View Full Version : Transition decisions
Kathryn Martin
10-11-2010, 03:57 PM
Over last two weeks an unspoken but palpable decision has been taken by Elizabeth and me that I will transition over the next three years.
The opening statement, so to to speak, came from Elizabeth almost two weeks ago now, when she told me that if I ever wanted to have SRS she would be happy with it. Not the fact that by saying it she has opened a door for me, it was more the fact that she expressed it unasked, without reservations or caveats that was important. In the days following we spoke about Hormone therapy, issues of Kathryn's socialization, coming out and to whom in what sequence etc. On Saturday I asked her if she felt like me in that we appeared to have decided for me to transition without actually saying it out loud and she said yes. She told me that I had shown her that I was and would be the person she married and that I was her soul mate and that whether I had "bits" was completely irrelevant. Today, when I asked her what was in it for her, she said being by my soul mates side and seeing her happy.
We spoke about being pegged a lesbian couple etc. and all the risks, difficulties and opportunities we might encounter in the process. We set a time table. God, fate and nature willing I will be living full time instead of 15/7 in about two years.
How did your decision making go, Was it with a heavy heart or with hope on both yours and your SO's part, how long did it take for you and what did you consider?
Kathryn
Faith_G
10-11-2010, 04:08 PM
I didn't have an SO to consider. I was excited to begin my new life, very happy, and scared to death all at the same time.
StaceyJane
10-11-2010, 04:24 PM
I'm so glad for you. For me coming out with my decision to transition is the reason I haven't done so. I try to think of going to work and letting everyone know and I'm really scared. Plus, my wife has been very accepting of crossdressing but I don't know about transitioning.
Kathryn Martin
10-11-2010, 04:42 PM
I didn't have an SO to consider. I was excited to begin my new life, very happy, and scared to death all at the same time.
Yes all of the above. Just the last four days, my first 24/7 days were happy, excited and wonderful. I am scared too but I will not be ruled by my fears any longer.
I'm so glad for you. For me coming out with my decision to transition is the reason I haven't done so. I try to think of going to work and letting everyone know and I'm really scared. Plus, my wife has been very accepting of crossdressing but I don't know about transitioning.
It is the workplace socialization that is the most risky. I live in a very conservative county and work with three partners in the largest law office here. If my partners feel that I will be a threat to them and our business, then I will be leaving before I do the social transition. I am planning to talk to each individually in the new year to give them a heads up that this is coming. At the same time I am preparing for the possibility that I may have to start over. At 56 a somewhat daunting prospect. But I have been there and done that 3 times in my life, so why not now.
Rianna Humble
10-11-2010, 04:56 PM
Over last two weeks an unspoken but palpable decision has been taken by Elizabeth and me that I will transition over the next three years.
The opening statement, so to to speak, came from Elizabeth almost two weeks ago now, when she told me that if I ever wanted to have SRS she would be happy with it. Not the fact that by saying it she has opened a door for me, it was more the fact that she expressed it unasked, without reservations or caveats that was important.
I'm sure you realise just how precious Elizabeth is, but have you done anything to show her since that discussion?
I was lucky in that I don't have a wife or children to consider, but I do have an 88 year old dad who has been wonderful.
How did your decision making go, Was it with a heavy heart or with hope on both yours and your SO's part, how long did it take for you and what did you consider?
My decision making went excruciatingly slowly for the first 46 or so years - more a case of fighting what I knew to be inevitable and seeking excuses like "I'm already an ugly bloke, but I can get away with that better than being an ugly woman".
Then came the depression and plans for suicide. Thank {deity} that I am too compassionate to inflict the fall-out form my suicide on others - that was the ONLY consideration that stopped me.
Next came the attempt to shame myself out of needing to dress - only reinforcing the need instead of reducing it. I joined this community around this stage.
A few weekends away dressed sent me into a fresh depression - this time at the thought that I might be unable to transition. It was during one of these that I accepted that cross-dressing was what I did to pretend to be a bloke (yes I know my body comes with dangly bits but my anatomy cannot negate the fact that I have known for ages that I am a woman).
About last Xmas, a GG asked me why I went to the staff party in a suit rather than a dress (remember at this point I was not officially out to anyone and thought I had hidden it well). She encouraged me to admit who I am at work, and people were supportive.
Then there was a bit of a hiatus because I could not do anything until after the election in May for complicated reasons. Amongst other things, I had to consider what the wrong timing would do to a friend and political colleague plus the fact that Robert had been chosen to stand for election in an unwinnable seat and I couldn't suddenly tell them "yes you chose me but I am not who you think I am".
Outed myself to my diabetes nurse the week after the election and asked her to reciommend a doctor I could talk to. The doctor sent me for psychiatric evaluation at the start of June which came out positive in that I am not merely mad but I do need help to transition. Discussed it with my dad who didn't fully understand why but supports me 100%
Started making plans with work for transition and set the date for practical reasons at 1st July just gone.
