Disappointed and Depressed

[crashd0309]

Currently the only female clothing that I can wear with my wife's approval are panties. I had hoped that my wife would seriously suggest I dress as a woman for Halloween this year. She had joked about it a few times. Well the big Halloween party came Saturday night and she was a naughty female cop and I was her male prisoner. It was a boring costume for me. She looked great in hers. Sunday night she said she wanted me to try on her costume complete with fishnets and her blond wig. She also said that on Monday we are going to the big sales at the Halloween stores and that I'm dressing as a woman for next year. I can't tell you how excited I was to hear this. However.....after the kids were in bed my wife decides it should be fight night....over some tiny issue about the kids...so now we aren't even speaking to each other and its 3am. I can't tell you how disappointed and depressed I am over this. She even told me that there was nothing I could have done different. She just got to thinking and she got herself worked up and took it out on me. So now I'm the bad guy sitting her in my boy boxer briefs. grrr The indecisiveness and moodiness of her drives me crazy sometimes. I wish we could all figure out one path to take and stay on it instead of this on one minute and off the next in regard to me dressing.

[janet p]

I'm sorry to say it's one of two things with your wife it's either that time of the month or she's bi-polar and I'm not trying to be funny about this.

[Sallee]

Woman! just tough to figure out and then we try to be one ?

[Maria in heels]

sorry to hear what is going on, but in my case, for the longest time things were kind of the same. I think that it is because when she is deciding to open up, it scares her, and then they close down with the "fight" to maintain their sense of control...sometimes its better to just go with it, but it is hard to say even that without knowing everything about the relationship etc...please don't take someone's advice because it may seem right for the moment, but the future consequences are just not worth it? only you can decide...

[Karren H]

Sounds like your married to my wife.... Extept my wife wouldn't let me wear panties... Or even think of letting me wear her costume.

[Steph.TS]

From what I read it sounds like she doesn't like the idea of you wearing women's clothing, but is trying to be tolerant of this for you. If I'm right it might be this conflict that is causing this issue, and she might just be blowing off steam over frustration over this issue. She wants you to be happy, but she might be upset with the idea of her man in women's clothing sort thing... if that is the case I honestly don't know what you can do...

[Michelle 51]

Woman! just tough to figure out and then we try to be one ?

Well put Sallee.Go figure hey.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Sara, welcome to the world of a lot of CDers.......try to think of the positives though. You have told your wife, and although she is seemingly indecisive, at least you don't have to hide anything.


Sounds like your married to my wife.... Extept my wife wouldn't let me wear panties... Or even think of letting me wear her costume.

That's my wife to a tee, she is disgusted and never ever wants to see or discuss anything to do with Tash, but she does acknowledge my needs and is Ok with me dressing in my own time and going out to mutually agreed public places. At least your wife asked to to try on he costume in her presence.

My advice would be not to push anything with your wife, so long as you get sufficient time to dress by yourself.

Good luck with negotiations, you are on a difficult and ever changing road here.

tash :)

[Chickhe]

Well, depends what she was upset about, but I would not say your trip to the store is out or dressing up next year. Just go to the store to browse and you will find costumes on sale which are too good to pass up. The best plan is to do a couple's theme, role reversed so both of you can enjoy it.

[crashd0309]

We had a long talk today. I couldn't stand the silence. I told her it was a real sexual turn on for me when she said I had to wear her Halloween costume last night. (which it was) I told her I was really bummed when I didn't get to do it. We agreed to go shopping for Halloween costumes for us tomorrow and she said I get to dress as a woman. Keep your fingers crossed! See my new pic also. I tried on her mini-skirt while she was gone today and it fit perfect! I can't wait for some time alone so I can dress up a bit more than just the skirt. :) Thank you all for your support and encouragement. This can be quite a roller coaster with our SO's.

[JulieC]

I tried on her mini-skirt while she was gone today and it fit perfect! I can't wait for some time alone so I can dress up a bit more than just the skirt. :) Thank you all for your support and encouragement. This can be quite a roller coaster with our SO's.

Uh, if you think you were having problems with her before, you ain't seen nothin' yet if she finds out you've been wearing her clothes. DON'T. Get your own.

[Joanne f]

Having children is not always easy but i expect it did not help the situation with your expectations of what you thought was going to happen and did not and i do know how this can affect you (or should that be effect ,that one always confuses me) :doh:, maybe you could persuade your wife to help you look foe something else that you would like in the fem line :)

[TiffanyTgirl]

I am sorry that it happened to you. Happens to me alot. Just the slightest glimmer of accaeptance and then nothing. Enjoy the panties.

