Going forward

[Panophobia]

The more I age? maybe? dunno... The more I present myself "fem", I enjoy it a lot, but at the same time fear gets in the way, what is the best way to overcome this? Suggestions would be greatly appreciated. ;)

[renee k]

Well, I'm going to answer your question with a question. What's to fear? Your fear of being yourself, how you feel inside. For self acceptance you've got to love yourself. I think you'll find society is far more accepting than you think. If that's what your fear is. My advice to you is be yourself.And love yourself for who you are.

Renee

P.S. Pm me when you get your ten posts. Would love to chat with you.

[Jorja]

There is a quote that I truely love. I do not know who said it but,,, You must first be comfortable with yourself, before you can be comfortable in the world. Honestly, there is nothing to be afraid of. Don't get me wrong, there are many things that could go wrong. There are just as many things that could go wrong in your present circumstances. So why not take a chance and step out there, be your true self. Really, the bus is not coming :D.

[Kathryn Martin]

I have the same question that Rene has. What is it that you fear? I am also older, 56, and I am in transition now. Some time ago I decided that I will no longer be ruled by fear.

[Panophobia]

Fear... yes a lot of it is in my own head, and i have battled and i have won, but I am still scared. And why?
I present myself, "well what i see it as fem".
guess most people might not pick up on it. But I feel I am showing signs of "I am a girl"

[Veronica_Jean]

Panophobia,

I think many of us go through that. I have been full time for 4 months and I still feel the fear when in the ladies at work and someone else walks in. Its all me, I knw that, but it is still in there. I am much better than my first few times. My point is that we all have some issues with fear, and just getting out there and being ourselves is the best way to overcome it.
Well at least for me anyway.

Veronica

[Melody Moore]

Well, I'm going to answer your question with a question. What's to fear?
I am on the same train as Renee here that just keeps going forward. We all go through
this same fear but only to discover that our own fears & paranoia are very unfounded.

Those that you fear the most out there in society that you fear might give you a hard time have
much greater fears within themselves - fears of the unknown & the things they don't understand.

The more people like us that are out there in society the less people there will be who fear us.

Society has become much more tolerant of people like us and to a point that there are laws in many places that are there to protect
people like us. Discrimination is not the issue it was say 20 years ago & it continues to improve all around the world on a daily basis.

I am sure if you have a dig around as well on Google you will find the laws are there
that protect your rights. Here is one example of the laws in your own state of Michigan:

Sex and Gender Discrimination: Any adverse employment action taken by an employer
on the basis of an employee's gender is strictly prohibited by Title VII of the Civil Rights
Act and Michigan laws. This can include termination, demotion or the failure to hire.

I have faced discrimination only once so far since I started to live full-time as a female, but the person who tried to discriminate
against me quickly found out they were fearful of what they didnt understand and fully exposed their own fears & ignorance.

Arming yourself with knowledge of your rights and laws can really protect you, but there is also a lot of other information that
you can find online that will help you to blend into society as a female & conceal your former male identity. Such tips will cover
issues like dressing appropriately to blend into the occasion, female mannerisms. Jewellery & Make-up. But whatever you do
ignore any advice from Drag Queens.

There are lots of people on this forum that can help you with all the issues you are dealing with because what you have here
is a culmination of knowledge from so many gender & sexually diverse people from all over the world. So if there is anything you
want to know, then never feel afraid to ask a question on this forum - we are only too willing to help you move forward, be happy
and live the life that will make you happy.

Welcome to the forum and I look forward to hearing from you again.

Hugs Melody :gh:

[Panophobia]

Melodyn, thank you for the Michigan reference, that makes me feel a lot better ;)

[Panophobia]

thank you :)

[Melody Moore]

You are welcome hun :battingeyelashes:

[Sejd]

Dear Panophobia
I think your fears are real and understandable. To walk the path of a trans person or whatever label people prefer, is not an easy one. Sometimes it involves family, work and friends. I have dealt with my own Trans-life for over 4 years now, and I have found that balance in things is the way for me. It is not either or but a soft dance between states of being. Mostley I have found great joy in being female, but I also live a modified male life because of children and what have you. I have reached a state where I am no longer ashamed or afraid to talk to anyone about my experience. We cannot change how we came programmed, it is better to learn about yourself and to explore, with caution and gentleness toward the people you love. Good luck and Peace!
Sejd

[Victoria Anne]

I do not know what I can add but I will tell you this I am 50 years old and was full of all kinds of fears . I have been full time now for 7 weeks and I do not know what I was afraid of . Once you step out you will ask yourself what was I waiting for.

[Melissa A.]

We all have gone through it, in so many ways. And sometimes, just when you think you've conquered the world, it comes back! When you least expect it to, or need it to. Damn, it sucks. But after a while, it fades, and you realise that you are alot stronger than the worst thing that can happen. You'll get there. Trust yourself, it's in you. And welcome.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Rianna Humble]

The more I age? maybe? dunno... The more I present myself "fem", I enjoy it a lot, but at the same time fear gets in the way, what is the best way to overcome this? Suggestions would be greatly appreciated. ;)

There is a way to overcome fear,but it isn't easy - you have to confront it and say "I'm not going to let you win!".

