Single T-guys? (not a hookup attempt, lol... and FTM only please)

[Areyan]

hey fellas :D

i'm a single guy and have been this way emotionally for some time but i've only been on my own for a couple of months now. perhaps i'm just on a rebound-curiosity bent but i thought i'd pose the question anyway, see what all our different situations are like... and of course, another shameless attempt to get to know you all a little better.

i'm not ready to find another gf yet, but i have had some silly daydreams, lol... how about you guys, are you single? married? in a relationship? my other question too is if you are with someone special have they been with you through transition or after you began?

being single puts me in a unique situation in that i have the chance to meet a woman who may be able to get to know me for who i am without my previous life being such an issue for her... i don't foresee a relationship at any point in the near future so i am hoping i'm at least half-way through transition by the time i meet someone.

[Andy66]

I'm single too. Not ready for a relationship, but also have no realistic plans to transition at this time. That may change in the distant future though, so it's a wild card that a potential partner would have to be aware of. I believe that a healthy person learns and evolves constantly throughout his or her life. Otherwise they stagnate and become unhappy and meaningless. It's not fair of a person to expect their partner never to change. Hopefully the two people can manage to grow together instead of apart.

My ideal partner would probably be sort of a best friend with benefits. Haha. Yeah, that about sums it up in a nutshell. Someone who can support me in being myself, and who feels comfortable being him/herself with me. Unfortunately a good match is hard to find.

[4serrus]

I'm in a complicated situation. I'm technically married, and we still live together, but we're unofficially separated and not in a relationship. We've both seen other people. I don't think I'm in a place where I can realistically pursue a real relationship with anyone right now.

[AnonyMouse]

Also single, not by choice. Not that I'm really in a position to be in a relationship right now - I've had no treatment and don't even have all the right stuff, so things could be weird - but I'm darned lonely.

[Areyan]

Also single, not by choice. Not that I'm really in a position to be in a relationship right now - I've had no treatment and don't even have all the right stuff, so things could be weird - but I'm darned lonely.

i hear you... i'm in exactly the same situation at this point... not on hrt yet and only just purchased my first binder, lol -excitedly waiting on its arrival! but yes, i still look so female no one reads me as masculine unless i really man it up and hide my face with dark sunglasses. i'd feel odd around someone too if they were attracted to me because physical appearances are the first to get noticed and i'd know with disdain that i'd still be attracting people i have no interest in because of how i look. plenty of men i wouldn't look at even if i was gay identified would still try it on... ick.

it can get lonely being single... i'm only a few months into it but my situation with the ex was kind of wrapping itself up over a year ago so there's been a lot of time pass from that to now. i am lucky to have her as a friend still and being trans gives her an edge over my cis friends. having said that i am meeting other people for friendships, but being careful about my burgeoning identity, so it does largely depend on the person how i introduce myself.

[Felix]

Hi Peeps:) really interesting this thread and great idea :)

My situation is, I am with a post op transsexual woman of seven years. She is amazing and she came into my life initially as a friend. Helen had been friends with me since May and had been supporting me with my transition and anything I needed to know as an advocate really. She really took the reigns when things came to a grinding halt when my GP had sent me to the wrong place after 6 months of waiting. Within three months of her intervening I was seeing the Psych in Hull and I had my referral to Leeds Gender Clinic.
Lol it wasn't till the December when we met to discuss the up and coming appointment that sparks flew and we went from friends to well a lot more ;) He He it was my cheeky nature that had reawoken and I had decided to take a risk and flirt with her, it paid off and this December we will have been together 2 years. So Ya never know whats round the next corner my friends and never say never coz ya might miss an opportunity which could be just what ya looking for :) xx Felix

[Seamus_Jameson]

Agree with Felix, great thread. I'm currently quite happily married to a wonderful, supportive, caring man. We've been together for about three years. Unfortunately, he met me before I even knew (what I was) and he's 100% straight. He hates the idea of me taking testosterone and, no matter how much we love each other and want things to work out, we have to accept that that may be the deal breaker. I do what I can to show that I'm not trying to usurp his position and try to keep my male persona outside the home. For his part, he tries to bond with me as a guy and teach me some of the stuff that he's found useful. I guess I'm just gonna be optimistic about it.

[Poltergeist]

I'm single, always has been... I think my main problem is that I am only attracted to men, and being in a female body (and stuck in it, it seems), I have to try to date straight men... who, obviously, are looking for a woman and not a female who looks and acts like a guy.

I really really wish I liked girls instead, because they seem to be so much more accepting of transmen.

[NiCo]

My ideal partner would probably be sort of a best friend with benefits.

Funny you say that, I'm in a relationship with someone who started out as my best friend like 17 years ago. We went to primary school together, high school together then lost contact when I moved from Scotland to England...but the good ol' internetz got us back in touch in 2009 and we have been together since.