[linnea]

Tough situation. I'm sorry to read about it and know that you're struggling. I wish I knew how to help. Frankly, I think that your wife isn't having her period or bi-polar. She's just getting cold feet about you going to next year's party en femme. Give her time and consider her feelings--maybe even ask her about her feelings over this.

[Kiera79]

It is the gender that we so love a woman's way of life. The mood swings, anxiety and the ability to fly off the handle at the slightest thing. Deal with it as there is nothing that can be done to change it.

[Patty B.]

Just keep the lines of communication open, and keep talking about both of your feelings. Letting communication fade will cause untold issues in the future. Best of luck.

[crashd0309]

I am sorry that it happened to you. Happens to me alot. Just the slightest glimmer of accaeptance and then nothing. Enjoy the panties.

By that is the truth.

[AKAMichelle]

Women's acceptance does change and sometimes irradically. There is no explanation but you just have to endure it.

[crashd0309]

It is the gender that we so love a woman's way of life. The mood swings, anxiety and the ability to fly off the handle at the slightest thing. Deal with it as there is nothing that can be done to change it.

Oh I know. Its just frustrating to live with, deal with and try to understand at times

[Stephanie47]

When I was first married I found my wife was reluctantly OK with my limited cross-dressing. In fact, she and I went shopping together for nightgowns for me (you younger girls are really missing the slinky floor length nightgowns with fitted bodices-that's another story) to wear. She even bought me stockings and a garter belt to wear. When we had a child she asked that I not wear the nightgowns anymore. OK- I could live with that. Fast forward and she turned hostile. Go figure! At that time I had progressed to buying slips, panties and bras, but, not wearing them except in privacy. We went through that old argument. She could compete with a woman. I was buying her slinky nightgown because I secretly was thinking about wearing them myself. How could I wear a bra since I do not have breasts? No matter what I could say, she could not see that my cross-dressing had nothing to do with her.

I know many persons on this site will say, you should tell your prospective spouse about your cross-dressing fetish. But, back in the 1960's or 1970's Al Gore had not yet invented the internet. There was no printed material in libraries. The Kinsey Report was kept under lock and key. I had not cross-dressed for two years and I thought my fetish was equal to being gay. I figured it would not surface again. Of course, my wife wishes she had not told me somethings she had done in her youth, because it would have made it sooo easy to walk out of the marriage. So my cross-dressing is out of the bag-big time. She may look at it as a negative from her viewpoint. I now look at it as denying an integral part of my being for forty years of marriage.

As to dressing up for Halloween. Oh, how I wish I could have cross-dressed at a party when I was young. I did go out solo when I was younger, but, it wasn't much fun going out alone. Of course, if I were given the opportunity to go out on Halloween I would go out as a woman of my age- not a fairy princess or super heroine. It is interesting she has no recollection of seeing her father in drag on Halloween, dressed up by his girlfriend. I listened with envy as the women in the office talked of dressing up their non cross-dressing husbands in their high school prom dresses with wigs and makeup- not some bearded guy joking around.

So, you will find the beat goes on! Most spouses will throw it in your face as a weapon at the drop of a hat. My wife said, when we were having issues not related to cross-dressing that she would expose me! Now I do not trust her at all. She has the nuclear weapon and I have my bow and arrow. Since you have children, you will have to factor that into the equation. My children are out of house and my wife continues to work. I get my six hours a day of leisurely cross-dressing activity and sometimes seven to ten days of 24/7. If push comes to shove, I am ready for separation. I endured forty years of denial of who I am, and, exploring that part of me. I would never do anything to embarrass my wife or kids, but, I wish she just would understand this is just a part of who I am!

You will find you cannot stop having the desire to cross-dress. There may be weeks, months or years that it does not rear its head- but you cannot erase the memory of the pleasure and peace it may have brought to you.

[charlie]

Hello Crash!
It sounds to me like you are letting your wife be your parent. If you want to go out dressed for Halloween go out buy your clothes and dress. If you want to dress tomorrow night....go out and do it. Why must your actions be governed by your wife? Why could you only wear her outfit when she said you could? Your only reason for depression is because you allow her to control you.

[valerieg]

Currently the only female clothing that I can wear with my wife's approval are panties. I had hoped that my wife would seriously suggest I dress as a woman for Halloween this year. She had joked about it a few times. Well the big Halloween party came Saturday night and she was a naughty female cop and I was her male prisoner. It was a boring costume for me. She looked great in hers. Sunday night she said she wanted me to try on her costume complete with fishnets and her blond wig. She also said that on Monday we are going to the big sales at the Halloween stores and that I'm dressing as a woman for next year. I can't tell you how excited I was to hear this. However.....after the kids were in bed my wife decides it should be fight night....over some tiny issue about the kids...so now we aren't even speaking to each other and its 3am. I can't tell you how disappointed and depressed I am over this. She even told me that there was nothing I could have done different. She just got to thinking and she got herself worked up and took it out on me. So now I'm the bad guy sitting her in my boy boxer briefs. grrr The indecisiveness and moodiness of her drives me crazy sometimes. I wish we could all figure out one path to take and stay on it instead of this on one minute and off the next in regard to me dressing.

