fun, and it was nice to hear compliments from men, but the best part was just the satisfaction I felt for having the guts to do it. It was as if this part of me was finally willing to accept that she is normal and has no reason to hide. It was necessary.

[Ashleythenewgirl]

My experience here is very limited so I don't want to sound like I am some sort of know it all. But, having gone out twice now (second time was just driving around town late at night) I find it thrilling, exciting and completing the experience. Over the past two months I have purchased wig, some clothes, some make up. Great. I put these things on and found I enjoyed it and felt tons of feelings and emotions. But it wasn't enough. I kept adding to it each time, building up my experience and confidence until I said I have to do something out! That led to my first "photo shoot" and a few days later me going to a CD support group meeting. Now I can't wait to go out again, this Wed I am going to a club with a friend, CD. Why the burning desire? To finally let out what I have suppressed for so long. And enjoy feeling good about myself. I am finding self confidence I never had before.
I am sorry to hear of your separation, but as others said you are moving forward with your life and she is with hers. Go have fun!

[kaitlinrenee]

good for you, :)

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Because there are times that I just want to go out and be a woman. I like being treated as a woman, thought of as a woman and feel what it is like to be a woman. If I could go 24/7 right now & keep all that i have, I would.

[PretzelGirl]

A few reasons:

1. This kind of beauty must be shared with the world!

2. Mentally boxing yourself into your home is giving up your freedom by your own actions.

3. Kathi Lake would come and grab me by the ear and drag me out.

One of these is true.

[Ediosa]

I wear what I wear and go out cause I didn't buy clothes just to stay in my room. Plus, I don't like wasting money on something that will not see the light of day. Clothes are made for wearing and oh boy am I going to wear it. If you don't wear the clothes outside, the you better not buy as much as I do.....LOL!!! :)

[jessica renee]

I really don't know why. I just kinda felt like I should. Granted, reading posts on this wonderful site gave me the confidence I needed, otherwise I don't know that I ever could have, but I just felt like it was something I needed to do.

[Miranda09]

Basically I do want to go out in public. I've done it before and it feels so natural I don't want it to stop, so in that sense, it does get to be a burning desire, which can make it difficult to strike a nice balance between my femme and male self. As for explaining it to your wife, if you feel the desire, it takes some people longer to understand than others. As I have read in other threads, there are those women who have absolutely no problem with CDing and actually like to take part, while there are others who want absolutely nothing to do with it. Most of it is societal conditioning. Someday it may change, but don't expect to change it overnight. Besides, if you and your wife are separating, why bother worrying about. Move on. Just my 2cents worth. :)

[cdsara88]

She is wrong in thinking what you are wearing is wrong, but I could see her worry about you "wanting to be treated like a lady". That could raise some serious questions in her mind.

This is spot on. My first thought reading your post, b4 reading the replies..was that you're moving in on her territory and she feels threatened. She doesn't want to deal with Amanda (inside her own head..doesn't want to think about it, address it pyschologically), so it doesn't matter what explanation you give her. She's a GG..already knows all of the reasons you could possibly list, better than you.

As far as not wanting the neighbors to see.. I understand that. compromise and you leave as 'Fred', go find somewhere else to get ready.

[AKAMichelle]

I was fixing to comment that you are playing with fire going out on a date with another cd'er and then I realized that the two of you are separating. That said, the biggest problem that I see from this is that you aren't separated and aren't filing for divorce. As long as there is a chance that either of you might get back together, I wouldn't date. I understand that your wife has a BF and things are moving past the point of no return. I would just take things easy for a while until you get your head straight. Ending a marriage can leave your judgment lacking and you could end up making a huge mistake.

Now to the other point in your post. I go out because it is a part of me. I feel like it is as much a part of me as washing my hair. I go out to be me. In fact I just flew into Springfield MO tonight dressed. I had a wonderful time being me.

[rocketscientist]

I need to go "OUT" as you put it to feel more complete.I just couldn't stay bottled up any longer. Especially after reading all the threads here about all the fun girls were having out and about. Prior to really getting"OUT", I would take late night or early morning walks(still do sometime:)). It just wasn't enough for me. I had to get out and meet others and explore this previously, largely untapped side of me. To know what it actually feels like to totally immerse yourself into your feminine persona. To just be ... ME. Also, Amanda you should not worry at all what your soon to be ex says or thinks, you have the right to pursue your own happiness on your terms. It's your life, do what you want that will make you happy. Remember, the people who really matter, don't mind. The people that really mind, don't matter. Hugs, Tonya:battingeyelashes:

[kaitlinrenee]

i would go out dressed that way if i didn't live right by my parents, they don't know about my crossdressing, but if they did, they wouldn't be supportive, :)

[kaitlinrenee]

i said i would go out if i didn't live there, sometimes i do , but i leave in men's clothes, change else where, do my thing, and then when i'm ready to come home i change back, i know it's a pain in the tushy, but thats how it has to be for now, other wize i'm a closet cd, for now, :)

[Nikki101]

I go out, but I don't try to pass. I intermix women's and men's clothes to create my own style - kind of androgynous. I don't dress at work, as during the day I'm a businessman that needs to meet certain standards, but at night / weekend I see no reason not to head out. Why stay at home? I have a life to live, and quite frankly, I don't care what people I will likely never see again think of me. Then again, I don't stick out. I don't dress ****ty. I wear my hair a bit longer than most guys, paint my nails on the weekends (toes all the time), wear capris, flared girl jeans, some women's tops, etc. Nice skirts when I feel like it. I'll wear guys T's with girl's jeans and vice versa. Most don't give me a second glance. Most people just don't care, and there's nothing to really worry about when you're in the general public.

[kaitlinrenee]

the thing that concerns me is people that know me that know my family, that it would get back to my parents, #1 i live in my home town at the moment, and #2 they would not be supportive of my crossdressing, :)