any other "sensative" guys guestioned for not being like "normal" guys?

[trappedNhere]

I know, I know, what the heck is normal anyway. But here is the situation. My wife often comments, and her friends too, that I'm just to "sweet" and not like normal men.

I guess in some ways that may be true. I mean, I do her nails, make-up, facials, shave her, do all the cooking, clean the house, laundry, shop for her (gives me a chance to long) and just love "chick flicks". And my views are often more about feelings that facts.

But, she often accused me of being not normal. This is usually when she is mad. She also says I'm gay (as a slap). I've told her I am but that she is my soul mate and in love with her. Which I am.

All her friends have said they would love to have me if/when she is tired of me. I just want them as my GG friends!!

Anyway, she always uses this to demean me. Feel attacked. So coming out is very hard. She knows I underdress and has made comments about me wearing her clothes (only did once as noted in a post yesterday).

Just wondering and looking for support!!

Also, suggestions for "my name"

Mmuuaah

[trappedNhere]

Here's the issues. My wife says I'm just not like other men (normal) and can't understand them. I guess that may be truen but what the heck is normal anyway?

This is me: sweet, tender, compassionate, homemaker, cook, laundress, manacurist, girlfriend, massuse, make-up artist, movie buff (chick flics please).

All her girlfriends want to be my "wife" if she wants to trade me in. (I just wanna be their girlfriend)

She usually does this when mad or wants to hurt me.

I know that I'm not overly masculine. And have admitted to being gay. But she also knows that I am totally in love with her and she is my soul-mate. Really if SHE was male, she would be my ideal mate.

Anybody have similar situations or suggestions. Also ideas for my "name"

Mmuuaahh

[SarahLynn]

I have not been questioned but comments have been made to the effect i'm too much like "his sister, her mother, etc when it comes to the stories i write. They are about emotions and feelings not action.

SarahLynn

[Annaliese2010]

I've always been feeling-oriented and only within the last few years started wondering if I was 'wrong' to be sensitive to others and feel so much. I'm sure not gay but I'm wondering if my innate sensitivity is why I'm not makin it with GG's which is so fcn frustrating!!! Frustration turns to callousness detachment self-pity & false self-superiority after awhile - as a defense mechanism - which isn't fun.

I (Annaliese) was born out of this inner conflict. I am my own girl to love and make love to. I may be an edgy unconventional girl, but fun loving n real. I'm very sensitive and not frustrated and not angry; admired and complimented, not criticized or taken advantage of. And very, very sexual. Self-accepting, guiltless, unabashed but also sensual & caring; kind but not foolish, trusting but not naive, assertive but not aggressive. Self respecting. Self-expressing. Seeking beauty & truth with faith love & hope. Passionate but not possessive. Happy, pretty & free.

Free as a tiny little birdie flyin high in a great big sapphire-blue sunlit sky...

[Loni]

i get some ribbing for my nails, one friend even said for me to show my fingers...and committed said a bit long and that i should not paint them ( in a not so good way)...but what he did not know is they were painted, a clear coat over shear pink. :-0.

.

[Annaliese2010]

...i've spent a lot of time wondering why jerks like this have girls throwing themselves at them, and a nice guy like me never had a snowball's chance in hell of getting a date.exactly!

[Loni]

"normal" is only what is "normal" for were you live. look into the next town, city, county, state, country and "normal" is different.

women have always wanted the guy who is sweet, tender...but can open "that" jar.

"masculine" is another word that changes over time and space.

as you posted in another post also a name... what is the first letter in your given name? (some times helps for "paper work")
what real names do you feel like? enjoy saying/hearing, and can respond to?

.

[PortiaHoney]

Hi "trapped".

Firstly, isn't it amazing how they love the pampering and that you can do some of the "girly" things better or even just show more interest than some of the GG's, and then throw it in your face when they need a weapon to hurt you? For many years I made do with "pampering" my partners, and of course myself in private moments, but always copped a bashing with - you're not like other men - I want a real man to love - don't be such a wimp.....etc.

It took me a while, but the only lady I pamper now is myself and a very close GG friend of mine - much moreso myself though. I had had enough of all the bullying and letting them belittle me for my quirks. I finally let the real me out and have been so much happier for it. Every day is on a scale from ordinary to wonderful. As opposed to dreading getting out of bed in the morning or wondering what would set off the wrath of she who must be obeyed. Of course, this may not be what you really want, just the freedom to express yourself sometimes is highly likely for you. It all depends on what you want and need.

