well it happened

[Kari Lynn Franks]

well it happened a 100% degree turn around she went from totaly excepting to wanting no part of my cding just last week we were talking about how she felt and she said it would not change well she came home and told me what I am doing is a sin againts God and she would no longer support me she wont go out in public with me any more shopping or anything as long as im dressed up so I guess its down hill from here I just dont know how one can change so quick last week shew said she loved all of me 100% and yall have read her posts now she says she still loves me 100% but im torn up totaly now

[Lucy_Bella]

I am so sorry this happened ,

My wife did that to me the day after we got married, I went 20 plus years of having to surpress my dressing and then have it smeared in my face for doing it before we married.. I feel your pain..

[SherriePall]

Sounds like somebody talked to her. Tell her to go back to the scriptures and find out the reasons for them. Afterall, we mix fabrics all the time and that is also forbidden.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I feel you pain girl....my wife left when she found out about Em, after years saying she love me somemuch nothing could change that. Then I meet a woman who want a CD-TG person. She was all for it...took my pictures....but my outfits...made love to Em, and said it heaven. Not she really don't want to see it, or talk about it, and she says I'm crazy! WINK!!!

Life is what it is.

Em

[StaceyJane]

Carrie, I know how much this must hurt.
I wish there was something I could do to help.

Stacey

[sonna]

I hope things better. this happened to me I almost got divorced over it.

I really really really hope things get better for you.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Carrie,

We all feel your pain. Just remember we all change our opinons on things from time to time, usually when we have heard something from someone else. I would give her time. Continue to focus on building your relationship. These are one of those for better or worse moments in a relationsip. People put up walls
for a reason. People take stands on issues for a reason. If her reason is it's a "Sin against God", take the opportunity to explore why she thinks that way. It's not a matter of support here, it's a matter of misinformation. If you are talking and communicating, you can get through this, patience which also is a Godly virtue, is required.

Having read some of her other posts and yours, you both have a lot of love for one another, I would trust on that.

Keep us posted.

Kelly

[GracieAnn]

Just as quickly as your wife flipped on your crossdressing, she could flop right back. Continued love and open communication is the key. Best wishes.

[MarinaKirax]

Steady on. Your worst move is to escalate the conflict. My wife has also had her flip/flops about how she feels. We agreed, however, that our marriage was important, and that neither of us would are likely to be any happier living alone, divorced, or starting over at this stage in our lives. We love each other, and there is a lot of water under the bridge. Just agree to work on a way to deal with the issue that is a compromise. Somewhere between purging on the one hand, and 'in your face' dressing at home. This is not rocket science. Tell her you need a solution that will make you both unhappy, and have a laugh about it. People learn to deal with much more hurtful issues, like the death of a child, or quadroplegia. You can both do this. :)

[JohnH]

Carrie,

For myself it makes things a lot better that I communicate to my wife that while I like to wear feminine clothing - skirts, dresses, and heels I don't try to present myself as as woman. I keep my feminine garments in plain sight in my closet.

I do shave my body, have a woman's hair style, and have painted toenails. I don't try to move like a woman or speak like one - I sound kind of like Joe Friday of Dragnet - but not as raspy. I also do not apply makeup on my face.

Maybe your wife could get used to your wearing feminine clothes with a masculine presentation, and then later on you could add the makeup and do the other subtle hints to pass as a woman. I must say it does take courage to wear the clothes as a man with all the intolerant baboons out there.

John

[NicoleScott]

I agree with Sherrie. Somebody talked to her. But I'm not sure that asking her to "prove it" by scripture will change her mind. Seems to me that you might need to go it alone. My wife accepts but doesn't participate, so I don't press the issue. I prefer to do my dressups alone. I do recognize the difference: my wife accepts- yours doesn't [any more]. I suppose she is entitled to her religious beliefs, but you're not obligated to conform to her religious whims. Back into the closet. So much for honesty.

[Steph.TS]

http://www.dglenn.org/words/deuteronomy.html this page helped me come to terms with crossdressing as in it's not a sin, the only thing I have to do now is try to come to terms with my transsexuality...

[dorylinn]

she came home and told me what I am doing is a sin against God and she would no longer support me


My Wife also struggled with this. Told me she can't be married to someone she knew would be "going to hell"

She went to a councilor at a former church and ( fortunately ) he helped her be more accepting.

I agree that a 180 deg. turn-around could be because she has talked to someone.

Keep communicating, and praying, and studying your bible.

For me, after studying and praying over the deut. verse usually used against crossdressing, when read with the context of the surrounding verses, it would be "against the law" for a male to dress as female to try to get out of military service. or a female to impersonate a male to enter combat.

Jone of Arc didn't impersonate anything and She rocks! and got a bum rap.

