The fetish Aspect ( open to everyone)

[Pythos]

occasionally on this forum I find some rather ugly, or mean spirited posts. They differ greatly from what one would expect from a group of people wanting acceptance or encouragement for doing something that society for the most part shuns.

But, one term I have read thrown around her is Fetish.

One poster here flat out put down some CDers for the fact they might get aroused by the clothing.

Now the reason I was offended by this is quite simple.

I find some items of the clothing to be quite arousing. Sorry, but I do. I have stated before I am a very sensuous and tactile person. The feel of smooth nylon, or tight spandex is quite a turn on for me. Now does this mean it is my only outlet for sexual energy?

Are you kidding?

No. It is not. There are times when I am feeling...frisky (?) that as I am getting dressed an image of a female I know of and am attracted to doing the same, enters my mind.

I will say also that the thought of slipping into a pair of pantyhose or tights, is far more "arousing" than say putting on a pair of cotton briefs.

Wriggling into a catsuit is much more appealing than say putting on a bulky three piece suit.

Pulling up a pair of spandex disco pant that fit my body like a second skin, is far more...interesting than pulling on a pair of blue jeans that fit like loose tubes of rough fabric.

Once the item is on, the arousal goes away for the most part.

I have read here there are guys that are turned on at putting on a tuxedo. That to me is quite astonishing seeing as to me a tuxedo is one of the most god awful, and boring outfits out there.

Now, to the point of this thread.

Why is fetish viewed so negatively? Why do fellow CDers or Transsexuals put others down for this aspect.

And for those that are turned on, if only for a little bit during the process, explain some of the feelings (within decency) that accompany those items you find most "sexy"

GGs, please be truthful and say if you also find some stuff arousing.

I am curious about this aspect, but really do not like what I find on the internet. :)

[Alberta_Pat]

Unfortunately, the term "fetish" has gained negative connotation.

Personally, I have many "fetishes", some sensual, and some of the "powerful" type.

I much prefer the term eroticism to fetish. I find that female garb, tastefully worn, can be very erotic. It makes no difference whether worn by male or female.

Another term used by many is "sexual", which to me is again quite different in meaning. This indicates a physical action, rather than visual.

All are bound together to varying degrees, but none of them are actually repugnant to me.

[PuniPuni]

From the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, version IV:

"The paraphilic focus on Fetishism involves the use of nonliving objects (the "fetish"). Among the more common fetish objects are women's underpants, bras, stockings, shoes, boots, or other wearing apparel. The person with Fetishism frequently masturbates while holding, rubbing, or smelling the fetish object or may ask the sexual partner to wear the object during their sexual encounters. Usually the fetish is required or strongly preferred for sexual excitement, and in its absence there may be erectile dysfunction in males. This Paraphilia is not diagnosed when the fetishes are limited to articles of female clothing used in cross-dressing, as in Transvestite Fetishism, or when the object is genitally stimulating because it has been designed for that purpose (e.g. a vibrator). Usually the Paraphilia begins by adolescence, although the fetish may have been endowed with special significance during childhood. Once established, Fetishism tends to be chronic."

The underlined parts are the important parts. A fetishist is a person who cannot or has significant difficulty getting aroused without the presence of the nonliving object. Cross-dressing is not considered a fetish by the psychological community. ^_^

[CharleneCD]

I dont think what is being talked about, when therm fetish is used, is the sensuous feeling of certain feminine garments or the feel of freshly shaved legs. I am pretty sure what they are talking about is the use of the clothes for the sake of getting off. Either way it matters little. Just because someone is on a different tier of the TG spectrum is no reason to talk down about them.

[docrobbysherry]

Almost ALL CDs, at one time or another, get or have been, turned on by dressing!:eek:

However, those that have RISEN ABOVE their "baser instincts", NOW live on a higher plain than the rest of us embarrassing "fetish dressers"!:brolleyes:

Tongue in cheek reply not withstanding, I can UNDERSTAND why they feel that way! I mite come out of the closet and may not MIND telling people close to me that I dress. Except that confession to be truly honest, MUST include the, "I get sexually aroused by it", part, TOO!:sad:

[Lynn Marie]

To me crossdressing is totally about the feel and the look. The feeling of each article of women's apparel against my body is both exotic and highly erotic. Even the feel of the makeup and lipstick on my face is exciting. Also seeing myself in a mirror, or pictures, or through the eyes of a friend is another powerful part of the overall CD experience. The feeling, though, is the part that drags me back over and over. I like to tied up while dressed, now that's a fetish.

