Spousal or SO intimacy linked to increased desire to crossdress?

[Shadeauxmarie]

I have discovered a link to a lack of spousal intimacy seems to increase my desire to cross-dress. I usually associate the need to cross-dress with increased mental or emotional stress. From this, I deduce a lack of intimacy creates a stress in me that I respond to by cross-dressing.

Has anybody else seen this, or can point to an article that addresses this?

[tommi]

Absolutely stress feeds on it's self and a lack of intimacy with my wife but still taking care of her clothes and helping her with
other things just ramps up my needs and dressing ends up being a release point.

[PortiaHoney]

Umm, duh. Crossdressing for many is a form of sexual release. If you ain't getting in one form, then another will replace it......... And quid pro quo, if you are then you won't. No brainer really.

"Stress" - another word for sexual tension maybe? Prostate getting a bit loaded up? Needs a bit of emptying.........

Just enjoy it while you can. LOL

[Shelly67]

Stress . In its most severe form can be a contibutor to fatality .
We all suffer from it , the foundations variable , but it really can effect us . perhaps thats why some of us crossdress - its a character release ?? look at how people around us deal with stress - alcohol , sports , - crossdressing for some ect ect ...
For the lucky crossdresser I think in such times of stress all of us with the support of our partners intimacy whilst dressed have found a place of sanctuary . A place to let go . Wouldnt the world be a greater place if we could all find such a quiet corner ?
However , I also consider it to be such a wonderful private moment that there is also a delicate warning in the moment . Don't let it become the prominent part of only love making whilst dressed . Our partners ( although they may love such calm gentle moments ) also desire the guy she shares her life with .
Lets be honest , for the crossdresser in such a position , well , its utopia . But utopia has to be reguarded with total respect .

Now back to your threads real question . The answear is yes . Definately for me personally from past experience . If there is no or little intimacey within a partnership or even a person alone , the desire to enfemme becomes sometimes unbearable , it does have to be controlled before becoming compulsive and consuming .

I even consider it one of the very many main reasons for some crossdressers on why they eventually have come out to theyre partners .

Taking things a little further - being a crossdresser , tranny , whatever the title , in my own mind is nothing more than a person who is able to project his femanine image and self awareness in a manner that is totally aware and open . Its bloody unfortunate that such persons ( unless they are celebrities ) are still rebuked or misunderstood . It takes careful communication to address the situation on all fronts . BUT , it also takes a very open minded considerate ear to hear it . the bold truth is , if you are in a relationship that has quietened , then perhaps the only way foward is to approach the issue with honesty . Entire honesty for all concerned .
Good thread .

[Brenda456]

Two or three years ago my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. Part of the treatment involves hormone blockers. She is now fine but her desire for sex is minimal. At the same time, my desire to crossdress has increased significantly. Without a doubt, there is a connection.

[Karren H]

So let me get this straight...in effect your blaming your crossdressing on your wife??? Lol

You sure you don't have the cart before the horse?? And that your increased desire to crossdress is driving an emotional wedge between the two of you??

[juno]

I definitely agree. My wife has M.S., and no longer had the energy to wear lingerie and dress up, as well as less interest in sex. I only started serious crossdressing after she got M.S., and now find it fairly addictive. I have always been openly feminine, so I am not "blaming" crossdressing on her. I just think that she used to fill more of my feminine interests, including dressing up. But, I also feel better about life, and wish I had started crossdressing long ago.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Karren, You are on something sister. You always were the heavy thinker.

Em

[Karren H]

Karren, You are on something sister. You always were the heavy thinker.

Em

Tell me I'm not wrong.. Sister dear! Lol. Between the two of us I'll bet we had experienced just about every crossdressing side effect know to man... Ahh woman... Both... :). We should write a book!!

[flwildboy]

So let me hear feedback on my situation. My wife will put on some hose or heels for sex, only if I ask/beg, or initiate or basically lay them out on the bed. Makes me feel like shit, and feel even more bad about my fetish. She would prefer missionary and maybe a pair of panties that she thinks is sexy, but all I think about is hose, heels and getting wild. When she does put on the hose, or gives me oral, fantastic, totally satisfied with the orgasm. Problem is she never dresses up in hose, makeup, hot dresses, heels, unless it after I beg, or unless its for a wedding, funeral or special occasion. Through the years, I have made 100's of suggestive comments, always point out how other women that are dressed feminine, bought her hose, point out sexy shoes & outfits, etc. Still, she isn't doing it for me. Am I the one at fault? I've loved hose since a child, started buying & stashing heels & hose in my early 20's. Now in my 40's, married with 3 kids. Really thinking I need to purge everything in the next couple years, as I my kids are getting older and will start snooping around, maybe one day using my computer, etc. Not that I have a bunch of stuff, but I can't handle the thought of ever being discovered by my family or relatives. Scared to death my son turns out like me. First time his sister had him put a Cinderella dress and little heels as a joke, I blew up. I know the power that can have the first time you experience female clothing. What if he found out about me? I don't want him to be unhappy like me in 20-30 years, and maybe even blame his genetics on me.

