Reading material to help my partner?

[sometimes-stacy]

Hello all.
I would imagine this issue affects most of us on here at some stage or another. My partner found some pictures of me dressed up about 4-5 months ago. After very little discussion we left it and I said she is more important than some stupid clothes. As you would all be aware that is easier said than done too. She doesnt understand it. She is very closed minded and is unaware of whats out there.
Does anybody know of any decent reading material out there that helps explain the whole crossdressing issue to families?

[Olivia2]

One possibility is "My Husband Betty" by Helen Boyd, who is the wife of a crossdresser-more recently, her husband now identifies as a TS woman. When this book was written, "Betty" was only identifying as a CD. It is a comprehensive overview of the CD/TG spectrum. You should read it first, though, and then decide if you are comfortable with her reading it. Perhaps you might highlight parts of the book that resonate with you so and clarify what parts of the book are nothing like you. There are some other resources that I can't locate right now but if I do, I'll post them also.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I wouldn't recommend My Husband Betty to a wife, at least not in the early stages, as it may frighten her more than anything.

"My Husband Wears My Clothes" by Peggy Rudd is a very good choice, as is "Coping With Crossdressing" by JoAnn Roberts. Both are very good, "wife friendly" introductions to transvestism.

[Tammy V]

I just came out to my wife last week and have ordered My Husband Betty and My Husband wears My Clothes. Are y'all saying that when they come in the former book may be too much for a wife to handle?

[Vickie_CDTV]

The problem with My Husband Betty is that she is very frank about non-hetero sexuality, transsexualism etc. This is fine, but for a first introduction to a wife I don't feel it is ideal. It may reinforce and validate fears they already have when they first find out their husband crossdressers (he is gay, interested in sex with others other than me, he may be a TS etc.)

[Kelly DeWinter]

It all depends on your spouse, "My Husband Betty" is written by a woman, and in many levels the frankness of the book, is what women like about it. I think before giving any written material to her you have to:
A) read it yourself
B) need to know where you currently are on the TG spectrum
C) Have an idea if you are OK where you are on the spectrum or IF you plan on progressing, such as SRS.

Needless to say, from most past threads here, the possible response's are:

A) It's OK
B) It's OK with conditions
C) It's OK as long as I don't know about it.
C) It's shocking
D) It's repulsive
E) You have to stop
F) You need threapy
G) I need therapy
H) I want a seperation
I) I want a divorce
H) I need a drink
I ) If your going to wear THAT outfit I need a double


Whatever the outcome expect interesting times ahead.

Kelly

[Rhonda Jean]

I thought reading material might be helpful to my wife, too. She's now my ex. The best thing would be for her to learn about you. It'd be very easy, especially for someone who starts off with a negative attitude, to pick up on all the worst things in a book and apply them to you, whether they actually fit or not. She may not like "you" as a cd either, but at least it'd be you.

My wife used the book to reinforce every negative thought she had about me being a crossdresser. She began to see me as them. Some of it fit. Even some of the parts she found disturbing. I'll admit to that. A lot of it didn't, but it didn't matter. Add to that a heightened sensitivity and a runaway imagination.

I don't blame the book for all of it, but I know that it heightend her fears. Be careful.

[Loni]

some books
are good,
some are bad,
and some indifferent.
but it is what and how the woman reading said book is looking at things, does she "approve"..if even just a very tiny bit. or does she believe it is a sin.
how your wife's mind set is about all of this is what she is going to read into any book.
aka: if someone was anti (*), and read a pro book about (*)...they would still be anti (*). not just about cross dressing or transsexual,or ? but most any subject.
you need to arm your self with knowledge and then talk to her over a cup of tea. but be her man.

[Olivia2]

Great information and advice here from all of the posts. One other thought also, you might post something in the loved ones thread and ask wives/SO's, etc. what they thought about certain books to also hear from their perspective.

[Joanne f]

The only thing i have against reading what someone else has written is that it is their experience of CDing and not yours , it is OK if you use it as a point of reference or guideline but remember your way might be quite different than their way and give your wife/so the wrong impression of what you want to be , so in the long run a lot of talking to your wife is the best way .

[kristine239]

I have a different suggestion! Books are great, but they are not like actually meeting someone. In the US there are several TG conference where there are both programs for spouses and the ability to interact with other spouses, some that may be "first timers" just like her. I know several cases where this has solved a lot of problems and made life a lot easier for both of you.

A couple of years ago, at a conference that I ran, a first time couple attended. On the first day the wife wouldn't come out of the hotel room. After a lot of conversation by other spouses and care givers, by Saturday she was the life of the party.

It may be hard to convince her to go, but you both will find it worth while. If you would like to know which ones to go to, e-mail me and I will try to help.

[linnea]

Some books may be good: my personal list includes Boylan, Jennifer. She’s Not There. McCloskey, Deidre. Crossing. Colapinto, John. As Nature Made Him. NY: Harper, 2001. Rose, Donna. Wrapped in Blue. Seeley, Jennifer. The Transgender Companion (Male to Female). Brown and Rounsley. True Selves. Alexander and Rose. The Color of Sunlight.
However, the advice that you should read anything you decide to give her first is very important. More than anything else, I'll pass along the advice that Jennifer Boylan gave me: ". . . be strong, and have courage." I would add, "Go slowly."

[anonymousinmaryland]

Linnea, nice name. Different. Just like all of us. Different. (And that's a good thing.)

[kayegirl]

Stacy, take a look at the Loved Ones section of this forum, and my recent thread New Girlfriend (GGs only to answer). I don't think that you will find better advice anywhere.
Good Luck.

[sometimes-stacy]

Thank you all very much. She is coming to terms with things in her own time now. I have shown her alot of stuff on line that has helped. If anything we are now closer because of it. Thanks for caring enough to reply :)

[Billijo49504]

Transgender Michigan has some printable pamphletes that are geared to that...BJ

[Michelle 51]

Well if shes anything like mine she don't want to learn about it.My wife lets me dress but has no interest in learning about it or accepting it.Not in words but she is saying do it if you must but i don't want any part of it.The problem with that is such a huge part of who i am is kept inside and makes a wedge between us and where those chickens will roost down the road is anyones guess.