I think I am finally ready to transition

[CatAttack]

Hey everyone, for a long time I have struggled with this issue.. I've researched and contemplated for a few years now and deep down I know that it is what I want to do. And recently, I have finally decided to say f-ck it all and go for it.

My reasons:

1) A big reason for this is that I have struggled with this issue for so long that I know that in order for me to be happy I will eventually have to do this, and I don't want to be 35+ years old looking back and regretting not doing this. I only have one life to live so I'm going to live it my way.

2) I used to see my cding and yearning for girlhood as a bad thing and always felt guilt/shame regarding it. As in, I accepted that it was something that is a part of me, but I still felt guilt/shame regarding it. But now I've decided it would be healthier for me mentally to just accept it and, more importantly, to express it.

What had been stopping me is that I am ingrained in my male life and live with friends who only know me as the male me which I sort of feel like is a facade. Basically it will be really tough for me to come out to them, because we're like "bros", but I think I am going to do it. I'm willing to possibly lose friends if it means that I can move on to the next step. Another thing is my family. My parents know about my cding but they have expressed discouragement regarding me actually transitioning and living as a girl. Although, this was a few years ago when we had a talk about this. I am planning to talk to them about this again over Thanksgiving but with more determination and I think they will accept me [I hopes].

I've been growing my hair out already, been practicing my female voice [not very good yet], have progynova and spiro en route in the mail [yes I know DIY is not the way to go but I don't have scripts.. yet], and am setting up an appointment with a local gender therapist today [hopefully get scripts in a couple months]..

Wish me luck!

[StaceyJane]

Good Luck!

It's good that you are doing this now. It just get harder as time goes on.

[Leanne2]

Dear Kat,
Good for you girl! Do it now. I wish I had transitioned 40 years ago. It would have prevented all of the grief that I am dealing with now. Keep us posted. Leanne

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Kat,

I'm happy to wish you luck with your decision to transition. As you've got to this stage, you deserve all the support we can give!

I can so relate to the guilt/shame trips about dressing. The big difference netween us is I let it spoil my life for much longer. Although it will be hard to come out to thoise friends you mention,you might yet be pleasantly surprised by their reaction. I know I was by some of my friends who I thought would be totally anti but who contacted me privately to offer any practical support they could give.

I certainly wish you luck with your parents, and hope that when they understand that this is not some passing whim they will get right behind you.

[Melody Moore]

Hi Katty,

It sounds like you have given this some thought, and consider some of the more important issues but a one thing that does concern me.

You really should wait until you are under a doctor (Endocrinologist) and a Psychologist. Because self-medicating on hormones can be dangerous,
you have to have regular check-ups including blood tests to monitor your oestrogen levels as well as kidney & liver functions. The Psychologist is also
invaluable to help you deal with emotional issues as well that you will face. I know lots of people who have taken your route only to have regrets later.

Goodluck I hope it all goes well.

[Frances]

Some of us do transition after 40 with great success. At 35, I was finishing my second degree to make sure that I would have a career after my transition. I started my transition at 42.

[Aprilrain]

Hey what's wrong with being 35! Just kidding i can think of a couple reasons. Good luck with the friends, Recosider the self medicating and take it slow let people adjust figure out who is going to be an ally and who won't be able to deal. I am pretty much where your at, the beginning. I dreaded the parent talk but seem to have found a peace with it at least your parents know something so it won't be as shocking for them. I plan on telling my sisters first then my parents. I'll tell my eldest sister at Thanksgiving.

A good reason not to self medicate is that you may be overwhelmed by how quickly changes will happen. I've had a couple of people tell me that.

[Victoria Anne]

Katty I wish you all the luck but do please forget the self medicating , the risks are far to dangerous and long lasting , permanent .I transitioned at 50! and girl do I ever wish I had started earlier , it is my only regret . Allow your parents time to absorb the enormity of your decision , be firm but not forceful . As to your friends , well I was quite surprised by the support I received from my friends , give them the truth and time . Best of luck Katty.

