Where Are The Pitchforks and torches?

[msginaadoll]

Probably a weird title for a post but hear me out. I have been going out to clubs for years, however only in the past year or so have I been to malls, bookstores,etc. For me getting in public away from the club scene was 10 times harder than anything else. The clubs and bars I frequent were safe havens, but the big wide world seemed more unfriendly.
Yesterday I decided to take the day off and go do some shopping. I headed out to my favorite mall, a little nervous but thinking positive thoughts. I stopped first at Macy's to pick up some MAC powder. There were a number of people waiting at the counter so I glanced at the various products. When it was my turn I said hello to the SA's and she complimented me on my "Cute outfit". We ended up having a discussion about the proper color foundation- she felt the one I was using was too light. All the while there were several other customers around and noone gave me any odd looks.
My next stop was a wig store that I buy most of my hairs from. The ladies there are so nice and great me warmly. I ended up buying a new reddish wig with flip sides. Instead of going in the back I just tried it on in the front area, one of the female customers telling me it loooked great on me. Again feeling like I belonged there. Lastly....
I headed back towards Macy's, happening to pass by a Calendar selling kiosk. The young lady there stopped me, telling me she loved my boots and asking where I got them. The first thing I thought was that she clocked me and just wanted to see for sure or get a better look. However.. we ended up having a 10 minute conversation on where to find shoes in larger sizes- she wore a 10. We discussed clothing- she was a pretty girl but full figured and she said she had a hard time finding cute stuff in her size. Never once did she bring up that I was a crossdresser, we were just two people relating.
Saying all this it struck me how average and ordinary everything was. There were no long lingering stares. I didnt get any negative comments. I was treated like any other customer which was the way I should be. I started feeling comfortable with myself out, and people seemed comfortable with me. That is sure not the way I imagined it would be, go figure. Sorry for the long post, I guess this is my way of encouraging others. I am not passible, I let people know I am transgender or a cd and it hasnt been an issue. Love to hear others experiences.

[StaceyJane]

Shopping en femme is such a great experience. You have a whole new world to explore.

[Charleen]

Spent 4 days in Savannah on vacation as Charleen the whole time and nary a bad experience.

[Michelle James]

Congratulations! It will get easier from here

[Chickhe]

I think you are correct...at lot of fear is in our heads and if you just go out and be honest with people they react positively.

[tamarav]

As you so clearly point out, there are no pitchforks or torches. It seems such a let down for many that people aren't chasing them down the mall crying out "man in a dress". We all seem to want the attention that comes with looking like a woman but don't want any negative attention at all.

Once our sisters get over having to look like hookers in a mall, they will experience the same lack of pitchforks.

[Michelle James]

Once our sisters get over having to look like hookers in a mall, they will experience the same lack of pitchforks.[/QUOTE]

Finally someone said it!! I can only imagine how much more respect we could all have if only!!

[PretzelGirl]

I am glad you made that trip Gina and I am glad it all went better than well. It is something we need to get out of our head. I wish you many more ahead (and with Christmas coming up, the shopping opportunities are plenty!).

[Holly]

Gina, it's the same for me. Last Thursday, in preparation for a weekend away, I went shopping at Fashion Bug and was asked if I was on my way to work (I was wearing an animal print top and a beige skirt), went to my hair appointment and talked about my hairdresser's pending divorce, and to the nail salon for a mani and pedi and there I was fawned over a bit but in a positive way. At every location there were other staff present and other customers. Not one harsh or inappropriate word was spoken, and no awkward looks. Simply act like you belong because YOU DO!

[Angie Sweet]

After my first trip out of the house this weekend. I am looking forward to going out again. Posts like this are helping my confidence. Thank you.

[Nicole Erin]

Yep, it is all in the attitude. One may not "pass" per se but once you can "pass" by that worry, it don't matter.

With the pitchforks, sometimes I still get chased by those cause people are saying "smart ass in a dress".

[AllieSF]

Great thread Gina. Since the last time we met in Detroit, I have been going out to mainstream places, including restaurants, theaters, malls, and of course museums, like we did at the Detroit Institute of Arts. At the beginning I did have my concerns. It is funny how familiarity breeds contempt, or maybe in my case disinterest. The more I go out the less I worry about anything more than whether or not I will find a parking place in the city so that I do not have to walk too far in heels. Keep up the good work and venturing further and further afield.

