Is this wrong

[TiffanyTgirl]

Is this wrong? I've seen this topic covered many times here but I wanted to see if replies were different with this take on it, WE all know and agree that a cd'r should have their own clothes. They should ot use/borrow their SO's. I agree. Now, here is my dilemma. My SO is a terminal shopaholic. She buys things that never see the light of day again. Recently I had to move things out of bedroom for new carpet to be installed. Working by myself, I removed the drawers when moving the chest and dresser. I noticed several bras and panties that I've never seen her wear or still had the tags attached. Now, she has a few wardrobes for whatever size she is. I don't mind. These things are from 2003 and will in all probability never be used or seen again. Would it be wrong for me to acquire these items? In all honesty, they will be in the garbage before they are ever used. I am on the fence here. They are hers and therefore I have no right to them. But they haven't been used for their purpose and in all likelyhood never will be. They will be pushed further back until there is no more room and them disposed of. All comments are welcome.

[Karren H]

Guess there are some positive aspects of being married to a horder!!!

[Gerrijerry]

How about just talking to her about it. If she wants to give you things that she does not use that is fine. However if she does not then no you should not be taking her things. Most people shop get home put the things they purchase away. Sometimes you look at them and think why did I buy that. Then never wear it. It happens and the stores love it. AS for being a shopaholic if she really is she will need counseling and understanding to help her get through and get it under control. That is what you really need to do help her not help yourself.

[Krysta]

I guess the all important question here is are you out to your wife? and if you are, why not ask her if you can have them, worst case is that she says no. If you are not out to your wife, I may wait until those items are actually placed in the trash (public property at that point....lol) until you acquire them, that is if, you can intercept them in time before the CD trashman can happily get his hands on them. lol. Joking aside that is a shame to see all that fun stuff just get thrown away. I see your point, but would be worried about taking stuff before its thrown away, you never know if the SO will look for something she bought last year, etc.

[AKAMichelle]

My wife is like this in some respects but I can't fit into any of her stuff. When I could I would wait on her to purge her closet and before it went to Goodwill, I would go shopping. But then again I was in the closet and hiding. Either way you are playing a dangerous game if you aren't telling and ending up with her stuff could make matters worse if she finds it later.

[Sweeterica]

Im thinking as Krysta, does your wife know you crossdress,if she does then why not just ask her if you can have them,taking them without her ok could cause trouble even if she knows you dress.

[TiffanyTgirl]

My wife is aware that I have a desire to cd. However she is not supportive and is not aware that I am pursueing this.

[sonna]

just go for it

[Chari]

Good advice from previous posts! Also, if you "barrow or take" any of her unused items, and she catches you wearing it , she may say she has one exactly like the one you are wearing. IMO, asking her for ANY of her items, new or used, is the best way to go!

[Julie Gaum]

I see a more serious problem . I speak from first-hand experience: IF your SO is your wife as well then who is handling the finances? Do you both adhere to a budget? If not, I guarantee you that years ahead you will both regret your financial condition (and that's when the fun begins).
Julie

[PortiaHoney]

What they said.........

If a tree falls in the woods and no-one is there to hear it - does it make any noise?

If she doesn't find out and you don't tell anyone, what harm is there? Other hand, why don't you just ASK her? If she doesn't know about your dressing and you are a serious CD'er, I see bigger problems ahead than just borrowing her underwear.

BTW - the tree has still fallen over whether or not someone is there to hear it...........

[Karren H]

Slip $20 into her purse and call it close enough... Then in your mind you bought them from her and you not really a lying stealing crossdresser!! Lol.

[Kelly DeWinter]

no!,No!,NO!... ohhhh did I mention Noooooooooo !

This is a common sense question.

1. If it's not yours, don't touch or take.
2. It's OK to ask. Be willing to accept a no. (see number 1)
3. If it's a gotta have an item, buy you own. (see number 2)
4. If you feel she won't miss it, then if you take it. (see 1.2 and 3)
5. If you have reached number 5, go back to number 1 and start again, repeat reading as often as needed.

