Family support

[Joanna]

After reading an introduction by a new member, I have decided to post this question, How many TS's here had there families support and blessing, and if so how did they help?

[Rachel_740]

After reading an introduction by a new member, I have decided to post this question, How many TS's here had there families support and blessing, and if so how did they help?

Joanna,

I have my family's blessing and support. I told my brother first, followed by Mum then Dad. I did Mum and Dad seperately to force myself into telling Dad. I didn't fell I could tell them together and I've always been closer to Mum, so I told her and then I was committed to telling Dad because I couldn't leave something like that for Mum to pass a message on.

They all said to me that it's my life to live as I want and I have their support. I asled about visiting dressed from that point and none of them had any problems with that either.

My extended family didn't have any problems either, with the exception of my closest cousin, who said she felt she was loosing her cousin by me changing. She seemed to be coming to terms with it about 3 months after my transition because she started to phone and text me again, even asking how things were going, which I answered but not in too much detail. Then, suddenly, she passed away so I'll never know if things would ever have got back to anything like normal.

As for helping me, they have all helped in as much as they have been there to chat with and they have accepted my decision. Mum and Dad came with me a couple of months ago when I went for my initial consultation with the SRS surgeon and they have said they will come with me when I go for the surgery next year, staying in a B & B near to the hospital, so there will be someone to visit me, for me to talk to and to take me home post-op.

I love my new self and my new life. I feel totally supported and I have no regrets at all about my decision. I am still assessing where I am on a daily basis and asking myself the question 'am I doing the right thing?' and the answer is still coming back a very definate 'YES'.

Anne

[brendalee70]

Well, I told my wife of my CD'ng the day after we got married and it was like a bomb went off in her mind! I had kept my secret of "BrendaLee" from her for a couple of years and I thought it was time to introduce her but I had picked the very wrong time to do so. She was very furious and told me if I had told her before of my Cd'ng whe would never had married me.
I was heart broken, since I love her with all my heart but then the next day she we discussed the "BrendaLee" problem and told me that she loved me with all my heart, and that she will try to understand the "BrendaLee" and she would make the best of it. One of her fears was that if I was gay or bi that I would leave her for a man, but I told her no that I was not gay. Yes, I did lie a little I had been experimenting with another CD but if I tell her that I am bi she would defenetly leave me. Right now I have a beautiful 14yrs old daughter and bautiful 10yr old son that I would give my life for them and I do not want to become a week-end father to them, even though that's what I am because of my job.
Trough out the years my kids know and is not a shock to them. I want them to learn that if they come across any other "Sisters" like ourselves that they would be in any shock, therefore, they would respect that person as a person and that they have a right to be like they wish, so they would not make fun of or any bad comment.
My parents don't know about the "BrendaLee" inside me but my parents are very old fashioned my father he is 70 and mother is 65 and they come from a very old Mexican culture that the male is the bread winner and the lady stays home. And to top it off, my father is retired Army so I grew up with a drill sgnt if you know waht I mean. I could not possible tell dad that his son likes to be a girl. That would breack his heart, mother just follows what dad has to say.
I have told my wife that I need to let my parents know about "BrendaLee" but she refuses and keeps telling me "Leave things as they are"
My wife is the one who has given me much support she is they one who buys me things like nail polish, skirts, and sandals.
My wife has come around since our marriage and she has seen some of her friends husbands and she did not like what she heard from her frends, they get home and start drinking beer get drunk and then they get combative. While me in the other hand, I love to go shopping I can spend hours on end at the malls and not to mention at the shoe stores! Some of my wifes friends come with us to go shopping and they are amased at me the tell my wife wow Art does not get tired or complains to us about going shopping! My wifes's thoughts are "Only if they knew"-lol
So, we have been married for 15yrs and we are still strong, that just the other night she told me if we could have another child!
Love,
BrendaLee

[VickySTG]

I told my wife as much as I knew before I married her. The next day she gave me a pair of red panties with a pussy cat on them.
When I told my Mom she said she always thought I would turn out homosexual she never thought about me wanting to be a girl/woman. She also droped a bomb about my brith. my Mom. She told me the story of my birth and ka boom a revelation an epiphany. When I was born I was under developed and could not even urinate properly. I am not saying I was hermaphrodite I don't know. My mother knowledge seems to be limited but something did not happen as it should in the womb. Yes I was male enough to make children and I did. But I always knew I had a girl/woman inside.