[Tasha VanEssen]

Dear Pythos,

I think you are spot on with your reasoning why many t-grrls are attracted to dressing as tactile sensations are very powerful stimuli. On the other hand lipstick on a pig negates any stimuli for me. My attractions to a fit body are more than superficial reasoning as some one who takes care of their body is likely to more healthy - and for me life all boils down to good health. Crossdressers are not mentally sick people and I feel that expressing yourself is very healthy. I like wearing pantyhose.... so what.

To answer your question on why someone might like wearing a tux is easy... it attracts beautiful arm candy.

xoxoxox

Tasha

[Crissy Kay]

Almost ALL CDs, at one time or another, get or have been, turned on by dressing!:eek:

However, those that have RISEN ABOVE their "baser instincts", NOW live on a higher plain than the rest of us embarrassing "fetish dressers"!:brolleyes:

Tongue in cheek reply not withstanding, I can UNDERSTAND why they feel that way! I mite come out of the closet and may not MIND telling people close to me that I dress. Except that confession to be truly honest, MUST include the, "I get sexually aroused by it", part, TOO!:sad:
As another fetish dresser, I think you nailed it doc!!!

[Marilyn Beck]

Cross-dressing is not considered a fetish by the psychological community.

The definition of Fetishism in your post technically excludes crossdressing, but refers to another paraphilia (Transvestic Fetishism) that involves crossdressing. I think Pythos is referring to transvestic fetishism in this thread.


occasionally on this forum I find some rather ugly, or mean spirited posts. They differ greatly from what one would expect from a group of people wanting acceptance or encouragement for doing something that society for the most part shuns.

It is clear that our members vary widely in their reasons for crossdressing, and in the nature and extent to which they crossdress. But all of us seem to seek greater tolerance and acceptance from society for crossdressing, at least for our particular version of crossdressing. It amazes me that some of us are intolerant of those who follow a different crossdressing playbook.


I find some items of the clothing to be quite arousing. Sorry, but I do. I have stated before I am a very sensuous and tactile person. The feel of smooth nylon, or tight spandex is quite a turn on for me.

No need to apologize. I also find crossdressing to be arousing, but for different reasons. I don't really get much satisfaction from the tactile sensation of female clothing, per se. For me, the clothing, makeup, and other accessories are psychological cues that trigger a feeling of femininity inside of me, which I find (inexplicably) to be arousing.


Now, to the point of this thread.

Why is fetish viewed so negatively? Why do fellow CDers or Transsexuals put others down for this aspect.

I suppose each person who puts down others should speak for themselves (and I would like to hear what they have to say), but my take is that being aroused by crossdressing reveals, as Sherry stated, a "baser instinct" that some find to be repugnant. I think some of those people would point out that their own reasons for crossdressing are far more noble and respectable, such as "expressing the feminine side of my personality" or "because I like the fabrics, styles and colors of women's clothing." I think they might say that one who crossdresses to become sexually aroused is essentially just a pervert and should be scorned.

[MargaretJ]

Can it be a fetish when you are only 4 years old?

[KellyK]

I can be aroused almost doing anything, from wearing my male clothes to my female outfits. I can be aroused by seeing a gorgeous man or woman, or just by the smell of their perfume or cologne. Being sexually enterprising, or bisexual for the porn stars, I live to enjoy everything there is in life and I dont consider that a fetish, I call it a lifestyle!

[PuniPuni]

Can it be a fetish when you are only 4 years old?

Actually I think it can... There is evidence suggesting that children as young as fetuses in the womb are capable of becoming sexually stimulated.

Also, KellyK, I like that term. "Sexually enterprising." I think it fits me too. ^_^

[MarinaKirax]

underlined parts are the important parts. A fetishist is a person who cannot or has significant difficulty getting aroused without the presence of the nonliving object. Cross-dressing is not considered a fetish by the psychological community. ^_^


I dont know; I have a logical problem with that description of 'fetish'. Preferring to think about, touch, or wear an object as part of sexual gratification is simply that - a preference.

Some men prefer to think about, touch or hold, the blond hair of their partners, rather than grey hair. Some men might prefer women wearing lingerie rather than hobo clothing. I think they might have ' significant difficulty getting aroused' in either situation. To point out that it's abnormal that you like something, and then say the "abnormal like" is defined by being significantly less satisfied with its absence, is a circular argument. Thats not a definition of a fetish, its simply a definition of a preference. If you weren't significantly more satisfied with it being there, it wouldn't be a preference in the first place

I wear tuxes and I like looking tall and handsome, sleek, and, well, powerful. But I don't get any sexual energy from putting on the clothing, like I do slipping on lingerie, or heels. Idon't get energized walking around in the male outfit, the way I , almost give myself up, to the feeling of my feminine wardrobe. I think some people use the word to describe the sexual power of things other than a person, and some use it to describe any object of desire when it becomes too high a priority on your life. So for some its a classification of object, and for some its anything that skews your priorities. My thoughts. MK

[Frédérique]

I find some items of the clothing to be quite arousing. Sorry, but I do. I have stated before I am a very sensuous and tactile person. The feel of smooth nylon, or tight spandex is quite a turn on for me. Now does this mean it is my only outlet for sexual energy? Are you kidding?
No. It is not. There are times when I am feeling...frisky (?) that as I am getting dressed an image of a female I know of and am attracted to doing the same, enters my mind.