Good luck

Kelly

[Karren H]

Since when was common sense and crossdressing ever used in the same sentence Kelly? Lol. None of us would have ever started crossdressing if we strictly adhered to Rule Number! I was a prolific "borrower" growing up and damn proud of it! :)

[JohnH]

My current wife and I are going through boxes of clothing. My ex-wife bought all kind of clothing and there are some with tags still on them. I have pulled 4 dresses, 2 skirts, and several packages of panties, that fit me. My current wife found a few articles of clothing that fit her - however, they were dresses and she does not wear dresses.

[pernille d]

I am sat on the fence with this one , as I am sure at one point in every CD,s life they have borrowed something that is not theirs.one side I can't see what is wrong if she does not know she has them and on the other side I think
It could be dangerous if she finds you in her clothing .

The only thing extra I can say is when I was 11 or 12 , my mum had a draw overflowing with pantyhose so I took a pair thinking she would not notice one pair missing,how wrong I was and that lead to the first time I was outed . So be careful as she might not use everything but might know exactly what she has. ( therefore is it not more safe and more fun to go and buy Your own )

[Ruth]

Your wife's shopping 'problem' is something that you should be addressing urgently rather than agonizing over a couple of bras and panties. And if she doesn't think that you CD, there's another little problem waiting to be sorted out.
Sorry, I know it's all problems and no solutions.

[NicoleScott]

Test the water. "Borrow" a few things and see if she notices. If she does, make the item miraculously re-appear in the closet. If not, "borrow" a few more, but don't overdo it.

[CalamityJane]

Sorry to be a square and a kill joy but I cannot support your "borrowing" of your SO clothes as this is very dishonest and deceitful and the guilt that you will end up feeling will become an intolerable burden to carry. You cannot ignor the fact that your SO is not supportive of your CDing so to steal her clothes to indulge in an activity that she does not like or agree with is not a good idea, and it is inevitalbe that you will get caught because not matter how many items she has stored in the closet you can bet your bottom dollar that the one you take will be the one she notices straight away. Be advised.

[NicoleScott]

My wife borrows and wear my clothes all the time, and I doubt that she's racked with guilt.

[jayn]

one of the worse things my cd said to me (after borrowing one of my favorite pair of pants) was that he looked better than I did in them. please don't ever say that.

[Kate17]

Jayn

I guess if that was not true, it would be really funny - Tell him You win the dunderhead award - "here's your sign"

[ReineD]

Your wife's shopping 'problem' is something that you should be addressing urgently rather than agonizing over a couple of bras and panties. And if she doesn't think that you CD, there's another little problem waiting to be sorted out.

Ruth said it all for me! You both need to put a few things on the table.

Jayn .. how insensitive! Why would anyone be so mean?

[Stephanie Miller]

From the sounds of it - because the wife is a shop-a-holic and you have no problem with that issue, then I can only surmise that you are well off enough to afford it. If that is indeed the case then I don't see the need for you to "borrow" her clothes. Buy your own. It's much more fun anyway. Unless there is an underlying reason you feel the need to hop in "her" clothes? Better see a shrink then. ( Crap. I'm goin' to get flamed for that one :doh: )
The there is the what to do with her - unused clothes just taking up space - problem. Bring it up to her that these, possibly outdated -(more than one full season to a sho-a-holic :D ) clothes would be better off given to a charity or women shelter.

[Lucy_Bella]

To be honest in answering your question...Are they yours? did you ask before useing them? If no and it doesn't matter how long they sit or go unused ..Its wrong they don't belong to you..

Sorry you asked..

[suchacutie]

I can't imagine how this issue would come up if there were not many other underlying issues. An open discussion of her shopping and the stockpile of clothes, what to do about it and them... who knows what else might happen :)

We actually offer each other clothes...and yes it is heaven :)

tina

[RachelPortugal]

Married? Yes. Community property? Yes. There's your answer. LOL

[lingerieLiz]

You have several issues. Your SO is terminal? She is a shopaholic? You are not out to her? Is she a horder?