When I told my Dad and showed him a picture he said
Dad) Are you sure this is not just a phaes in you life you know something you are just going through.

Me) No this has been my whole life.

Dad) your sure?

Me) yes

Dad) well it looks like I got 2 for the price of 1.

At the age of 36/37 years old I was set free with the love and support of my Mom and Dad.
When I told my Kids 1 cried the other said oh well.

Photos family pic wife kids and myself 8 years ago at Southern Comfort.
Mom, Dad and I last year Christmas. Dad is 80 Mom is 71
That is the last and only pic I well ever have of my Mom and Dad and Vicky together. Mom is now stuck in Montreal Canada and Dad is stuck in Nassau Bahamas. Due to medical costs they will never se each other again. I will never have them together again. Dad can travel he is just very weak and is to scared. This is going to be a very hard Holiday seasion tears are coming out of my eyes now.

[Jeanette TS]

Hi my family support me very much,I have been out with my sisters to partys and my mum has seen Jeanette and she like what i have become.Dad is there to with the full backing i have been able to move faster and feel more at ease with them all.

I know i am very lucky,to have them all :angel: I had a chat with my mum the other week and she said if i had only told her years age.I would have not had to go through all the hart ack i have had.That ment the world to me coming from her.:thumbsup:

Lov Jeanette

[Natasha Anne]

So far, so good.

I told my wife, and she's uncomfortable about it obviously, but sticking around, still very friendly and supportive.

Telling my slightly homophobic brother was harder, but we still chat and he accepts this. We're going to watch the inaugural Grand Prix Masters race together this weekend. His wife is shell shocked, but very supportive.

I'm concerned about telling my Mom (will do face to face in December when I go back home for Christmas) and also about my other brothers.

My in-laws are so conservative (the mother cannot even handle her friends son going out with a Portuguese girl) so dealing with them is going to be an absolute nightmare!

You win some, you lose some, but you also always win if you can be yourself.

[Kate]

My family have thankfully all been loving and understanding, although many of them feel a need to intently question my decision - probably since it seems so sudden to them (I have never appeared girly to them).

Having support from your family is immensley important I think. Thankfully mine are all pretty intelligent, so they are able to see past any prejudices they might innately have. That is not to say they are universally accepting by any means, and most of them would certainly prefer I was not transitioning. However they want what will make me happy, and are primarily concerned that I am doing it for the right reasons.

However, my wife was distraught, and telling her was the worst night of my life. She begged me not to do it.... but she is stronger than I ever knew. There is of course no point in us staying together - she is not a lesbian and wants children. We are getting an amicable divorce and we will get on with our own lives - we both have to start again, but we will be OK. She could have easily turned against me and tmade my life painful, but has not and I am ever so grateful for that.

Kate.

[Bvkct]

I very badly wanted my mom's understanding and support and I never got it. I was never caught although I dressed in her things a bunch as a teen. In later life I tried to raise it with her many times and she just wouldnt go there. It hurt me very badly that I could not tell her and get understanding. She passed away 3 years ago and that door was slammed shut forever.

Are there any of you that have the total support of your mom to the extent that she helps you with pushing your feminization forward?

If so, you are fortunate beyond dreams.

Bev Borden

[Kim E]

I am, so very happy, for those of you who have supportive families. It must mean the world to be accepted for who you are. For me, its uplifting to hear such positive replies. :)

Unfortunately my road was long, hard, painful and very lonely. My support was zero, zip, zilch, nada, none, no support from anyone, family or friends.

You are so very fortunate.