I also worship at the altar of “tactile,” but it’s not because I seek an outlet for my sexual energy. I can dress a certain way and drain all the sexual thought out of my psyche. What’s left? Just a calmness, a peacefulness, a non-masculine-ness (gentle emasculation), and a together-ness that requires active suppression of sexual thought. I dress to drain the sexual battery…
:whew!:


Why is fetish viewed so negatively? Why do fellow CDers or Transsexuals put others down for this aspect.

Most people equate fetish with sexual deviancy. Not me. I have my fetish objects, I wear them, and I feel a certain magic. I believe in their power to heal what ails me. I can literally feel better by just looking at one of my fetish objects, but they have no sexual connotations, believe me. Fetish exists for lack of a better word, I would say – I am irrationally devoted to the beautiful, magical things I wear…

[Jason+]

............

Now, to the point of this thread.

Why is fetish viewed so negatively? Why do fellow CDers or Transsexuals put others down for this aspect.

And for those that are turned on, if only for a little bit during the process, explain some of the feelings (within decency) that accompany those items you find most "sexy"

GGs, please be truthful and say if you also find some stuff arousing.

I am curious about this aspect, but really do not like what I find on the internet. :)

John Q. Public or at least a large part of it can only associate women's clothing and men in a couple of ways: the standard promiscuously gay and looking or the panty (or worse) wearing sexually deviant pervert. A lot in our community seem to condemn those who give in to the "baser" urges of self satisfaction using women's clothing in order to distance themselves from the image of those self-gratifying perverts.

Even my little brother tried to liken it alcoholism in that I would need more and more items of clothing and turn into a raving masturbatorial lunatic. My father said to me "if I thought that was the case we would be having a serious talk."

But like Pythos for me there is an erotic side to it. When I discovered panties around age 12 the thought or sight of them was instantly arousing but then a sneaked look at adult magazines or books or sometimes as little provocation as the wind blowing the right way would be arousing. The less secretive and hidden I've had to be about being me along with some self acceptance and the fact I'm approaching 40 rather than 14 has led to less and less of an erotic component to it. That said a long hot shower, freshly shaved legs and a matching lingerie set with hosiery under a skirt and top will always feel both physically and mentally sexier (and look that way at least to me) than cotton fly front briefs and jeans.

I went to the internet around 2000-2001 knowing that I liked to wear panties and thinking I was the only man who did. I found I was wrong and waded through a lot garbage to find two sites that offered more than a cybersex playground and eventually led me to this wonderful site.

For a GG point of view I asked my wife if she felt a difference between "cotton grannies" and sexier underwear. She told me that she didn't feel she looked good in it and so it had the opposite effect of arousal although she likes to wear it for me.

[Jilmac]

The sexual arousal factor disappeared a long time ago for me however there is still an emotional arousal whenever I become Jill. The pure pleasure of putting on pantyhose and a pretty skirt and top, doing makeup, accessorizing, and topping it off with a favorite wig, and seeing the finished product in the mirror is an emotional turn on for me. If that's a fetish then so be it.

[Sara Jessica]

Dang, Doc nailed it (oh geez, absolutely no pun intended there), even if it was largely tongue-in-cheek.

A lot of it has to do with how we identify. One who feels closer to the TS side of things cannot possibly find anything sensual about anything we might wear. That's be forbidden in the rule book, right? However, I think of it though as any other woman MIGHT...sometimes it's nice to feel pretty. To feel sensual by how we present. That others may find us attractive. It is a different state of mind, perhaps saying the same exact thing in a different way.

I made a comment to a friend a couple weeks ago. She brought up how it's almost forbidden fruit for like-minded tg individuals to actually talk about the enjoyment of wearing certain clothing, etc. and it was interesting that when I was getting ready that day (yes, in my car), that there is nothing even remotely sensual or satisfying about putting on gosh darned pantyhose in a vehicle!!! Quite a different experience than when you have the luxury of doing so at home, kind of ironic how it came up in conversation right after such an experience.

