Wife 180

[AKAMichelle]

3 years ago when I told my wife about my cd'ing, I had no idea what would happen but knew that I had to tell her the truth. We have been separated for most of that time and I thought the last sentence had already been written on her acceptance. Was I ever wrong! A few weeks ago she agreed to go the halloween party my group was having last night. She helped me pick out my costume. She helped me buy my eye makeup and false eyelashes. She even loaned me a purse, earrings, bracelet, and necklace for my costume. I thought up until the last moment that she would back out because it meant seeing me dressed for the first time.

Well last night it happened. Daenna Pez and I went to dinner at Red Robin and were waiting on my wife to join us there. I had picked Red Robin to help my wife with the first time she saw me dressed but it didn't work as planned. My wife wouldn't come in because she felt odd coming in there in costume. So we hurriedly finished eating and went to the car where she was waiting. As I approached, she looked long and hard. It was the first time she had seen me completely dressed and she was shocked. She went with us back to the house for us to change into our costumes. So there she is with 2 cd'ers and she didn't chicken out.

When we got to the party she was taking everything in as she saw about 50 CD/TS. It was an experience that she didn't know what to think. She adjusted and accepted the situation like a trooper. She made friends in the group and has now agreed to go with me to a support group. Things have changed so much in just a few weeks.

P.S. My divorce is now on hold. Cd'ing wasn't our problem with the marriage but so much progress has been made that it is prudent to hold up to see if the real issues can be worked out as miraculously as her accepting my cd'ing.

[Susancd]

Michelle, good luck, I hope it works out.
Susan
x

[BonnieAlexander]

P.S. My divorce is now on hold. Cd'ing wasn't our problem with the marriage but so much progress has been made that it is prudent to hold up to see if the real issues can be worked out as miraculously as her accepting my cd'ing.

So glad to hear and no matter what, I'm sure all will be well.

[BRANDYJ]

Michelle, I have been waiting to hear how this first time seeing you would go. And I'm happy that it went so well for you and for your wife. I'm also glad the divorce is on hold. This may not have been the reason for the marriage problems directly, but something tells me that it may have added to the other reasons. The total openness and honesty you are now discovering with your wife, coupled with the love each of you have built over time just may be what you both needed to get back on track with each other. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. Not only is she seeing you in a totally different light, but now you are seeing her in a different light too.

[AllieSF]

Congratulations Michelle, maybe the tide has turned in both of your favor. I won't be easy in some areas and maybe overly easy in others move with caution, but also enjoy the moments, they may get better.

[GirlieAmanda]

Wow. I have been following your saga a little. I never expected this. I am now starting the process of a divorce directly caused by CDing and a few other things so I can really ID with your plight. This is an amazing turnaround. I don't think this will happen for me. I just am so happy that maybe you don't have to lose the person you love. I will have to start over. You can possibly have your cake and eat it too. That is such a good story. I feel so good inside reading it.

[Jodygurl]

Oh, Michelle, I am so happy for you. I wish you and your wife all the luck and courage to get your ship righted again.

[Mary Morgan]

Michelle, I hope that this is the beginning of a new wonderful relationship with your wife, and that it is a strong enough foundation to allow resolution to whatever other issues may exist. Congratulations on a new start.

[Maria in heels]

Michelle

This sounds like great news!! I hope that everything works out for you both

[Inna]

Life unfolds in such mysterious ways, it is almost as though your cding may have helped to save marriage and buffer differences. Most of the time we have the need to understand logically ways of our life but I am learning that by letting go and embracing what future may bring without much intellectual weight, always saves the day!
I feel you will be fine no matter what, and may life bring on the best for both of you, love, Alexia.

[Juliana Hart]

That's fantastic Michelle. I widh you two the best.

Juliana

[Laura Evans]

Michelle, this is great news, I am so happy for you and your wife. Hope the issues that lead to the divorce proceedings get worked out. If possible when your wife accompanies you to a support group get her to meet other wives this would help her tremendously.

[DianeDeBris]

Hi Michelle -- I'm thrilled to hear of your encouraging news! At a minimum, you and she are preserving a valuable relationship, and if things go superbly you may both have the joy of saving your marriage! I wish you both all the very best -- hugs, Diane

[LeannL]

Michelle,
Good news indeed. I don't want to take any credit for this but I (almost) always say a prayer for those who describe a pending divorce. I will say another for your to continue down the path away from it. Good luck.
Leann

[varinia]

I am happy for you. Sounds like you may be on the path away from a big D.

[Patty B.]

It's good to hear your divorce is on hold and I hope it all works out with you and your wife. Your story is close to my own so its been an interesting read so far. As for me, I don't know how it will end, it certainly isnt looking good these past few months, but I hope my marriage will survive. Best wish's.

[eluuzion]

Hey remember...

