I'm confused. Am I missing something?

[pamela_a]

I'm terribly confused about something and I need you all to help me out. I believe I'm either missing something in my transition or I've been the most fortunate woman around.
I see so many posts talking about how people are treated badly in public (stores, restaurants, etc) because they're trans and I often wonder how did they knew the person was trans? Is there some kind of sign I'm supposed to be wearing that announces to the world I'm trans? Should I introduce myself as the transsexual woman Pamela??

Sure I've received poor service from people but I didn't blame it on being trans. Not to pick on this particular thread or the OP but I have to wonder why someone would contact a business ( or church in the case of this thread) and announce to them you're trans and ask if you can go there?

Maybe it's just me and my attitude but I'm a woman. I live as a woman and I expect to be treated as a woman. If you're going to say it's easier for me because I am full time now I had the same attitude anytime I was out and presenting female before I fully transitioned. I've been back to the church I was raised in, a conservative, fundamentalist, Baptist church and was accepted by most of the people I'd known in my youth. I've visited other conservative, fundamentalist, Baptist churches and not a single one of them asked me if I was trans or not. I go to stores, restaurants, everywhere and I'm treated as I expect to be treated (with the obvious exception of the person who's a jerk to everyone).

I really wonder sometimes if at least half of the "problem" we have with society is really not society's problem at all, but ours and our actions, attitudes and fears.

[Stephanie Anne]

I think it depends on several factors. The biggest being the environment (as in region, city, culture) you are in. I live in the greater Las Vegas area and have no issues aside from the occasional second glance.

There are smaller factors such as appearance, age, confidence, and stage in transition. I am in my late 30s and have heard many trans women older who tell of the difficulty passing (except you Empress Lainie, you rock). Those younger than me seem to have less of a hard time. I do think there is a generational gap for acceptance based on how trans people were and now are accepted in mainstream society.

there is also the confidence angle. Myself and so many others have fears and shyness when they first start transitioning that external influences are heightened to almost a hypercritical aspect. Once our "don't give a f*" attitude develops, things seem much easier.

what it really boils down to is personal acceptance, how well someone integrates as a woman (passes), and what environment we are in at the time.

[Karen564]

I with ya there Pam,
I must be missing something too then, because since I started my RLE 15 months ago, I have not been treated bad by anyone, it's actually the other way around, I've never been treated so well in my Life !! And I've been loving it...
The only thing that got to me was a couple months ago was when too many guy's, one after another within a short time frame was treating me like a piece of meat & that's what got to me emotionally..some knew I was a TS, some did not...I've dealt with that well before, but never in so many numbers all at once before...but this last time has now given me the experience to handle it well now..it's settled down since then...

[Gerrijerry]

being transexual gives you a different feeling when you are out 24/7. There is no fear as someone who goes out only a few times a month might have. You see your self as a woman (not as a male that looks like a woman). That self acceptance comes across to others and they see you as a woman. I know that sounds strange but how you feel and how you react to others is perceived by others both directly and indirectly. For others to see you as any thing other then a woman there needs to be some thing that flags a difference to then. Most people will see and think female if they do not perseive any strong male markers. Oh and truth be told no one wants to really know if you are a transxual. So telling them is just putting it in there face daring them to have a problem with it and why would you do that?
I have not been with any TS woman (friends) who wanted anything but to just blend in and go on with life. I am sure there are some who want to tell the world but I do not understand why. As a full time TS woman I find that I have no problem with others and I am treated as a woman. Except as you said by some who give everyone a hard time.

[StaceyJane]

I have never been treated badly anywhere I've gone.
This includes Cowboy Stadium in Dallas, Dallas Cowboys training camp, the Texas State Capitol and Baylor University. Let me point out that that I live only about an hour away away from George W. Bush's Crawford Ranch and Baylor University is a big time homophobic place.

[Traci Elizabeth]

OK Pamela, I am the one you are referring too as everyone knows.

And if you understood my facts, I don't think you would be asking this here or at least have asked me first via a private message since your reference identifies me to all the folks who read my thread.