As for your name...... Well, there are heaps of places you can find a name for yourself. Baby books, on line, nicknames you may have had or a version of them. BUT, your name is YOUR name. You have to feel comfortable with it and it helps if it reflects who you feel you are. It's your choice hun.

All the best in your journey, and please don't let her beat you up like this. Verbally or physically, abuse is abuse.

Good luck
Portia

[joan47]

The girls at work are always asking about mylong gelled nails, an of course when i tell them a get them done every two weeks I tell them I get my eyebrows waxed at the same time.. I enjoy talking with girls much more, I compliment them on makeup and offer suggestions, I might say "my that is a cute blouse" where did you get it..

Never been comfortible around guys, or sports. I'd rather be shopping

[kitchenette]

Trapped, you gf needs to learn how to "fight fair." it's ok to argue in a relationship, but it can't be "no holds barred." if she loves the fem side of you: the pampering, doting, girl-flick watching side then it is totally wrong to use that against you when you're fighting. I'm with Portia, it's abusive behavior and needs to stop. Perhaps you might to express to her how much that hurts you during a quiet moment when you are not in the heat of battle. If she can hear you out and listen to you then, it's more likely to stick. If she blows you off or belittles your feelings then, that's something to be seriously concerned about. Good luck.

[Babette]

I never get "questioned" for my sensitivity or being a little different from some other guys. Instead, I receive many comments from not only my wife but others, and I will take them as compliments. Yes, I do her nails but she does mine too. I have always loved to cook because I love eating and sharing my creations. I help with the house cleaning because after all, I did my part in creating the mess. I'm a pushover for "chick flicks" because I generally like stories with happy endings. Why be depressed by a sad story?

Mmuuaah, I wonder if the root of your problem isn't a lack of appreciation from one or both sides of your relationship. If so, then how did that come about in a relationship that was once deep enough to result in a marriage? Grant it, there could be other issues such as communication, depression, or insecurity too. I won't ever attempt to analyze your dilemma or anyone else's for that matter because that should be left up to the professionals. Sometimes it is best to seek their help before it is too late.

Babette

[Kathryn Martin]

My entire life I have been considered by many not to be a "real" man. This originally arose from this: Several women working in my office were talking about a trip one of them had taken with her husband, and she explained and everyone laughed with her that her husband having got lost didn't ask for directions and was furious. She followed up with "you know how men are". I entered the circle and told them that I ask for directions. I was told by them, "oh you're not a real man". I laughed about it with them and felt curiously proud at the time. I later rationalized that if being a real man meant not asking for directions I'd rather be me:).

In reflecting on this and many other similar circumsatnces that began so early in my life I have come to embrace my being different as a man and recognize that I am a woman.

Of course there are many that have tried to use it to diminish me. It is part of being different.

[Madilyn A.]

I can identify with you on so many levels. Having overcompensating my manliness to mask my true sensitivity for the first part of my life, I always gravitated towards women for chat while the guys might be doing other manly things, cigars, cutting up, cussing. I was different. My wife noticed before we married however did not have confirmation till our honeymoon. Long story short, I do much of what you described to take care of my wife and my household. I love it. My wife has made many comments over the years about my soft side without exposing our secret. She has commented about my legs and that she would wear dresses all the time if she had my legs, she has told other I help her with her hair and make up. Somehow, I take pride in this. I am not embarrassed to be a sensitive guy but know this is what I enjoy and who I am.....My suggestion is to pick a name of some person who you wanted to be like, many of us have favorite teachers, actress' names etc. I would engage your wife in conversation about your sensitivity and your desire to dress a bit more feminine. Something tells me your wife will help you be more feminine, then see where your relationship goes from there......Good luck.......Madilyn

[Jenny Doolittle]

Hi Trapped,

Is it really a bad thing, or a slam to be associated with he female gender? Take it as a compliment and move forward.

I think it is just as odd that woman will keep going back to an abuser as it is that they gravitate to a guy that is not kind to them in the first place. Sometimes a person does not do what is good for them, I mean look at us, we all identify with the female gender more then male, but look at all the internal strife we had put ourselves through to do so.

My wife says I am the pick of the litter when talking about my other brothers, (I have six) I tell her that it is my alter ego "Jenny" that has a lot to do with that.

