Why go all the way?

[KlaireLarnia]

I know we all have different reasons for cross dressing and this means we have different things we want to get out of it. But something has always confused me. I am perfectly happy being male and looking male - despite wearing female clothes. But others obviously go all the way and try to achieve a female look with wigs, make up etc.

I understand why you would do this if you have gender issues and are trying to be/discover the real you. But what about those who are happy being male and in effect live two lives with the male mode in public working away as normal and their female persona for the rest of the day.

Why do people look to try and pass as female when they are happy being male?

I am guessing because it is easier to be accepted and therefore able to wear the clothes you desire if you look female and try and fit in a female world, rather than sit somewhere between a male and female world and not really be accepted by either as is my case. If anyone cares to answer I would love to know and understand more.

This is my blind curiosity and is not meant to offend anyone.

Klaire

[Danni Bear]

Klaire,

I wish there was a simple answer to your question. There are as many different answers as there are people to answer it. For some it is as simple as wanting to present as their idea of womanhood to as complex as needing to be percieved as a woman if only for a short time. At the other end of that spectrum come the ones that are TG and TS. For them that need expresses itself in other ways, up to and including transition with or without GRS. This is also found in the F2M ranks.

Danni

[Kate Simmons]

It depends on the person really. Some men need to express their softer feelings graphically and feel this is the only way they can do it, some just want to look nice and feel pretty. A lot depends on how one is brought up sometimes as well.:)

[Gerrijerry]

such a complex question. I would guess it can be answered as different for each person.
As for the outside world seeing us. That is much easier. People like simple answers. A male should look like a male and a woman should look like a woman. When you cross those lines people have problems understanding and when not understood some get angry, some don't care and everything in between. I would think just my feelings that when a male dresses as a female and passes enough not to draw attention then others will not care. they may feel that the person is actually a female inside and is trying to be one outside. But when not passing it may be seen as a joke or slight against woman. Some people may feel threatened by it. Others may think it is simple wrong because they are told that by there beliefs. For sure the answer is a lot more complex but that is my best guess made simple.

[suzy1]

I bet there are many different answers to this.
But for me it’s like this. I am two people, me the man, and Suzy. A split personality perhaps?
When I am Suzy I am a different person. And I am so happy, content, and on a high!
And yet my male life is good too. I am truly blessed.
Hugs, SUZY

[I probably need locking up but they will have to catch me first]

[Freddy12]

Each of us would have a different answer. Among other things, I enjoy getting attention when dressed as a female. I enjoy the thrill of it. I enjoy not needing to prove my maleness. I would love to try being female for an extended period of time, but don't have the courage to do that. Does that mean I'm in the wrong body? I don't know.

[Jorja]

Klaire,
Let me ask you a question. Are you happy being male and in effect living two lives with the male mode in public working away as normal and their female persona for the rest of the day? If so, continue to do what makes you happy. If not, then continue onward until you get to that place where you are satisfied.

Folks this is not a race. It is not a competition. It is about fulfilling a need within. I don't care if today, this very minute, is your first experience crossdressing or you have dressed for 50 years it is about making yourself happy. It is about removing stress in your life. Dress the way that makes you happy and content. As a group we way overthink this. Relax, go get dressed to your comfort level, and simply enjoy.

[Tina B.]

I can only answer for me of course, but I dress fully, with make up and wig, but no I don't inter act with the world, it's just for me. And if I only go part way, then there is little to no satisfaction in it. I just don't feel complete until I put on that last piece and present as female from head to toe. But I too am completely happy in my male role, and have no thoughts of transitioning. As to why it's that way, I couldn't say, it just is. We each have to seek our own level. I believe any man that wears womens clothing for anything other than a one time giggle, has some transgendered issues, or has a fetish, not much of any other way to explain the desire, or need to do so.
Tina B.

[Michaella]

In my case, your guess is correct: it turned out to be easier, with more freedom to dress the way I wanted. That is, presenting as a female in order to wear dresses and all that other femme clobber. The downside is that it is a lot of work to be able to blend in well, and as I age I am less convinced I am able to do it. So the choice may be gone.

I don't like having to separate the masculine and feminine. It is frustrating to have to confine the feminine to very limited times and circumstances. I would be much happier if I could be myself, a physical male with a taste for feminine clothing. I've done that at times, and it works for me. Just not for all the people around me. I do think it would be satisfying to be able to choose whether to wear a skirt or pants to work, to be able to go out in a nice party dress once in a while. Doesn't happen.

Michaella

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I believe any man that wears womens clothing for anything other than a one time giggle, has some transgendered issues, or has a fetish, not much of any other way to explain the desire, or need to do so.

As a sidenote before I respond to Klare and the topic of the thread, Tina do you feel the same way about any woman who wears articles of men's clothing? Just curious. Or is "they like it" an ok enough way to explain the desire?