Kim

[Chloe new transition]

I haven't told any family as yet, my boyfriend knows, it was him who actually guided me through the denial and into the light! He's cool with it, but he's unsure as to our sexual compatibility if I go the whole hog, and I don't even know the answer to that as yet. We'll deal with that if and when it comes up.

I shouldn't have any problems with my Mum, she blew me away when I told her I was gay at 14! Her reply was simply that she had always known! I think she'll be very much the same again, just accepting me as me.

My sister I don't know how she'll react, she accepts my being gay, always has. In her job in the police force working the domestic violence unit, she would have seen it all by now. I think she'll be cool too.

My newly found half sister (she found me, and came to a course I was teaching through a local adult education facility on Feng Shui, then introduced herself) I think she'll be fine too.

My boyfriends parents and his sister I'm not sure about, I'll just see what happens at the time, no point getting all anxious about something you have no control about (as in their reactions).

Steve's dad actually surprised the heck out of me recently, when he was in hospital for a knee replacement. He introduced me as his sons partner to the nurses administering him, and no he wasn't on a cocktail of drugs at that time either! This coming from a truck driver who is 64!

I really count myself one of the lucky ones in this regard.

I'm now just waiting for the end of my counselling sessions, which should be late June of 2006, before I break it to any of them.

I'm glad to see that so many have had good results with their families, people are a lot more understanding than we give them credit for!

[VickySTG]

I haven't told any family as yet, my boyfriend knows, it was him who actually guided me through the denial and into the light! He's cool with it, but he's unsure as to our sexual compatibility if I go the whole hog, and I don't even know the answer to that as yet. We'll deal with that if and when it comes up.


I am glad to hear it is good for you.
Ask him if you were conscious and dying in a hospital bed and he was the only ones there and the Dr.s need a decision made.
1 Turn you into a woman so you could live a somewhat normal life.
2 Let you die.
This was the question asked my wife. That is when it hit home for her. Yes we still have issues to say we don't would be a lie.

[Chloe new transition]

Hiya Vicky,

I sort of understand what you're getting at here, but I need to be a pain in the butt here, sorry. :o Can you rephrase that for me, cause my answer would have to be "let me die", but ONLY because of my request for this to occur if I am dying in hospital. That is MY choice in that regard, and Steve and I have spoken in depth about my beliefs in this regard.

You did say....

Ask him if you were conscious and dying in a hospital bed and he was the only ones there....

If that was the case, I'd rather die naturally thanks. That doesn't mean I don't want with all of my being to be a lady either, but if I'm dying, why compound that process with surgery that is unneccessary for a smooth passing over to the next realm! I would rather be surrounded by my friends and relatives for a smooth and speedy final passage at home, where I could receive a shamanistic preparation for the big move.

I also fail to see that having all the necessary physiological "bits" of a lady can make me any more of a lady than I would feel without one "bit". To me being a TRUE lady comes from within the Heart, the Spirit and the Mind, and much more so than from the external. I mean that nobody on the street is going to be able to see whether I've had a cut and tuck or not, and if I feel like a complete lady without it, then so be it.

As I'm not at that stage yet, I haven't even commenced hormones as yet, and will not self administer them, I can not comment on that aspect or choice yet. I can only comment on my current beliefs.

Or did I misinterpret your question Vicky? Is it that being turned surgically into a lady will save my life? In that case, and the saying I'm dying threw me off (because of my strong beliefs in that regard) I'd have the surgery to keep living, who wouldn't?

Big hugs to you Vicky for making me think! ;)

[VickySTG]

Hiya Vicky,

I sort of understand what you're getting at here, but I need to be a pain in the butt here, sorry. :o Can you rephrase that for me, cause my answer would have to be "let me die", but ONLY because of my request for this to occur if I am dying in hospital. That is MY choice in that regard, and Steve and I have spoken in depth about my beliefs in this regard.

You did say....


If that was the case, I'd rather die naturally thanks. That doesn't mean I don't want with all of my being to be a lady either, but if I'm dying, why compound that process with surgery that is unneccessary for a smooth passing over to the next realm! I would rather be surrounded by my friends and relatives for a smooth and speedy final passage at home, where I could receive a shamanistic preparation for the big move.