As others have said, alof us here have experienced some degree of fear about what the future holds, will we be rejected, am I makinbg a fool of myself and things like that. Generally speaking, when we have confronted those fears they have proved to be unfounded. That didn't stop me being afraid that I had made a fool of myself with my chocie of dress for last night, but I got one of the other girls at work to give me an honest opinion and it turned out my fears were for nothing.

That said, you do need to give yourself permission to live as the person you know you were born to be.

[Panophobia]

Sorry, been awhile since I replied. I work retail, and it is the xmas season, so I am working alot. Thank you all for the encouragement. I was stunned yesterday, my mother that usually ignores my TG feelings was actually shopping with me, felt great. Also last tuesday my theripist said I do casual fem very well and that I looked great. Sure she is there for encouragement, but she really "sold" it to me, maybe I can do this. ;)

[Evelyn Evenly]

Yeah, I'm pretty fearful of going fem around my current living area, once I move to the city though I plan to be more open about it and actually go out.

[Panophobia]

I am starting with going out fairly casual, cute pants, top, hair down no makeup. Women notice, and I get some mixed reactions, guys never see anything it seems.

[Melody Moore]

You might find this interesting http://grazia.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=8123280

[ErikaNicole]

Nothing to fear but fear itself. Yet, I'm in the same boat.

This was a helpful thread.

[Panophobia]

Thanks, ;) Also my mother did something I thought would never happen, she went with me to look at womens cloths. I was very impressed, and felt a bit fuzzy, but I was happy she starting to accept it all.

[Stephanie Anne]

The more I age? maybe? dunno... The more I present myself "fem", I enjoy it a lot, but at the same time fear gets in the way, what is the best way to overcome this? Suggestions would be greatly appreciated. ;)

Step one - Admit to yourself that by presenting opposite of your birth gender, you open yourself up to losing all self confidence.

Step two - Baby steps. Seriously, baby steps. Take it slow. one day at a time and it gets better the more you acknowledge who you are.

Step three - take it slow (yes, this bears repeating!). No need to rush yourself out of the gate. Unlike swimming after eating, you won't get a cramp going fast, but you will run the risk of overwhelming your blossoming and healthy new ego.

Step four - Don't try and be a super model. Look at how the women/men around you dress. 99.999% of the time they are not in tiaras/top hats and cocktail dresses/tuxedos.

Step five - Routine. As with everything, this takes practice. The more you get into the habit of a routine, the easier it gets.

Last, step six - "haters going to hate". People can be dumb, ignorant, hicks. avoid troublesome situations and be prepared to have off handed comments thrown your way. Remember, you are your greatest strength and weakness. If you let yourself be derailed by your won actions and the fears of what other people may think, you are never going to get anything done so why let it ruin you here?

Edit: OMG that pic #3 is so hot!

[Traci Elizabeth]

Who was it it that said you have nothing to fear but "fear" itself (Winston Churchill?)?

The point being as Victoria stated, just get out there and be you. Each minute, hour, day, week, month gets easier and you build up you self-image and internal strength with each encounter.

Myself, I have transitioned 24/7 for so long now, I can't even imagine having any fear, anxiety, or doubts which preoccupied my pre-transitioning mindset.

Hold you head up high, be confident, and own your presence! You will be amazed how positively people react to you if you are self-assured. It beams from you!

Good luck.

[Panophobia]

Thanks, I am taking baby step, started with ear rings, letting my hair grow out again, then buying womens jeans and tops. I do play it subtle, even when my head is screaming out "pink everything". I think i do fen casual fairly well, dressing more formal will be the next roadblock, I do not have those skills yet.

[Rianna Humble]

Who was it it that said you have nothing to fear but "fear" itself (Winston Churchill?)?

He had some good one-liners, but this one comes from someone on your side of the pond - FDR

[Hope]

The more I age? maybe? dunno... The more I present myself "fem", I enjoy it a lot, but at the same time fear gets in the way, what is the best way to overcome this? Suggestions would be greatly appreciated. ;)

What are you afraid of?

I realized not to long ago, that going out presenting as female, or even gender variant is a lot like walking around naked. Everyone can see you! And everyone DOES see you. And people will act differently towards you (and that is the point). The frustrating part is that lots of them still manage to not properly identify what they are looking at - but what can you do?

I think a lot of the time we are happy and easily able to blend in to society and hide in plain sight... But not when you are a guy wearing make-up.

You have to be bold and confident and comfortable in your own skin - and that can take some time when you are shedding old skin and growing into new stuff. I think the fear is normal - if you didn't have some of it - it would likely be a red flag that you didn't really understand what you are doing. The trick is to not be paralyzed by that fear, and to constantly be pushing your boundaries (this gets easier and easier).

One bit of advice is to take small bites when you need to. Don't slip into a dress and heels and a purse and hair and makeup and head out. Start with just the purse... once that is old hat, and you no longer give it a second thought, it's time to paint your nails, or pierce your ears, or do your make-up, or whatever else is right for you - until one day, you will sashay out of the house in a dress and heels and be wondering about whether or not you will hit all the lights green so you can get to your appointment on time - and not "OMG - will someone see me?!?"