[docrobbysherry]

Once our sisters get over having to look like hookers in a mall, they will experience the same lack of pitchforks.

Some of us PREFER to dress like "hookers", or in whatever wild and crazy outfits that PLEASE US!:D
I dress that way all the time, but don't normally go out dressed like that!

Dress to blend? Dress to suit everyone ELSE? ICK! Maybe, when I go out to meet other girls! Otherwise, it's just NOT MY THING!:brolleyes:

[Theresa1955]

Great story and advice. I envy you to share tips with the GGs you met.

[TiffanyTgirl]

Good for you gina!!! Acceptance is harder at home I think. I am glad you had such a positive experience.

[randumbness]

A part of me wants to say that this lack of "torches and pitchforks" is due to the confidence more crossdressers have nowadays. No one will want to point you out if you don't give a damn. It's just a wasted breath. So rather than pointing it out, they may notice something else about you because there is no lingering thought of "man in a dress, he's weird." It's more, "Oh, I love that, where did you get it?"

It's either that or you were having a great day. I always thought women can almost always tell a man is in a dress. But I think they can look past it. But in any case, it's awesome that you met some people to talk about these things with. That's the kind of therapy I need at the end of the week, shopping and fashion talk.

[msginaadoll]

I do agree with Tamara- you can look nice without going over the top. I did my best to look stylish without looking like a 50 year old reject from Jersey Shore. One of the things I noticed while I was out was there were a number of women who were shopping and dressed classy and stylish and did stand out, but not in a negative way. No one says you have to look dowdy, just realize how u appear to others. Also I did realize that I will be somewhat a curiousity to others and was prepared to deal with it. The lady at the MAC counter I think was trying to encourage me with telling me my outfit was cute. It was too. The calendar shop lady probably found me interesting- though she may have also liked my boots. I guess it was my fault because I dared to look her way and smile. And that led to an opening to talk. It also led for a chance to share some commonalities even though we are different we were alike. Both I us wanted to look nice, and liked shopping.
I really do hope to encourage others to get out and appreciate u saying that Angie. What i guess i am also trying to say is that while passibility may not be possible for many of us (Including me) we can still be accepted as humans. In some ways I tend to be a pollyanna and I know every trip will not go as well. I'm sure there will come a time when I am laughed at, etc. The positive experiences though i think are helping build my backbone.

[AKAMichelle]

I haven't ever seen the pitchforks either. Everywhere that I have gone has been a good experience

[renee k]

Hi Gina,

Having had the pleasure of meeting you. I'm going to say to you that you convey your confidence in the way you relate to people. I've always regarded you as a woman. And you do project that very well. Remember gender is between the ears and not between the legs. As long as you continue to do what you are doing you will not have a problem being Gina in this big world we live in.

Renee

[Sherlyn]

Great thread Gina :) its awesome you feel so comfortable after having done this ...myself I was nervous the first few times and was always on the watch ...ya the watch ..lol... taught myself stop looking around and just mind my own business being stared at matters not..and if you do notice ...odds are ..they look away anyways ..ppl do stare ..who knows why ...oh and I the hooker thing someone would slap me (Di) if I tried that ...unless shes feeling evil ...lol

[LaraCreaft]

I haven't ever seen the pitchforks either. Everywhere that I have gone has been a good experience

I've had nothing but good experiences as well. Once, when I went shopping for skirts and a new handbag? purse? I had a few near-misses with the carts, but no comment on me in women's clothing. Of course, the first time I try to buy panties, I had a little embarrassment. I asked if I could try them on. Man did I feel stupid. You can't try panties on.

Anyways, the only bad time I had was because of my own stupidity.

[JustineFallow]

Nice post, Gina. I've only gone out shopping while dressed once in Toronto, and I think the stares I did get (yes, there were some and mostly from teenage girls) were the result of being wayyy too made up for daytime. But you know what? I'm raring to do it again, albeit with toned down make-up, because I felt weird and I mean weird in the best possible way, i.e. exhilhirated at doing something gutsy.

BTW, sales people didn't bat an eyelash; it's TORONTO, FFS!