[CatAttack]

Thanks for all your support! And about the self-medicating thing: Well I haven't started on that yet and I've just set up an appointment with a psychologist/gender therapist today [seeing her for first time on Thurs!]. The way I see about it is that I am going to take low doses and have it as sort of a head start.. but yes I do understand the dangers of the side effects. I will reconsider this but I can't promise anything.. But I will keep you all updated!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

wow katty, i could've written your post 3 years ago, except i would have had to say 50 yrs old instead of 35.

[dilane]

Hi Katty,

You do look good, you're lucky to be small boned and have a nice face.

But have you spend much time in the real world en femme? Have you made friends of men and women who only know you en femme? Maybe you have, and you know what you're getting in to.

But so many think "Hey, I look great, I'm going to transition!" without having any idea or experience of what it's like to live as a woman.

I would recommend taking it slowly and getting a lot of real world experience before jumping off the cliff. I'd also recommend banking sperm before taking hormones makes you permanently sterile (one of my friends got married after years of happily taking hormones and found he was rendered sterile when he tried to start a family).

Good luck,

Diane

[CatAttack]

Dilane: Thanks for your input and concerns. This isn't about looks.. I would do this even if I were butt ugly.. It's about being the true me. However, my real life experience is lacking though but I am learning. Sterility was a big issue for me with HRT as I would like to have children, so yeah, banking sperm is a must. But this isn't a decision that I came to overnight.. I've really thought about this for a long time.

[Dawn D.]

For the better part, you've made your decision and are beginning on the road to success! As others have shared though, I strongly echo their sentiments in holding off on self medicating. It is only three to four month's of therapy before most get their recommendations for hormones anyway. In the grand scheme of things it is not that long as opposed to the permanency of something going terribly wrong by medicating yourself.

This is only a suggestion and not criticism for your intents. Good luck to you!


Dawn

[Kathryn Martin]

Katty: Having just stepped through the mirror a week ago and started on hormones,I completely understand where you are. I flirted with self medication and it was a struggle to resist the urge. Hormones are not something to trifle with. I got my letter about 8 weeks after I started counseling with a view to transition. And my MD had no objections when I showed up with the letter and armed with the "Endocrine Therapy for Transgendered Adult Guidelines". I had my second blood work done this morning (after one week) to check for liver and kidney issues arising. Now I am going again in three weeks, then every three months to ensure that there are no problems. Hormones can kill you not in and off themselves but rather what they can do to your internal organs if not properly monitored.

I wish you the best for your journey ....

Kathryn

[Traci Elizabeth]

I too wish you much luck and safety along your journey. I would have donated my sexual organs to science had I had the opportunity to transition by 35...well 45 for that matter. :D

[Karen564]

Hey everyone, for a long time I have struggled with this issue.. I've researched and contemplated for a [-]few [/-] (too many to count) years now and deep down I know that it is what I want to do. And recently, I have finally decided to say f-ck it all and go for it.



Ya, That's exactly what I said not long after my emergency visit to the shrink because of a nervous breakdown which everything came out & learned it was most likely my GID condition that was the root of all my other problems that came to a head all at once.
It sure beat taking myself out among the living permanently which came too close for comfort due to the thought of coming out & transitioning seemed so unbearable to me at the age of 44, that I wanted to die to spare my family the shame due to my GID condition....I said there's no way I can do that now, I'm way too old...Obviousely I reconsidered everything after thinking about what would happen to my two little girls..and very happy it all worked out..

So anyway, your way ahead of the game to go for it now, which is fantastic! ....I'm very happy for you & wish you the very best of luck on your transition...Your very pretty & that is a huge plus going for you...

:hugs:

[Melody Moore]

Ya, That's exactly what I said not long after my emergency visit to the shrink because of a nervous breakdown which everything came out & learned it was most likely my GID condition that was the root of all my other problems that came to a head all at once.
That is what my situation was as well Karen, and I have pointed all this out earlier this week to a Federal politician who is seriously now taking this
all into account about changing national policy with regards to dealing with gender issues under the public health care system here in Australia. :)

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Do it now thats how you feel you will feel better about yourself.