Ok, now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

I know that for you, Klaire, the experience of going out dressed in women's clothing as a man is a very new one and you're still testing the waters and learning what falls into your comfort zone. But, my question to you is that if you are perfectly happy being and looking male, why do you think that you chose a female pseudonym on this site and chose an avatar of a drawing of a cute girl? Since you're new here, I'll let you know that I used to do the same thing. I used to go by the name "Alyssa" and I had not only a cartoon of a girl, but I had *me* dressed as a girl. Because that's how I used to identify, as a guy who occasionally was a girl. I've since gotten to a point mentally where I feel like both sides of my personality have joined together as one and I'm a guy who likes to indulge in a little femininity from time to time.

I can't speak for anyone else here, but I think for me, I felt like I had to create a female identity because I subconsciously felt like it wasn't ok for men to dress and feel the way I did, and so some part of me must have been female. It took me a long time to say, hey you know what, it's ok for me to be a guy and dress this way, it doesn't make me any less of a man at all. That was when I "came out" publicly about being a crossdresser, and started wearing women's clothes in public as a man, and letting people in my life know about it. And I changed my name on this forum to a more "Screen name" type alias, although it doesn't disguise my identity at all, and changed my avatar to me as a guy.

[KlaireLarnia]

Klaire,
Let me ask you a question. Are you happy being male and in effect living two lives with the male mode in public working away as normal and their female persona for the rest of the day? If so, continue to do what makes you happy. If not, then continue onward until you get to that place where you are satisfied.

I do not have a male and female persona. I am one and the same. While I view my persona as having two sides to it (and being a Gemini this is VERY common thing for us to do). I do not hide one side of me and then let the other out, they co-exist and work together in my day to day life. I am a genital and open person by nature who people find very easy to talk to about things. AT the same time I have a mean temper and the ability to strike hard and fast when pushed to. You may view that as a male and female side - I do not, they are simply the two halves of my Gemini personality. I am also a person who does not accept something is the way I am told, I like to know WHY it is.

Even though I have no wish to attempt to pass as female in public, I think to understand what drives those who do helps me (and hopefully others) gain an insight into them and perhaps themselves.


I know that for you, Klaire, the experience of going out dressed in women's clothing as a man is a very new one and you're still testing the waters and learning what falls into your comfort zone. But, my question to you is that if you are perfectly happy being and looking male, why do you think that you chose a female pseudonym on this site and chose an avatar of a drawing of a cute girl? Since you're new here, I'll let you know that I used to do the same thing. I used to go by the name "Alyssa" and I had not only a cartoon of a girl, but I had *me* dressed as a girl. Because that's how I used to identify, as a guy who occasionally was a girl. I've since gotten to a point mentally where I feel like both sides of my personality have joined together as one and I'm a guy who likes to indulge in a little femininity from time to time.

There is an easy answer to what you ask about why I choose a female name. I decided back in 2008 to go and look for myself and try and meet me (see Babylon 5 and DR Stephen Franklin's walkabout down below for an example of what I mean). i felt split, disjointed like I was missing a piece to the puzzle of who I was. So I joined Second Life. Knowing the reason for being was to understand what drove me to cross dress and if there was a female side to me, I created a female avatar: Klaire Larnia. I used her to explore who I was and eventually understood what drove me, what I wanted from life and then brought Klaire home with me and become one person.

I do not identify myself as a guy who likes to dress as a girl. I am simply a guy who likes to wear female clothing. There is not "wants to be female", "wants to appear female". I want the same freedom of choice and expression in clothing that women have and I see no reason why I cannot have it - other than society being dumb and old-fashioned in not allowing me.

Please do not misunderstand the avatar pic of Melody from WinxClub (for that is who it is). I hate my own pictures. I am as photogenic as something a dog left behind in the park. Melody also has similarities to Klaire's look in Second Life so it was a good choice to use. While I go out with womens clothes on, I do so knowing that most people will never see me again, never identify me. That is fine, I can deal with that. We all hide behind masks and pseudonymous, Klaire is mine.

While I know Klaire Larnia as she was does not exist any more, as she is now part and parcel of me. I honor her brief life by using her name and remembering how important she was and how she will always be with me no matter what happens.

I am who I am and perfectly happy with that person. To Quote Klaire's profile (for it is very fitting and sums up how I feel in life):

I am me and no one else. To be someone else would be a lie and impossible. To be myself is torture and the worst punishment I could ever suffer. So I live with my guilt, my crimes and my pain. I move forward a step at a time, Looking for atonement and forgiveness.

One day the journey will end as it will for us all. On that day let me have found peace and reconciliation. Then in front of god and those he sees fit to bear witness, I will be judged. Only then I will know if I did enough. I pray I will have..

[JohnH]

I am one of a few members that has not chosen a female pseudonym. I don't even wear a wig since I have natural hair the length of what a woman would have. And my signature makes it very clear that I think of myself as a man 100 percent of the time, no matter what my appearance may be.

