To Closeted CDs - What's The Plan Should the VERY Worst Happen?

[MiamiMarie]

My husband told me about his CDing 10 years into our marriage, and one of my responses was, "wow, what if you died in a car wreck and I would forever wonder why I had to identify your body in panties?" I honestly believe I would go through the rest of my life thinking he had an affair because CDing would not really occur to me.

Now most women outlive their men, so those of you expecting to go to your grave with your secret, what about after you die? Do any of you keep explanation notes with your hidden wardrobes that would help your SO cope? Do you have a special letter with your will or anything? Is your stuff so well hidden that your woman will never find it? Or have you never given it any thought?

[joannemarie barker]

Leaving an explanation is a very good idea.should my next long term relly be with a woman I'll definitely use that idea :) should it be with a guy then I guess I'll be out anyway :)

[thechic]

Good idea i never thought of that, that's something i use to always worry about getting pulled up by the police or being in a MVA it scared me to hell especially since im in the fire service and know all the paramedics. but they are professionals and we have seen so many sights they wont really care what you are wearing,as for leaving notes for when you die i think most wife's will work it out eventually

[GaleWarning]

I will just go with the flow ...

[AllieSF]

I am with Clayfish and will go with the flow. Wait a minute, I would be dead and the flow will have stopped. I think a good surprise for all and hopefully a good laugh would be in order in my case. If a married CD keeps the secret that long for fear of repercussions from the SO (maybe relationship issues?), why should the CD worry after the fact? I have read the good stories here about coming clean no matter what, and I have read more sad stories from those who have come clean no matter what. Since each situation, though having similarities to other's situations, is so unique I understand that the surprise after death would be on the SO. Seems unfair, but who knows if the surprise really would be worse for all parties concerned than the truth if be told earlier than death? Maybe "The Shadow Knows"!

[Janine cd]

I agree that some sort of letter explaining the need to crossdress should be left in an appropriate place. I'm thinking that my wife knows about the need but what about the children?

[MiamiMarie]

I think if the wife knows, she can best determine whether or not to ever tell the children.

[Tranny Tee]

As my brother will be the one to handle my affairs when I am dead I told him about my crossdressing a few years ago. We had a conversation of about five minuites and went on to other subjects, neither one of us has brought up the subject again.

[Rachel Mari]

I think that if you haven't told your SO about the cding than the letter explaining the reason for the women's clothing would be in order. If anything it would answer some of the unknown questions in the SO's mind.
After someone is gone, a person can think up all kinds of answers as to What, How and Why. It would help put their mind at ease. Or cause some regret that you didn't tell them many years before.

[Lorileah]

yeah leave a note that will make the whole death thing sooooo much better. Either own up or don't do it. My opinion. Awaiting the whole "you don't know my life responses now. But here is the point. You are so dang scared about how your family will handle it when you are alive you really don't give a rat's rear after you are gone?

Knowing that most here will never admit it even in death, let me go ahead and write a rough draft for you

Dear wife.

Hey I am gone now so I don't really care if you know it or not. You see all those years I snuck around and did things you didn't know about? Good news! there wasn't another woman! So that's a huge load off your mind huh? No, I was secretly dressing in women's clothing. (by the way sorry about all you ruined and stretched out clothing...I just thought you would not mind that as much). But hey, I know you \would not have been able to handle this when I was alive so I took that option away from you. Trust me it is better this way, and know that I am watching over you as you discover this part of my life that I am sure you never suspected and that if you had found out you would have stormed out. This is so much better don't you think? Oh by the way I have left several notes around about other things I didn't think you would understand, but now you will have to.

[Maryesther M.]

By now my wife and my children know, but it is assumed that it WAS a passing fad and doesn't feature in my life anymore. For the present I am hoping that I'll get some advance notice of my passing, e.g. a diagnosis, which would give me time to get rid of 'evidence', which would of course be found if I had a sudden demise.
The evidence is really only my secret store of femme things, a private photo album of me & others 'dressed', and of course all that is on my computers. That stuff is easily gotten rid of, if I'm around and compus mentis enough to do it!