[Kate17]

Carrie
I recently experienced something similar with my wife. It was the "you are not the man I married" talk. I have to admit that after I told her and I thought she accepted it, my cd personality tried to take control - maybe because that is something I really want or maybe it is the old saying, give em a foot and they take a mile. So what I had to do was establish/accept boundaries. Like no make up in the house, no dresses but painted toes are OK and underdressing was also. She does let me go out when I want to get dressed up and mingle. Sometimes you have to find ways to negotiate. The sin thing is difficult because it is based on beliefs, not facts. You might consider in your negotiations that each of you have beliefs that are not reconciable but perhaps you can accept each others faults.

I asked the same question - how can it be OK one day and not the next. Maybe it was because she loves me, she wanted to try to accept it and she just kept the hurt feelings inside until they burst. So it looked like a one day reversal.

[jayn]

I am so sorry this happened to you, but the fact that she has changed her mind before is encouraging, she can change it again. I am an so that has flipped and flipped, but that reflects my fear, and my need to process information. I love my cd so much, I am hoping to process some of my feelings here instead of on him. I hope that you and your so get through this. The most important thing- I think- is both of you having someone to talk to (someone who believes it is possible)

good luck
Jayn

[Lynn Marie]

Christianity does wonders for some people and makes others terribly harsh and judgemental. They seem to want to use the scriptures to beat up everyone who doesn't conform to their picture of a good Christian. It's sad. For them and for all those they persecute.

[AKAMichelle]

I think the answer lies in who she told about your cd'ing or what she read on the internet. My first guess would be that she talked with someone. She may change her mind again but it will take time for her to rethink.

[DianeDeBris]

Hi Carrie -- like everyone else, I'm saddened at the pain and confusion you're experiencing at the moment, and sincerely hope this works itself out -- there's a lot of wisdom in what people have written here about being patient and hopeful, trying to establish mutually-acceptable (or even mutually-UNacceptable!) boundaries, etc -- please go back and reread, in particular, Marina's excellent note -- Big hugs - Diane
PS -- I will not hijack your thread, so I'm going to start one right now about the Deuteronomy quotation. Quod vide!

[TxKimberly]

I'm so sorry . . .

[Kari Lynn Franks]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:thanks for all of the responses judy came to me this afternoon and after talking to her brother he helped unconfuse her and she asked me if we could go back to the way things where friday before she left to go visit a friend of hers she has told me several times today how sorry she is for the things she said and for the heart ache she caused she said she just got confused and yes its was someone that told her I was sinning against God and that if I believed hard enough I would be healed. I love my baby and she does love me 100% we are staying the night out at her brothers house and im back in my skirt and all is well again I love all my sisters on here and look forward to many more good times:hugs::hugs:

[StaceyJane]

Carrie, I'm glad things are back to normal.

[t-girlxsophie]

that is wonderful news I am so very happy for you both that everything has worked out for the best

:hugs:Sophie xx

[Stephanie Miller]

(Jumping up and down clapping for joy!)
Score one for the good guys! (or gals as the case may be :heehee: )

Still, it seems like there is room here for a good discussion between you two. Take it slow. :love:

[Missy Tanya]

Wow for you, from living high, too the bottom, and now climbing back up. Sounds like life, but with a twist.. So glad that her brother stepped in, and that your back, taking on life together again..

Tanya

[Inna]

So happy for you girl!

John 7:72, and Peter was wearing white linen robe, knee high, with accenting hem and fine [-]italian[/-]Roman stitching. Strappy gladiator sandals made of the finest [-]italian [/-]Roman leather looked stunning on his feet. Judas looked upon thee and said;"oh brother you look rather ravishing" to which Peter said;"oh, I feel ravishing". Roman soldier looked upon both and shouted "stop in the name of Cesar, it is blasphemy what you are doing, you are wearing woman's clothing! Jesus was standing by and approached the gathering crowd. Then walked 2 paces toward the soldier and asked; "Should you be blind and in the desert, dying of thirst and heard a camel approach and on that camel the man would ask;"are you thirsty my friend?" and you would sip the water of life, would that water taste any different as to what linen covered mans flesh. It isn't mans cloak which bestow a sin on man but his blindness to the truth of mans heart.

I hope you enjoyed it, it was all in good spirit(funny)please don't take it too serious :eek:

[Lynn Marie]

Wow, sounds like that nasty episode even scared Judy. Good for her. Sounds like she's a keeper. So glad she didn't live up to what I experienced a few years ago from my religious ex wife. I take back my post.

[cgwonderland]

I think that a most people here have nailed the issue. We sometimes argue about ideas with someone when, really, it is about an experience they've had. The problem is that if you start from the point of view that it must not have come from her then she'll feel defensive about that.
In my opinion, you have to start from the premise that she's thought long and hard about this and don't be defensive. If she feels comfortable, she just might share the experience that explains all this.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. Good luck.

