What is it like after she is gone?

[GirlieAmanda]

Divorce is coming for me. Probably within 4 months my wife will be out of the house and into her own. It was 80-90% caused by my CDing. We have just never clicked. We are in our 15th year. It is sad but exciting for me too. Deep down, I have always thought about how life would be if I were free. I would always wonder when I am at home...How much would I dress? Would I wear girl clothes all of the time? Would I have makeup on all of the time at home? Would I EVER be NOT in panties even in boy mode at work and out? These are just a few of many many questions I will answer in about 4 months. I just wonder. I really don't know how much I will dress or to what level I would dress each night after work and on the weekends. Right now, I feel like I want to be girlie at ALL times if I was alone. Will that fade though? I guess I need to hear from the full timers out there or the semi full timers like I will be (not at work, not in public every time out, no family visits dressed). How is it really when they leave and you are finally by yourself? How did it progress? Did anything surprise you? Is it even better than you thought? I know everyone is different and I would love to read what people have experienced. Good or Bad.

[Juliana Hart]

It's lonely for while. Even though you know divorce is imminent, there will be a grieving period once you separate. Maybe dressing will pre-occupy your time but having spent 15 years together will leave a void unless you just can't stand the sight of her and it will be a real blessing. In my experience, it took a while until I wanted to get pretty. There was the shame of a failed marriage, an inter-personal fight with myself for the failure, but you have to trust that there's a reason this is happening. You'll pick yourself up and move forward.

Good luck.

Juliana

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Unfortunately time heals partially, the bad memories subside and the happy ones reside. One gets used to being single and the best thing is: FREEDOM.

[Ginger]

Amanda
Be yourself dress as much as you need to and if you feel alone give me a call and we can talk about girl stuff, you will adjust "Don't worry be Happy"

All the Best
Ginger

[Aprilrain]

Amanda first of all let me say that you are very pretty and your soon to be ex will be missing out. I am not divorced but I am separated and live elsewhere. I do dress quite frequently now that I have more time and my own place. Dressed right now! But it is somewhat bitter sweat as I have kids and do not get to see them as much and I worry about how the separation affects them. Also I am dealing with a strong need to be dressed more. When I am not dressed I am lethargic and a little depressed because I feel like I can't be me. So I'm having an internal struggle about whether I need to present as female if not all the time at least most of the time. But that's just me.

[Maria in heels]

Hon...
Ai know that it is going to be something definitely new and different for you. I too went thru a short period of separation and dressed as much as I could. It was great later for me...another time for that story..wishing you the best

Hugs
Maria

[BRANDYJ]

Amanda, maybe my age has something to do with it, but for me I am living alone and do not dress nearly as much when I was married or later after we divorced and I had my sweetheart living with me. Maybe it's just that I hate living alone. Maybe it's that I need a woman in my life to inspire me to dress. I have always had a very accepting wife since age 26 or so. But for me, dressing is not something I do much while living alone. I can understand a CD dressing more once on his own if he had to hide it from his wife or otherwise she was not accepting. But as for me, I have never had to deal with hiding it. My late wife (did in 1984 after only 10 short years together was fully accepting. Then my now ex-wife of 19 years was also very accepting. Cross dressing had nothing to do with our breakup. So maybe that's one way your situation and mine are different. But I will say this. Crossdressing would never be something I'd take over the love and company of a woman I love and that loves me. For now, my sweetheart lives 1,200 miles away but we can't wait until she can move here top be together. I would never have to give up dressing for her, but if it ever came to that, I would at least try. For me, a loving relationship is the most important thing in my life.
I don't know if your divorce is because your wife can not or will not ever accept this part of you, or it's just that you feel dressing is more important then the love you two have shared. In either case, I hope it works out for you and you don't later regret losing your wife and the love you once shared. I wish you the best.

[Amanda_in_MA]

Amanda,
I can understand the sadness and the questions of what new found freedom will bring. My wife left me a few weeks back and though most of the time I have no clue which end is up I am finding great comfort in Amanda.
Though I can't give you any insite on what the other side will bring, know that your not alone...

Send me a message is you need some girl talk or a shoulder to cry on, heck I might need one too.

[Lynn Marie]

"What is it like after she is gone?"

I'd gotten to the point where I really didn't like the woman anymore, so my leaving was a wonderful freedom and a lifting of the world off my shoulders. As time went on, I rediscovered myself, found that I was pretty attractive to women my age, and jumped back into my hobbies with a vengence. Dressing is one of those hobbies and my wardrobe has taken a quantum leap forward, my whole style of dressing both enfemme and drab has changed, and I'm even learning how to dance and cook! A very happy gurl here.