[RachelPortugal]

I posted a similar thread a while back, in which I stated that one owed it to one's nearest next of kin to tell them about one's cd'ing while one is alive. Their grief, after one's death, will be hard enough to bear without having to read a letter about cd'ing or finding a stash of women's underwear etc.

[Tara1967]

[QUOTE=MiamiMarie;2301033]My husband told me about his CDing 10 years into our marriage, and one of my responses was, "wow, what if you died in a car wreck and I would forever wonder why I had to identify your body in panties?

Do you mean that what "if" you did not know? But you do know now and he is alive, so it would come to no surprise.Your question here is wow, what if you died in a car wreck and I would forever wonder why I had to identify you in panties? I mean you know now, so there would be no surprise.

[eluuzion]

I do not have an SO, but I do have the infamous "to be opened if anything happens" letter in my safe. I also have a will. Both were created just before my daughter was born. I feel like it is one of the responsiblities of being a parent.

No, neither one of them mentions anything about my CD interests. I have never viewed it as something I need to explain or share with anyone. The evidence found will speak for itself in my case. I'm sure it will not surprise anyone anymore than my other activities and pursuits have or will later. People that knew me will just find it one more amusing eccentricity in a life that was full of them...lol

I just had a conversation with a friend, who also lives alone and just had a hip replaced. We were guessing how long it would be before somebody found our body if we suddenly died at home. Also, who we thought would be the one to find us...interesting conversation.

We decided if one of us went silent for two days without any explanation, the other had permission to break in and investigate. And would also be responsible for conducting a search for anything weird that would best be removed before calling relatives or 911.

It was kinda freaky, since the very next day he called and told me a buddy of his (50 yr old) that lived alone was just found by his worried mother who went and checked on him. He was just sitting in his TV chair...dead from a heart attack !

The first line in that "letter" I drafted is...

"It was the Butler, in my art studio, with the rope..."

hehehe

[MiamiMarie]

Do you mean that what "if" you did not know? But you do know now and he is alive, so it would come to no surprise.Your question here is wow, what if you died in a car wreck and I would forever wonder why I had to identify you in panties? I mean you know now, so there would be no surprise.

To clarify, my husband did not volunteer the information, I caught him, and when I did, he was upset because he was literally planning on taking his secret to the grave. Then I asked him that hypothetical question to demonstrate how he would most likely get caught anyway, only with his plan, his secret may be confusingly revealed when I would already be suffering in unfathomable sadness over his death. This thought made me wonder what other CDers do to prevent this from happening or if they even think about it.

I am very lucky to know now, and obviously I would not be confused upon his passing. Unless he his death was a very odd one.

[audreyinalbany]

Believe it or not, as a fifty four year old male with the usual complement of fifty four year old maladies (high blood pressure, high cholesterol) I've given this some thought. My wife knows, so that part wouldn't be a deal breaker, but I'm more concerned about my adult children. Seriously, I'm not sure that I would wan the image of my crossdressing sullying the memory of their dear old departed dad. That probably sounds stupid and I'm sure that many on here will argue that "it's who you are," "you shouldn't be ashamed," and so on. Fact is, it's how I feel. Both of my kids (a daughter and son, 27 and 25 respectively) are pretty liberal, and, intellectually, wouldn't have a hard time dealing with it. But emotionally, I just think it would scar our relationship.
Anyway, my working hypothesis is that, should anything untoward happen to me, my wife will deal with the women's clothes. Probably by getting rid of them as quickly as she can (although she knows about my dressing, she's not a fan). If something happended to both of us concurrently, well, I haven't actually planned that far ahead. I'll have to work on that.

[linda allen]

yeah leave a note that will make the whole death thing sooooo much better. Either own up or don't do it. My opinion. Awaiting the whole "you don't know my life responses now. But here is the point. You are so dang scared about how your family will handle it when you are alive you really don't give a rat's rear after you are gone?

Knowing that most here will never admit it even in death, let me go ahead and write a rough draft for you

Dear wife.