[NicoleScott]

High time for this discussion, Pythos, and I'm glad you started it.
I agree with you and others that there seems to be a put down of crossdressers, especially by those who want to separate the fetish dressers from themselves who dress because they just feel all femmy inside. Again we have disagreements about terminology. It seems that the term crossdresser is just too inclusive for some, so we are to be called things like transvestic fetishists by the all-femmy-inside types who are wanting to be called transgendered, which by definition is even more inclusive than the term crossdresser. But it separates them from us.
There is a current thread with hundreds of posts about "what's your fetish?". I don't know why some have to post they don't have any, unless it seems to elevate them above the sexual deviants who do. Others say their crossdressing used to be fetish-driven, but their dressing has "evolved" or "progressed" into feminine-indenity dressing, and I said in another post, leaving us unevolved knuckle-dragging fetish dressers behind.
As with other terms, there is not consensus on the definition of fetish. It ranges from an object (for us, usually of clothing but other things too) that excites or arouses to an object that is necessary for arousal. My guess is that at least half of the "what's your fetish?" posts were closer to "I really like____" than "I need___ to get off". Just my guess.
Those of who have fetishes by the strictest definition know it. As a pre-teen and teenager, I would rub myself on the bed while wearing or holding high heels in my hands or looking at pictures of high heels, or looking at lipstick, pictures of lipstick/lipstick wearers, or putting it on. My preference for complete makeup and dressing is a way to combine all the things that alone can excite and arouse me.
As to what it is that excites, it's the sight. Sure, I love all the feels, smells, and even sounds (high heels clicking, petticoats swishing) of crossdressing, but it's the visual impact that excites me. My most important crossdressing articles may be the mirror and camera. I take pics every time I dress up, and take some videos, too (not of me getting off, as I wouldn't care to look at that later), of being all dressed up, walking in high heels, and putting on lipstick. My makeup/dressup sessions may be brief or last several hours (sometimes I go out but usually stay in), but end almost always by standing in my highest heels fully dressed and made up in front of a full-length mirror and applying lipstick while pleasuring myself (decent enough?). After that, the clothes and makeup come off immediately.
Humans, like other animals, are sexual creatures. Some guys brag about bonking a girl every night (wow what a stud!) but a guy who gets off a couple times a day using an object for arousal (wow what a deviant).
I agree, Pythos, and for a group wanting universal acceptance there seems to be a lack of it within our ranks.

[Barbara Dugan]

While I don't consider myself a solely fetish cross dresser I like to play once in a while with some kink aspects of the lifestyle , but what really aroused me more than the feeling of the clothes is the sexy feeling and presentation.
I guess if the fetish aspect wasn't vilified so much more crossdressers would give it a try

[CharleneCD]

But all of us seem to seek greater tolerance and acceptance from society for crossdressing, at least for our particular version of crossdressing. It amazes me that some of us are intolerant of those who follow a different crossdressing playbook.



That about sums it all up.

[divamissz]

Wearing a dress does not turn me on. Putting on panties, a bra, hose? Nope. For me, it's very natural and comfortable.

Now, if I put on a latex dress, does that turn me on? Sure-because it's something very sexy made from a material that has a fetishistic feel to it. And if you put a cisgendered woman into that dress, she'd probably be turned on too.

It's about THE dress, not just wearing any dress.

[MarinaKirax]

masturbatorial lunatic.
.

I curtsey to a true wordsmith. Well played, hon. Mk

[Lucy_Bella]

I really can't blame the clothing material in full, back about ten years ago my wife bought me some nylon briefs to ease my fetish.. It didn't... It was not only the material but the cut or style all together . I can take a pair of cotton panties same style as my perferered nylon and have no interest in them at all..

Odd though it may seem I am not attracted to any enhancers , like corsets or breast forms etc..As someone mentioned before about John Q public, I can kinda understand the attitude but it should be kept to themselves and not expressed. I can understand that most of my desired clothing enhances the desired sexual features of women ,short skirts long leggs, low cut blouse and high heels.. I find dressing as an average everyday GG dresses un satisfying on me ( not them ) it just does nothing for me and becomes mere clothing ..

[Vickie_CDTV]

YES, one can have a fetish at 4 (or so.) I started to have (develop?) a fetish for ladies dress gloves when I was about 5 years old. At the time I had no idea why I was drawn to wear them, or why or even what an erection was. By my early teens my fetish for ladies clothes began to expand, and I knew what a fetish was and what I was, and related it to my behavior as a young child.

Oddly enough, I knew what I was and while I felt a bit of guilt it never really was a pressing issue until I was older. I had no idea back then how profoundly my interest in womens' clothing would end up changing and shaping my life.

[Shananigans]

This is all pretty harmless...you aren't hurting anyone...you're an adult...and you're getting off which is better than situations for some people that I know.

I don't really see the big fuss about being turned on physically by wearing women's clothing.