Still haven't got my appointment with the Gender Clinic yet :sad:
Kathryn Martin
10-11-2010, 05:17 PM
.....but have you done anything to show her since that discussion?
....
Started making plans with work for transition and set the date for practical reasons at 1st July just gone.
Still haven't got my appointment with the Gender Clinic yet :sad:
I show her every day of my life how precious she is ....
The very good advice at Transgenderroadmap has told us that I must perfect my ability to pass to the extent possible before I socially transition. That will mean electrolysis, facial feminization and voice training. The re-configuration of the bits comes later, since I must be living 24/7 for one year before I can be eligible for surgery. In my province SRS is considered eligible for funding on a case by case basis. For this purpose I must pass all of the gatekeepers and their requirements.
Jorja
10-11-2010, 05:53 PM
Kathryn I am sure you will do well with transition. You have a supporting SO who loves you and wants the best for you. I am sure you already know there will be some difficult times during your transition. Times when you will wonder if it is worth it or not. Know when you come out on the other end of this, it is worth it. I wish you all the best and know we are here supporting you too.
It takes a soul mate to see beyond the facade and walk hand in hand into unknown. You've got an angel by your side, the guardian, she will walk with you! I see a miracle in your story, undisputed, obvious miracle. Now you have a rock to rest on and take your life where it always wanted to be, and cherish her for she is one of few in this world.
Jenn2716
10-13-2010, 05:37 PM
Hi Kathryn,
I am also fortunate enough to have the love and support of my SO. She has always been very accepting of my gender variance over the years, but the decision to move forward with actual transition was not an easy one. We had some long, emotional discussion and were very seriously considering separating, but in the end we both decided that we loved each other too much to say goodbye. She has been my biggest supporter and we are proceeding with transition at a pace that we can both handle.
I can understand that you want to be as prepared as possible before beginning your life full-time as Kathryn. Preparation is unbelievably important, you definitely don't want to start transition uninformed and ill prepared. Like you mentioned TSroadmap is a very helpful site. For me, personally, I could not wait to have electrolysis completed or start hormones before going full-time. I needed to live as my true gender regardless of how many milestones I had reached. I went full-time, including work, in January of this year. I started electrolysis in March and am still waiting to see a doctor for HRT. Everyone moves at their own pace, and if you have the patience to reach all of your personal requirements before going full-time, more power to you. I just wanted you to know, that it is possible to begin living life as female, even if electrolysis and FFS are not complete, and hormones haven't been prescribed yet.
Congrats on having such a special relationship. Both you and Elizabeth are incredible women!
Kathryn Martin
10-13-2010, 06:47 PM
I am completely aware how fortunate I am both in my life companion Elizabeth and also in my life circumstances. I had my first electrolysis session today and (I knew it) it didn't even hurt half as much as I anticipated. I do have a very high pain tolerance, which is when you really get down to it also a very female aspect of my personality. Follow up is on October 29th and from then on twice a week until my face is as smooth as a baby's butt. Having the meeting with Susan my new electrologist was very emotional since I came out for the first time to a stranger even though a professional. She did a patch about the size of a silver dollar, and within 10 minutes all the irritation was gone and by the time I got home (15 minutes) Elizabeth couldn't even identify which area of the face she had worked on. She went up to level 3 which was enough to get the hairs without yanking.
Now on the 27th October I will ask for the letter from my counselor (she said she would issue it when I asked) to my MD and on the second of November I have my appointment with my MD. He will decide if I need to go see an Endocrinologist (although I think he would never admit that he couldn't handle something on his own) and then I am ready to begin. In the new year I will begin voice feminization training.
Jenn it is so great to see you here. We are barely 3 hours apart:) I will pm you.
Thank you all for your encouragement, it also means a lot to Elizabeth what you said about her.
Elizabeth Martin
10-13-2010, 07:31 PM
Thank you all for your support of both Kathryn and I. It means so much to us both.
Let me say however, I don't feel I am worthy of such praise as being a seemingly altruisic soul mate.
I've had my moments of being unsure and yes even down right pissed off. This s NOT what I signed up for. There have been long discissions and some tears and I am not under any illusion that this is going to be pain-free and easy. But in the end, I am married to my best friend and soul mate (I know...gag) and I couldn't imagine a life without her. She will always be the man I fell in love with and I will stand by her through all of OUR decisions.
Elizabeth
you seem to have an understanding wife, at least right now. Don't get confused if she change her mind down the road. It's an extremely stretch for any woman to permantly say good bye to the man she married. But it sounds like you have room for growth, both of you. Enjoy each day you both are in sink with this. :0)
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