SO for your benefit, I will tell you the facts as they relate to this situation:

I have transitioned full time for over a year now. I never go around telling anyone I am a trans-woman or transsexual. It is really none of their business what or who I am. And I expect to be treated and respected just as any woman would be in public. I, however, am not ashamed from whence I came either.

Nevertheless, I view myself as a woman and a decent looking one at that, and have had only ONE issue ONE time with passing and that was before I became more feminine in appearance, had a decent pair of real boobs, had long hair, and wore make-up like I knew what I was doing.

Now, I am very confident in my womanhood and hold my head high and pride myself on my appearance and ability to conduct myself as a professional refined woman.

Notwithstanding my confidence and ability to blend in seamlessly, I am sure there are some times some days that someone can "peg" me. But even that does not phase me in the least.

But reality is that I live in a small extremely conservative area of the country where "Fire & Brimstone" religion is still alive and well, where the welcome signs still have faded "For Whites Only" on them, and where any LGBT folks are NOT welcomed in the majority of the community at large. Where unfortunately, folks out of the "norm" have to be very diligent in their actions, activities, and always aware of their surroundings.

Well the ONE time I referred to above was when I innocently went to a "Southern" church (that I will not name) in my early stages of transition, and I was told after the services by the minster that I was not welcomed here and not to return. And as a parting gesture of his acceptance of me he told me I was on a one-way ride to hell (paraphrased). And this was not in private but while in line with most of the congregation to shake the minister's hand after the service (which he withdrew when I approached) Now mind you, even I would have to admit that back then I did a poor job at passing but that should not have been an issue.

From that experience and being a realist, I did NOT want to put myslef through that experience again in a religious situation where I should be accepted as being loved by God.

So YES as you so well explained, I sent emails and called other churches and asked specifically if they accept transgendered folks.

I make no apology for my original thread, and I hope that by publishing my story and my emails, I might have helped someone else who find themselves in a similar situation as me.

I am not upset at you Pamela but maybe next time you want to point a finger at someone, you ought to contact them directly first.

[Rianna Humble]

I think that anyone who does not have first-hand experience of discrimination finds it difficult to really empathise with those who have been on the wrong end of such attitudes.

By and large, I too am accepted everywhere I go (in person) as a woman. However, I still get called "sir" on the phone even after I give my full three names. It is a fact of life for me that my voice still betrays me, but I only explain when I think that it is necessary to do so.

On the other hand, having experienced real prejudice in my earlier life, I try never to jump on someone who doesn't behave the way that I would or who takes steps to avoid the sort of prejudice that we have read about from other women on the transsexual forum.

If you have never experienced intolerance from a particular sector of society, you might well wonder why does someone wonder if they will get an intolerant reaction. I'm not sure that starting a thread to speculate is the most helpful way to support the person who was trying to share about a positive response where they had previously met with negativity.

[Karen564]

To be honest Traci, It didn't seem like Pam was singling you out in any way....I mean, maybe she was, but I see it that way..

I see what she's talking about every day, especially on Face Book & other girls I know around my area... There's all sorts of TS gals at different stages...

I just received a letter the other day from my new therapist after I gave her an update on some of my latest accomplishments in my transition since we last saw each other...She started off saying that she cried, they were tears of joy actually for how well I've been received in the general population & that really made her day & that has given her new hope & the strength to continue on in her practice...I do know that she gets many girls in her office that do nothing but complain how bad it is out there....But I gave her a ray of sunshine, because like I said, I've never been treated better in my whole life as I am now living in my true gender.

So anyway, I think Pams post was an honest post about what's going on out there for many girls having some issues being accepted by the GP.

[Traci Elizabeth]

To be honest Traci, It didn't seem like Pam was singling you out in any way....

So anyway, I think Pams post was an honest post about what's going on out there for many girls having some issues being accepted by the GP.


I am not sure I can agree with that as this seemed very specific to my post, Not to pick on this particular thread or the OP but I have to wonder why someone would contact a business ( or church in the case of this thread) and announce to them you're trans and ask if you can go there?


I really wonder sometimes if at least half of the "problem" we have with society is really not society's problem at all, but ours and our actions, attitudes and fears.

Nevertheless. Pam asked why someone would "out" themselves and I answered it clearly and precisely.