[CatAttack]

So I'm visiting the gender therapist today for the first time, and will be coming out to one of my GG [don't really like this term] friends. 1 step at a time.

Karen: I'm so glad it all worked out well for you, congrats!

And thanks to everyone for your advice and encouragement

[Rianna Humble]

friends.

GG is a pretty good term to refer to the girls who were born in the right body. I sometimes use "other girls" to refer to them but here that could refer to CD'ers or other TS girls. At lkeast when using Genetic Girl we are not calling them "true girls" which I have seen as opposed to TG girls :sad:

[Karen564]

So I'm visiting the gender therapist today for the first time, and will be coming out to one of my GG [don't really like this term] friends. 1 step at a time.

Karen: I'm so glad it all worked out well for you, congrats!

And thanks to everyone for your advice and encouragement

Thank You :hugs:

And good luck with your 1st visit !!
I think you will feel so much lighter after you leave that visit....I still remember shedding about a million pounds of burden I had been lugging around forever after my 1st gender therapist session. I felt so much better just knowing I was taking that 1st positive proactive step to start the journey.

[CatAttack]

Thank You :hugs:

And good luck with your 1st visit !!
I think you will feel so much lighter after you leave that visit....I still remember shedding about a million pounds of burden I had been lugging around forever after my 1st gender therapist session. I felt so much better just knowing I was taking that 1st positive proactive step to start the journey.

Yes I can say that my experience was very similar. The therapist was very understanding and seemed like an extremely nice person. Just talking to her was a wonderful experience and yeah I felt soo much lighter and happier!

Also, I told my GG friend tonight over dinner and it went exceptionally well! We had a long discussion and she was very accepting and was happy that I told her haha [whew]. I think we are gonna hang out more now and maybe attend some lgbt events and go shopping etc.. Things are looking up already! :)

[Melody Moore]

I think we are gonna hang out more now and maybe attend some lgbt events and go shopping etc.. Things are looking up already! :)
You will have a blast & really start living - here are some photos of me from a GLBT
event last weekend (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?104365-Our-own-picture-thread..&p=2318486&viewfull=1#post2318486) although my costume was in theme with the 'living dead'. LOL

[CatAttack]

You will have a blast & really start living - here are some photos of me from a GLBT
event last weekend (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?104365-Our-own-picture-thread..&p=2318486&viewfull=1#post2318486) although my costume was in theme with the 'living dead'. LOL

Yeah I am super excited! By the way, I can't view your link it says that I do not have permission to view the page?

[Melody Moore]

I just realised that as well, its in the Safe Haven (MTF Transsexuals - Invitation Only) (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?72-Safe-Haven-%28MTF-Transsexuals-Invitation-Only%29).
Seeing how you have decided to transition, maybe you should also apply to join that group now as well.

[Pokergal420]

hi

I am on this website a lot reading, but I don't post much. I am in the same boat. I dont want to get down the road and say why didnt i just do it. I already say that about when I wanted to come out as a teenager. I am 25. I placed my order online. I do have a girlfriend, and she is not 100% accepting and supportive but she supports me doing what I have to do to be happy. She thinks I am going to be starting on birth control not actual hormones. I am still in the closet to my family, but they are just ignorant. My hair is blonde (normally black/dark brown), my eyebrows are sooo thin, ears pierced, a girl's hair cut that i straighten my hair constantly, and I even have my nails painted all the time. I even got acrylics 2 weeks ago and I love them. So I think this is the next step and I am a little anxious but I know how much I regret not taking the opportunity to be as fem as possible. Good luck to you.

[Melody Moore]

hi
I am 25. I placed my order online. I do have a girlfriend, and she is not 100% accepting and supportive but she supports me doing what I have to do to be happy. She thinks I am going to be starting on birth control not actual hormones. I am still in the closet to my family, but they are just ignorant.Why do I hear alarm bells going off?

[Rianna Humble]

I agree with Melodie this does not sound like a healthy supportive environment for you to start transitioning. I would definitely recommend against you self-medicating. You need as much professional and emotional support as you can get, but from what you write your girtlfriend is the only one with any inkling and even then you are not being honest with her. PLEASE see a counsellor and do things right.