Since "crossdresser" has taken on such a transgendered context I have to think of myself as a freestyler instead of a crossdresser. I think my wearing skirts, dresses, heels, etc. has been much easier on my wife since I don't try to pass as a woman. I also don't feel ashamed of myself and don't feel the need to conceal my activities.

[pernille d]

I too think this thread has no right and wrong answer but opens things up for viewpoints . Basically were all different and as said so many times we all want or are looking for different things . And that is ok as that is what makes us all so specal.

I will add I was very much like you for almost 25 years , I was ok just being a man that liked dressing in clothing /lingeri and that was that, I could not understand make up,going out and forms.I used to just wear a corsage . Now as I write this I am sat with a bra on with Brest fills and love the full femin look, I just think I have opened up and realized that by letting go and relaxing the true me came out. Maybe maybe not oneday you might understand it too ,

[NathalieX66]

No two snowflakes are alike. ......IMO, besides biological anatomy, no one gender is alike. I just think women have an unfair advantage in choosing how to present themselves.
I'm cool with those who go all the way....that's just me.
I am someone who goes halfway....or as I see it, both ways gender wise
.

[AKAMichelle]

Anything worth doing is worth doing right. That means going all the way.

[Jane P]

This makes me think of Jamie Farr (Klinger) from M.A.S.H. Even when dressing as a woman would not get him out of the army , and he was trying other things to prove he was insane, he continued to be a guy dressed as a woman . Never even trying to look like a woman in womens clothing. It was just what he did and everyone accepted him that way. But in answer to your question , there isn't one , or at least not a simple one .

[KlaireLarnia]

II will add I was very much like you for almost 25 years , I was ok just being a man that liked dressing in clothing /lingeri and that was that, I could not understand make up,going out and forms.I used to just wear a corsage . Now as I write this I am sat with a bra on with Brest fills and love the full femin look, I just think I have opened up and realized that by letting go and relaxing the true me came out. Maybe maybe not one day you might understand it too ,

Funny you say this because this is perhaps at the root of my current position. With my recent moves into wearing female clothes in public I am already looking at how to explore and take it a little further. A few handbags/shoulder bags and purses are now in my possession which they never have been before. I went out today and loaded up a small discrete shoulder bag with my money, phone, keys like it was natural when it was the first time I did it without being consciously aware of it.

I am waiting for a couple of coats to arrive for winter trips. Thinking ahead but also planning to be wearing female clothes still and not male ones. I have also looked at scarfs as well for the same reason. I wear a bra when I can as my breasts are not that small thanks to being a tad over weight and I find a bra is not only comforting but actually does make moving easier and more comfortable.

Will i take it further, maybe yes I will. I do not know. Maybe I am at a point where I need to see what options I have and where to go next and this is why I am asking a lot of questions. Preparing for what is to come and try and be ready to deal with it.

Klaire

[carhill2mn]

Even though I am "happy" as a male I get a lot of enjoyment from looking and acting as a lady. I enjoy the pretty clothes and shoes; I enjoy the act of applying my makeup and seeing the result; I enjoy being able to wear pretty jewelry; I enjoy wearing pretty nail polishes; I certainly enjoy seeing the resulting image in a mirror; I enjoy being treated as a lady when I am out.

[Naomi Rayne]

Each person is going to have different views about why they do it. For me i am perfectly happy being a male and i have no desire to perform any permanent changes to my body. But when i dress i do want to present fully female because it is how i prefer to go about my CDing. Something about being halfway there to me seems like i am not putting forth my effort and i do not like feeling like that. There are times when i will dress and just go without makeup, but that is simply because i mostly dress in the private of my own home and i dont look at myself much when i am dressed. I feel more complete when i am fully dressed rather than just putting on one or 2 things.

[Alice B]

I can only speak for myself. I am totally happy with my male self and present myself well as such.. That said, I am also totally happy with my female self. I want to dress completely, full make up, wig, forms, etc. While I know I do not totally pass I don't care. When I';m dressed I'm happy with who I am and how I look. I go out to a local TG bar and I am comfortable with who I am and how I look. What I have learned from others on this site is that it is simply mind over matter.

[sissystephanie]

I have many times expressed the fact that I have no desire to "be" a woman! When my wife was alive and could fix my wig and do my makeup, I did go out fully dressed and madeup at times! Now that she has passed on I still go out dressed, but with no wig or makeup! Just my manly self in a skirt or dress, with all feminine things underneath! I am still a man, just in different clothes!! Yes, I am happy to be a man, and have two great children (grown) to prove that!! I am also happy to crossdress!!

[Melinda G]

I enjoy being a guy.
I also enjoy walking down the street, completely shaved, wearing stockings, or bare legs, heels, short dress, and feeling the breeze up under my dress, and hearing my heels on the sidewalk. So, in order to avoid extreme ridicule, taunting, and annoying teenagers, it is necessary to wear makup and a wig, and try to pass as best I can. Glad I could help.:battingeyelashes: