Being dressed with the SO

[Helen_Highwater]

As someone who’s in the closet I‘ve wondered how my wife would react if I was to reveal my secret. Moreover how she would react to me being dressed while being in the house together.

So this is a question for those who dress while with their SO’s.

Do you adopt a more feminine persona or do you stay with you male personality? In other words, are you a man in a dress or do you soften your gestures etc to be more lady like?

I can envisage being more feminine totally throwing my wife off balance, perhaps being the thing she most couldn’t cope with. To be presented with what could be looked upon as a caricature would be the step too far. However for me not to adopt my alter ego while dressed would be to miss out a vital element in the change and would leave me feeling a bit like a fish out of water.

[Michelle James]

I just be myself. Whatever that is. I had a lot of anxiety about being with my wife dressed. But it turned out fine.

[scherylnmke]

My persona is half and half: a more easygoing some what feminine deamenor. I try not to exagerate my mannerisms, sit, walk ladylike, and my wife has no problem with this. At first it was me that had the problem with her seeing me dressed, but now the only worry I have is if she doesn't like what I'm wearing!!

[BRANDYJ]

Hello Helen, In my opinion, you are putting the cart before the horse. You say you are in the closet, so I assume your wife does not even know you dress. If I'm correct in that, then you need to first tell her about your dressing and feel her out as to if she even wants to see you dressed. If you are fortunate to gain her understanding and acceptance, then let her decide if and when she might want to be in the same room with you dressed. Now as to the question of how to act around her once she agrees to see you dressed, don't even worry about it. Be you. By this I mean, many of us quite naturally assume a more feminine manner of movement, sitting, walking and even soften our voices. I'd say don't try to "act'' more feminine, just allow what being dressed might change about your manner around her. I know my voice softens, my stride is different, I'm calmer and naturally become a tad more feminine around my SO when I am dressed.

But whatever you do, don't just dress and walk in on her as a way of her finding out you are a CD. That always goes bad. This is something that needs to be talked about. And the sooner the better. I wish you luck.

[juno]

I think it varies, and depends how often you dress in front of your wife. For me, I most often wear women's clothes, but no makeup or wig. For me, the full female look is new that for a while. Sometimes my wife thinks it is fun, but other times she would rather see her male husband. She needs to see me as a male more often to keep it balanced mentally.

[Angelofsomekind]

I am still myself, but my wife says I'm sassier, and I know I tend to have far more fem. gestures. It's not something I think about, I wouldn't have known about it if she didn't say anything about it. It's kinda like a switch that just goes on when I dress, something I don't think about, but I never do those things if I'm not dressed.

[Krysta]

I go back and forth, some days i'm swaying the hips and acting super girly, other times not so much at all. she hasnt said anything about the gestures so i dont it it bothers her. But like Brandy has said, the femme gestures are the least of your worries there is so much more to coming out to your spouse. I only started do the gestures and motions after the wifey was cool with me dressing around her. We took a very slow and gradual path for me being able to dress around her.

[kendras52]

My wife is really ok with my dressing, she has even bought me some feminine clothes. But like juno I do not wear a wig, and the only make-up I wear is lipstick, maybe some day I might wear it all, but for now my wife does not mind it when I'm in female clothes.

[tracylee]

My SO actually is amazed at the change in me as I go from "male to female"...lucky guy I am...not long ago I bought a new dress on E-Bay, and when I came out of my "transformation room", she couldn't stop complimenting me and grinning and asking me to turn around etc...and said how my mannerism changed...she said I looked a little like Joan Collins and I went into a domineering Bitc_ mode... she loved it!!...but she also loves the
transformation back to the man she married...and she's relieved that I don't do this all the time, and I repect that....thats' what had made this work...

[t-girlxsophie]

I dress most days and my mannerisms are generally more feminine in manner eg I walk,sit ladylike (dont attempt the voice) and my wife doesnt mind this, at all.she thinks I am more sensitive too when dressed.that in turn has helped me when am back in male mode-dressing to me is,as with others just natural like I dont need to think about it

:hugs:Sophie

[PretzelGirl]

I think there is a small change as I get relaxed so some things may come out that are otherwise suppressed. But it certainly isn't an over the top change, just a small one.

[AKAMichelle]

I don't think it would be any different than when I go out as Michelle normally. My wife is going to meet michelle for the first time on Saturday so I will have some real insight into this question.