My wife and I are shoppers, but I don't consider either of us shopaholic. We can easily afford what we buy, and consider the hunt for a great buy more fun than just going in and purchaning it. Many of our friends don't like to shop and when needing something go to the store and pay whatever. We both have more clothes than we need, but are aware of what we have and don't have. We also don't overspend our resources. To us it is a hobby much like our friends fancy boats or golfing which in the past we have done. To each their own.

The worst thing I did was borrow a dress from my wife. I liked her in it, but wanted something to wear on a trip. I wore it and ruined it when it was snagged getting into the car. She went to wear it and saw the snag and never wore it again. Never said anything to me about it except that somehow it had been ruined.

I will tell you that both sexes remember their clothes and what they buy. A couple of things you might do. Put the items into a box and suggest that she let you take them to xyz charity, resale shop, etc. If she agrees then you can select items you might like to keep before arrival. Be aware though that if she finds out you CD later by finding your stash she will probably be even more upset that you are wearing "her underwear". She will have forgotten that she discarded the items.

Go buy your own items. Assuming that you have the financial resources to do it. This might keep her from feeling grossed out that you are wearing her underwear.

[t-girlxsophie]

am reminded of when my brothers wife used to send us bags of clothes over for my wife!!.the amount of items still with tags on was unreal-think her spending was reined in.or maybe it was after she found out I crossdressed but the bags stopped coming.she must have wasted a fortune

In your situation,why not tell her about your find and odds are she will have forgot she had them,and either send them to charity or relace her old bras with them,leaving your concsience clear in this instance

:hugs:Sophie xx

[TiffanyTgirl]

All the replies seem to go both ways. However the general consensus is to leave lonely lingerie alone. No I am not loaded but it is very hard to rein her in on shopping. The economy has hit my business very hard. These items were purchased during the "heyday". Funny coincidence, last night she was shrieking as to had been in her jewelry drawer and moved things. I had not been and neither had our child. I guess that was the fates sending me h, well, just have to shop for more of my own.

[Tina B.]

Good choice Tiffany, I was about to point out, my wife can tell if I have even been in her drawers, if anything has even been moved around a little. And she knows I dress and has told many times to feel free to borrow. And as far as having tags on things, I love to shop, get home with something I've bought, and it hangs in the closet for a long time with tags still on it, because nothing goes with it the way I thought it would, or is being saved for that day when I want to feel really good about wearing something new. And if it's gone, or the tag ha been removed, then Lucy, you got a lot of splaning to do!

[TiffanyTgirl]

We've been together awhile and have had our ups and downs.
Some of the downs were really low and shopping was her way of coping with both of our rights and wrongs. No need to go into history, but things are stable now. She is aware that I have a fetish for crossdressing and has known since we dated. However, her true feelings came out a few years ago, during a "low", where she told me i was !@@!$@#$@#%$%. You get the picture. I realize somethings were said in anger, but I felt that some was really how she felt. Anyway, I'll just leave them alone and see were they end up. In a bag for goodwill and they are mine. Although, I do like Karen's idea. Throw and extra $20.00 and call it a purchase. LOL!

[kimdl93]

I think there should be a time limit on unworn clothes. Anything that hasn't been touched in a year should be either donated or given to someone who will wear it ;)

[ReineD]

We've been together awhile and have had our ups and downs.
Some of the downs were really low and shopping was her way of coping with both of our rights and wrongs. No need to go into history, but things are stable now. She is aware that I have a fetish for crossdressing and has known since we dated. However, her true feelings came out a few years ago, during a "low", where she told me i was !@@!$@#$@#%$%.

You can't base her attitudes about it on just one argument you had years ago. Why was she so angry? Is she confusing the CDing with other negative things in your marriage? Is she weaving stories for herself about what the CDing means, that have no basis in reality? Is she telling herself that you are not attracted to her? That you would rather she be more like the ideal you strive for when you dress? Does she think you would rather be a woman with a man, than a man with her? In other words, is she doing the thing that we GGs do so well, which is to take the finger and point it inward to our own insecurities and inadequacies?