My wife knows nothing about me wearing, or how intense my fetish is for hose & heels. As far as dressing, never been in public, makeup maybe once in private. I think it would be intense to go out in public, or trying on shoes and clothes in a store. Never owned very much on clothing, other that maybe a skirt or two, lots of hidden pantyhose & heels. In my earlier days, I loved doing a little cocaine and playing in hose and looking for hose pics on the net for 6-7 hours trancing around in heels and hose. Those days are pretty much gone, as I wouldn't want to risk a heart attack and have my family find me in a hotel room that way. Now I stick mainly with the 420, and occasionally in night out of town play around to get myself off. I think part of why I'm on here is to figure myself out, and find people to talk to. I'm not very passable, on the heavy side & got some hair, although could come close with the right outfit, wig & makeup. I don't know that I would be into being dressed all day, as I get so excited, I would blow up if you know what I mean. Sometimes, I think just the thoughts of it are what get me so excited. Typically if I get dressed up in hose, and maybe heels, and I satisfy myself, and I'm done. I am seeing a pattern though, the more I do and see on the web, the more I want to do and see. I am starting to feel it is an addition like drugs.

Anyway, can she blame me if I need to satisfy my cravings if she won't help me? Do I need to talk with her and really open up with my fetish type addictions? Am I really a crossdresser, or just a fetish to get my rocks off? I get aroused with seeing TS/TV, but it might be just the site of it. If did meet up with someone like me, I think that might be such a huge thing, and could it send me into a psychological down spiral or depression from crossing that line? Also what if I found a Fem Dom, or Mistress to help satisfy my desires? Would that be so bad? Someone to let me be me? Any thoughts or suggestions?

[GaleWarning]

This post rings true in so many ways!

[DonniDarkness]

So let me hear feedback on my situation. My wife will put on some hose or heels for sex, only if I ask/beg, or initiate or basically lay them out on the bed. Makes me feel like shit, and feel even more bad about my fetish. She would prefer missionary and maybe a pair of panties that she thinks is sexy, but all I think about is hose, heels and getting wild. When she does put on the hose, or gives me oral, fantastic, totally satisfied with the orgasm. Problem is she never dresses up in hose, makeup, hot dresses, heels, unless it after I beg, or unless its for a wedding, funeral or special occasion. Through the years, I have made 100's of suggestive comments, always point out how other women that are dressed feminine, bought her hose, point out sexy shoes & outfits, etc. Still, she isn't doing it for me. Am I the one at fault? I've loved hose since a child, started buying & stashing heels & hose in my early 20's. Now in my 40's, married with 3 kids. Really thinking I need to purge everything in the next couple years, as I my kids are getting older and will start snooping around, maybe one day using my computer, etc. Not that I have a bunch of stuff, but I can't handle the thought of ever being discovered by my family or relatives. Scared to death my son turns out like me. First time his sister had him put a Cinderella dress and little heels as a joke, I blew up. I know the power that can have the first time you experience female clothing. What if he found out about me? I don't want him to be unhappy like me in 20-30 years, and maybe even blame his genetics on me.

My wife knows nothing about me wearing, or how intense my fetish is for hose & heels. As far as dressing, never been in public, makeup maybe once in private. I think it would be intense to go out in public, or trying on shoes and clothes in a store. Never owned very much on clothing, other that maybe a skirt or two, lots of hidden pantyhose & heels. In my earlier days, I loved doing a little cocaine and playing in hose and looking for hose pics on the net for 6-7 hours trancing around in heels and hose. Those days are pretty much gone, as I wouldn't want to risk a heart attack and have my family find me in a hotel room that way. Now I stick mainly with the 420, and occasionally in night out of town play around to get myself off. I think part of why I'm on here is to figure myself out, and find people to talk to. I'm not very passable, on the heavy side & got some hair, although could come close with the right outfit, wig & makeup. I don't know that I would be into being dressed all day, as I get so excited, I would blow up if you know what I mean. Sometimes, I think just the thoughts of it are what get me so excited. Typically if I get dressed up in hose, and maybe heels, and I satisfy myself, and I'm done. I am seeing a pattern though, the more I do and see on the web, the more I want to do and see. I am starting to feel it is an addition like drugs.