Hey I am gone now so I don't really care if you know it or not. You see all those years I snuck around and did things you didn't know about? Good news! there wasn't another woman! So that's a huge load off your mind huh? No, I was secretly dressing in women's clothing. (by the way sorry about all you ruined and stretched out clothing...I just thought you would not mind that as much). But hey, I know you \would not have been able to handle this when I was alive so I took that option away from you. Trust me it is better this way, and know that I am watching over you as you discover this part of my life that I am sure you never suspected and that if you had found out you would have stormed out. This is so much better don't you think? Oh by the way I have left several notes around about other things I didn't think you would understand, but now you will have to.

With a little editing, that seems like a good idea. Another thought, change the wording some and put it with your "stuff". That way, if she finds the "stuff", she reads the letter and doesn't surprise you one evening with "Why are there all the women's clothes in the .................... ?

[Crissy Kay]

I plan on being dumped into a mass grave during the next civil war anyway, so its not something I worry about.

[NicoleScott]

Dear wife.

Hey I am gone now so I don't really care if you know it or not. You see all those years I snuck around and did things you didn't know about? Good news! there wasn't another woman! So that's a huge load off your mind huh? No, I was secretly dressing in women's clothing. (by the way sorry about all you ruined and stretched out clothing...I just thought you would not mind that as much). But hey, I know you \would not have been able to handle this when I was alive so I took that option away from you. Trust me it is better this way, and know that I am watching over you as you discover this part of my life that I am sure you never suspected and that if you had found out you would have stormed out. This is so much better don't you think? Oh by the way I have left several notes around about other things I didn't think you would understand, but now you will have to.

Or the note could go like this:

Dear wife,
We had a great marriage; you said so recently. We had good careers, lived comfortably, had great kids, and had a really great relationship. One time, though, early in our marriage, there was a tv show about crossdressing, and you blurted out that if your husband crossdressed, you'd divorce him. Just couldn't tolerate it. Knowing this, when I started having desires to dress up, I was forced into the closet. I would have preferred to discuss this with you, but you made it clear that our marriage would have ended. So I guess that our great marriage was a total sham because I was such a lying scumbag. Or was it that you were such a closed-minded bitch?

[AllieSF]

Nicole, that's a good one!

[ClaireT]

When I went into hospital a couple of years ago there was a good chance I might not be coming out again so I left a letter in one of my lingerie drawers. It's still there.

[JulieC]

This is an issue I've raised on a number of occasions.

For people who have minor children living at home, I have no opinion about whether they should tell or not. I think that's a decision only they can make, with the information they have at their disposal.

For people who are not in that category, I think telling is by far the best solution. Yes, not telling and attempting to take it to your grave keeps _you_ safe, but it doesn't keep your family safe. Instead, I think it's a cold, cruel, heartless and very selfish thing to do to people you profess to love. Once your dead, there's no possibility of you answering questions. You're gone. Your family can't ask questions to help them figure it all out, understand it all, and put it in proper perspective. Even if a note was a left explaining why there's a stash of women's clothes, it would still leave a great deal unanswered and spread a bunch of pain that could be avoided.

For those that aren't married, I say this; if you're not ready to tell your wife to be that you're a crossdresser, you have no business getting married.

[MiamiMarie]

Dear wife,
We had a great marriage; you said so recently. We had good careers, lived comfortably, had great kids, and had a really great relationship. One time, though, early in our marriage, there was a tv show about crossdressing, and you blurted out that if your husband crossdressed, you'd divorce him. Just couldn't tolerate it. Knowing this, when I started having desires to dress up, I was forced into the closet. I would have preferred to discuss this with you, but you made it clear that our marriage would have ended. So I guess that our great marriage was a total sham because I was such a lying scumbag. Or was it that you were such a closed-minded bitch?


:devil: Okay Nicole, perhaps YOU shouldn't write a note :devil:

[NicoleScott]

:devil: Okay Nicole, perhaps YOU shouldn't write a note :devil:

OK, I won't leave a note like that. Maybe just a note to the funeral home with instructions how to prepare the body. The viewing could be interesting.

