Slight dilema....Help requested!

[HEART BROKEN]

Here goes.....Through chatting in a chat room ....just an everyday nothing special bull session chat room.I made a statement that I had to go shopping for my SO who likes girl clothes.I then typed just kidding.Someone instantly sent a private iming.I chatted and the person then asked if I would mined buying two of what ever I bought.Felt bad that they could not go out and get things for themselves.So she told someone and so on.Next thing I know I am buying Fem clothes for 3 people.I have never gotten personal with them,So the other day one of my aquaintances pulls up at the shopping center I hand in the window the clothing bag.I suddenly noticed a wedding band.Now I know that was never there before.I asked why can't he ask his wife to do this."She don't know".My heart dropped and I suddenly felt,shame,guilt and other bad feelings.
My dilema is how do I tell this person.I do no feel comfortable doing this favor any longer?
THANKS FOR INPUT

[GaleWarning]

Honesty is the best policy. Just say, "I notice you are married and that your wife does not know you crossdress. I can no longer be part of your deceit. It has made me feel uncomfortable. I will not buy you any more clothes."

[Olivia2]

Heartbroken I don't think it is your responsibility or obligation to be buying anyone's clothes outside of your own family, whether the people you bought for are married or not. You went beyond generous to even do it once. I support you setting boundaries and saying no. Clayfish has it right, although if it makes you more comfortable you can apologize and say you appreciate their dilemma but you are simply not comfortable doing it. Good luck.

[ReineD]

Just tell this person you've had a change of heart and you no longer feel comfortable shopping for him. No other explanation is necessary. Then wish him all the best! If you tell him it is because you believe he is married, what will you do if he says he is not? Or if he gives you a plausible explanation for not wanting to tell his wife?

You'd actually be doing him a favor. He'll be much happier once he punches through that wall of fear, and begins to shop for himself. He will feel much freer.

[Stephanie Miller]

Two things sprang to mind.
1) If you were a store owner and sold the "goods" to that same person - would you feel guilt and close the store to them? (Hope you made a little extra for your time)
2) Have you informed these people of this website. That way if they join, we can duly chastise them for thier obvious and inappropriate action?

I think we all need to step back and remember where we all started and what our feelings were then. Scared. Unsure. Vunerable. etc.
Now, I'm not saying what you are doing is wrong or right - But maybe a little more compasion ad more info is in order rather than a complete and utter shut down. Maybe a cup of coffee with some tips on how to break it to the S.O. Maybe info on a support group. You may be the person buying clothes to give this gal her "fix" right now, but you could also be the person that saves a marrage from divorce because the S.O. found his stash and came uncorked without the proper info.

Saint Stephanie is done now. I'll step off my pulpit. :angel:

[juno]

I agree with Stephanie. Try to point him in the right direction, and remember that he probably already has a lot of guilt. It is sad to see crossdressing be a burden. I would love the opportunity to help someone out of the CD closet.

[Fab Karen]

First, if you were taking the time & trouble to do all that work, you should be compensated. Now, if you don't want to do it, you just say,"I'm not comfortable with people going behind their spouses' backs. So no more."
btw, they CAN go out and buy things for themselves, they just choose not to.

[Karren H]

That's sweet of you but I really don't understand why they can't go buy stuff for themselves? They have a car and can drive somewhere away from their local area?

[HEART BROKEN]

I thank all of you for your input.Everyone has a valid point.This kept me awake all night.I know it took me a long time to get my SO to go and get his own goodies.He now has no problem going into any major store.LOL Actually I unleashed a monster.I now have to budget my own SO.lol
While I do not want to be the the possible cause of marital break down by incouraging CDer to come out to the SO.I think really it's none of my business.I am just going to tell CDer "I can't do this any longer ,so sorry".I will have to stop on all 3 persons becuase they know each other.
This CDer keeps the goodies locked inside a trunk sitting inside the car.Eventually the SO will find out on her own.
I never made money off of them but occasionally my purchase was gifted to me.I sometimes stay in store for a long time and all of them at any time would sit patient in the parking lot sometimes for hours.It was so wierd the feelings that suddenly flooded me when I saw that wedding band.I just instantly felt like a mistress to a married man.So strange HUH? HUGS TO ALL

[Babeba]

Heart,

Never do anything you yourself feel badly about! I think the best thing you can do is encourage your friend to tell his SO about himself - she WILL find out on her own sometime, and it's so much better to be told (face-to-face) than it is to be thrown into it.

[AKAMichelle]

Tell them yourself. I have a problem myself with people going out dressed who haven't told their wives because I feel guilty for the lies and deceit that they are doing.

[Loni]

sounds like a great thing you are doing...but it will be a problem and burden for you and those you are buying for, (it will get bad at one point). let them know they can shop for them selves. the stores and sa's do not care who is buy the items, just so long as they are paid for.

and as said before let them know of this place.


also as a extra note, picture a cop seeing someone handling a bag and receiving cash?? drugs? illegal activity? could get you and them some unwanted interest.

[eluuzion]

Let me guess…your name is “mark” and they all have Nigerian accents? :Dlol?

Sounds like a "confidence scam" with a lot of potential to me.

I am just curious…

-Does anyone else but you know this is happening?
-Could anyone you know identify these guys? (Have they ever seen them?)
-Do you know their names? (meaning real names)
-Do you know their license plate number and where they “live”?
-Have any of them had access to any receipts from your purchases?
-How about one of your checks?
-Has he ever “borrowed” your cell phone?
-Has he proposed any other types of exchanges with you, such as sending or receiving packages or other “favors”?

This “stranger” knows your name; your car, your plate number and I assume your email address. That is enough information to track your email header and reveal your IP address, which can then be used to locate your home address.

I am sorry for being nosey and I don’t really need any answers to those questions. I have seen similar scenarios played out in the past. I was actually just curious to know if any of those questions had answers or seemed relevant to you…

http://www.crimes-of-persuasion.com/index.htm

Good Luck, stay safe, and be happy.

:love:

[ReineD]

Eluuzion, if I ever got into trouble, I'd want to make sure you were on my side. :)