You ask GGs to be truthful and say if they find stuff arousing. Of course things turn me on. Haha. Less tactile for me. Although when I put on something that I think I look really sexy in, I will be in the mood.

It just makes sense. I think I look hot...I'd do me...so, my boyfriend should.

[Audrey34]

The arousal factor is still there for me. That's why I tend to dress with what appeals to my sensual side. Like dresses, a-line skirts, soft, silky blouses, pantyhose and heels. Jeans just do not do anything for me.
-Audrey

[herwannabe]

To me a fetish is something that a person wants or enjoys doing. A person can have a food fetish or clothes or whatever, the term is just more associated with sexual fetish. If me liking to feel a nylon slip rubbing against my shaved legs then so be it, but it does not arouse me to the point of wanting sex, I just enjoy the feeling EVERYONE has a fetish of one type or another......

[JustineFallow]

Can it be a fetish when you are only 4 years old?

True story: There is a picture of me trying on pantyhose when I was still in my CRIB. 4 years old? Hmph--amateur. ;)

[anouk]

So many female clothes are meant to be sexy, either for the ones who wear them or look at them. So no wonder some might get excited...

For me female clothes used to have a sexual aspect in quite large extent. After telling my wife and being en femme more and more in "normal situations" the sexual aspect has almost vanished, replaced by sort of euphoric and relaxed feeling of "being at home" or "dressing up in right way".

[charlotte_sp]

Why is fetish viewed so negatively? Why do fellow CDers or Transsexuals put others down for this aspect.

The fear is that cross-dressing as a sexual fetish will become the only characterization of trans people, since society in general is notoriously bad at nuance. There are (at least) two reasons that this would be problematic:

1. If society does not recognize the gender identity aspect, it will be less likely to support trans rights, e.g. non-discrimination laws.

2. A sexual fetish is not as important to someone's every day life as their gender expression. To have ignorant people equate the two trivializes one's gender identity.

That being said, I agree with the others in that it's absolute BS to ostracize people for their victimless fetishes.

I am fairly cynical, but I think society can eventually handle "some people cross-dress as a sexual fetish, and some people do so out of gender dysphoria".

[bobi jean]

I just GOOGLED fetish. not necessarlily a negitive thing......
what I don't understand is;
we are on crossdressers.com, why would anyone (someone) put someone (anyone) down, (One poster here flat out put down some CDers for the fact they might get aroused by the clothing.), for wearing the attire intended to be worn for the opposite gender. I thought we were all crossdressers or supporters of one, I don;t get it....
for that matter, why would anyone put anyone else down for anything???????
I do agree that there has been a lot of what appears as negitive critisism of others lately. I really don't understand that. Is there any crossdresser on here, better than any other crossdresser on here or anywhere? Maybe you are more intelligant, more financially set, or more advanced in life but does that make you better?
I guess what bothers me most is. if you are that much better, that much in disagreement or dislike what you read. why not just "NOT REPLY".
I know being a crossdresser, a trans gender, a transsexual, a transwoman, as I am, or any other LABEL this umbrella I am under (with most of you) was not a CHOICE. choosing to follow your feelings, to be happy in life was a choice.
Back to "fetish". I have a fetish for the clothes I wear, and by god, I'm enjoying it...
Sorry for the venting, must be the hormones starting to work a little more (better)...........................

[freeindress]

So many female clothes are meant to be sexy, either for the ones who wear them or look at them. So no wonder some might get excited...
I agree with this, and can even get excited by the look of myself, just in slight feminine clothes, no need for sexy ones.
No wonder why I get excited when wearing sportsbras without real need, despite having read on some nudist / feminist site that a medical study proved some GGs eventually got stronger breast tissue after dropping support, at only a price of some discomfort in the beginning.

[charlie]

Hello Pythos!
Why in the world would having a fetish over clothes be offensive. Several of our fellow posters have said that the only reason that they dress is because of the sexual excitment that they receive from dressing. As a younger person I did too! My dressing experiences would seldom last longer then 10 minutes! Now I dress to be a woman. The whole process of dressing, going out and being a lady is not sexual at all. For me the fetish aspect I used to feel to now being the best dressed lady that I can be was a continuium. Bottom line...we all dress and wear female garb for our own reasons. Hence, we are all transgendered to some degree and are in the same boat.

[SusieK]

I wondered about the denial factor that I've seen quoted occasionally - that all/most crossdressers are actually TS, but haven't realised it or admitted it to themselves yet.

It crossed my mind that maybe the opposite was true, that the move to 'comfortable' dressing for some is because they are actually in denial about being a straightforward fetishistic crossdresser because that is more 'deserving' of the feelings of guilt for being a perv, rather than the 'worthy' feeling of being TG and expressing the inner woman.