"It's never over until the FAB(ulous) lady sings!" (that's you, BTW):hugs:

:love:

[ReineD]

Wow, Michelle, just wow! I'm speechless and all teary eyed. :) :) :) :hugs:

[Blaire]

For some, the big gorilla in the corner of the room will never be seen to be anything but that - because they run away never to look back, because they're pushed toward a poor illusion, because of a variety of things. Others, the ones that take the deep breath, open their eyes, and step closer, see the little teddy bear that because of surprise or whatever other reason, just looked like a big gorilla.

It's for everything the the lifetime discovery of each other, from CDing to leaving the toilet seat up. A good relationship will survive pretty much anything, given time to think, time to talk, and time to give.

Hopefully your "second life" will work out better than the first. You've both got some more experience now, make the most of it!

[Angiemead12]

Im glad there is hope to save your relationship!

[Claire Cook]

P.S. My divorce is now on hold. Cd'ing wasn't our problem with the marriage but so much progress has been made that it is prudent to hold up to see if the real issues can be worked out as miraculously as her accepting my cd'ing.

Michelle,

My sentiments are with everyone else .. wonderful news. I wonder how many of the spouse / SO difficulties we have really relate to CD'ing, as opposed to other issues in relationships.

All best wises, Claire

[suzy1]

Best wishes from me too Michelle. A nice post to read when I got home.

Hugs, SUZY

[AKAMichelle]

Hey remember...

"It's never over until the FAB(ulous) lady sings!" (that's you, BTW):hugs:

:love:

Now how did you know I was the fat lady. :D I do have to admit that I need to lose a lot of weight but all the stress of my business and marriage have been too much to really relax.

Thanks for your support. While I am not sure that this will be solution for us, it was enough of a step to halt everything. The issues we have with each other are very deep and many may never be resolved. Which will still mean this decision of do I go on or stay will still have to be made. But it is better to wait a little while longer and see where this leads us. I don't want to start over and especially right now. I just don't care about finding someone else. I am trying to fix myself some and rediscover myself in the process. Then maybe I will know the answer to the question of do I go or do I stay.

[7sisters]

God bless God bless. Oh thank God! I'm happy. Thank you for this good news.

[linda allen]

That's great. I wish you the best.

[kimdl93]

Michelle,

This is really great progress. Its as though a seemingly insurmountable problem has been overcome. Maybe now that she realizes you're the same, or even a better person than ever, those other problems in your marriage may seem a little easier to address. Even if your marriage ends, it seems you have found a new source of understanding and support. That's a good thing in itself!

[Tammy V]

Congratulations, Michelle! I hope she will continue to grow in her acceptance and it sounds like she is well on the way to doing so now. I know it is a relief to you and best wishes going forward.
Hugs,
Tammy

[SherriePall]

Michelle -- Good for you and your wife. I hope the two of you enjoy each other's company for the time being, no matter the final outcome. Good luck.

[ReneeT]

Michelle,

It was a pleasure to hear of the positive turn of events in your life. I am especially interested as i am on a glide path leading to the big D, due predominantly to my tg issues. It is reassuring that there is still hope in your situation. Have the two of you been involved in counseling?

[ReineD]

Honestly Renee, I think that sometimes it takes losing something before we realize what we had. I'm not saying this to speak for Michelle, but rather to speak for my own experience. And maybe this is what Michelle's wife is going through too.

[kimdl93]

Honestly Renee, I think that sometimes it takes losing something before we realize what we had. I'm not saying this to speak for Michelle, but rather to speak for my own experience. And maybe this is what Michelle's wife is going through too.

Having also been through a divorce I can empathize with how complex relationships can be - even w/o the issue of CDing. My x and I had huge communications problems. We didn't discuss, we argued. When we argued, we defended positions. Not a good way to resolve problmes...and a sure fire way to say things that have a lingering hurt. My x knew of and particpated in my dressing for years, and seemed supportive. It was only during that angry period of the separation/divorce when the fact that I dressed was an issue. Afterward, being a CDer ceased to be an issue for her...just something said in the heat of the moment.

[AKAMichelle]

Michelle,
It was a pleasure to hear of the positive turn of events in your life. I am especially interested as i am on a glide path leading to the big D, due predominantly to my tg issues. It is reassuring that there is still hope in your situation. Have the two of you been involved in counseling?

We went to counseling one time and I walked out so disgusted that I would have filed the divorce right then. We fought for days after that and then the calm finally happened because we had finality that we were going to get a divorce.


Honestly Renee, I think that sometimes it takes losing something before we realize what we had. I'm not saying this to speak for Michelle, but rather to speak for my own experience. And maybe this is what Michelle's wife is going through too.

There may be a lot of truth in this statement. This what bothers me the most about stopping the divorce. People have a tendency to make all kinds of changes when they have to and then later revert to old habits. I've done it just as much as my wife. It gives you reason to be cautious but in the end it comes down to your heart. I love my wife and probably always will even after a divorce. I just have a problem living with her. Together under the same roof we become something terrible. Together but not under the roof we are great. This isn't the way I want to live my marriage so it will eventually move one way or the other. For now there is a certain amount of comfort in knowing that we can continue together.