I think sometimes we expound too simplistic views of each others transition here and are too quick to judge things we can not relate too as somehow being "the individual's weakness" or "misguidance" as I feel happened here.

But again, I am NOT upset at anyone. I have expressed my counter-point to Pam - perhaps too directly but that is me. :love:

[Kathryn Martin]

I must say I agree with Traci Elizabeth on this one. Most of us have learned to be circumspect because we do have security issues. These not only apply to the potential for physical violence but as in the case of Tracy gratuitous violence through abuse.

Most of us have the experience that most people do not mind us and even if we are made will just simply smile and go about their business. A request to a community like a church, or social group if they are accepting of transgender people is entirely appropriate in my view. This is not paranoia but prudence.


Not to pick on this particular thread or the OP but I have to wonder why someone would contact a business ( or church in the case of this thread) and announce to them you're trans and ask if you can go there?

This, with respect was a really disingenuous thing to say. How can you claim to not pick anything in particular and then refer to a very specific thread. This forum is not replete with posts dealing with this issue, so that for those who read this forum it was immediately obvious who you were talking about.

[Teri Jean]

Hi Pam, I have to side with you as for the most part I have been accepted, supported and respected by the general public. Having said that there are those I have met who are from other areas of the country or world who have a much different experiance. There is also one's own perspective, the glass half full or half empty, to take into consideration. Some people are less apt to respond or project a more confident personna and thus have a harder time coming away stronger. Heck You know I had a issue with how the Minnesota Vikings would respond to my transition. With the help of others and some sound advice it became a non-issue and turned into the best training camp of the 19yrs. Our worst enemy is our own thoughts.

I would say we are fortunate and hope that somewhere down the road those who do not have the same fortune will realize it as time goes on.

[Karen564]

I am not sure I can agree with that as this seemed very specific to my post, Not to pick on this particular thread or the OP but I have to wonder why someone would contact a business ( or church in the case of this thread) and announce to them you're trans and ask if you can go there?


I really wonder sometimes if at least half of the "problem" we have with society is really not society's problem at all, but ours and our actions, attitudes and fears.

Nevertheless. Pam asked why someone would "out" themselves and I answered it clearly and precisely.

I think sometimes we expound too simplistic views of each others transition here and are too quick to judge things we can not relate too as somehow being "the individual's weakness" or "misguidance" as I feel happened here.

But again, I am NOT upset at anyone. I have expressed my counter-point to Pam - perhaps too directly but that is me. :love:

Ok, I see it now very clearly since you were kind enough to pointed it out for me (thank you) ...I guess that would pop right out at me too if I was in your shoes (pumps) ...
And you did answer the "Why would anyone do that " Very well indeed.....

True, we all have a tendency to be quick to judge, it's a common human trait, but most of that is only because we all rarely hear the whole story & see the whole picture, to fully understand & put themselves in their shoes at the time.....and some go the other way & give people the benefit of the doubt, only to learn later they shouldn't of....so ya never can win...well, I know I can't........lol

[Traci Elizabeth]

Ok, I see it now very clearly since you were kind enough to pointed it out for me (thank you) ...I guess that would pop right out at me too if I was in your shoes (pumps) ...
And you did answer the "Why would anyone do that " Very well indeed.....

True, we all have a tendency to be quick to judge, it's a common human trait, but most of that is only because we all rarely hear the whole story & see the whole picture, to fully understand & put themselves in their shoes at the time.....and some go the other way & give people the benefit of the doubt, only to learn later they shouldn't of....so ya never can win...well, I know I can't........lol



Thank you Karen but all is well with me and unless someone has some question of me, I have had my say here and have moved on to comparing bodies with you (Karen that is)! :D Some of you will get this others may not!

[pamela_a]

Sorry for not getting back earlier to straighten my mess out, I was at my brother in law's funeral.

Traci, I didn't mean anything directed at you, it was what struck me as a "fresh" example. My apologies if I offended or wronged you, I meant no harm or disrespect to you.

Your post just reminded me of numerous examples I've seen in forums and in my interactions with others that led me to that question. Those that are just starting out I can understand some trepidation but I've read and know many who display the characteristic/attitude I described who are full time or nearly so, including some post op women.

