Finally Coming Out To SO

[Berta82]

After 20+ years together, I am finally going to push the button and tell my SO about my CDing. I have kept it from her long enough. This all began yesterday when I came home from work and when I went into my sock draw, all my femme socks were laying in the front of the draw. I have been keeping panties, bras, and socks hidden in my dresser for a few years now. Then, when I went into my underwear draw, all my panties were on top of my male underwear. It kinda surprised me at first but got me thinking that maybe she found them. Then today, I went back into the dresser and couldn't find any of my bras, which I found in a trash bag in our room. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm finally going to do it. We are going away in 2 weeks for a weekend and I think this is when I will bring it up. I think she will be accepting, seeing she left all my panties and a couple of sleepshirts in the draw(I hope). She has not mentioned anything to me either and we spent yesterday together shopping. This isn't the first time either, several years ago she came home early while I was cleaning my car in the garage wearing leggings and clogs. She never said anything after that but I think she realized that I was dressing. I think, and hope this will go well.:doh:

[TiffanyTgirl]

Do you really think you should wait? She sounds like she has discovered some things, got angry, and then decided to leave the ball in your court. I wish you well, but I don't think I would wait.

[AKAMichelle]

I don't know that I would wait 2 weeks. The cat is out of the bag now and it probably needs to be adressed now.

[renee k]

I agree with Tiffany,

I wouldn't wait either. Sounds like she left you an opening to talk about it. And is waiting to hear your side of the issue. So don't let it fester. It's the preverbial 800lb. gorilla in the room. I wish you well as well.

Renee

[Tammy V]

I think what you have here is an opportunity, and if possible I would not wait either. She needs to talk asap.

[Sarah Doepner]

I agree with the others. That is based on my experience with my wife. If there is something that needs to be discussed, the sooner we get it done, the better. If I leave it for too long, her mind tends to move toward the worst case rather than the best outcome and I have a lot more 'splainin' to do.

[Elizabeth Ann]

I agree with the others. Moreover, the advice on this forum is usually to do this in a familiar, comfortable setting, such as home, and not when traveling or other stress inducing times.

Liz

[Sandra]

So your going to wait until you go away for a weekend and spill the beans. This could go two ways either she is ok with it or it ruins the time away.


Tell her sooner.....Do you know that if she has found your stuff what could be going through her mind right now? She is probably confused, upset and worried.

Don't leave it.

[NicoleScott]

Hey, Berta might have reasons for waiting 2 weeks to tell her. I'm sure you all told your SO at a time of YOUR choosing. Why does it have to be NOW, and how do know that now is better than later? Trust Berta to tell her when the time is right.

[Sandra]

Everyone has the right to choose the time when to tell, but I still say sooner rather than later....especially if the SO does have some idea.

[andrea35]

what if she does not take it well during your trip together, it will probably get ruin. Don't wait, tell her now and then show her what a great guy you are.

[alluts]

tell her before the trip, offer to let her buy your outfits...women love to shop!

[MarinaKirax]

After 20+ years together, I am finally going to push the button and tell my SO about my CDing. :

I don't think it's time to tell her about your CDing. Because she already knows.
It may be time, however, to discuss how this fits in your life, and hers. The rearrangement of your underwear drawer was a deliberate act. It's a non-threatenting way of letting you know that she knows, and that she needs to talk about it. I agree with everyone else that you shouldn't wait 2 weeks to respond to such a deliberately asked question. It will be easier than you think. She knows about it, and she has an idea how she feels about it. Obviously how she feels about it isn't leaving, its rearranging your panties. Have the talk now. There's nothing either of you will know in 2 weeks that you don't know now. MK

[kimdl93]

So, now that you know she knows, and she knows you know she knows...time for a little conversation, don't ya know.

[PretzelGirl]

I agree that the discussion needs to happen sooner than later. Good or bad news don't age well. And as brought up, it just gives her more time to let her mind wander. And bringing it up on a trip just opens the door for the trip to be a bust. Even if accepting, things start focusing on the dressing instead of the trip itself.

But I am not so sure that the arranged socks and panties are a sign of accepting. They could just be a sign of "I know". The bras in the trash say something too.

[Chickhe]

Call out fromn your room loudly, 'did you see where my bras went?' ...I don't know if she figured it out, she might even think the bras were hers...just mixed in with your stuff.

[Ameli]

I really think that both of you will feel better if it is out in the open. I don't think that it will be easy and I think you should address why it is that you have felt that you needed to keep this from her. I think it will be a huge weight off of both of your backs just to have it in the open. Good luck and don't delay.

[Christy_M]

I wish the best for you both during what for me was an incredibly stressful time. After 20 years, I can't imagine her being less than loving and supportive.

Christy

[RachelPortugal]

You can hardly tell your SO what she already knows. I think it is time for a long overdue full and frank discussion with your wife.

She rearranged your underwear drawer on purpose, possible to hint that she knows and prompt yo into saying something. You said nothing, she gets a little upset or even angry so she throws out the bras. If you don't say something soon, your panties will follow the bras. Then she will find your clogs and legging and any other female clothes and chuck them. Next your marriage will be down the waste disposal

The chances are she will be OK with the CD'ing, it is the lies and deceit that will probably cause the most problems.

[Shari]

Imagine the levels of stress building and building over the next two weeks for both of you.
I'd bet you're already affected.
Talk to her.
The sooner the better.

[Amanda Styles]

I must agree with others that the cat is out of the bag, and letting things stew for the next weeks is not good. The part of your post where you said you could not find any of your bras, and then found them in a trash bag does not appear to be a sign of your SO's acceptance of your CD desires, or maybe it was just more than she could deal with @ that time.
I hope for the best for you and your SO.
.

[BRANDYJ]

Like others have said. She knows already. She let you know she knows by deliberately rearranging your sock drawer. So it's not like you are confessing somethign she already knows. My bet is she has had at least suspicions about it for some years. She is waiting for you to bring it up. I can't tell you what to do, but if that had happened to me, I would have talked to her as soon as possible. I bet she is wondering why you have no0t said anything to her yet.

[Jessica Who]

Everyone's advice is great, I wish you all the best in the conversation. Always remember to be strong in who you are but don't be unwilling to compromise either :)

[Sedona]

Ditto all the other advice to talk now, not wait for your get-away. I realize you're looking forward to the get-away, and if you wait, she MIGHT not flip out, and you MIGHT have a good holiday. But, you'll be much happier if A. You get the talking over with, and you go on the get-away. B. You get the talking over with, and you DON'T go on he get-away. than the alternative C: You go on the get-away, have the talk, she feels cornered, and you proceed to have the most miserable weekend of your life.

[Jamie48]

When my wife found some of my things it was time to come clean. She is so understanding. I hope this turns out as well for you as it did for me. Talk NOW!

[TiffanyTgirl]

I agree that she should do it at her pace. It just seemed to me that now seemed to be approproate. Obvious things have been put out there.