If she doesn't know your motives because the two of you don't talk about things, then she's completely free to fill up all the blanks with the only truths that do make sense to her. And believe me, I don't know of any GG who has a natural, well developed understanding of what the CDing is all about unless there is ample communication about it with an SO.

The trouble with keeping elephants in the room and attempting to sweep them under the carpet is this does nothing to address source issues. And until the issues are addressed, both partners go merrily along leading their separate lives, engaging in behaviors they think bring them comfort, as they try to mask the source issues they are not addressing.

Been there, done that. And the rift that had developed between us just became too deep after all those years to be able to save the marriage.

You and your wife need to talk.

[Noemi]

Honey if she doesn't know you cd, you are not out to her you can not take any of her things. Forget her stuff and get your own, In for a penny in for a pound.
I have some experience with this as my Step Mom is also a shop aholic who's weight is always fluxing and is a girly girl so there are lots of clothes when I am over there, plus I house sit for them a few months a year. Now I did take somethings and have tried on her stuff as we are close to the same size. Than she sent bags and bags to goodwill and I shopped those when I could. BUT it all felt wrong and was the Wrong thing to do. I never take her things anymore, I never got busted and they do not know that I CD, well my Dad does but he chooses to pretend that that part of his son does not exist, and I leave him be, I get along well with both of them, it is just where things are at. I wish I were out but am not....
Anyway don't take any of her stuff, it will be a disaster if she finds out, she will think you are always wearing her clothes which you probably do, which is OK, that's what we do...but as we dress we need our own stuff to be girls.

[Carly D]

That's true.. There's that guilty feel of "borrowing" that I think stays with us forever even after we buy our own clothing, or that's my feeling as part of the guilt that is there from the first days of dressing.. In my opinion I feel that if this person takes the clothes that still have a tag on them and finds an article of the same approximation and swap it out then the "wife" has a new whatever waiting for her under the stack eventually that she might have forgotten about.. What a nice surprise!!

[TiffanyTgirl]

I think that when emotions are running high, lots of things get said. However, I do believe that the sugar coating comes off when this is going on. We both gave each other some deep scars. I still try to make an effort to discuss cd'ing with her, but it isn't met with very positive vibes. I didn't think this thread would run so deep. I don't want to paint her in a bad light. I just wanted to get some input on some buried items that to her no longer exist.

[Noemi]

But those buried items will alwys represent the tension you are experiencing with your SO about cding. They simply will not feel as good to wear as your own stuff. But you will save a buck which I can totally dig.

[erickka]

If your wife is o.k with your cding, then ask and one may receive.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Tiff,

Why not ask her if you can borrow?

[paulaluvssz8]

Well, when I told my wife about my desire to cd. She was taken back and later flat refuses to hear of it. But when she was being open minded about it she bought me a few things.(panties, cami's, etc) then she found something I bought and said I don't want you buying that stuff anymore. So I try to abide with her wishes, but I wear some of her things around the house and it doesn't bother me, because I paid for most of it anyways!!!

[Kelly DeWinter]

Since when was common sense and crossdressing ever used in the same sentence Kelly? Lol. None of us would have ever started crossdressing if we strictly adhered to Rule Number! I was a prolific "borrower" growing up and damn proud of it! :)

Karen I have to agree with you that common sense becomes less common with crossdressing. When I see something I really like I can spend half the day on Rule Number 5. !

Love the pink in your avatar !

Kelly

[Michelle 51]

Go for it.My wife threw out a lot of used panties and bras she didn't want.I saw them when i took the garbage out and saved several items i liked.I can still sleep at night.she is your wife.If she doesn't know and finds out down the road it won't matter and they are her panties or your own panties the sh-t will fly just as far.

[Loni]

i would say the bigger question is why is your wife not in therapy? a shopaholic has a problem, (what about your bank account is it in trouble?).

a hoarder of clothing they she buys and never puts on needs some issues worked out. but it could be worse, it could be cats, or old news papers. (filling up every corner of the house).