---

I haven't been single in my entire adult life [which I say began around 18 years old], by choice I guess...or because maybe I am just lucky to have so many options. Idk. I seem to pick the nutterz though; my previous relationship was full of fail so when I met Marc...it brought a new meaning to relationships. I had only ever known crap before him, being treated like crap. With him it is different. We didn’t have that “honeymoon” period where couples are all over each other and the sun shines out their arses…we skipped that stage because we did that stage when we were kids.

I have only ever had a relationship being male, as I came out at 16 years old and have been living this way since then. I am lucky in that respect because I didn’t have the awkwardness of telling the other half that I wasn’t who they thought I was. I tend to be in relationship with men, I have only had one girlfriend and she was so f***ed up that it put me off having relationships with girls completely.

Sex has always been a problem. It still is. I am asexual by choice. It is just far too complicated for me to be getting headaches over. I can’t be arsed with that stuffs. If my partner does not like it, he can f*ck off and go elsewhere…it really isn’t something I am going to cry over like a bitch. Thankfully, he is on the same level as I am, and is supportive…but past partners haven’t been so kind to me…which resulted in instant dumpage and lulz.

However, since surgery I have been more and more inclined to be a bit rebellious…idk, it is probably my confidence increasing or sumfin.

If me and Marc split up tomorrow, I wouldn’t get into another relationship. I couldn’t. For srs bizz, I would stay single. It would take a while to get over it [a while, of being depressed and hating the world lulz].

[DanielMacBride]

I'm single, and have been pretty much continuously for the last 11 years, partly by choice and partly not. I am not asexual, but the whole dysphoria thing pretty much makes even just the IDEA of getting close to anyone else a total nightmare (particularly since I haven't had any surgery yet due to lack of funds). I also have yet to find a girl who is not batsh*t crazy and who can deal with the mismatch between brain and body, they seem to be very thin on the ground around here.

[wolfie2006]

Really great thread guys.
I had been in a relationship, but it was mutually decided that we remain friends for now. She's a good woman, but since I have some other issues that I am still dealing with (wrestling with inner demons) not related to me finally accepting my true self....for me at least, I think remaining single for now is what I need. Yet, I still hold on to the hope that there will be someone special there for me when I start coming out to more people.
I just wanted to let all you guys know that you're awesome, and am very blessed to have found some brothers.
Leslie

[Ziggy]

Oh first post here, might at well make it count.

I'm not single, currently in a serious relationship with my boyfriend who is also FtM like myself. Both of us are pre-OP and pre-Test, but he's already looking into a therapist for testosterone recommendations and whatnot. We both identify as gay men so you can imagine it's a bit odd, having us both be female in anatomy and absolutely disgusted by the female form (just a personal thing really...).

A few months ago when we started dating we would go back and forth about how we didn't really feel like girls at all in our lives, past and present. I don't remember who suggested it, but 'transgender' came up. Over the last month especially has been the most of the 'coming out' to our families. Unfortunately I'm not in the sort of household where it's exactly a good thing to be transgender and gay, either or both.

Thankfully though I intend to move in with him in January and start transitioning with hormones and most likely starting with chest reconstruction. Since bottom surgery is so imperfect, it's unlikely that either of us will get it anytime soon :|

But we'll be there for each other the entirety of our transitions. I'm excited.

[DanielMacBride]

Since my circumstances have changed, I'm coming back to repost in this thread lol ;) I am currently engaged to an amazing woman (100% straight, bio girl) who accepts me absolutely as I am (currently still pre-op due to circumstances and finances, but hoping that will change in the not-too-distant future) and has no problem with any of it. We have had plenty of conversations around all of the potential minefield type issues and the key is to keep open communication going, because without communication, we'd be screwed for trying to figure out how to make it all work. We are kind of like best friends but better - I wouldn't call it "friends with benefits" because it's much more than that, but it does take a lot of groundwork to be laid and foundations to be built :)

[Areyan]

so happy to hear about your new circumstances too, Dan, i wish you and your lovely lady all the best together, sounds like you have a keeper there, brother. ;) i thought i should also update this thread in saying i'm not strictly single either, although it's not something i'm making big announcements about i am still working on things with my on/off partner after a break from each other and taking time to reflect on what our relationship was becoming. we realized we're still way more than friends so that's a good thing i guess! us both being trans has been both great and frustrating at times, lol.

negotiating my identity with family life and social stuff is something i'm still mapping out so it hasn't been easy for us either. no one in my family wants us to be together, too bad they're not in it with us heh. ;)

[DanielMacBride]

Thanks, I think she is definitely a keeper :D Glad to hear you and your partner are working things out, there's obviously a lot still there between you, so I wish you the best :) I have been with a trans partner in the past and it can definitely get very messy and tricky - but if you are talking openly about things I'm sure you'll both be ok :) I hear you on the family thing too lol - none of my "family" are worth keeping around because none of them accept Daniel and they all keep trying to push me back into being "her" by just refusing to respect my identity in any capacity. Oh well lol, their loss, especially now that I am with Sara, because they will be losing not just me but also a daughter in law and 3 new grandsons ;)