When I do out as Michelle, I am more girly and a lot more fun. I usually smile which I never do as a guy. I smile because I am having so much fun.

[suchacutie]

As usual I'm not in the mainstream. My wife and I discovered my feminine side together after many years of marriage. Some thoughts became clear to us within hours: 1) I've had this feminine side forever but it was hidden within my personality, 2) she wanted to retain her man and was not interested in being anything by friends with my feminine side, 3) in order to tease out my feminine side we needed to make a space for her and see what happens.

Ok...what happened.

We learned that my feminine side, Tina, has a mind of her own. She and I share a body and a mind but we use them very differently. As my wife taught Tina how to be a girl, she also taught Tina what it is like growing up as a girl. My wife and I literally talk about Tina as if she were a separate person, since we've found that in many ways she is very separate! Tina and she talk about me (intrigues my wife to no end!).

By sharing this experience of watching Tina form a life for herself, my wife and I have become immensly closer and have had discussions about very personal topics that we would have never thought to discuss before, mostly about growing up as a boy or a girl. For us, Tina is a very separate person with her own crafts project, her separate books to read, movies to watch, dishes she cooks, etc ... just like she has separate clothes.

But even though this works for us, I hope you are able to start the conversation with your wife. I feel there is nothing more exciting than knowing about each other at this very personal level!

tina

[Helen_Highwater]

To be honest it's as I expected, a wide diversity of replies. In response to some of the comments I believe I've known my wife, we were school day sweethearts, long enough to know her well enough to anticipate her reactions. It's not that she's bigoted or uncaring, it's more that having a CD husband wouldn't sit well with they sort of person she is.
She's not "girly", or a slave to fashion. Lingerie is normally off the radar. Comfy cotton knickers more the order of the day. Having a fem addition to daily life, something akin to Helen, my alter ego added to the daily routine, wouldn't I believe, sit well with the person she is. If she met a GG who resembled Helen they would not instantly become life long friends
And lets no forget, when revealing ourselves we're asking someone who's an individual in their own right to accept something-someone who's, well, just a bit different from the day to day norm. We're effectively asking someone to accept a new person into the most personal intimate part of their life. That's a big ask.
If it works for you, then acknowledge just how lucky you are but at the same time appreciate that for some it's a bridge to far. After all, how many males do you meet who you take a dislike to? Why should your SO like you as your other self?

[Tara1967]

SIZE="3"] I am as different as night and day between guy and woman mode. All mannerisms change, likes and dislikes change, two different personalities. These two personalities were noticeable by second wife even when I didn't dress-for she didn't know anything about it. Sometimes, I could have conversations with her some days and, then I would have no knowledge of such conversations or of any actions that I would do. My crossdressing can easily trigger my female personality, (not persona). Sometimes my female personality comes on without my knowledge. I do know that I have 3 very distinguishable personalities. I need to go before I get in too deep. Actually this is only something that should really be talked about in person. I did go to a psychiatrist many years ago. I did all I could. I realized that my life was more complicated than the psychologists and psychiatrists could ever come close to resolving or understanding. The fact they have a degree on the wall, proved nothing to me. I believe in me, not doctors that think prescribing a pill will cure or fix things, and then they say, “Next”. Curing or fixing is not what they are after; it's all about the money with them. Do I need to be cured or fixed???? We all 3 get along fine, and my new wife is just fine with it all. I do believe there is a difference between crossdressers-and men that wear women's clothes. OK, I'm going to be perfectly honest here (as I always am), I've had a couple of strong mixed drinks tonight. Sorry everyone, talk to you tomorrow..............(Love & Respect),Tara

[Rachel Morley]

My wife thinks I have a "girly guy" type of personality (btw, she likes this) and that translates into fairly girly mannerisms in boy mode too but nothing extreme. Consequently, in girl mode I'm the same before we start, but I find myself "going with the feelings" and therefore tend to be more girly, with mannerisms, walking more femininely and I also try to soften my voice more too. The last thing I want to do is to be a "guy in a dress" ... not if I can help it.

[Aaron Zwidling]

I'm definitely a man in a dress when it comes to this situation, with no changes in my personality whatsoever.