It strikes me that both of these aspects can be the case in the same person, but that any sexual component is not a usual topic of conversation. In my experience, people don't often talk directly about sexual behaviour, but they can talk (within limits) about gender stereotypes and boundaries.

When a crossdresser is out of the closet and so people may ask why they do it, then if part of the answer is because it is a sexual turn-on then isn't it understandable that it will be perceived as perverted? If you're dressed in a manner that by your own admission excites you, and you're getting a buzz by being out and about, then aren't all the people you encounter non-consenting participants in an elaborate sexual game? It puts quite a different spin on things compared to feeling a comfortable positive energy about expressing your femme self, and your right to express the fact that gender boundaries are artificial and arbitrary.

I do understand that the reality of the feelings involved is considerably more complex, but its an easy if misguided logical step.

So back to the post, I think that when discussing MtF crossdressing inclusion of the fetishistic aspect comes with the territory (if not being its defining characteristic) in the mind of the general public. This is perceived negatively because in day-to-day interactions we don't want to be reminded about people's sexual behaviour.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I hate it that Crossdresser's and Transexual's are associated with people like Colonel Russel Williams. His fetish became deadly and it has become a guilt by assocation from the non TG community. When a fetish interfears with a person living a productive life or turns harmful, it's time to seek help.

[justbejulie2]

I have been CDing for a long time, but didn't really put a name to it. In the last year I have been exploring it, and finally realized (admitted) I am a CD. But also realized it is not uncommon, so I do not feel particularly ashamed of it. But a particular legal trial in Canada last week for a disgusting man (who happened to be a CDer), but committed unspeakable crimes, has made me feel ashamed, because the non-illegal things he did were described by the press as being perverted, disgusting, etc. Yes, he took a pic of himself in a woman's negligee. Yes, he enjoyed the smell and feel of a panty. I do that, and I agree it's not mainstream, but I don't see myself as a pervert. It is disturbing to me that we are sort of linked to his behaviour. If you are interested in the morbid details google Russell Williams.

Julie (who likes herself a lot less lately, after hearing the press describe (CD) behaviours that I feel as "disgusting and revolting"

[Pythos]

Well, this is a slippery slope, concerning this rotten man in Canada.

But then You have to ask this. How many CDers have done as he has? Now ask this. How many "normal" looking guys have done such crimes, and much worse?

We cannot use an umbrella over ourselves in this case. We cannot allow guilt by association to take place.

The reason I come down on men like I do is because a small minority of them do some really rotten things. In the case of CDers the ratio of rotters to genuinely good people is much smaller. We cannot tar the community based on the actions of when piece of crap on two legs.

(sorry if this post was disjointed. I am awake at some ungodly hour, and unable to sleep, so I thought some forum time was in order)

[DonniDarkness]

Fetishes....

I am a fetish crossdresser.....be it for sexual reasons or expressive reasons or even an artistic outlet for myself.

Expressing myself in intimacy is very important for my psyche, it grounds my femme emotions and allows them to be seen how i wish to be seen. It also provides a "playing field" for my fantasies.

Those who would view us as a negative part of this community see us for the most part, as lonely sleezy perverts who masturbate in the dark. This is not true for all of us.......Some of us have a tremendous amount of fun being involved in Role play fantasies, Submission/Dominance, and various other intimacy exchanges with our SO's. In fact being perfectly honest, our sex life was in a slump after having our children, finding out that we enjoy these things together and exploring each other sexually has brought us closer together as a couple. In fact twice a month we get a sitter and have "Hand-cuff and Porno" night......(lol no, im not kidding....she even named it). We have friends who know we are both very sexually devious and they pass no judgment on us based on the fact that we are fetishists or porn gurus.

So i am amazed that ADULTS of our alternative lifestyle community here at CD.com are judging us based on what we do while we are dressed. We are all here for different reasons but, yet we all come here for support, some would do better to remember that fact.

Your Resident Fetishist,
-Donni-

[kimdl93]

So far as I'm concerned, the prejudice against the "sexual" aspects of cross dressing is reflective of associations with the word "Fetish". The term is associated with a broad range of behaviors...some pretty tame, vanilla sex play and some rather extreme, maybe even dangerous activities...like autoerotic asphixiation.

I admit I find women in sexy clothes or lingerie to be very erotic, and I feel the same way when I'm dressed in the same manner. Its an extra little spice for my SO and I when we are both dressed in lingerie...if that's a fetish, then so be it.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I don't think the TG community is prejudiced, it's just no one wants 'guilt' by association. Think of the terms such as "Going Postal" - not all postal employees grab a gun and start shooting. Not all Muslims are terrorists etc.

