Value of Gender

[Steph.TS]

one of the things that has been going through my head is what is the value in being a man, and what is the value in being a woman. what I mean is I look forward to the idea of becoming a woman, but one thing that my mom has said is that it's a rejection of my masculinity... men are generally projective and insecure about their masculinity so they obviously see value in it, that I personally don't see nearly as much value as femininity has.

I have a long wait before I can afford to transition, but I have to understand the value people see in being a man, and also what is the real value in being a woman, the next worst thing I can do besides under valuing masculinity is over valuing femininity.

ultimately what I'm asking for is clarity, charity of what I am and the value it has, and what I want to become and the value that has. another way to look at it is why are so many people opposed to the idea of others switching gender, while some of it is closed mindedness, some of it has to be because they don't want to see others rejecting the value they see in their given gender.

I'm honestly trying to be as unbiased as I can, leaving it open to FTM and MTF to answer. I'd love to hear from post op's as well as they'll have had experienced being both genders and would have a unique insight on this issue.

[Danni Bear]

Jen,

IMO there is no real value in being one gender vs the other. The only value comes from within each individual. How they manage their own circumstances and life. I'm a M2F TS post-op and what I gained from transitition was peace and tranquility in my life. Rather than the constant turmoil that I suffered before. Do I suggest or prode others down the same path I followed, no as that would be entirely selfish on my part. Will I try and help any who ask or seek help, yes as sometimes what I have learned over a lifetime as a cd and ts can help to see answers that they may not have seen. This is what most everyone on this forum is about, helping and trying to ease the path for those that follow. To lead in a positive manner for those Of us that have gone further along a twisting and tortous trail.

Danni

[Areyan]

if i may dare to answer here;

if you are looking at transition in the long term the question should be directed inward, rather than outwards. i am reading your question over and over again and what stops me is the why... why should it matter how anyone else values gender to you? i understand perhaps why you'd like to hear from others about something this huge, but again... a very personal experience. no one can tell you whether or not it is right/wrong to value one gender over another, but is it about valuing a specific gender identity or social gender construct you are asking about?

when considering my own possible transition in future i have to question the gender identity within myself and who i know my core self to be... if there is doubt, then yes, much more introspection is needed. as for other's opinions on natal gender and the social aspect of gender construct, so what? if they're comfortable with their cisgendered views, why try to adopt them? i'm happier with my "trans" view on things than trying to fit into a binary value system. yes, admittedly this will affect people who may not handle me knocking their "gender values" but so be it... i have to live my life for myself at the end of the day. i think eventually it becomes an either or proposition with those who continue to question your path... transphobia is disguised as a lot of things, trying to enforce value about one's natal gender on a transperson seems yet another clandestine way of complete lack of acceptance and rejection of the person's true gender identity.

[Rianna Humble]

I'm glad that Areyan "dared" to answer as he has said much of what I was thinking. The "value" of gender has to be subjective and will probably be different for everyone on the planet.

I had to sit down with myself and work out who I feel I am, whether the continued pretence to be a male was worth the sacrifices, what were those sacrifices, why was I willing to make them (or not) and many other things. I also had to answer similar questions for giving up the pretence and starting to live as the woman I have always known myself to be (even if I was in denial for a long time). But none of my answers to those questions would apply to anyone else that I know.

My answers to those questions changed over time as well - in the first quarter of this year, there were sacrifices I was prepared to make because of the impact on others I care about deeply if I didn't make them. In the second quarter, those impacts became lessened and the sacrifice was no longer worth the cost. Was I selfish?

To try to address your mother's latest objection but from my experience not yours, did I reject my masculinity? I would say that this was not a rejection of something that was at best ill-defined (apart from anatomically) but rather an embracing of something that feels like the real me.

All the empirical evidence is that I have made the right choice for me. Would I push anyone to choose the same outcome? Absolutely not! It has to be their decision weighing up for themselves what is right for their own life.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

value of gender is a very interesting and cool question!

My answer is simple though....and it highlights our situation..

The answer is "I don't know...and I don't even know how to measure it!!!?

However, one idea comes into my head that certainly the value of being a woman is much higher to a woman, and the value of being a man is higher to a man...and thats one way to think of why it sucks to be stuck in the life and body of a wrong gender