I wish I transitioned young

[Genivieve]

I knew that I wanted to be a girl at a very young age. It wasn't about sexual excitement or any other desire. Being around girls, dressing as one, and acting
feminine came naturally to me. I was looking at pictures of myself back up until I was 15 or so. If I had understanding parents I could have started the process and become a passable happy girl.

There would be too much chaos in my life if I tried now. It actually would be impossible financially and socially. Not to mention I would look freaky...

[Rianna Humble]

There would be too much chaos in my life if I tried now. ... Not to mention I would look freaky...

For quite a few years I used that excuse too - until my dysphoria became so great that the only alternative to transition seemed to be suicide.

Apparently I look a lot less of a freak than I had told myself I would. I was so convinced that I was an ugly guy that I thought I would be an ugly woman - others have disagreed with me.

[Gerrijerry]

not eveyone is pretty or good looking. If fact what one person finds pretty or good looking is not what the next person thinks. A TS in the end would no matter what others felt, no matter what the cost. Transition because that is who they really are. It is not something you do just because you like being with females or dress like one. As they say age is only a factor if you are no longer healthy enough to transition physically. Even then a TS would live full time as a woman.
I know some will hate my reply but it is the way I feel.

[Inna]

Freaky baby freaky, I seem to use that word so often that it lost its vicious bite and became like a playful puppy, cuddly and cute. Yeah, I think that is why they call it dysphoria. Beauty and the beast when beast learns to love with the twist. No words of wisdom can I offer, for I too, am a victim of slow reflex, it took me 40 years to realize, Oh I can't be a man!, but look at this, I can't be a woman aether! This realization sent me into dysphoria where even the best of what my life could have offered at the time was meaningless. Despite intellect I stood at the edge of existence and step forward would have been the easiest but somehow feeling of the possibility of embracing her kept me still. Here I am, 2 years later, living, breathing, and somehow better then ever before. No, I am not prancing in 5" Jimmy choos and Short knee high Donna Karan down the boulevard with all the passers picking their jaws of the ground, I am giving my self the rest of my life to let her out and be as obvious as the Freak in me. Am I anxious, hell yeah, but I vent here at the forum and the girls always bring me down to earth in loving embrace. No one knows what will happen, but maybe, just maybe the beast will grow beautiful in love for the beauty by his side. Embrace your freak baby, let the beauty out once in a while to dance with the beast and hope for a miracle, what do you have to loose if you still have her by your side.

[Genivieve]

I guess that makes sense. The past week I finally openly admitted to myself
that at the very least I am a crossdresser. Since then I've been engaging in regular
dressing and other activity. I realized that a passion that had been lacking for life has come back in waves.

Its not s sexual rush or sense of excitement, it felt normal peaceful in a sense.

I'm still not ready to take it further at this time though.

[Cassi3]

There would be too much chaos in my life if I tried now. It actually would be impossible financially and socially. Not to mention I would look freaky...

I thought this too for many years, but after counseling/therapy I realized, it was an excuse to not accept myself and all I ended up doing was causing chaos and turmoil within myself. Transitioning as I found out, is not for everyone, but you do have to accept who you are and that's how I started my path to transitioning. And as I'm finding out, it's not as chaotic as I was making it out to be.



I'm still not ready to take it further at this time though.

If you're not ready, then you're not. Taking your time is the best thing you can do right now. And it will give you the time for soul searching and sorting through all the thoughts and emotions. You and only you, I believe, will know when it's time to take the next steps and if those steps are for you.

[Teri Jean]

I think most of the girls and guys wish they could have started their transition early in life and yes there is the social issue let alone the physical issues that make it harder when older. I for one found after nearly 6 decades I wanted what I should have had when much younger. The point I have here is if you want it enough and are willing to give up much it can be attainable. What ever your decission is it is yours only.

[Stephenie S]

Well, DUH!

And the excuse that you are too old is just that. An excuse.

Oh, I know. I used it myself for 6 decades too. But it is just an excuse. Listen here. Do you want to get to the end of your life and have to say, "Oh if only I had . . . . . . . . ?"

I think someone on this forum has that in their signature.

Stephie

[Rianna Humble]

I guess that makes sense. The past week I finally openly admitted to myself
that at the very least I am a crossdresser. Since then I've been engaging in regular
dressing and other activity. I realized that a passion that had been lacking for life has come back in waves.

Its not s sexual rush or sense of excitement, it felt normal peaceful in a sense.

I'm still not ready to take it further at this time though.

That's great! You have come to a stage where you are willing to admit to yourself (at least part of) who you are. You have done the sums and at the moment they don't add up or you. No-one here has the right to tell you that you must do or not do something with respect to your own life.

What you are doing is normal, that's why it feels so right. My only plea to you is, keep your options open and don't rule out transition as a possibility for yourself at some point.

[Faith_G]

I sometimes wish I had transitioned when I was younger, too. But looking back, I wasn't ready and the results would not have been good. I just was not emotionally and spiritually healthy enough, nor was I mature enough to deal with the process successfully. I needed time to heal from the traumas of my childhood, and I just plain needed to grow up first.

It's not too late until they are measuring you for a coffin. Do what brings you peace and joy. :hugs:

[Melody Moore]

I have to agree with the other girls here about making excuses..... I think we all tend to do this because we have so much shame & guilt to try & deal with. I too wish I had transitioned younger & when I first thought seriously about a sex change at the age of 15. I also hated how I looked as a male and as I got older, I hated the way that I looked even more & with very good reason (See my Before & After Photos here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?141012-Most-beautiful-trans-girls)) , but also my gender dysphoria got even much worse.

I found my confidence about 6 months ago when I took some photos of myself & posted them on a social networking site where I also identified myself as a female. The feedback I got was overwhelmingly positive & everyone seen me & accepted me as a female. The ratings of 9/10 & 10/10 on my photos I was getting blew me away & also made me realise that I was a very attractive looking female & this was when I was still pre-HRT. I've been on HRT now for a couple of months. So here I am at the ripe old age of 47 starting my transitional journey & really couldn't be happier.

When it comes to judging ourselves about how good we will look as a females, we are often wrong most of the time - let others judge how you look because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think once you embrace your femininity and start living your life for yourself & being true to yourself, it brings real peace & happiness to your soul. Other people can see this, it translates into real beauty which always shines from within. I know this is how things have worked for me & I certainly don't have any regrets, the only regrets I ever had is why did I keep making excuses & avoided dealing with this issue sooner. But its all good now and It's better late than never.

[Ingrid1999]

In another post I wrote about my early feelings. I want to add that the shame and fear that was/is associated with being "genderqueer" is so high that Im afraid many young people do not seek help.
Now I can see that is beginning to change.
At the age of 14-17 role models and social support is hugely influential to the choices we make. It is also the age when physically transitioning can be very sucessfull. In the best of all possible worlds I would have loved to take pill that would have slowed puberty a couple of years and make an informed choice to change paths when I was 18.

For our community I think we owe it to our younger sisters and brothers to be good role models and support them whatever they choose to do.

[AKAMichelle]

It is not too late. I think Faith has it with her comments there. Many of us aren't ready until much later in life and some will never be ready.