I also fail to see that having all the necessary physiological "bits" of a lady can make me any more of a lady than I would feel without one "bit". To me being a TRUE lady comes from within the Heart, the Spirit and the Mind, and much more so than from the external. I mean that nobody on the street is going to be able to see whether I've had a cut and tuck or not, and if I feel like a complete lady without it, then so be it.

As I'm not at that stage yet, I haven't even commenced hormones as yet, and will not self administer them, I can not comment on that aspect or choice yet. I can only comment on my current beliefs.

Or did I misinterpret your question Vicky? Is it that being turned surgically into a lady will save my life? In that case, and the saying I'm dying threw me off (because of my strong beliefs in that regard) I'd have the surgery to keep living, who wouldn't?

Big hugs to you Vicky for making me think! ;)

You did not understand. You got a bit but not all. Let me try again

Same thing you are dieing. The only way to save is to turn you into a girl but you are out cold. You fairy godmother asks him let you die or make you a woman??? If he says yes poof you are passing with out trying. It’s about what is in his heart. Does he love you or your penis?
What if the only way to save your life is to remover your arm?

The Dr asked my wife that question to make her understand how much she loved me. You need to see HBOs "Normal"
The scene where Roy has the shotgun under his chin when Irma finds him she at that point realizes she loves him/her more than the body. She puts her head on his if he pulls the trigger they both die. She at that point told Roy/Ruth to come back home. It is a great movie about coping with a transgendered SO.

[Chloe new transition]

Howdy again Vicky,

Gotcha this time! :rolleyes: I can be a bit thick at times!

OK, I'll ask Steve tonight and let you know of his response, but I already have a feeling that he would save my life through the surgery making me an instant woman. However, we would then separate after some time.

We spoke about this on the weekend very briefly, but he's not ready yet to talk this through fully. I assume he hasn't actually given it the full thought it deserves, and is still digesting it.

At his core he loves me; however, he is a gay man to the very core of his being. Me, I'm a straight lady trapped in a gay mans body!

I could sense from him on the weekend when we spoke about this briefly, as in what he would want if I go the whole hog, (which I currently think I will do) that he would be unable to have sex with me. Personally, that wouldn't be an issue for me, I could go the rest of my life without sex, I'm weird that way! But for Steve, he has an intrinsic need for a mans dangly bits, and also has a high sex drive.

I will never stop going all the way with my Transition just to appease him if I come to the conclusion that I need to go the whole hog. I will not know the final answer to this until I start my counselling sessions in March 2006, I'm really looking forward to the deeper insights, no matter how painful they may be, that only a professional therapist can draw up and out of me. Deep within me I think I will be going all the way through Transition.

I think we will remain lifelong friends, but with separate lives.

It will be interesting to hear what he says when I ask him this evening! I suspect he'll say what I wrote at the top of this post.

I'm starting to see that this won't be an easy process for us to go through. It would be so easy for him to become resentful of me for (in his mind) leaving him behind, even though I'm not; I am finally acknowledging who I actually am!

Big hugs to you Vicky for giving me this insight into what lies ahead for me, and I wish you all the very best with your processes of adaption and change with your wife and your relationship together.

[Chloe new transition]

Howdy again Vicky,

I asked Steve about what he would do, he replied "save your life of course!"

I suspected he would say something along those lines, as per my previous post.

We did speak at more depth about what would happen to us as a couple when I go through complete surgery. End result is that we will indeed go our separate ways then, but remain bestest of friends always. I have no disappointments about this, Steve is after all a gay man and the female form does absolutely nothing for him in a romantic or sexual way, it never has.

My only concern is now, at what stage of my Transition will my living as a lady affect our relationship? Steve had no firm answers in this regard, and it is really an impossible question to ask. We did discuss it at quite some length, and all indicators are that our current relationship will faulter and die as I Transition and become more feminine. I will continue to live here with Steve during my entire Transition, and continue to receive his full support throughout this process of self emergence.

At least I will have a stable and loving environment in which to go through this all.