Sounds like BPD (though I admit that many things do). Read the book "I hate you, Don't leave me" and see how it fits. I live with this daily, though in my case the anger outbursts are fewer than they used to be and the most prominent manifestations are financial and food related.

- Valerie

[7sisters]

Your wife sounds just like me. I'm not bipolar or PMSing. I am unpredictable, fragile and have mood swings like a pendulum. It's just how it is. For me it might be insecurity. I get that way when I feel insecure. How comfortable is she with you crossdressing. Just keep communicating with her and reassuring her.

[Rianna Humble]

Hello Crash!
It sounds to me like you are letting your wife be your parent. If you want to go out dressed for Halloween go out buy your clothes and dress. If you want to dress tomorrow night....go out and do it. Why must your actions be governed by your wife? Why could you only wear her outfit when she said you could? Your only reason for depression is because you allow her to control you.

I'm sorry, Charlie, to me your solution sounds like a recipe for a quick divorce.

The reason to only wear a wife's outfit when she says it is OK is because it belongs to her!

When you marry someone, it is supposed to be a commitment for life and those words about "better or worse" means that you try to work through the problems rather than just flounce off and do your own thing.

The OP has had her whole life to get used to the fact that she cross-dresses. Her wife has not and sometimes her feelings about this new aspect of the person she thought she knew might seem scarier than at others.

Communication is a two way thing and you sometimes need to see beyond an SO's words or actions to the underlying feelings so you can deal with them. An attitude of "you don't control me, I'll do what I want when I want" is guaranteed to stop communication dead.

[Tima]

I had hoped that my wife would seriously suggest I dress as a woman for Halloween this year. She had joked about it a few times. Well the big Halloween party came Saturday night and she was a naughty female cop and I was her male prisoner. It was a boring costume for me.

Not to make light of your situation, but I’m glad I’m not married, nor am I contemplating a marital state, not now, not ever. When I go to a Halloween party I usually dress like a uke, meaning a submissive, feminine boy from a certain type of manga (Yay!). I have to talk my friend into going as a dominant male, something completely out of character for him. I, on the other hand, play myself. My point is that submission can be a good thing, under certain circumstances, and I wish you well. Maybe next year you will be the naughty, dominant female. Please leave the truncheon at home.
:eek:

[GirlieAmanda]

I am getting divorced over my CDing and she STILL is disgusted with me even though she will be getting out soon. She wants as far away as she can. There are bad days and good for me still. I did go out on Halloween and she was disgusted even though she never saw me. It was just the thought that turned her stomach. I guess feel a little lucky that you still have a mate to share with. I do not really now and will not later. This is really what I want so it is bittersweet. All I can tell you is its probably not going to get better. I had a friend today who is revving up her girlieness and in turn her wife is turning away. It just seems to be a recurring nightmare. A few super lucky ones ones on here have a perfect mate who actually encourages the crossdressing. These seem to be rare women though. I wish you a lot of luck.

[Presh GG]

Hi,
Your wife is scared. All the what ifs , she is frightened for her [and your] future.
Can you sit down with her with as much information about gender issues as possible and tell her how you feel, what it's about, how many others there are and where you fall on the scale? Really let her in. Answer her questions as best you can, if you don't know the answer , tell her that too.

She is your wife, she needs to feel safe and loved. As it is , she has a million questions and it's scary. She feels as if she is all alone with this secret. If you share it together it can make your relationship that much stronger. You are the best person to help her understand this is not a choice. It is a part of you.The more you open up, the more secure she will feel. This will not happen overnight, but with enough love and OPEN discussion, she will begin the acceptance process. I hope. [ you know her ,I don't ] Possibly a counselor will be needed.

Now, If I were your wife and you wore my clothes without my permission, you would be in the fight of your life! That is only common sense. Respect....!!!

Best wishes,
Presh GG

[crashd0309]

Thank you all for your advice and comments, although I think a few of you are off the mark a bit. Communication is the key along with being open, not being pushy about this and taking your time. I believe it will all work out if I go at it slow and keep an open line of communication. I know my wife doesn't have BPD, because my ex did. That was hell on earth. :)

[Miss Misery]

Hi,


Now, If I were your wife and you wore my clothes without my permission, you would be in the fight of your life! That is only common sense. Respect....!!!

Best wishes,
Presh GG

Presh - That comment seems to be unnecessary and lacking in the respect that you're "demanding". You earn respect.