[Jenny Gurl]

If it is a Christian religion, ask her where in the New Testament where it says that. There are many religions, and many versions of the same religion. According to the King James version of the Bible, When Jesus died on the cross we started living by the New Testament. If she is going by the old Testament then that would require a whole lot of other rules to be followed, ones I don't think she would be comfortable. If she wants to talk about wearing pants, they were not invented until long after Christ died. Technically, they all wore dresses back then. Other religions require the woman to completely cover up, I doubt she would like dressing that way either. It makes me think of how many people have been mislead throughout history into living very restricted and unsatisfying lives due to believing someones version of religion. Sorry it makes it harder on you and wish there was an easy answer. Sounds like you can either work it out with her, live under her wishes to keep the peace, or move on. I would definitely try to work it out before moving on to option 2 or 3.

Guess I am not a good reader. I didn't read all the posts before replying. I am so glad it worked out for you and your wife. A good relationship is the most valuable thing on the planet, count your blessings.

[erickka]

I know what you are dealing with, girl! Unfortunately it is a woman's perogative to change her mind. I also agree that some little birdie somewhere possibly dropped a little message to her, and she is taking it to heart.

[TxKimberly]

Carrie, I am SO happy to read your latest post! It's funny how other people can screw with your perceptions. It took me almost two years to figure out that every time I took my wife to visit with her mother for a few days, she returned angry at me. It had nothing to do with cross dressing. It turns out that her mother was spending a good deal of time telling my wife about all of the wonderful things HER husband was doing for her, that I wasn't doing for MY wife. For the record, my mother in laws marriage ended a decade ago and my wife and I are still putting up with each other, flaws and all.


. . . im back in my skirt . . .

Not that I have any business giving marriage advice, especially when i don't follow my own advice, but . . .
Just a day or so ago your wife was adamantly and ardently against your cross dressing to the point of saying deeply hurtful and harmful things. Very quickly after she apologized and is starting to think she over did it, it sounds like you are off and running at full steam again. Considering your wifes position being a bit on the fence at the moment, maybe you should consider slowing down just a little?

[Kelly DeWinter]

The amazing thing about this thread, is that it shows HOW people change their minds, what types of influence we have in our thinking and on what we believe. It shows how fluid and dynamic our lives are. Nothing is permanant except change. We are not the same from day to day. We don't respond the same from day to day. The winner in this story is the love these two have for one another.

[Jenny Gurl]

The amazing thing about this thread, is that it shows HOW people change their minds, what types of influence we have in our thinking and on what we believe. It shows how fluid and dynamic our lives are. Nothing is permanant except change. We are not the same from day to day. We don't respond the same from day to day. The winner in this story is the love these two have for one another.

You are so right Kelly. I read it while still half asleep in the morning. I posted a reply before I had read all the other replys, one from the OP that said it was resolved. It is a common problem with religion, and I think it touched a nerve with me. I use to study history and it reminded me of all the people who have lived under some kind of repression for generations or died in a holy war of some kind throughout the centuries in the name of a particular belief. If there is one all powerful being, not matter what his or her name might be, I am certain they would not want us living under strict repression or killing each other over differences of opinion. I am very glad the problem was resolved with the OP, and I agree with your last statement. The real success story here is a saved marriage.

[Vicki-Z]

Hi Carrie,

I'm so glad everything worked out so well for you.


Vicki

[sarahjo1989]

well if she thought that once shes probably gonna start talking about it again becuz i feel the same way towards my husband if he would go out in public with his issues i would not be with him. i love him but i also feel sorry for him. becuz he can't just get rid of his problem only with the help of God can he do it and all i can do is pray for him.

[rocketscientist]

This is IGNORANCE! He should be the one praying for her! That with the help of GOD she can be more of a true Christian. I'm sorry, but it always angers me when small minded people think that we are the ones that have a "problem". The only problem I have is unaccepting, judgemental, holier than thou types hiding behind the bible with verse taken out of context and half truths. Does true Christianity preach bigotry and intolerance of others just because their views are different than yours? The only rule EVERYBODY needs is the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.



well if she thought that once shes probably gonna start talking about it again becuz i feel the same way towards my husband if he would go out in public with his issues i would not be with him. i love him but i also feel sorry for him. becuz he can't just get rid of his problem only with the help of God can he do it and all i can do is pray for him.

[Nicole Erin]

Oh the ol classic "wife accepts one minute then turns".
Happens all the time.
Kind of a fun wait to see how a wife will respond to our TG'ness from one day to the next.

[Stephanie47]

I concur 'rocket scientist' the statement is total ignorance. In my upbringing I was taught one sin gets you to hell and it did not make a difference what the sin was. Whether I am destined to hell because of my cross-dressing is between me and God. I will find out when I get to heaven. That said, I respect the opinion of my wife and accept limitations due to my respect for her. If she flips out and I have to choose between her and the highway, it's the highway. I do not attend church anymore because of the good Christians who hate people that are not like themselves. I got tired of hearing that they hate gays, Roman Catholics, African Americans, immigrants, Asians, etc. Sometimes I think they hate themselves. Grrr, it makes me mad! Somehow a drunken alcoholic wife beater is a better catch than a cross-dresser who is loving and caring. Grr, back to the football game!