Major win! (update on my life)

[Bree-asaurus]

So things have been going super well lately, and I thought I would just update everyone with how I've been doing. About two months ago I lost two friends who were like family to me. However, they are the only people I have lost or gotten a negative reaction from. I can now say that almost everyone in my life has accepted me for who I am and are happy to support me.

I've reconnected with my family - who I had been drifting away from because I couldn't keep pretending around them. My family, and especially my conservative dad, have been so amazing, caring and supportive. I even rejoined Facebook as myself now, and all my friends and family have accepted me as a "friend" on there (even a few friends I hadn't talked to in a while who just found out about my transitioning from the FB invite).

I've been caring less about what people think of me, and have started taking on a more feminine appearance in public. I still get 'sir'ed most of the time because I'm in guy-mode, but I haven't gotten any negative responses from the very obvious nail polish or eyeliner. I occasionally throw on a girly sweater or bracelet and no one says a word. I've gone shopping several times, buying everything from jewelry to makeup and panties and everyone has treated me like I would hope to be treated - a paying customer. I did get a funny smile from the Whataburger drive-thru guy when I pulled up in my very skimpy halloween costume and my very deep male voice :heehee:

I think I'm getting closer to the point where I can be comfortable in public just being me, but I'm still waiting for a group of high-schoolers to call me out and make me feel bad. I can't really say I'm truly becoming stronger until I've faced the assholes out there. I think it's the HRT and the fact that my family accepts me that has given me the confidence I have now.

So yeah... just an update :)

[Melissa A.]

As you evolve from closeted to out, you're going to have ups and downs out there. And yeah, people reading and outing you in an obnoxious way can make you feel pretty bad at times, especially early on. Their reactions say alot more about them than you. I seem to have gone through a progression of emotions, from terrified to angry, to a peace, of sorts. Talking to other trans women, I've found that it's not always the same for everyone, but it's pretty close to that for many. When I was first out, I noticed everything, from smiles and giggles, to outright stares to people talking about me from 5 feet away like I wasn't even there. Once I got a little more comfortable, It didn't take long to get tired of it and start reacting. It wasn't always pretty, but at the time, I felt it was necessary. If someone stared, I stared back, until they became so uncomfortable, they looked away. Or I would simply say, somewhat loudly, "can I help you?" If I overheard someone say to their friend, "that's a man", I'd go out of my way to look them in the eyes and say something like, "correction-USED to be a man". I have gotten into loud confrontations with young jackasses on several occasions, heard comments behind me, and turned around and walked right toward the offending party(I must say, the look in someone's eyes when they don't expect that is pretty priceless!). But after a while, I started to get tired. It takes alot of energy to walk around waiting for the next confrontation. I also found that over time, I stopped looking at, and noticing others. When being who you are is just an everyday thing, you kind of stop looking around and wondering who is looking at you. I can still defend myself effectively when it's necessary, but ya know what? It usually just isn't all that necessary. And it's alot more gratifying to do it in a subtle and friendly way. I still sometimes correct clerks and stuff who sir me, but with a smile and and an I-really-don't-care-what-you-do way. High schoolers and teens? Meh, they're so full of their own insecurities and hangups that dealing with them is easy. But I rarely do so any more, and if I do, I try to be as kind as I can. I still think my reactionary phase was a necessary step towards getting to a level of acceptance of people and their own ignorance and insecurities, as well another level of comfort in my own skin. When you are read, and someone tries to embarrass you, and you can't think of anything to say, it's going to make you feel bad. Maybe all day. It's going to happen, and all you can do is shrug it off and move on. As I said, they're revealing more about themselves than you. And while you may not believe it in the moment, most reasonable folks see that. I have had people come up to me after such situations and say, "Don't worry, hunny, you're beautiful, and that guy's an ignorant jerk". For someone early in all of this like you, it's enough to try to realise that the world isn't always as hostile a place as you may think. Hold your head up, and be proud of where you are, no matter where that may be at the moment. Congratulations on all you've achieved, Bree, especially with your family. That's simply wonderful, and I'm so happy for you.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[7sisters]

:thumbsup:

[Jorja]

Congratulations Bree, having family and friends on your side makes it so much better. Yes, you will get the jerks that have nothing better to do than harass you. That is thier problem and shows just how immature they are. Just continue about your business and don't worry about them unless they really become a problem. I have been doing this for many years and I can tell you it does become easier and soon it just becomes everyday life. Keep your head up, strut your stuff and be yourself.

You Go Girl!

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Congrats Bree on your transition and theres a jerk in every crows so keep on doing what is best for you.

[Melody Moore]

Their reactions say alot more about them than you.....

If I overheard someone say to their friend, "that's a man"....

I've had that happen just the once in over 3 months as living as a female and I found the experience priceless!

I went to a supermarket late one evening just before closing time and while I was at the checkout & was being served a female operator at the time when I noticed an aboriginal guy who was being very loud & vocal to another aboriginal guy about me... he said to the other guy as he was pointing to me "that's a man". When this transphobe made his very loud statement the operator and I both looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders & burst out laughing... the operator said "I wonder what that guy's problem is?". The guy then took off out the door. After I walked outside I seen the same guy at his car which was parked right next to mine. As I walked toward my car the look on this guy's face turned to horror, then he jumped in his car so fast and took off out of the car park squealing his tyres.