[lingeriegurl]

oh my goodness how boring would life be if "we" did not get a little or very aroused when involved in an activity that brings pleasure, arousal, sensuality or abso;ute erotic bliss.
i have several fetishes and they all come to light when I crossdress. they make me feel alive and certainly heighten the senses. they don't hurt anyone and are not painful or dangerous....i love having fetishes...so be it.

[ChristiesGurl]

GGs, please be truthful and say if you also find some stuff arousing.

I am curious about this aspect, but really do not like what I find on the internet. :)

Okay, quick response, because this board is becoming a HUGE time sucker for me. LOL

Halloween weekend Christie wore a short short outfit with garters and stockings (she wears several pair of danskin tights under so she doesn't have to shave her legs), the outfit also opened in the front. She thought it was fun to flash me or just sit and flip the front open exposing black danskin panties an the garters... this drove me crazy.

So, you aint the only one, honey!!! LOL

[Vikki Vixen]

Cross dressing is definately a sexual thing for me, yes it does really turn me on. I can understand why some CD's would not want this as it does give the disapproving narrow minded people in our society the ammunition to say yes they are all sexual deviants. But let's remember it's those people who are uneducated, intollerent and scared of anything they think is not normal. Our efforts should be placed showing them they are wrong, more and more people now understand and the intollerant are becoming the minority. We need to support all CD's no matter what their reasons for doing it.

[Kelly DeWinter]

From the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, version IV:

"The paraphilic focus on Fetishism involves the use of nonliving objects (the "fetish"). Among the more common fetish objects are women's underpants, bras, stockings, shoes, boots, or other wearing apparel. The person with Fetishism frequently masturbates while holding, rubbing, or smelling the fetish object or may ask the sexual partner to wear the object during their sexual encounters. Usually the fetish is required or strongly preferred for sexual excitement, and in its absence there may be erectile dysfunction in males. This Paraphilia is not diagnosed when the fetishes are limited to articles of female clothing used in cross-dressing, as in Transvestite Fetishism, or when the object is genitally stimulating because it has been designed for that purpose (e.g. a vibrator). Usually the Paraphilia begins by adolescence, although the fetish may have been endowed with special significance during childhood. Once established, Fetishism tends to be chronic."

The underlined parts are the important parts. A fetishist is a person who cannot or has significant difficulty getting aroused without the presence of the nonliving object. Cross-dressing is not considered a fetish by the psychological community. ^_^


You have left out critical portions:

Fetishism

Category
Paraphilias and Sexual Disorders (http://allpsych.com/disorders/paraphilias/index.html)

Etiology
Like most disorders in this category, many theories exist in an attempt to explain how this disorder develops. Most experts agree that there are underlying issues related to childhood which play a major role in the etiology.

Symptoms
Fetishism is characterized by either intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors in which the individual uses a nonliving object (e.g., woman’s high heeled shoe, stockings) in a sexual manner. Typically, the individual requires this object to become sexually aroused and is therefore unable to be aroused without it. To be considered diagnosable, the fantasies, urges, or behaviors must cause significant distress in the individual or be disruptive to his or her everyday functioning.

Treatment
Treatment typically involves psychotherapy aimed at uncovering and working through the underlying cause of the behavior.

Prognosis
Prognosis is good although often there are other issues which may surface once the behaviors are extinguished. If this is the case, these issues must be worked through as well.


Fetishism does not become a Mental Disorder until "To be considered diagnosable, the fantasies, urges, or behaviors must cause significant distress in the individual or be disruptive to his or her everyday functioning."

So you can have a fetish and if it does not disrupt your everyday functioning then theres no problem.

[danielletorresani]

CD'ing is definitely a fetish for me. No gender identity crisis over here, I just get turned on wearing ladies clothing.

[ChristiesGurl]

Cross dressing is definately a sexual thing for me, yes it does really turn me on. I can understand why some CD's would not want this as it does give the disapproving narrow minded people in our society the ammunition to say yes they are all sexual deviants. But let's remember it's those people who are uneducated, intollerent and scared of anything they think is not normal. Our efforts should be placed showing them they are wrong, more and more people now understand and the intollerant are becoming the minority. We need to support all CD's no matter what their reasons for doing it.


Okay, well, for me, it was the legs and body IN the panties and stockings, not the items themselves. But since I'm not a CD male.. my opinion my not be valid.

[Amanduhrob]

Let me start off by saying I haven't read all the replies, so if this was covered, I apologize.
IMHO A fetish cross dresser will settle for just make up, or lingerie or maybe fully dress, because it arouses them.
But, and it's a big but, once they masturbate, they immediately undress because they feel "dirty" or that it's wrong to wear make up, dress...ect.

Again, this is just one Trannie's opinion. based on past experience.

