Counseling

[Tammy V]

I just wanted to see if any of you had been through counseling or any of you married girls had been through it with your SO? I came out to her 3 days ago and she has been very understanding, better than I anticipated, but not supportive. She has mentioned going to a minister or therapist herself, but I hope its someone who will encourage her not to rule out being supportive. Thanks for any advice y'all may have on which way to go with counseling.

[renee k]

Hi Tammy,

I going to see a counselor next week that specializes in Tg issues. It's something that I've put off for a long time. I don't have a spouse or SO to be concered about. I'm going to find some direction and answers. To me being me.
I did however go to see a marriage counselor when I was married. We had lots of issues in our marriage which included my dressing. We did find the counseling helpful for most of our problems. But my wife at the time would not change her stance on my CD issues. The counselor did help find us find middle ground on many of our problems.
So to you I would recommend going as a couple. I think if the two of you went to seperate counslors the end result would further divide you. Just my two cents.

Renee

[Gerrijerry]

For counseling on CD or TS or any gender issue you need to go to a counselor that already handles that. no other type of counselor can actually handle it correctly. Any minister will be forced to follow the topic on religous grounds. Which will not help either of you to understand the real issues.
You will need to go to counseloring together. Counselors are neutral to both sides but a counselor who deals with gender will understand that being who you are will not change. he or she will help you on how you handle it and how your SO handles it. other topics may also be talked about if they are effecting your relationship. At no time will the counselor make your wife accept. That in the end will be up to her.
I went to counseling with my wife for a while and it did help us both to understand each other and the issues that needed to be handled.

[WandaRae2009]

My Wife & I did go after I came out to her. She is still not fully accepting, but it moved the understanding significantly for both of us. I know I am not broken, and it is not something that can be fixed. It was before I found this site. I don't know if we would still be together if we didn't go. Make sure to go to one that deals with TG issues. Try a local TG support group, they usually have a list that their members have used.

[RylieCD]

My wife and I also started with counsling when she found out. We actually went to the same office but different Dr.s. She stopped going as she didnt think it was helping. I still go and have asked her to join a couple of times. What I found that helped the most was discussing the appointment with her afterwards.

[docrobbysherry]

Go see an EXPERIENCED, QUALIFIED, fully licensed therapist! That way, he or she can deal with ALL the issues u and your SO have!:thumbsup:

Before I was separated, my ex and I saw one therapist. Separately, and also together.
She couldn't save our marriage, but we BOTH found her to a big help in dealing with our individual issues! My ex STILL sees her, 10 years later!:eek:

[IngeInCO]

I think therapy is a good thing. We all have different issues and challenges. It's always good to air them out.

Inge

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Tammy

Married 47yrs. about three years ago my wife first went to a counseler by her self
then we both went to a different one three sesions and nothing has changed.
She explaned that it is not something that you can fix or change.

Now It's a don't ask don't tell kind of thinggie you know. I don't have to hide anything
half of the closet is hers the other half is shared by Ms.Orchid and Mr Drab
it's something we don't talk about I have my time early in the morning and in the evening.

Orchid

[Kerigirl2009]

I told my wife about my crossdressing on July 2nd 2009 and soon after I went to a counselor as I told m ywife I would. I did enjoy going to him and getting stuff off my chest so to speak. My wife even attended a few of my sessions. my reasoning to go to a sex therapist was so we as a couple could learn to deal with this and hopefully she would gain some better understanding (and the same for me)
I attended up until April of 2010, due to financial short comings. I am hoping to go back and see him again sometime soon. I really feel he was helping us to communicate with eachother, although she is still not accepting she is tolerant and a bit more understanding.
I would say go to the therapist and discuss what makes you both tick emotionally and physically. Good luck to you.

[Danni Bear]

Tammy,

I have been going to counselors and therapists longer than some on here have been alive. I started at 14 with them over my gender issues and have been seeing one over this and many other issues for 48 years now. Not so much on a regular basis now but still on occasion. A good and qualified therapist or counselor can help you make choices that will benefit you. It is not an easy thing nor is it simple. You have to be willing to open yourself up. You have to learn to listen and understand that every thing is not going to be a straight yes or no. Everybody gets something different from sessions with therapists and counselors. What you think at any one session can change before you see them again and open up other avenues for exploration and discussion. It is a journey that can take you on some strange twists and turns in discovering who and what you are or can be.

Danni

[ReneeT]

My wife and i saw a spiritual-based counselor for several months, a few years back. We found the time to be well spent, and we were able to discuss things more openly. However, his approach was that cd ing was wrong and had to stop. I purged, and was abstinent for almost a year. It did not change who I am, though, so here i am!

I have been seeing a wonderful psychologist with an interest in tg issues for the last 4 months. She has been tremendously helpful with both tg and non tg issues. In fact, the latter dominate our conversations. My wife does not see anyone. I wish she would

[SuzanneBender]

Tammy its time to make sure the mental health providers in your community have a great Holiday season!:)

I came out to my bride a year ago after my first session with my Gender Therapist. I highly suggest that you find a marriage counselor that is comfortable with TG issues. You also need a counselor and she definitely should have one. The first question any of you should ask a therapist concerning this is what are your feelings concerning TG issues. Run away if they are taken back by your question.

A therapist is necessary no matter how understanding your spouse is. Believe it or not you just turned her life upside down. She has questions and concerns about where all this will go. In addition, depending on how long you have been together there are bound to be trust issues. A supportive therapist helps better the lines of communications that you will need in the coming months.

Congratulations on coming out to her.

[Tammy V]

Thanks to all of all for the advise and I will keep reading. I did not mention that my wife is bi polar and currently sees a therapist, although she isn't comfortable talking to him about me and I understand. I really cannot tell you how pleased and surprised I am that is coming along so far and fast in accepting my transgendered nature. She has been reading up on the subject and if she wants to go to a counselor we will do it.