Anyway, can she blame me if I need to satisfy my cravings if she won't help me? Do I need to talk with her and really open up with my fetish type addictions? Am I really a crossdresser, or just a fetish to get my rocks off? I get aroused with seeing TS/TV, but it might be just the site of it. If did meet up with someone like me, I think that might be such a huge thing, and could it send me into a psychological down spiral or depression from crossing that line? Also what if I found a Fem Dom, or Mistress to help satisfy my desires? Would that be so bad? Someone to let me be me? Any thoughts or suggestions?

Well, im going to try and help a little here but this is alot to try and take in all at once.

So im going to start with this.

Your inner turmoil sounds like it is basically revolved around shame and guilt. Fetish crossdressing while hidden from our Wives or partners puts an emotional distance in between intimacy.
My advice would be to first come to a place where you can personally accept your crossdressing without shame. Your inner confidence about it will make coming out to her that much easier. And she will see that it is important to you and this confidence will ring bells for her perspective. I cannot stress this fact enough.

You not only need to be honest with yourself but you must be honest with her. Tell her when you are ready to be confident, relaxed and not ashamed of what you do.

420= ok...........anything else= bad

I have children as well, i do not dress around them, but i have been busted by them. Nothing Major mind you. Though when questions have been asked we answer truthfully. We also teach them that in theater sometimes boys act as the girls and girls act as the boys while they are on stage. It helps them find some kind of logic in it.

Do not be pressured by what you see and hear on the web. Make decisions and changes based on your personal perspective.

The last thing i want to say is this: COMMUNICATE. Your spouse cannot help you or accept you if she has no knowledge of anything about your crossdressing. She may accept it all or none of it, but she cannot make any decision at all if it is hidden from her.
Who knows she could be as my wife is and just shrug it off, then say "Oh! Is that it!?, god, i thought you were cheating on me when i found that bag of clothes"
That conversation we had that day was a turning point in our relationship that has brought us closer to fully understanding each other. It was one the best days of my life.
i no longer had to hide and i had battled with self acceptance long before i even mentioned anything to her. But in the end i was just plain tired of being ashamed of it.
When you are ready...Give her a chance.

A Friend,
-Donni-

[AKAMichelle]

I noticed that years ago. That is one of the reasons that I thought I could beat cd'ing. Unfortunately it doesn't work.

[Stockingstopgirl]

I was crossdressing before the rreduction of my wifes interest in sex. I must admit since it reduced to zero about 20 years ago I have dressed more in fact nearly every day I take a day off and she is working.

[Tess]

Umm, duh. Crossdressing for many is a form of sexual release. If you ain't getting in one form, then another will replace it......... And quid pro quo, if you are then you won't. No brainer really.

"Stress" - another word for sexual tension maybe? Prostate getting a bit loaded up? Needs a bit of emptying.........

Just enjoy it while you can. LOL

I agree...its as simple as the old idea of a spouse making sure her mate is satisfied at home so they won't go looking for sex with someone else. If you're not getting any, or enough, the sexual tension increases until you turn to your preferred method of stimulation (crossdressing).

[NicoleScott]

You sure you don't have the cart before the horse?? And that your increased desire to crossdress is driving an emotional wedge between the two of you??

I sort of agree, but I wouldn't call it an emotional wedge, but a decreased desire to be intimate. I'm sure that's what happened with me. The more I dressed, the less I wanted intimacy. The good news is, she's OK with it, as she never had much of a desire for intimacy. She knows about and accepts my cd-ing, and has never blamed my cd-ing for our decreased intimacy. Actually I think it takes the pressure off her (to be intimate). But that's just us. Your results may differ.

[docrobbysherry]

That SEX and CDing r interconnected!:eek:
Considering MOST CDs either presently, or at one time or another, get/got a turn on from their dressing!:D

How that relates to your SO's or dates, is probably a bit different for EVERYONE!:brolleyes:

[flwildboy]

Thanks Donni. That was my first ever conversation regarding my secret. It actually felt good. Thanks!

[suchacutie]

Why am I always different, it seems! Tina most often visits right after.....

You know what I mean.

tina

[Shadeauxmarie]

I did not mean to imply that I was blaming my wife for my cross-dressing. I have been cross-dressing since I was 6 years old. I just meant that I had recently discovered a (not all) causal relationship between my desire to cross-dress and stress. As my stress levels increase, for any reason to include a lack of intimacy, I wish to dress more frequently. And since she does not approve, this adds a different kind of stress when I succumb to dressing.