What this clearly highlights to me is a fear of what these transphobes don't know or understand about transsexuals....
its human nature to fear the things that we don't know or understand. This also applies to us as transsexuals....
because as we learn to understand ourselves, the less fear we will have within ourselves.

[Traci Elizabeth]

That is really great news Bree. I am happy for you.

As an alternative, I would not recommend correcting or having a confrontation with anyone because all you do is just stoop to their level and feed their selfish prejudice egos. Nothing gives them more pleasure than getting to your goat.

You can be better than them by just holding you head up high, maintaining your self-confidence, and continue on with your business at hand as if they were invisible. But do smile as you walk away.

Now that of course is not when you might be in "harms way." That is an entirely different situation to be taken very seriously. But for most of us, that will never happen. Nevertheless, that is cause to always be vigilante and aware of your surroundings.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Bree that's great news..

for what its worth..my closest friend is a non transitioner......she lives a guy, but wears nail polish..sometimes wears light makeup, womens pants (she's skinny, size zero!!!), and lots of colorful shirts...

she is amazing in that she has found a way to be herself as best she can...her career is in photography and her choice of jobs is definitely influenced by her situation ...there are people at work that hassle her, and like Mel, she responds with courage dignity and in her case, she ends up joking around and bringing people into her world..

the best part of your experience is that it gives you time and comfort as you plan your future..

[gretchen2]

Cool Bree I am in the same stage and it feels great. I have also been getting a lot of compliments on jewelery or my nail polish from woman in check out lanes in the store. Life is good.

[Louise C]

:)Hey Bree, you must be feeling great!

I guess i'm sort of at the same stage as you, trying to just get up the courage to go full time, and harden up to the comments and long stares from people. It does get tiring though doesnt it? A year ago i would practically dissolve in to a useless heap if someone so much as looked at me strangely, now i'm finding i can look someone in the eye and tell them straight if thats what they need. It can be amusing at times when you see the double takes from some people! I've noticed it most when i'm on my own in the supermarket doing the weekly shop.......erm, why do we seem to have the most occurrences in these places?:straightface:

[Kathryn Martin]

Bree, this is wonderful news. Elizabeth always says if you want to be a woman you pull your shoulders back hold your head high and smile a lot. I am with Kaitlyn on the issue with the highschoolers and the bad guys. Be confident but don't push your luck in a direct confrontation. Hormone therapy is a wonderful thing and things will flow together for a woman as beautiful as you

Kathryn

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Bree,

This is wonderful news,I'm so glad you have been able to reconnect with family and friends. It has meant so much to me to be able to do the same thing.


I think I'm getting closer to the point where I can be comfortable in public just being me, but I'm still waiting for a group of high-schoolers to call me out and make me feel bad. I can't really say I'm truly becoming stronger until I've faced the assholes out there.

I've been called out a few times, I just continue as if the person did not exist. It makes me feel bad for a few seconds,but then I say to myself "if that person wants to be an idiot let them, it doesn't harm me".

I have only once been in a situation where I felt threatened, so I just walked a different way and left them to it. I don't know if they were threatening in reality or not, but I found that taking action to avoid the situation meant it didn't matter whether they were harmful or harmless - I wasn't there to find out.

I also smile a lot in the street when I cross the path of another woman. Most smile back, some avoid eye contact and one who I see about twice a week now smiles and says "Hi honey, how are you today?".

[Faith_G]

Thanks for the update! Isn't freedom wonderful? :hugs:

[Karen564]

That's an Awesome update Bree !!
I'm so happy for you & think your making great progress!!...heck, I've seen some well into their RLE that aren't even as far along as you mentally because they still live in total fear..freakin nervous wrecks..

When I 1st started my RLE , now well over a year ago, the only ones I worried about were the teenagers that hang around the park/ball field that I live right next to, they are a rather rough group that like to cause trouble because they have nothing better to do....But as time wore on, I stopped worrying...then before I knew it, I was sitting on my porch steps having a smoke or drink or whatever & as I saw them coming then walking bye, I braced myself for the onslaught of brutality...but all they said was hi, hey, what's up...how's it going, got a light, etc......lol
They must be cool with me now, since my house didn't get egged during Halloween this time ....lol

So I guess my point is, if there is one...lol As time goes on, day after day, your going to feel more & more comfortable about showing & living in your true persona...and people will accept that in time.....
You'll also find out that after you go full time, that all those Sir's will go away immediately, just as they did for me....Your gonna love that, I guarantee it!! ..
I'll pour a glass of wine tonight & say Cheers to ya !
:hugs::wine:

[Nicki S]

Karen, I agree with your thoughts on the neighborhood kids. I have a few that live a couple of doors down, that have had my thoughts rolling. But I always make an effort to be the kind person and wave, no matter if it is them skating by or if I am driving by them. So say the least, I didn't get egged this year either. The beautiful part is that when they go by my house now, they wave at me. This is regardless of how I am dressed. They just really don't care.

[Sejd]

Hi Bee
every time I walk out as Sejd,(I go public at least twice a month) I notice that 99% of people walk around in their own world and don't even notice me. I always get the "Lady" treatment in stores and enjoy it tremendously. You look very femme yourself. A great smile kills a thousand frowns!!!!! Just enjoy who you are and avoid the ignorant few who feel they are facing their own insecurities. Great that you are taking this step to liberate yourself.