I feel as though I am rambling, but to come to a point. Enjoy who you are and be yourself, who ever that might be. If your partner does not like that person and make life miserable...... move on.

[Danielle Gee]

I can identify with you on so many levels. Having overcompensating my manliness to mask my true sensitivity for the first part of my life, I always gravitated towards women for chat while the guys might be doing other manly things, cigars, cutting up, cussing. I was different. My wife noticed before we married however did not have confirmation till our honeymoon. Long story short, I do much of what you described to take care of my wife and my household. I love it. My wife has made many comments over the years about my soft side without exposing our secret. She has commented about my legs and that she would wear dresses all the time if she had my legs, she has told other I help her with her hair and make up. Somehow, I take pride in this. I am not embarrassed to be a sensitive guy but know this is what I enjoy and who I am.....My suggestion is to pick a name of some person who you wanted to be like, many of us have favorite teachers, actress' names etc. I would engage your wife in conversation about your sensitivity and your desire to dress a bit more feminine. Something tells me your wife will help you be more feminine, then see where your relationship goes from there......Good luck.......Madilyn

That's also a perfect description of my persona. My wife is always "bragging" to her girlfriends about the many things I do to make her life easier. I can't tell you how many times I've heard one of them say "If you ever get tired of him, let me know"

Danielle

[CharleneCD]

I fit in well here also. From an early age I was always different from the other boys. They could see it and made my life hell because of that difference. I may still have to put up with some crap from those guys who just havnt grown up yet, but I wouldnt tolerate it for a second from someone who is supposed to be my partner in life.

[alli2229]

I agree all the way with you Jenny. My wife did originally accept my fem side but as we have gone on she has deminished that support. She knows I still dress whenever I can but just does not want to participate anymore. Oh well.

[Jay Cee]

You are who you are, and you sound like good people to me. If you are gay, then so be it. Nothing wrong with that. Feel proud of your personality, of who you are.

And I know you didn't ask, but: Her pattern of attacking your feminine side (the one she cherishes at other times) is not healthy, for either of you. She can't have it both ways.

Yeah, I can be pretty sensitive. I can cry at the sad or happy parts of a movie. I'm very empathic. I don't really get much out of talking with most guys - can't stand sports talk, or the general machismo (although I can put on a show, if I feel the need to). I had much better work friends when I was employed at an office. There were a group of women that I felt honoured to call friends. I would occasionally tease them about their chattiness, but secretly wanted to be a woman so that I could fit right in. The closeness they had was awesome.

[Tammy V]

I have always had this problem. Always felt different and school was very tough. As I got into my teens I tried to be more like other guys, starting lifting some wights and stopped my early crossdressing. Sometimes people try to overcompensateby going in the opposite direction of what they feel. Like now when I do my female vocie when dressed, I find it very natural. Like I was deepening my voice the voice the whole time growing up to hide who I really was.

[AKAMichelle]

The balance of power in your marriage is different. Usually you have a strong male with a submissive wife (at least on some things) and you don't fit the stereotype. She is probably just trying to work within the boundaries in your marriage and trying to get you to conform a little more. I know how akward it all is because it is one of the things that was thrown up in my face about liking chick-flicks. we change the marriage dynamic and it causes a whole different set of issues which aren't easy to understand.

[t-girlxsophie]

Maybe Im being too sensitive on your behalf.But I find your partners constant digs at wanting a "real" man out of order.So is she wanting you to be sensitive and caring just when shes in the mood.and then uses it as a stick to beat you with at other times,wheres the mutual respect that every relationship should have,seems like its badly lacking here

As for your name choice is there any names of women you admire that you would like to emulate?

:hugs:Sophie

[juno]

I am a very sensitive guy. I used to be bothered by not being "manly" enough, but now I am glad that I am not. If more men were sensitive, the world might drop fewer bombs. Being sensitive is much better than being on the insensitive side of average.

[DeeDee1974]

I had a hard time growing up. I lived in a tough working class neighborhood on the south side of Chicago. While all the boys in my neighborhood were off playing sports, I was taking piano lessons, art and dance classes. Not even the norm for girls where i grew up. I was bullied a lot for being different. Luckily for me my mom preferred me this way and we were super close and because of her support I always had a lot of self confidencephalitis in who I am. She knew I was dressing as far back as my early teens and accepted it.

Once I got to college there were groups and several open minded females to hang out with. In my twenties I dated a lot of women that I wasn't man enough for, but was able to meet a few that loved a feminine artistic caring person. My first wife loved DeeDee, but decided that we were too much like friends to be sharing a bed. Sexually DeeDee was too much like woman for this heterosexual woman.