[Diane Smith]

I did see a guy walking down the street in front of my house the other day carrying a pitchfork. This is not a giant metropolis, but that's still a fairly unusual sight. I intend to stay pretty far away from him when dressed. :)

- Diane

[sometimes_miss]

It's not the pitchforks and torches that you usually have to worry about, but there still occasionally are stories in the news about folks being beaten or killed because they were gay, and as most of society thinks we are, we are susceptible to that problem as well. There are plenty of people out there that don't like crossdressers. Just because they don't say it to your face, doesn't mean they don't exist, and yes, you come across them every day, you just don't know it.
Most of the backlash you won't even know about. Crossdressing won't be brought up in conversation when discussing why you didn't get a job, a contract, a casual mention to go out after work, the list goes on and on. You may be the last (or even forgotten) invited to join a company function, softball/tennis/bowling team, etc.. Friends/family may conveniently ignore the possibility of you babysitting their kids for even a short period of time because of it (but they won't tell you that as a reason). Social invitations dry up. As a perceived pervert, many people will watch everything you do with just a little bit more attention. If any children are harmed or missing, you will be among tops on the list because most people (especially law enforcement types) consider you a sexual deviant (as one deep in the closet, I get privy to a lot of cops conversations, this is a real problem). You will be assumed guilty and need an alibi more so than the rest of the neighborhood; and seeing as lots of us spend a lot of time alone, that may be more difficult to come by. You may be declined housing, because someone found a more suitable tenant, but they're find another reason and your crossdressing won't come up.
The list goes on and on. No, I'm not paranoid. Where's my foil hat?

[MargaretJ]

Lexi, just because your paranoid, doesn't mean they are not out to get you:D

I have to agree with some of the sentiment in your post. I sometimes feel that the impression given on here is that it is a safe out there, and everyone is tolerant. My early trips out were in secluded areas, until I got out in public. Ironically, I actually feel safer walking in a reasonably busy city centre street. I think it may be due to the fact that it is in public, and no one will try to do anything while there are witnesses about. On the other hand I certainly wouldn't walk around some of the less desirable areas of a city or town en femme. The one thing I will always try to avoid is groups of people who have been drinking, as I fear that there is always the opportunity for things to get out of control.

[t-girlxsophie]

Its a great feeling Gina,just being out and doing ordinary things,only this week I for the first time,along with my wife had a great day doing just everyday activitys,even going for a bite to eat in a crowded Pizza Hut felt like the most natural thing in the world,the other diners didnt move seats,and the waiting staff were curteous and friendly,gives you hope that there is more good in this world than bad

:hugs:Sophie

[kaitlin]

Oh how I wish I was brave enough to go out to a store or to eat!

[sissystephanie]

I have been going out in public dressed enfemme for the past 5 + years. Now I was going out in public dressed before that, but the way I do it now is totally different. My late wife always did my makeup and fixed my wig before. Now that she is gone, I go out as a man dressed like a lady! From the neck down I am totally feminine, from the skin out! The interesting part is that when I went out as Stephanie when my wife was alive, I never had any comments made about being a man in female clothing! Now that I go out as a man wearing female clothing I still never get any bad comments! I do get compliments on my outfits and have had women ask me where I bought a certain skirt, top, or shoes! But those are the only kind of comments I get!

My own opinion is that people just don't care, unless you are dressed very outlandish, or "tart" like! I have always dressed very ladylike, and will continue to do so.

[Jolene]

I am glad this works out for some of you. It is fun to read about your experences.
Living here in "Redneckville" as I do, if others even suspected I dressed, moving away would probably have to be done. Maybe this all would be easier living in a large city.

[msginaadoll]

I am lucky in that I live in an area that I can go out in. Detroit may have a bad reputation to some but talking with my friends who go out, It generally seems to be ok. I certainly am not saying there are no dangers, and realize everyone will not accept me or even like me. I am saying that In my experience the positives have far outweighed any negatives. That the people I have met at least to my face have treated me with respect, even when I could tell i may have made them nervous or a little uncomfortable. I know that there have been incidences of violence to those in the transgender community. i know the day of rememberance is coming up soon. I think the 19th of November. I will however not live my life in fear. Sure I will be cautious and aware of my surroundings. Common sense tells me there are certain places I will not go.