I may have been wrong to use that thread as an example but that's what got me started. So again Traci, I apologize to you.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Sorry for not getting back earlier to straighten my mess out, I was at my brother in law's funeral.

Traci, I didn't mean anything directed at you, it was what struck me as a "fresh" example. My apologies if I offended or wronged you, I meant no harm or disrespect to you.

Your post just reminded me of numerous examples I've seen in forums and in my interactions with others that led me to that question. Those that are just starting out I can understand some trepidation but I've read and know many who display the characteristic/attitude I described who are full time or nearly so, including some post op women.

I may have been wrong to use that thread as an example but that's what got me started. So again Traci, I apologize to you.

Girlfriend the good news is that as girlfriends we can say things to each other without reprise. You are still my girlfriend and I need a big :hugs: from you them we can get back to all the juicy girl talk we have.

Hugs,
Traci

[pamela_a]

:bighug:

Thank you so much girlfriend.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I feel warm and fuzzy now that everyones made up !

Traci
I applaud you for asking if they are accepting. Who wants to go where they are not wanted ? I too have sent emails asking first, if a church or and assiciation is accepting, before going. Some of the responses went from 'great, welcome, glad to have you" to 'you will burn in hell you (*&(( )(*^%&^% !!!". Life is about protecting one self. I'd rather be safe then sorry.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I feel warm and fuzzy now that everyones made up !

...I too have sent emails asking first, if a church or and assiciation is accepting, before going. Some of the responses went from 'great, welcome, glad to have you" to 'you will burn in hell you (*&(( )(*^%&^% !!!". Life is about protecting one self. I'd rather be safe then sorry.

Very well said Kelly and with few words yet powerful meaning. I could not agree more. We all need to be safe. As much as we want society to accept us, we must remain vigilant.

[pamela_a]

I agree everyone needs to address safety but I must to ask again. When you walk into a business, church, anywhere HOW do they know you're trans? I've never had anyone ask me no matter where I've gone. I've never had to produce my id for them and I've certainly never allowed anyone to inspect anything under my skirt. Maybe it's just fortunate circumstances and where I happen to live that I've never had that happen to me but I don't understand how these people you've never met before know. How far does it go? Do you call a restaurant before you go there? What if the guy at the gas station might not accept you do you avoid going there?

We complain about how we are not "understood" by society yet we continue to hide and then complain about it. I get so frustrated with some girls that will only go to the local "trans" bar or the "safe" restaurant (whatever that is). Yes, personal safety is a concern but in many ways isn't that perpetuating there is something wrong with us that we are ashamed to go to "normal" places?

Rianna states
I think that anyone who does not have first-hand experience of discrimination finds it difficult to really empathize with those who have been on the wrong end of such attitudes.There is some truth to that but there are a lot of things I've never personally experienced that I can understand and emphasize with. There is also the attitude I have that I refuse to give people that much power and control over my life again. If I go somewhere and am treated badly I simply leave and don't return. If they don't accept me for who I am then it's their problem not mine. I will continue to live my life as I choose, not at the whim of what someone else may or may not like.

I'm proud and confident of who I am and I'm happy to be finally living MY life. As the line from the song Sunshine goes "He can't even run his own life I'll be damned if he'll run mine"

[Rianna Humble]

Brianna states

Who is Brianna? If you had quoted normally,it would have had my name on it not hers.

[Karen564]

but I must to ask again. When you walk into a business, church, anywhere HOW do they know you're trans?

That's simple...................., They Don't Know.

Of course people can speculate, idk, but I have yet to be confronted with any awkward looks of confusion or questions of any sort about my gender...So I'm still waiting for that day to come when someone asks, which will finally give me an excuse to whip out my ID to show them & that should be the end of discussion...& I will accept their apologies after....LOL

I think the whole thing is part of the transition process which takes time & the ones just starting on their journey will eventually stop confessing or announcing to the world what they once were & start only projecting what they are now....A Woman..