My current wife is 55 (I'm 35) very open minded and trying to get used to a full time DeeDee. Somedays she's all over me, others she wants me to sleep in the guest room. She loves me as a housekeepe, shopping partner, and sometimes a lover and spouse. Then one thing that she has said is that no matter how far I take this, including srs she is going to stay . But I have recently found out she has been reading a lot of erotic novels about dominate men. So I have a feeling that this is going to change in the long run.

[trappedNhere]

Thanks ladies. Its so wonderful to lnow that I'm by no means the only one to have undergone these delimmas.
As for the abusive nature in the relationship, I know I have to do something. Its scarry to even imagine that I will have to walk away and be on my own. Heck hard enough to be honest with myself.
The most scary part would be to risk loosing her as my friend, not as my wife. I guess that says something there doesn't it.

Again thank you and may tomorow be filled with rainbows and sunshine for you.

[Annaliese2010]

I just wish I could find a decent looking girl who would let me be the pussy I guess I am. Where are all the girls who WANT to be treated with kindness & love - to be tended to - dotted over - cared for - who are open & honest and like to talk - really talk? Huh? Where are they? Or do they just like to complain about their men who are so callous and tough yet when push comes to shove these same women would have it no other way! Wtf...

[Tima]

But, she often accused me of being not normal. This is usually when she is mad. She also says I'm gay (as a slap). I've told her I am but that she is my soul mate and in love with her. Which I am. Anyway, she always uses this to demean me. Feel attacked. So coming out is very hard.

A true soul mate wouldn’t “accuse” you of anything, nor would she “slap” you with the gay card. If you feel attacked, you are, but love is love, I suppose. I don’t think anybody is truly normal, but we, as crossdressers, are more un-normal by degree. If you’re sensitive, you’re a good person. I’m sorry you are having this difficulty. Sometimes I think men and women aren’t meant to be together, but I would, anyway. I’m not heterosexual. I’m beginning to think that only another male crossdresser could fully understand why a male would want to crossdress in the first place. That opinion is based on the anguished posts I read here each and every day.
:sad:

[cgwonderland]

Interesting experience. I, personally, love the fact that people notice I'm different. That way, when they find out things like that I cross-dress they are not surprised and I don't have to explain myself. My wife's pretty understanding, though. It would be hard if my wife used it against me.

[Josie M]

I recently discovered this book by Dr Robert Glover that speaks to this subject and really got me thinking...

http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/

There is also an online support group here...

http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forums/index.php

[Alice Torn]

I have been single all my 56 yrs, and was different, and bullied through schools. I was afraid of girls, even though i adored them. In my 30's I dated a good amount, but, the women i wanted to court, i can tell, found me too weak, and passive, or not as manly as their fathers, or ex mated. One lady would have married me, if I had the means to support her and her two kids. I did not. I have been ridiculed by my older brothers for being weak and sensitive, and I currently am helping care for my passive aggressive, controlling father, who does not respect me, does not think i am a real man. And, I am about to give up on dating, as dozens of gg's have rejected noce guy me, and I cannot meet their wants. I am ok looking as a guy, but lack confidence. I don't have an ice cream cone's chance in death valley, anymore. I feel i cannot be the real me, and be wanted or respected by a GG, especially the baby boomers my age, who are so spoiled! I had to make the lady in the mirror, because I could never win a real one. Is this mainly an American problem!?

[Alice Torn]

And, one more thing, as one other poster said, all my life, I have seen the gg's go after the aggressive men, and jerks, mostly, while many nice guy, sensitive guys, can only be friends, with gg's. Most gg's go for the hard guys.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

I lost a partner many years ago. She basically told me to go. The biggest loss to me, I lost a very close friend. Now I regret having lost our friendship. She told me she wanted to be friends, I said no way. Now I suffer because she understood me better than anyone. Sensitivity is something I think lies within most males. When one has a child, the sensitive caring part evolves. When someone needs to confide, the sensitive side takes the time to listen. I think that currently many are after the dollar and sensitivity stands in the way. Many men fear showing this side as it may mean weakness. Some women may seek the "man" to protect them and be strong. Funny, now I see sensitivity as a way to understand oneself. Crossdressing to me allows me to develop my sensitivity to others: human, animal or insect.