[Alice B]

I came out to my wife two years ago and she is OK with my dressing. As a rule she does not wish to be a part of it, but there have been several times I have been dressed at home with her present. It goes OK, but limited time together. Usually she is up stairs and I'm down stairs. I do go to bed wearing my bra and forms, with make up on ad we have breakfast together in the morning. It is a work in progress, but the key was open and honest discussion about my needs and what she could and could not tolerate.

[Yvonne York]

I always think that when I am dressed I show a much more gentle, feminine side. My wife, who is totally supportive as long as I don't wear a wig or make up (so I can only do that when on my own), doesn't comment but happily goes along with things. I do feel a nicer person as a girl, so I am sure the answer is yes!

[sherri]

I think this is a great question, and not just regarding wives/SOs. I was thinking about this the other day as I had made plans to hang out with one of my oldest friends, who knows nothing of Sherri, instead of attending a gathering of my gay friends. I was wishing I could do both, and imagining how I would behave around my friend -- after I revived him and got him up off the floor. :-) I'm not one to dramatically alter my personality or mannerisms when dressed; as others have said, I'm just me, and not into pretension or exaggeration, but I know I'm inclined to emote in a more feminine way than I do in guy mode. It's actually more like the real me is suppressed in guy mode, only fully emerging in accepting company. There's also an old GG friend I've daydreamed about coming out to. But with both of them, who've known me for decades, even if I could summon the courage to let them see Sherri in person, I think it might be very difficult for me to relax enough to let them see that it's not just a matter of me wearing a skirt etc -- there really is a feminine person in here that they've never known. Even for my GG friend, who acknowledges that I'm not a typical guy, the shock might be too much. I think it would take quite awhile for her to come to the realization that I'm not play-acting -- assuming she'd be willing to hang in there that long. And too, I wonder if they might feel betrayed because I've kept such a thing hidden from them all these years, like they've never really known me at all.

[Rhonda Jean]

I most definately do adopt a more feminine personna, mannerisms, etc. when I'm dressed. I had no idea of the depth of it until I started going out dressed with my gf (less than a year ago). I go out a lot. Have since I was a teenager. But until now my male and female llives hardly ever crossed. Those who knew me as a girl (for the most part) didn't even know I had a male side. They certainly never saw it. With my gf I might be the boyfriend one day and the girlfriend the next.

Although I wasn't completely unaware that my mannerisms, voice inflection, expressions, gestures, and walk (is there anything I missed?) changed somewhat the more into the whole fem experience I happened to be at the time, it wasn't something I thought about or did intentionally. Maybe at some point in my life it was, but if so, it's been so long ago that I have no memory of it. It was much more about relaxing into the role. Sometimes I'm more relaxed about it than others.

The first time I went out with her while I was enfemme I was so happy, and felt so utterly transformed, I was more completely relaxed into the female role than I can recall. It probably helped that I was wearing a dress, which is pretty rare for me (skirts yes, dresses no).

I got the usual and expected comments on how I looked, but all day and night she commented on details in the changes in mannerisms to the point that ever since I've been hyper-aware of. She didn't do it in a bad way. She was just amazed, and a little caught off guard, but in a good way. It's been kind of a process since then to get back to that point of relaxation in the role. I've caught myself since (expecially the first couple of times after that) consciously trying to not do things in such a girly way. Consequently, it seems unnatural. I don't mean that I became "swishy fem" in girl mode. I've never been that. My feminine mannerisms didn't look contrived. The amazing thing to her is that they didn't look contrived, and appeared to come a natural as the non-feminine mannerisms did in male mode.

For example... I fool with my hair a lot in girl mode. Rarely in male mode. It's the same hair. It may be styled differently, but it's still the same hair. I honestly didn't know I did that until she pointed it out. In fact, I told her, "I do not!" when she first pointed it out. After that she say, "Going to the hair again!" every time I did it. I did it all the time, and had no idea! Now I consciously try to keep my hands out of my hair. I'm aware of my hand just naturally going to my hair, and consciouly tense up to keep from going there. I guess it's not such a bad habit, it's just one of those things that now that I'm aware of it it seems like a bad habit that I should break. Probably not a very good example, really.

The more we're out with me enfemme (hopefully) the more likely I am to get back to that previous level of relaxing. I think that's happening, but it's not something I can force. If I'm aware of it to the point of being able to force it, it would look (be) contrived.

Hope some of this made sense.