[Bethany38]

"Also I am dealing with a strong need to be dressed more. When I am not dressed I am lethargic and a little depressed because I feel like I can't be me. So I'm having an internal struggle about whether I need to present as female if not all the time at least most of the time. But that's just me."


Wow! April these four sentences really struck home for me. It's like now that I have let the Gennie out of the bottle I can't et her back in.

[Nicole Erin]

Sounds like my situation - 15 years of being together and she left cause she didn't like Erin. Well other things came into play but that was a big cause.
At first it does hurt. I was in a depression for a couple months before the divorce and her leaving.
You will grieve. The emotional roller coaster sucks. But before long you get used to it.
Just dont do anything crazy. I thought several times of running my car off a cliff, of course with me in it.

Once you grief subsides, you will say, "Hey, what is that I taste? It is sweet, and tastes like - freedom."
No one bitching about your firends, what you wear, you don't have to appease someone whom you never clicked with.
You can date as you wish, hop into bed with whomever and not have to worry about someone finding out, or you can do like I am doing and get more serious about your transition, should you want to live as a woman full time. (Notice the lack of a formal label, but anyways you can live as YOU see fit.) You won't have to make special plans to visit boring relatives or inlaws for the holidays.

Basically, you will not have to deal with someone else's crap. Think you will be bored? Oh trust me, you will find ways to occupy your free time. And no one will complain about your activities.

Start planning for your new freedom NOW.

Me personally, I have not been this happy in 15 years. I can go on dates again, stay out all night if I want, and live life!

Summary - Get thru the grief, then start LIVING again! (and the conjugation said) HALLELUIAH... halleluia halleluia...

EDIT -
You may have noticed that none of the divorced here hae said - "I wish I was still married".
Now the people here who are widowed will feel different but really, I have yet to hear ANYone in real life or here say that they regret divorce.
So umm, what are ya doing the weekend after the divorce, pretty lady? :D

[SusanLCD]

Amanda,
Like you, i'm divorcing (still working out the details, but, soon will be final). CDing had nothing to do with it. But, maybe my insights into my own situation will help you see hope for your future.

During our marriage, I was totally hidden. I even supressed it for most of those years, although it would "flare up", periodically, when I had some time alone. If my wife had not left me, we would have continued in that way and I would have been satisfied by the love I had for my wife.

In the months that I have been living alone, I've discovered the freedom of opening the closet door...slightly. I purchased my first femme clothes, shoes, makeup, wig, etc. that actually fit me. And, I have connected with a TG support group in this area that has added even more to my awareness and enjoyment of this new freedom. Am I overcompensating for being alone? I don't know. But, to paraphrase your comment, I realize that I can never put the genie back into the bottle, again.

I still miss the love that I thought my wife felt for me and continue to feel love for her. But, the pain of that loss is subsiding and the joy of looking forward without artificial restriction is so enervating that I can be excited about the future. I have been able to maintain a good relationship with her and other members of my family, although they don't know this side of me.

Who knows, maybe I'll connect with someone in my future who loves me despite my "eccentricities." Until then, I'm glad to have found new freedom, additional [new] friends, and more time to enjoy them.

Hope that helps.

[JaytoJillian]

Well, Amanda, I can only speculate about your situation, but if it were me, I think I'd be singing non-stop for the next year or so. Don't look back and take whatever you want to do to the limit. I long for a movie moment like in "American Beauty" when the Kevin Spacey character catches his wife yucking it up with her BF in the drive-thru lane. I sooooooo wish to be able to say, "C___________, this means you don't get to tell me what to do anymore." Nineteen years in hell and counting.



Cheers,



Jillian

[eluuzion]

How is it really when they leave and you are finally by yourself?

Before I met my “ex” I was a corporate branch manager, (80 people),six figure salary, bonus, benefits, expense accts, BMW 5 series (company paid payments), corporate Amex, etc. etc. No debts, house, big savings, yakity yak yak.

Met a gold-digger at a restaurant one night. Three weeks later spent a week together in my Florida condo. One month later she told me she was pregnant. Two months later married her on top of Vail Mountain. One month later, she had 2-3 boyfriends on the side which continued until my daughter was two. I divorced her and fought for shared custody. (Every single Fri-Mon).

Three years of her lies and $100K + from the day I met her, I was a father, jobless, financially ruined, broke, no assets, one bedroom apt. paying $1600/mo support, driving 15 yr old van, and filed bankruptcy. I won’t bore you with the rest of the fun…Kewl, eh?

I do remember being in your curious mindset as I slid further into the fire. Thinking to myself if/when the wheels do finally fall off the cart, I would probably switch into CD overdrive (nobody was aware of my CDing…it was all done traveling). After I got my own place, I was a parent every Fri-Mon, and “free”/alone the rest of the week. I was right in my prediction about the “overdrive” kicking in.