[karezza]

There are several deep issues here. First off, we have to accept that most GGs simply don't get crossdressing. It crosses wires in their brains and messes with their self-image and their life-long, culturally reinforced ideas about masculinity. Straight women feel their femininity in contrast to masculinity, so a sensitive guy leaves them flat. It feels too much like a girlfriend, without passion. Tima put it very well:

"I’m beginning to think that only another male crossdresser could fully understand why a male would want to crossdress in the first place."

She is being mean to you and demeaning your "masculinity" because, in her experience of you, her "needs" aren't being met, that is, her need for masculine energy to fuel her feminine energy. She's not getting off on your femme side, so she's unconsciously pushing you away.

The 800 pound gorilla in the room is the fact that you are gay and openly admit that to her. It sounds like she doesn't want to be partnered with a gay crossdresser; just not her thing; doesn't turn her on; wouldn't have hooked up with you if she had known this was coming, etc. But the pampering is nice .... and convenient. Her friends think you are priceless. But she feels she is paying a high price.

Bottom line, she doesn't appreciate you or understand you. If you want this relationship to succeed, you will have to find a very good, trans-friendly counselor or therapist to help the two of you work it out. You both deserve a life that is fulfilling.

[trappedNhere]

Again thanks to all of you.

I am responding specifically to kay tho (as I tried the link, but think Blackberry on fritz). I want to clear up any confusion I may have caused.

From the very first (actually during our first phone conversation) I told her I was Gay or maybe even bi-sexual, but just found men to be "dreamy", actually used that word, and increadably sexy. But at that point (and still to this day) had only experemented once in high school (lost THAT friend as a result). She laughed and stated she couldn't understand that cause males bodys are "icky". She loves the womans form (don't we all)!

Now funny part is she is repulsed by the idea of touching a woman, or so she says Teven herself). I always comment positivly on her form (am soooo envious) shapely, sensual, sexy.

I'm rambling, I think what was once ok may have changed as she has progressed with age. Maybe, she needs to feel those things I've told her. I do get arousal from her (and share that too). But she may not be able to seperate needing a "real" man from how she views me.

Just so sad.

Btw: did any of you hear that Barbara Billingsly (June Cleaver of LLeave it to Beaver fame) passed away yesterday. I will post comments on that in another string.

Again to all. Thank you and sisterly love.

[jacky83]

I know, I know, what the heck is normal anyway. But here is the situation. My wife often comments, and her friends too, that I'm just to "sweet" and not like normal men.



I'm not sure "normal" is necessarily a positive attribute anyway.

[Annaliese2010]

We are of same mind & heart Danielle! My sentiments EXACTLY! It is my opinion that...too many GG women are so hung-up on the most superficial aspects of men, to the point of making it the prime criteria of who they choose to dedicate themselves to. A mans 'looks' for instance. Does he have that certain kind of smile, lovely blue eyes or Hollywood profile? Or is what captivates that don't give a damn distance, emotional resistance, remoteness, indefinable cuteness? Is he a tough, inarticulate & rough, bold & barking ruff ruff... manly man? Or does a simple dimpled, all out attractive pet fit the plan? Is he very handsome this way his way or that? Oh poor naieve GG friend, are you swallowing what they've been feeding you? Those guy from Madison Avenue. Advertising execs who dream up whats next, define the good, the bad and ugly among us. Then they wonder why oh why - I wanna die - what's wrong with me, why did he leave, why does he treat me so callous and cruel. What did I do oh boo hoo. Sad.

Actually, I adore most women!!! By contrast to the men they bed, I'm very sensitive to a womans needs. Am well-equipped, well-intentioned, and quite selflessly motivated to give myself, to sacrifice, to strive to do what needs done to have to hold to love...to keep her safe, pour her wine, to make her entire lovely world shine. What I've discovered is this is NOT considered attractive, manly or desirable. In fact, it's considered 'gay' for a guy to feel too much. Well...so much of that kind of rejection is hard to take for a guy - irrelevant for a girl. Which is why calmness ensues when I rise to express even more, instead of repress, that sensitivity so big a part of me, and while I'm at it, so many other things in me that are satiny, not tacky; soft not aggressive; quiet & calm not invasive & disruptive - and the list goes on and on.

