Help me Help a younger crossdressers dad who just found out.

[Jenny Gurl]

Another web site had the following question. Need advice here on what to suggest. I will post the question and await answers. I don't know the kid, but hate to see a fellow crossdresser traumatized by an angry parent. I will post a reply but it needs to be quick. My other web site scrolls off the page in a day. Here is their post.

There is a distinct disadvantage to installing hidden cameras in the house.

My just turned 18yo son who has a IQ of about 80 and kinda slow was caught strolling thru the living room wearing his 13yo stepsisters dress and a few minute later changed into something else. (of hers)

The last thing the camera showed before I came home and he hauled ass to change was him sitting at the wifes PC starting to jerk off to porn.,

This ain't no sh#t,
do I kill the little bast##d or send him to counseling?

I have never been faced with such a dilema,
a year ago we found a bunch of her underwear in his closet,
I thought maybe he had been "using" them for ulterior motives and he was told under no circumstances were girls clothing to be found in his room.

f##k!!!! now what.

[Jenny Doolittle]

It is just sad that his son who already has challenges now has to cope with a father who is such a bone head and doesn't realize that it is NOT all about Him!

[Phoebe Reece]

There's some good info for parents of transgendered children here: http://tg-chrysalis.tripod.com/

[Vickie_CDTV]

Well, sure, most doctors and mental health professionals would agree the best way to help and guide mentally retarded individuals is though violence...

Any parent who would seriously ask "do I beat up my <name calling> mentally challenged son or send him to a doctor for help" does not deserve to have children. For that matter, needs "counseling" far more than the crossdressing son does. Or, even better, put him in a padded cell somewhere.

[Jorja]

To start I would tell the father to grow up and be an adult and then an understanding parent. Second, I would send him to a few websites that explains what is going on with his son. Third, I would suggest that he takes his son to a gender therapist and he and his wife attend counseling also.

[Jenny Gurl]

That is why I thought I would try to give him some advice that would minimize the damage to the kid. As bad as a dad as he seems to be, I am just hoping he loves his son enough to do the right thing even if he disagrees with it. All I can do is try. It is on another web site I some times read and I thought maybe I could keep one crossdressing kid from a traumatic event that could set him back in his self acceptance. Anyway, I am all ears for the advice here and will try to combine it with a very heartfelt letter that I will post on the other site. All advice is appreciated.

[SuzanneBender]

Dad is a knucklehead, but obviously you won't get anywhere by pointing out that fact. I would recommend family theraphy with someone that has experience with transgender issues. Dad is worried about his son or he wouldn't have taken the time to post. Unfortunately, he is not really mature in his approach and that may reflect in his reaction to your efforts to assist. Good luck.

[JohnH]

If there is possible violence that the father might inflict on the son the authorities ought to be notified to keep a watch on him.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Sadly, this father is childish and probably won't listen anyway. You can try and rationalize with him, but I doubt he will listen. Hopefully someone who is personally involved will step in to protect the kid.

[Nikki101]

If he's posting on a forum that (I assume) is cross-dressing related, obviously he's open to some sort of advice or suggestions. He obviously doesn't care for what is kid is doing, but if he was 100% close minded, he wouldn't bother taking the time to post and ask. Saying he's childish is jumping the gun as nobody knows him. He is probably distraught and doesn't know what to think himself. We all say and do things that we shouldn't, but the simple fact he's asking the question for some advice is a good sign.

[Genivieve]

My parents and I have had a strained relationship since I was a kid due to my crossdressing. Culturally for them it was extremely unacceptable under any circumstance. I find this funny since it was my mom who started me down this path.
She used to dress me in my sister's gowns and tights when I was 3-5 years old. She would praise me when I was dressed, she would compare me to my older sister, and my pop was mostly absent.

wait this isnt about me! haha.

[docrobbysherry]

That is why I thought I would try to give him some advice that would minimize the damage to the kid.------------------------------ Anyway, I am all ears for the advice here and will try to combine it with a very heartfelt letter that I will post on the other site. All advice is appreciated.

After reading your original post, I was HOPING to read some creative ADVICE TO THE DAD posts!:brolleyes:

I guess it's EASIER to rip the dad than to come up with HELPFUL ADVICE!?

My dad's dead. But, I've often wondered what I could have said to him if he had found out I crossdressed while he was alive? (I didn't.) It would have SHAMED him beyond description!:sad:

[Christinedreamer]

The father seems to be looking for some excuse to protect HIS self esteem. The choice of "Do I kill him or send him to counseling" is rather bizarre.
Also, is he truthful about the IQ or assuming that is son MUST have a low IQ if he likes dressing up?