My CD activity was completely absent Fri-Mon and full tilt the rest of the week. Being self-employed made it even easier to be dressed most of the time. That was about 15 years ago and not much has changed, except two years ago I bought my kid a new car, and rarely see her more than once for dinner every couple weeks, lol. (picks up her allowance, lol)

Although I would not recommend taking the path I did to get where I am now, it is definitely “better” than I ever imagined it would be. It was ugly, but I have fixed what was broken (me) and it’s all history and irrelevant now. All that matters is today, and the tomorrows.

Yes, I went into overdrive immediately, but I figure that will probably mellow out in another 20 years or so…:Dhehehe

“And I am living happily ever after…no end.”:hugs:

That’s my story and I am sticking to it…for today anyway…

Now I just realized...I could have just answered you with one sentence...

"It's just like starting your own business for the first time, lol.":heehee:

:love:

[kimdl93]

Amanda, I know how divorce feels, and know there will be a period of loneliness, but also so much new found freedom. You're incredibly pretty and soon you can fully enjoy being able to freely express yourself, both at home and in public.

[herwannabe]

I will admit I enjoyed being married for 26 yrs but...... the first yr was a little rough but the longer I am single the more I LOVE it and now.... I dress everyday and enjoy the hell out of not having a wife around to bitch cause i do, I dress in panties and bra nearly 24/7 now and when I walk thru the door the male mode is off and herwannabe kicks in. I am letting my hair grow (down past shoulders now) which never could when I was married sooo IT DOES GET BETTER just my humble opinion:battingeyelashes:

[JamieG]

Amanda, I am sorry to hear of your impending divorce. Of course, if the two of you are truly incompatible, then it is for the best that both of you move on with your lives and perhaps find your true loves. Personally, I could never imagine separating from my wife. She is my soul-mate and my best friend. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Sorry, if I got off topic here...

No matter what happens, I hope you find your happiness!

[Heather Daniels]

Amanda, you know I'm only 10 minutes away. I'll be here for ya girl.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

It will be sad in the beginning but now is your chance to explore Amanda more and you will have more girly time and you will love it.

[sissystephanie]

My reply is totally different from the others! It is different because there was no divorce, my wife died of cancer over 5 years ago. We had been married for almost 50 years and she knew I was a CD before we married. She fully accepted it!! I was lonely when she first passed away, and though it has been well over 5 years I still miss her every single day. I am sorry for the rest of you who have lost your wives thru divorce. Hopefully, you can all regroup and get on with your lives in a better was!!

[sterling12]

First Rule: "Temper your Actions, take it slow, and long!" You have a lot of "Grief Work" to go through, and you will need to do a lot of Learning about The Both of you. A Big Warning! After a few months it's very easy to get lonely and form a Relationship with someone new. 99.9% of The Time, the answer is: "Don't do it!" Your not ready for that Relationship, and you will do harm to someone else.

Will you spend all your time as Amanda? Do you remember when you turned twenty-one and it "became legal" to drink? Most people go through a short period of "over-indulgence," and then things start to adjust and they return to An Approach, that imitates Sanity. You will probably do something similar in This Instance. I think that you will quickly realize that TG is a "State of Mind," and the need to always wear femme clothes will not be so Paramount.

So, expect to work through Grief, expect to start exploring whom you really are. Learn to be alone, and to live with yourself. Give it time! It's not that simple, but that's The Basic's you need to know.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[docrobbysherry]

Because I wasn't seriously into dressing when she left.

The first 2 years were very depressed ones for me. I thot I was finished with women AND sex!:sad:

However, I began fooling around more and more with dressing as a distraction:brolleyes: Suddenly, Sherry appeared in my mirror and turned EVERYTHING AROUND for me!:D

Amanda, here's a tip;
when you're feeling down, remember the things that take your mind off those things! Hopefully, anything to do with dressing will do that for u! But, ANYTHING that distracts u is GOOD, too!

And remember, we're here for u if u need us!:hugs:

[AKAMichelle]

It will fade. I have lived mostly dressed for the last 2.5 years except for 1 year in the middle. Now I do enjoy the freedom to do what I want which is nice. But with my wife still being friends and now the divorce on hold, I am no longer as free. I do pretty much what I want and it is fine. If you think that things will be so much better after the divorce for the dressing then you are going to be disappointed. You will probably spend a good deal of time dressed especially at first but then you will become lonely and need companionship. That means male time and the eventual telling of the new woman and possible rejection. It is tough on you mentally. Especially if you go through several women and they can't deal with your cd'ing. It is a different world if you tell a woman about your cd'ing. Lying and hiding will be even worse.