[Sophie_C]

I don't have an SO, but I know my family and they'll keep it hush, and just attribute it to my general 'weirdness', which they already know me like. In the end, it wouldn't change a damn thing. ;)

[TammyPA]

I have told two special women in my life who know who I am and what I like to clean out the house if I get hit by the bus.

[Lorileah]

When I went into hospital a couple of years ago there was a good chance I might not be coming out again so I left a letter in one of my lingerie drawers. It's still there.

which shows that your wife doesn't invade your privacy...which is a good thing

[AKAMichelle]

I told my entire family about Michelle. That way they will just have to deal with what they find when I die. Although I would rather die in the arms of a beautiful blonde after a real workout. :D That way I die happy

[Lucy_Bella]

I would not leave a burden of wondering to my next wife if I ever re marry , just as I did with my first wife I will let her know of my dressing desires. IMHO it's really the right thing to do. I am in a bit of a delima right now as if anything was to happen to me, my daughter who doesn't know would most likley have the burden of stmbling into things.. So I have talked to a close friend of mine to see if he would handle ridding my stuff. He agree'd without a problem I just hope he could follow through or beat my daughter to it..

[TGMarla]

My wife knows I have a tendency to crossdress, but I seriously doubt she knows just to what extent. And although she seems to have empathy with others who show transgendered tendencies, I do not think that extends all that much to me. After all, I'm her husband, and she wants to be married to a man, make no mistake about it. So we don't much discuss it, and I don't put it in her face. The result is a very workable, happy marriage that we both want to keep. And although I greatly enjoy my time en femme, I don't feel any need to take it further than I already do. I go out once in a great while, but I don't push it.

That said, were I to die, she would come across a veritable treasure trove of fashionable, lovely dresses and various items of women's clothing. Some of them might fit her, but most of them would not. And I think she'd be shocked at the size of the wardrobe. I have to purge some of what I have every now and then, just to make sure I have room to keep it all. So I may indeed put a note in with it all one of these days. Hey, you never know.

And I think when she finds the boobs, it'll really freak her out.

[mscatie85]

Before my girlfriend found my box of girly things I was trying to come up with a letter explaining the contents in case ever someone had the unfortunate opportunity to discover this secret side of myself.

[Stephanie47]

Only my wife is aware of my cross-dressing. She does not approve and at times it has caused a lot of stress. If I pass on before her, she will discreetly donate my treasures. The only problem is her lack of awareness as to the amount of feminine attire I have accumulated. She thinks there is only one box of lingerie. However, there are ten boxes of clothing-lingerie, panties, slips, dresses, shoes & stockings, and wigs. Actually, there is a lot of value in the lingerie. If I am ever terminally ill, I would start reducing the amount she would have to dispose of after my death. If she passes before I, then I will start reducing the amount and maybe sequester the wardrobe outside the house. If we pass together---oh well! That's life, er-death!

[sometimes_miss]

I wrote a 'death letter', which I have placed a copy at home in a holder on my back door, one in my locker at work, and another in my briefcase. It explains my life, briefly, and starts with "In the event of my death or serious injury, there are things in my apartment that will bring up questions about my life. If anyone is disturbed by reading about the effects of long term childhood sexual abuse, they should stop reading this and return it to the envelope and give it to a professional medical person or law officer". It then goes on to direct contact to the only friend that I know who will be able to handle the explanation with a professional manner, even if he does not approve of my crossdressing. As I've lost several friends because of this in the past, I did not feel I could afford to risk losing the last one. I also requested that he clean out what evidence there was in my home of any crossdressing and female clothing. There is a goodwill bin a short drive from my home, and all the clothing can go there. My computers are all password protected, and I requested that they be brought to another friend to wipe the hard drives completely (she's an IT professional), and then they can be given to people who need computers.
The other 'very worst' possibility would be for me to be outed at work. I have enough money to pay for changing my name, moving across the country, and starting a new life. Which is what I would have to do. I prefer to live a quiet life, without having to be on the lookout for verbal and/or physical confrontations everywhere I go. I went through that as a kid, it was a nightmare, and I don't intend to live through that again.