[Aimee20]

Michelle, that is great news!!!

I just went through a divorce last year but with that it was because CDing was the issue, being verbally abused by someone who then refuses to work and spends all the extra money you make doesn't really make for a happy life.

All I can really do is keep you in my prayers and hope it all goes great for both of you. Congrats again hun.

[kimdl93]

.... I just have a problem living with her. Together under the same roof we become something terrible. Together but not under the roof we are great. ....

Michele, this is a pretty common feeling and perhaps CDing isn't the real root problem. The challenge is to clearly understand what factors are causing the grating sensation in your relationship and perhaps address them.

[BRANDYJ]

So very true Reine. I speak from experience. Te grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. For long relationships, my guess is both parties will feel regret to some degree, for not trying to mend the fences, forgive, swallow pride or whatever it takes to make it work. Where there's love, there's a chance.
I feel sorry for any Cd that might think that as soon as they are divorced they can dress all they want and not have to answer to anyone. Like it's gonna be one big party. Then reality sets in and they face being alone and wishing they might have taken another course. But I happen to one that hates...I mean hates living alone. Some people like it, I don't. I also hate being single and am thankful that I have a woman that loves me and that I love with all my heart. But for complicated reasons, she has to stay in Michigan for awhile and I am still living alone. But at least we have the love and a phone sure helps. Well that is until 2 days from now when I move in with a new roommate.
Sorry to get off track, but at times I read things here that suggest that a fellow CD is so deep in the pink fog, that they are not thinking straight and don't begin to see the down side of a breakup. Just my two cents. But I am a big believer in the saying that no man is an island and therefor should not live life alone. My life partner is the most important thing in my life. My Fem side takes a back seat to love and my partner. But fortunately, she loves that part of me too.

[ReineD]

I feel sorry for any Cd that might think that as soon as they are divorced they can dress all they want and not have to answer to anyone. Like it's gonna be one big party. Then reality sets in and they face being alone and wishing they might have taken another course.

Aren't you thinking of a different thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?142030-What-is-it-like-after-she-is-gone)?

Also, most times we can't go back and redo life, and it is human nature to look to the future and make the best of what we've got. It would be too painful to live otherwise.

[JulieC]

I love my wife and probably always will even after a divorce. I just have a problem living with her. Together under the same roof we become something terrible. Together but not under the roof we are great. This isn't the way I want to live my marriage so it will eventually move one way or the other. For now there is a certain amount of comfort in knowing that we can continue together.

I've read of marriages, quite successful marriages, where the two partners live separate lives in large part. They have disparate jobs, live under different roofs, and rarely sleep in the same bed. Yet, it works, and well at that. I too would not want a marriage like that. But, let me toss this out there...

Maybe understanding what makes you work so well not under the same roof can lead to an understanding of what can make it work while under the same roof. Maybe in accepting a living apart status quo for the time being can lead to living together in the future. Maybe it would then move from living apart to living together, but separate bedrooms, come/go as you like, almost like roommates. I don't know.

What I'm getting at is don't suppose the only workable solution for a 'successful' marriage is the Disneyfied version of happily-ever-after. Reality doesn't work that way.

[Rhonda Jean]

WooHoo! You KNOW this this makes me happy! I know it may be a little early for congratulations, but, what the hell...Congratulations!

[ReneeT]

I sense a lot of similarities here. My wife and i get along great on the phone - like the best friends we used to be. In person it is a different story. I guess she sees the femme side of me that she can't on the phone. I told her a few weeks ago that i don't look forward to coming home after a trip anymore. She told me yesterday that she feels the same way.

This just really has to be hard for a wife to deal with. I sure wouldn't wish this on anyone i cared about

[AKAMichelle]

I sense a lot of similarities here. My wife and i get along great on the phone - like the best friends we used to be. In person it is a different story. I guess she sees the femme side of me that she can't on the phone. I told her a few weeks ago that i don't look forward to coming home after a trip anymore. She told me yesterday that she feels the same way.

This just really has to be hard for a wife to deal with. I sure wouldn't wish this on anyone i cared about

It is terrible for the wives. To find out that we are liars, and have deceived them for years. The trust goes out the window and they have a hard time recovering, but it does happen. Sounds like one of your best options may be to separate for awhile and see if separation doesn't calm down some of the problems. Sometimes it makes people realize how nice it is without the other, while other times it makes the heart grow fonder. You need to do something or the D will arrive soon. Good luck to you

[kimdl93]

I am the first to acknowledge that accepting a CDer as a husband can be very hard for a spouse. At the same time, we have to remember that its not a crime, we didn't kill anyone, and doesn't make us less capable of being honest, loving, nurturing and responsible partners or parents.

[Alicia_lynn419]

That is fantastic... sometimes I wish me and my ex wife could put things back together... we're still friends, but I doubt she would ever accept me as Allie, even though she knew about it well before we got married. Best of luck to you!

[Jane G]

Good luck.

[Cheryl James]

I am very happy for you and wish you and your wife the best.