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Pam.. u seem to be hinting around that you have transitioned a certain way, and that your way is the right way...and I think you are not right to say things like at least half the "problem" is our own fears..
I think you are being a bit harsh and judgmental. You got it figured out..not everyone else does

I am with you that we should strive to refuse to give other people power over us..
but its not that simple...regardless of how we act or think we are often victims in alot of ways, we suffer physical, emotional, financial and even spiritual pain at the hands of people that love us, hate us and that don't give a rat's ass if we are woman or transwoman(they just want us to away)...we are the most marginalized group of people that I can think of...and blaming us for being marginalized is not fair.

[Zenith]

I have been very very fortunate not to have seen much of this myself.

Just live your life and blend. But I am not so smug as to think it doesn't happen. One of my dear friends on the board and in real life was just harassed at the library by a group of delinquents. You can look quite good (as she does), and still get clocked over the occasional male slip up that takes years of RLE to break yourself of...

Pam you and I are both fortunate to have missed it...yes our fears can be a source, but even with little fear or prejudice on our part, we can be surprised or taken aback by specific insensitivity to our status as transwomen by others...

[pamela_a]

Pam.. u seem to be hinting around that you have transitioned a certain way, and that your way is the right way...and I think you are not right to say things like at least half the "problem" is our own fears..
I think you are being a bit harsh and judgmental. You got it figured out..not everyone else does

I am with you that we should strive to refuse to give other people power over us..
but its not that simple...regardless of how we act or think we are often victims in alot of ways, we suffer physical, emotional, financial and even spiritual pain at the hands of people that love us, hate us and that don't give a rat's ass if we are woman or transwoman(they just want us to away)...we are the most marginalized group of people that I can think of...and blaming us for being marginalized is not fair.

I don't believe I've done anything special nor am I making any accusations. The statement/question is based on my observations and interactions with others. I understand there are many factors and things happen that are out of our control, welcome to life. What I also see is how many blame everything that happens to them on being trans. But I guess you know best. The only reason something happens to you is because you're trans. The only places someone can go are "safe, trans friendly" places. I'm sorry for ever doubting how horrible everything is out there. I guess realizing just how bad it is out there and how afraid I should be is what I'm missing

[Rianna Humble]

Pam,

Sarcasm doesn't come over very well in a written medium. If you were not accusing Traci then you were wrong to cite her as an example of the sort of behaviour you disagree with.

You have been lucky not to be faced with discrimination or outright hatred because people perceive you as being different, but that is all it is luck it does not make you superior to others.

Unfortunately, with every attack you make on someone who disagrees with you you come across a bit more as believing yourself superior to those who have been discriminated against.

Maybe before you ever stepped out of the house, you had everything perfect - the look, the voice, the deportment, the speech patterns and so on. Some of us live in the real world where we don't have the luxury of waiting until everything is 100% perfect, In those circumstances a few people might notice that we were not born with the right body and may seek to use that against us. If we follow your logic, we should never do anything to mitigate the chances of the re-occurring but should just go on blindly mixing with the same section of society that treated us despicably because to try to protect ourselves is in your opinion less than perfect behaviour.

At the start of the thread I had some sympathy with what you appeared to be saying. I'm sorry, but you have talked yourself out of that sympathy.

[pamela_a]

Pam,

Sarcasm doesn't come over very well in a written medium. If you were not accusing Traci then you were wrong to cite her as an example of the sort of behaviour you disagree with.
I thought this was settled back in post 14


You have been lucky not to be faced with discrimination or outright hatred because people perceive you as being different, but that is all it is luck it does not make you superior to others.

Unfortunately, with every attack you make on someone who disagrees with you you come across a bit more as believing yourself superior to those who have been discriminated against.
I never knew you were familiar with everything I've gone through in my life. I've admittedly been fortunate in my transition but there is significantly more to life than simply transitioning.


Maybe before you ever stepped out of the house, you had everything perfect - the look, the voice, the deportment, the speech patterns and so on. Some of us live in the real world where we don't have the luxury of waiting until everything is 100% perfect, In those circumstances a few people might notice that we were not born with the right body and may seek to use that against us.

That's quite an assumption to make considering this woman is 6'5", her first skirt was sz 26, she had absolutely NO fashion sense and sang Bass in the choir. Believe me, I LIVE in the "real world".