It is also possible that the situation is really that the man himself is the subject and there is no father/son issue but rather he is asking if he should commit suicide or get gender counseling.

How many times have we all bought things ostensibly for our "sister". Same excuse, different circumstance.

[Rachel Morley]

... do I kill the little bast##d or send him to counseling?
The attitude of the father says it all. He doesn't want to address this ... his only suggestions are either violence or palming him off to someone else (the counselor). Where's the empathy? Where the "wanting to understand"? :sad:

[Lucy_Bella]

I think there is more to the son than what dad is saying.. This boy needs help not an abusive father!! Sounds like he is reaching out the only way he knows how .. To post in that manner about your own child is child abuse and this man should be turned in to social services !!

[Proteus]

+1 on the family counseling. This applies to all family issues. After all, it's the father who has the problem, sending the son to "straight camp" won't fix that.

[AKAMichelle]

I think the only way to deal with any of this is through counseling

[carolinoakland]

I think they both need counseling...

[sometimes_miss]

Unfortunately, there are lots of parents that will react like this, and when they post it like that, it almost seems like they're looking for support for their feelings of violence. Sad. Not much you can do but suggest counseling, and rather than say both kid and parent need it, suggest that the parents go because it will help the counselor understand the child better and they can answer questions when the counselor needs it. Otherwise they will know that people will think there's something wrong with them (rightly so) and not go, and instead just try to beat it out of the boy.

[eluuzion]

There are several issues here that place this situation out of reach of well-intentioned amateurs on any forum. The fact that there is a non-biological female "sibling" living in the household opens the door to a myriad of possible negative consequences down the road. (Legal nightmares being one).

Counseling is the only logical step. The sooner the better. This is a preview of a train-wreck that is surely in their future.

[Jenny Gurl]

My post to the father:

Crossdressing knows no IQ, so that has nothing to do with it. If it is actually a gender issue, then it is not an experiment, it is how his brain is hard wired at birth and no amount of humiliation will change him, it will just psychologically damage him. He probably doesn’t like it any more than you do right now. If he was born this way, he knows that this condition is not widely accepted by society, his friends, and family so he probably hides it. In other words, you can’t embarrass it out of him and you can’t beat it out of him, it is how he was born. The solution you seek is for you, your wife, and your son to see a therapist that specializes in gender issues. You can choose a man or woman therapist but a female one might be easier for him to talk to since he probably feels a male would be very judgmental. It will help him understand himself, and it will help you and your wife understand your son. If he is a true crossdresser he probably doesn’t understand this at all and many of them go an entire lifetime of misery hiding and repressing something that should not be that big of a deal. Unfortunately, if you try to embarrass or humiliate him, it may send him into a spiral ending in suicide, tread lightly and handle this very carefully. How this will end depends on how you and your wife handle it. I would not tell his sister just yet, but the sooner you get professional help the better.

Manly activities like hunting fishing, etc will not change him but may bring you two closer as father and son. For the record people from all walks of life deal with this condition, including people who served entire careers in the marine corps, army, etc. The person doesn’t choose the condition; it just shows up in the gene pool sometimes and it’s nobody’s fault, not yours or his. The therapist will help you and him determine if it is a passing experiment or truly a gender issue, and the sooner you can get it diagnosed one way or the other the sooner you can all get on with your lives.

Also, the same percentage of crossdressers and non-crossdressers are gay so he has no more chance of being gay than anyone else. He probably just likes wearing womens cloths.

that is the end of my post in response to his question. I am not worried about any violence as the web forum it was on was a testosterone filled site that uses the term " kill him", or "shoot him" as a common term like we did when we were grade school children. I can't count the times that someone says something like that and does not mean it in the real sense. I also feel this was his way of asking for advice, and still hanging on to his self esteem. I added the hunting comments and the military comments because other people had already posted "make him joint the marines" and " you need to do more manly things with him like hunting or fishing" as a suggested "cure". I also added the gay comment because although there is nothing wrong with being gay, the family needs to focus on dealing with the actual issue and not a stereotypical assumption.

I hope it helps one more crossdresser in the journey to self acceptance, and a family who doesn't understand. Thanks for all the comments, and thanks to everyone who makes this community possible.

[Nigella]

As the OP has now given the response to the Father, and the original intent was to seek some input from members here, the is no point in leaving this thread open. Jenny Gurl has indicated that this is the end of her post in response to the fathers question.