[AmiFL]

I lived with a woman many moons ago and we split up. For a while I found myself dressing every moment I could. There has always been a sexual component to my dressing. However I found myself staying dressed long after the thrill was relieved. I went out and bought new outfits new makeup styled my wig and just had fun being a girl everyday. I even went for a few drives dressed head to toe as a girl. Hindsight being as it is I was lucky I did not get seen as I had a fairly easily recognizable pickup. You will enjoy every minute you are dressed especially looking as beautiful as you.

[karennjcd]

Amanda,

This is a "your mileage may vary" type of question. Divorce isn't fun for those involved nor their families. But it has many silver linings, once it's behind us. Others before me have expressed the freedom they now feel, and for me it's similar. In my case, I am the one who filed for divorce, and although my CD'ing wasn't the reason for it, she did bring up the subject in court when custody and visitation were being discussed. In the end, I have the house (she moved out), and our son remained with me (he is now an adult).

With my son still living here, my "Karen" time is limited, but I do at least sleep in CD mode every night and dress up when he's away. But with my wife no longer here, my closet space doubled, and the drawer space increased as well, so there is plenty of room to keep the ever growing wardrobe of clothes and shoes. It's something one easily gets used to, but it begs another question. Once you do get used to this freedom, why would you ever want to enter into a new relationship? Companionship is great, but a CD is a CD, and I'd never give up my closet and drawer space.

So enjoy it, Amanda. The new life you can make for yourself is the one that will truly keep you happy!

Karen :)

[Loni]

going on 25 years now and still get a bit lonely and the bed is cold at night.
but one just makes life out of the worst things, you will hurt. nothing to change that. just learn to get on with life and not to let the thoughts drag you down.

[joannemarie barker]

I don't have any advice.just wanted to say I'm sorry it has come to that :/

[TommyII]

Lot's of different reactions in the posts. You will have to find your happy place. When I separated from a 35 year marriage I dressed alot because I could. Then I went through a phase of only once in a while. I missed the femme me and started again with a vengance. After dressing a lot and my girl friend finding out we took it to a new level, very happy. We broke up and I'm looking for a partner again. For now I am trying to find the real me. I dress more in bra, panties, jeans, and tees more than ever before and am happy with the casual femme more than the dress and skirt femme. As I sit here and write this I am in a satin evening dress, makeup, panty hose, and 5" heels. It's just what I felt like wearing right now. I dress for my mood, a true luxery of being single. I will have to find a special woman this time to be with, one who knows who I am now. Good luck in finding the new you. Just be happy!

[suzy1]

I went through the same thing 3 years ago.
If, like me you have no feelings for her then missing her will not be a problem. My wife was a b***h.
But, having said that, I still had to readjust to life alone, even though I am a bit of a loner anyway, and it took time.
You ask if, wanting to be girlie all the time will fade. It did not fade for me. It is now a way of life and gives me a lot of happiness. [Yep, I’m always in panties. Black silk obviously]
Your remark about deep down always wondering what life would be like if you were free is exactly how I used to think.
So, as someone who is free now I can say that its all I hopped it would be and more.
But we are all different, what works for some does not work for others.
You have one thing going for you Amanda, you are a one very good looking girl.

All the best, SUZY

[sometimes_miss]

What is it like. DEPRESSING. I've been alone ever since; before she found out, there was always the slight belief that all the good things about me would be more than enough to overcome the crossdressing. It was only after the divorce that I realized how much crossdressing turns off any attraction for >99% of the women, whether it's before they date us or after. Knowing how slim the chances are of meeting anyone that will accept me, and facing a >99% automatic failure rate, not to mention the possibility of being outed, it's left me a sad and lonely person. Which, causes stress. Which, makes the urge to crossdress increase. So, yeah, I dress as a girl nearly every day, and once I'm dressed, the thought of changing back to guy mode is so much more depressing that I put off lots of tasks that require going out, because I want to stay in girl mode.
OTOH, I have a nice income, don't have to worry about ever supporting a family so I can eat out whenever I want, have two nice cars, and lots of free time to indulge in my choice of spare time activities. Thanks to the internet, I have a nice wardrobe of pretty girl clothing, including shoes, for my gigantic feet, that fit. I clean my house when and if I want to, sleep whenever I want, have a living room full of expensive electronic gear, and fulfill my need for female companionship with regular trips to gogo bars where there is always a beautiful, nice young woman who will indulge me and treat me nice. Sure, some might consider it expensive; but considering what I lost in the divorce, it would still be cheap at twice the price. Life could be better, but it could also be worse.