[Taylermade]

I think fetish is perceived negative nowadays because of some of the more unusal things out there that are seen as fetishes.
Most tie fetish to something to get aroused by or something sexual. I do believe though, like myself that people can simply have a love for certain things such myself where I jut simply love hosiery and wigs, but it does not mean I need them to get aroused.

I bet not many out there have a wig fetish, lol
Sadly, I only have 17 wigs :(

[rocktheplank]

I would say this is a fetish of mine without hesitation. There is certainly a sexual connection, no doubt, but it isn't just strickly about sex. I am not afraid to say that my wife and I enjoy the kinky side of things, and this is certainly something that gets my motor running, but that is not to say it is the ONLY thing that gets my motor running. I am not some skezy perv who sits alone in the dark and pleasures myself to porn all day. I am a professional, a brother, a husband, a son, a friend, a neighbor and sometimes, a girl!

CDing doesn't make my world go round, but it certain spins when I am dressed!

[ReineD]

Why is fetish viewed so negatively? Why do fellow CDers or Transsexuals put others down for this aspect.

As with everything else (i.e. gender and sex), there is a sliding scale to fetishes. At one end is the harmless propensity to be aroused by objects or situations, the kind that add "spice" to a sexual interaction with a partner, rather than overtake it entirely.

At the other end, there is a paraphilia, which is defined as the sexual arousal and gratification towards the sexual objects or behaviors, that is atypical and extreme, since they replace the ability to have a healthy sexual relationship with the partner. In other words, if the objects or behavior are not involved, it ain't happening.

A fetish becomes a paraphilia when it causes distress in the relationship, for example when it is all about the objects (or behavior such as a CD being the girl) for one partner, while for the other it is all about the more normative arousal that comes with being sexually involved with the partner. So there's an imbalance.

I'm guessing that people who view fetishes negatively have in their mind's eye the more extreme paraphilias.

Also, the TGs who want to be respected for presenting as themselves out in public resent the fetish CDs who do go out dressed in a highly sexual manner, since it reinforces the idea among the general population that all TGs are fetishistic (or paraphilic). Believe it or not, there are many TGs who don't get off on being dressed. It is not a sexual thing for them, it is more about the need and satisfaction derived in expressing a gender identity.



GGs, please be truthful and say if you also find some stuff arousing.

I feel aroused by my partner, and his (or her) arousal by me. If I feel that wearing a sexy item of lingerie will enhance his or her arousal, then I'll wear it and will become aroused by the interaction that ensues between us as the result.

Do I become aroused simply by wearing a corset and fishnets all by myself? No. If I should wear such items by myself when I am feeling frisky and wanting to get lost in a fantasy (thinking of my SO), will I then become more aroused? Yes, but the arousal is all about the thought of being with my SO and fantasizing about the things we do together, and not at all about how the corset or the hose and heels feel on my body.

If that makes sense.

[suchacutie]

I'm sitting here trying to look at fetishism vs. arousal from a broad perspective. I suddenly realize that the number of different scenarios that would be arousing are just endless (it seems). Are we really so focussed on the thrill we feel en femme that it somehow takes on some superlative position in our lives. Yes, it is exciting to find Tina staring back at me in the mirror. The tactile sensations are huge, especially after a hiatus from being able to be her. But in all honesty, after a few hours she settles into who she is, and although it is immensely satisfying in a variety of ways, I really don't think that in the overall framework that those hours are any more arousing that a number of scenarios that are a part of my male life.

After all, if it weren't exciting or thrilling to become our femme selves, we wouldn't go through all the trouble (and it is an immense amount of work!)! Is that a fetish? Hmmm, does anyone care? really? Does it matter to our feminine selves? This is a great thread and I'm so glad that we're talking this through.

I'm one of those "men" who really enjoy wearing a tuxedo, and my wife makes it clear she enjoys it as well. For me, Tina is just one part of life, no more and no less! :)

However, the number of heels that Tina owns....now THAT's a fetish :)

ROFL

tina

[Lilaka Ananda]

CD'ing is definitely a fetish for me. No gender identity crisis over here, I just get turned on wearing ladies clothing.

My feelings exactly. My experience of cross-dressing is ritualistic, and I like it that way. To see myself as a sleek fetish goddess does wonderful things in my bodymind. While I fit the profile (transvestic autogynephile) that has many girls annoyed (for good reason), it is in no way pathological. I'm thankfully well-adjusted, I have a job, a great girlfriend and the love of good friends. I'm just allowing a component of my personality makeup to find expression, for which I'm rewarded with a blissful experience.

In my opinion, there's no reason for anyone to be annoyed by the fetish side of our continuum. I believe we are all behaving off the same set of neural schemas. The lame movie portrayals are a bit much, and we all suffer them, but generally, we're all of one kind in this together.