If we follow your logic, we should never do anything to mitigate the chances of the re-occurring but should just go on blindly mixing with the same section of society that treated us despicably because to try to protect ourselves is in your opinion less than perfect behaviour. Where did you get this from?


At the start of the thread I had some sympathy with what you appeared to be saying. I'm sorry, but you have talked yourself out of that sympathy. Sympathy is the LAST thing I want.

Evidently I've again miserably failed at trying to get people to realize it's THEIR life to live. Yes, bad things happen to people but not everything is because you are TS nor IMHO should being TS and transitioning become the very center of everything you do in life.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Pam..

actually you have miserably failed at trying to get people to realize it's their life...instead you've pushed people away, been sarcastic, andbeen condescending to people and you fail to accept a very significant FACT..

that FACT being that most of us are treated like shit regardless of our self worth and self esteem issues...being treated poorly is being treated poorly, regardless of how you feel about it..

suicide, homelessness, estrangement from family, joblessness, loneliness, hopelessness, less safety, and depression are all facts of life for our community, and you sarcastically say its at least half our fault..

attacking and being condescending to people is a terrible and ineffective way for you to get your point across...if there is any heartfelt advice in your posts, its hidden by the way to you look down on people that havent figured it all out yet..

[Traci Elizabeth]

...nor IMHO should being TS and transitioning become the very center of everything you do in life.


I am going to have to agree with this even though this latter comment is a different position than the other ones.

It is WAY TOO EASY for us to get caught up in transitioning and for it to consume our every waking moment. Even I (and I feel I am very well grounded in reality) have been accused of this very thing by my loving wife more than once.

I think we all need a little nudge every now and then to get back on the "straight and narrow" of life simply as the gender we are.

I am "almost" (not quite 100% all the time but "almost") to the point that I only view myself as a woman.

But that is not always our own fault and sometimes we have no choice but to discuss our transsexualism when we have to do things like visit doctors, labs, addressing legal identity issues or discrepancies, or getting immersed in having to deal with the "realities" of our transitioning status in one non-avoidable situation after another.

The end goal, for me at least, is indeed to put my being "transsexual" behind me as I have my prior life as a "male." Not to bury it or deny it but to move forward with my life as "simply a woman!" That's my end game!

[Kathryn Martin]

.... bad things happen to people but not everything is because you are TS nor IMHO should being TS and transitioning become the very center of everything you do in life.

It lies in the nature of transition, that it is transitory. It is the phase transition from one state of being to another. While in that transition it is difficult to imagine that anything else could be the center of ones attention. The complexity of the problems to be dealt with is significant and range fro things such as presentation when you are 6'4" to how do you deal with being born in a country where the courts have refused to change the gender markers on birth certificates because the the entry at the time it was made is correct. Resultant, in the country I live in I cannot present a changed birth certificate which makes it impossible to get a drivers license, passport or other documentation, ever, unless I challenge the law in court. It is for a time an all consuming quest.

Those that resist us actively are likely few, but to deny systemic transgender phobias in the general discourse of the society we live in is turning a blind eye to the realities of our lives. The amount of energy and thought, planning and preparation I am spending to achieve a successful social transition in two years is enormous. I must rescue at least a substantial proportion of my practice from the ruins of my male existence. Given the confidential and trust based relationship that I have with my clients, if some even simply feel weird having their male lawyer now being a female lawyer, is hugely damaging because they simply may not come back. Likewise I am a member of a roughly two thousand member community of lawyers in my province. How many do you think will attempt to use the fact that I am transitioning transsexual to their and their clients advantage. I will have to be better because I am woman in the first instance and even better then because I am not a "real" woman.

It is of course all bigotry in the end. So is the Ross for Less manager who accosted Christy M and the Dillards associate who tried to shoo me out of their department store when I visited the US.

I understand that not every slight or mishap has gender as it's background. Bad food is bad food, and if they don't have shoes in my size I am just one of many women who suffer from a market driven and biased inventory policy. But that is not really what we are talking about here.

[pamela_a]

OK You're all right. I'm wrong,. Sorry for wasting your time

[Veronica_Jean]

In all fairness, I think there are two issues being presented, and each deserves recognition.