It's easy to work to please them because most GG women simply are..adorable. Like you, as a bonus, I have an extra insight into the details of day to day living for GG women. All the more equiped then to appreciaate the why's and wherefores of what might bother, delight or offend. I have so much more to offer than say, some handsome guy who by his great looks can be selfish and uncaring yet always manages to have served him a late night snack. While I suffer on and on until, as you so well describe, both I and my inside 'guy' are both awake, aware enthralled - each by the other. And in some mysterious hard to describe way...they play, tease, touch and squeeze - side by side divided now, then in surrender, comingled... With cautious discretion I won't describe what follows. Suffice it to say the result is okay - much better than having it my way or his! Umm.. not just 'ok' - much more intense! It's Grrreat!

"A girls night in"... that's just so well put Danielle! I love your way with words, girlfriend! Lately it occured to me, I couldn't help but notice... as difficult as it is to meet and 'keep' the right GG girl for me, is as easy as can be to meet a suitable M2F lezzie friend like me. We are an honest, genuine, gentle lot. Sensitive & smart, sultry & alluring. Here there everywhere, the lovely lezzies among us (such as me, teehee :o), there is an ever present playfulness & willingness to please. So here I go, my proclamation: if GG's reject me very much more, there are M2F lezships to explore. At 1st I had to pause & think what now seems just so natural to me: that girls are girls whatever the form; however packaged their precious pink ;)

[Leslie Langford]

No one has ever said anything to me about it, but i figured out on my own that was not like the 'normal' guys during the short time I played football in high school. In hearing the usual locker room chatter, I was appalled at the offensive and demeaning way some guys would talk about their girlfriends or attractive girls in the school and what they'd like to 'do to them.' I've spent a lot of time wondering why jerks like this have girls throwing themselves at them, and a nice guy like me never had a snowball's chance in hell of getting a date.

I know exactly how you feel, Danielle. It's really hard to figure out why so many women always seem to go for the "bad boys", knowing full well that they will only be hurt and mistreated by them in the long run. And yet, even when one such relationship ends because of these issues, they invariably go back for more and take up with another, equally abusive jerk.

And yes, back in high school, I was always the guy that the girls turned to in order to complain endlessly about their callous and obnoxious boyfriends. Somehow, they never seemed to twig into all of my positive traits when it came to relationships, and I was rarely seen as "boyfriend" material, and instead - only the "big brother" type. But what comes 'round, goes 'round, and many of these women are now divorced, bitter, disillusioned with men, and in many ways older and wiser. And as I have discovered, also far more open to accepting a crossdresser as a friend (or more), since they have finally come to realize that with us, they can have the best of both worlds - a guy whose brain doesn't reside solely in his penis, as well as a "girlfriend" - all rolled up into one.

Of course, the flip side to all those women falling for the macho biker-type dudes is the young teen-aged girls practically throwing themselves at the feet at the likes of cuddly, wimpy, effeminate, and non-threatening performers and celebrities like Justin Bieber and the Jonas Brothers. What's up with that?

[karezza]

There is so much going on in this thread! Firstly, trappedNhere, your situation sounds very complicated. It's great that you were open about your orientation early on. In my opinion, the kind of person we are attracted to is deeply linked to brain chemistry, which is mostly genetic, but also influenced by early life experiences. You are attracted to males. She is attracted to females and thinks male bodies are "icky", but is phobic about touching a woman, even herself. Do I have that right? It sounds to me like she might have some sexual dysfunction going on. If she can't love her own body, she will have trouble being loving and intimate with anyone, especially you. We all change over time, but even if she has changed with age and now finds herself desiring a more manly-man, there is no excuse for treating you unkindly. I truly wish you the best.

Annaliese, I loved your last post. You are pointing at some very important issues that many of us struggle with. For many of us, the awakening of the inner feminine moves us more and more out of the conventional male mindset, and thus further and further away from the conventional male-female dynamic. We are drawn to the feminine out of adoration and respect. It is essentially a spiritual experience. Most GGs simply don't understand that. They are confused by our nurturing and our kindred spirit, unless they are one of the truly rare women who can step out of the norm and glimpse a more complete union.

To progress on our path, we have to let go of the expectation that we will be understood or fully appreciated by GGs. If we are, we are blessed. But in truth, we have only ourselves and our CD/TG sisters to help us in the integration of the inner masculine and feminine. As my sexuality has become more and more feminized, I find that my inner woman is my favorite sex partner. She teaches me how to make love like a woman. She joins with me in lesbian ecstasy. In some ways, another CD/TG can go there more easily than a GG.