[Pokergal420]

And that is why I rarely post here. Healthy or not, I don't care. I am gonna do what I need to do, it is just a story not a question, and I am definitely not looking for your acceptance or support. So stuff it.

[Freddy12]

Pokergal,
I think folks are genuinely concerned that you do not put yourself in danger. It has been mentioned that some folks who went on HT (hormone therapy) aclually developed blod clots and died. I do not think they were trying to judge you, but rather make sure that you knew there are risks. Please recognize that the folks here generally want the best for those who post here. You may not seek or need support, but I know that I find it nice when it is offered in a way that is helpful.

I know I want the best for you. So do others on this site.

[carolinoakland]

Luck is for the unprepared. And this is not the thing to do lightly. But then you know that, right?

[Melody Moore]

And that is why I rarely post here. Healthy or not, I don't care. I am gonna do what I need to do, it is just a story not a question, and I am definitely not looking for your acceptance or support. So stuff it.
Pokergal, you've been a member of this forum for just a few days, that is the real reason why you've rarely posted here. Do what you want to do - we cant stop you. But just know people here do care & we can also see that you are playing a very dangerous game of Russian Roulette by taking matters into your own hands and self-medicating without having proper medical & psychological support. There are so many things that could go wrong and you seem to be very naive & oblivious to the dangers. Most of us have taken years to get to the point that we are now and that is because we also progress slowly and cautiously because we are aware of the pitfalls & dangers.

Here are 10 good reasons why you should not self-medicate (http://www.northernconcord.org.uk/Drugs.htm)

[Sharon]

And that is why I rarely post here. Healthy or not, I don't care. I am gonna do what I need to do, it is just a story not a question, and I am definitely not looking for your acceptance or support. So stuff it.

Ooh, I am going to be so sorry I'm wasting my time replying....

Can I suggest you can it and drop the attitude? People are responding to you out of care for what you are suggesting to do and they do this by whit of their experience and accumulated knowledge. If you choose to ignore them and just say "F it" to your health there is no need for the spiteful words.

Won't life be sweeter if you can be both who your are and healthy at the same time? And I won't bother responding to your equating acrylic nails, trimmed brows and hair color to hormone therapy.

[jaquie]

When I think back to how I thought about things when I was 16 or 18 or 21 I am amazed how my thinking has changed and matured. You are making a huge irreversible life changing decision before you have fully matured and rushing into this can only have negative consequences. A magic pill (hormones) will not change the issues it will just move them around. If you do this where will you work, what will you do?
There is a saying that relates to marriage but I believe it can also apply here;
Transition in haste repent in leisure.
Your parents certainly love you more than anyone ever can or will and you should regard their advice as more precious than anything anyone else is saying.
I will pray for you.
Jaquie

[CatAttack]

Jaquie, I am not sure if you are talking to me or pokergal.. but if it is to me, I thank you for your concern. I have not started on the hormones [even though I have them] and am probably going to keep them as backup for when I actually get a prescription, hopefully in the near future. As for work and what to do with my life, I have already spoken with my advisor at school and am going to take a year off and then continue where I left off next year. In the meantime I will find some sort of regular job to pay the bills while I am out of school. Also I have to say that my insomnia problem that I had written about in my venting thread has gotten a lot better! I have been able to actually go to sleep early the past couple of weeks now. I think it is because I am finally doing something about this and I feel like a lot of stress has been relieved.

[jaquie]

Katty,
My post was written for you. Concern is the right word. I have made mistakes and have seen the damage done and hate to see others go through it but that is life sometimes. Thank God things are OK now for me.
You have raised so many issues that it would be difficult to sift through them here but from my observations I have known several people who have gone through a sex change early in life and they just ended up seeming so lost to me.
As a parent now I can really sympathize with your parents... you being their only child, their sacrifices for you and their wishes for only the best for you. There is a reason why we should honor our Mother and Father. It can only bring about good especially in a loving family.
I am glad you are sleeping better. Cherry juice has worked wonders for me whenever I had that issue, it brings on a deep dreamfilled sleep.
I wish you the best