I'm fortunate to be partnered with a GG lesbian. She accepts me and lets me be her girlfriend. she allows me to enter her special lesbian ecstasy. But it can only go so far because I'm anatomically challenged :) Ultimately, I have to rely on myself for fulfillment. A trans-lez sister who can go there too is also a joy!

Kay

--
" Wine is sunlight, held together by water " -*Galileo Gallilei

[Sarah Doepner]

I've never claimed to understand how my own mind works, let alone the minds of others. All I can do is relate my own experience and see if it fits. After my wife had come to accept my crossdressing she explained to me that it was my softer, supportive, nurturing behaviors and attitudes that she really liked. It was that side of my personality that her friends wished their husbands (and ex's) had a little more of. She told me that if it took crossdressing to bring that out and into our relationship, it was all worth it.

I agree with what Leslie has to say about how so many of these women have changed their expectations after years of dealing with the stereotypical macho type who can't find the ability to use those softer traits. I still have plenty of traditional masculine behaviors that make me difficult, but it seems apparent to others that I am just a little different. I'm trying to cultivate that where I can.

[Josie M]

I guess I should elaborate on my prior post. I've been wrestling with this issue quite a bit lately (ever since I stumbled upon Dr. Glover's book). The post in this thread are a good description of the type of guy he describes in his book. When I listened to it, it really struck home. Thing is, my desire to crossdress goes back to my earliest memories. So, it's hard for me to say if my crossdressing is a symptom of me being a "nice guy" or being a "nice guy" is a symptom of my crossdressing. My solution is to give Dr. Glover's program an honest try while also giving Josie as much freedom as my schedule allows.

Dr. Glover's program tries to teach us to get the past the "typical male" stereotype and see what is good about being male. Still, if I lose Josie as a result of all of this, I will miss her, and I will regret that it took so long for me to accept that part of me and that I always kept her on such a short leash.

I'm in an interesting place right now, and this thread has a lot to do with it.

[trappedNhere]

Wow Danielle:

Just don't know how you do it girl. So do you listen or just hang up? Reason I ask is while she was engaging in her extra relationship (with who I thought was just a friend) she would come home or call me crying about something he said dir did. (Always edited of course, lest ahe be found out). I, as is my nature, would comfort, hold, listen, bitch with and give advice. What a fool I was.

She really had it good. Her manly man at the office/car/bed/ everywhere else, and muah at home.

Wonder if any F2M brothers have similar delimmas. Wonder if that may be the relationship answer for both.

Another question? If I'm gay and under go SRS, and still like/want men. Am I gay or strait? God why do we even put lables on ourselves?

[eluuzion]

sounds like the only support you get at home is from your pantyhose, lol.

It is a painful life trying to live with a partner who views a relationship as a competition rather than mutual support. There are no winners in that scenario.

I am curious to know if your SO has the same type of personality as your father or mother? (emotionally distant or “vacant”?)

Suggestions for a name? Well, how about Dora Matt? Or maybe Ima Dormat? Cya Later? Ms Herabal Life. Stephonme Sommore. Tara Bullife? Liv Inalie?
lol, jus' kidd'n ya...

I had a similar ex-wife. There are probably dysfunctional histories in both of your pasts, which caused you to attach to each other when you crossed paths in life. Both trying to take "another shot" at something left unresolved in a parental relationship. (like an emotional absent parent). You try and earn that "love" you never got as a kid, by picking a similar cold personality in an SO.
It is hard to recognize the unconscious attempt at correcting past wounds through relationships with toxic partners.

It took a divorce from a golddigger ex, $100K + losing everything for me to learn that lesson. It was the best investment I ever made...now....not at the time...lol.

Not saying it is your case...hope not...but one option as an explanation to understand it.

It is never too late to choose freedom and happiness...it is out there someplace...

good luck!

[kimdl93]

OK< so your wife is ok with you underdressing and admitting to being gay ( or do you really mean bi?) She obviously knows everything about you and still she chose to marry you. I can't see that its a big step for you to express your desire to dress openly.

The larger question is what is at the basis of your arguements. Sometimes people say hurtful things as a tactic in arguements. Its not a good way to resolve issues, since it leave lots of residual hurt. So, try to learn to discuss issues, rather than argue...and if she has some underlying problem with your sexuality, your cross dressing or general femininity...learn to discuss this in a non confrontational way. Your lives will be better and you'll be able to stop worrying about being manly!