1. Many trans-people fell that everything around them, everything that others do, are a result of them being trans and others going out of their way to make life miserable for them.

2. Situations that arise due to the bias and prejudice of others that creates problems for trans people.

In the first case, a transwoman that is part of our support group would sit with us and talk outside our favorite restaurant (we typically would talk for hours after it closed), would comment that the other people across the 6 lane road standing outside a bar laughing were laughing at her because they knew she was trans. Due to laws of no longer being able to smoke inside a bar in our state, anyone wanting to smoke needs to go outside to do it. So as a result many go outside for a short period to take care of their need. Since these men and women were loud enough that we could hear them, and just across the street, I would guess if they were that motivated, they would just come over to point an laugh. But considering we were having trouble seeing any of them, they also could not tell who we were, and certainly not close enough to identify us as transwomen.

So there are those that feel and act as if everything bad that happens is a result of being trans. This is not just other5s doing bad things, but self perceived issues that do not really exist.

The second, as many know, is like the kind of threats, abuse, and worse that we read about more than once. A recent posting of memory would be Joanne and the issues that drove her to live in a different city.

It can be very real or it can be an illusion as to how we are being treated by others and what we chose to do as a result.

So, based on our previous experience we may chose to tell, or ask rather than risk the situation turning out badly again. We could chose to simply try it again and see what happens. If I have learned anything from my transition it is that just as in all other areas of life, things change. There are those that do follow the teachings who appear to be very conservative, yet are also very tolerant. It is up to us to decide if it is worth the risk, and what we will do as a result.

I have crossed what would be considered immovable barriers throughout my transition and continue to do so. Much "conventional wisdom" about what is possible and what is not possible and what jobs you can have and/or keep, work you can do, etc. are all negotiable. There is nothing you cannot do unless you refuse to try.

Clearly there are those out there that are working hard to see us go away in so many ways. Each of us has to decide what is comfortable, what is safe, and what is tolerable. So far, I keep moving forward and walls keep falling. I expect one day I will bounce off one those walls, and then I will have to decide if I should keep banging, move around, or stop.

Pam it is my belief that many trans people feel they are being wronged no matter the situation. Therefore they need to ask, because it helps them be more comfortable. We all get read, so I do not find that as a valid reason to ask.

Veronica

[Rianna Humble]

Sympathy is the LAST thing I want.

Try finding out what the word really means, then tell me you don't want it.

[pamela_a]

Veronica, Thank you for understanding what I was obviously failing miserably at trying to say



Try finding out what the word really means, then tell me you don't want it.

You're right.... I really should have said expected

[Kathryn Martin]

So there are those that feel and act as if everything bad that happens is a result of being trans. This is not just other5s doing bad things, but self perceived issues that do not really exist.

The second, as many know, is like the kind of threats, abuse, and worse that we read about more than once. A recent posting of memory would be Joanne and the issues that drove her to live in a different city.

It can be very real or it can be an illusion as to how we are being treated by others and what we chose to do as a result.



I believe it is part of the human condition to avoid looking in the mirror and recognizing oneself. It is much easier to blame everyone and everything than to actually make a change yourself. I am certain Transgendered people are no exception.

That does not take anything away from the fact that we have experiences and in addition or in substitution anticipate behavior of non transgendered people which might be violent, abusive, and designed to marginalize us. The news are replete with hate motivated beatings and killings of marginalized people like transgendered people.

In this case the issue is really whether we are comfortable enough to not secure safe passage so to speak. I still ask in new stores if there are objections to try on women' clothing in their dressing room. But then again I might be dressed as a guy on any given day.

[Louise C]

Well, i've resigned myself to probably always being known as "that guy who transitioned". And i'm ok with that. I imagine it's the price i will have to pay for not having the courage to come out when i was younger.
I hope that living as who i need to be will be enough. Guess we'll see......

[Veronica_Jean]

Louise,

I always felt that way too, but others are convincing me that I am wrong. Just go with it and see where it leads.
You may even surprise yourself one day.

Veronica

[Rianna Humble]

Louise, please take heart you are not the only one in those circumstances. There is probably nowhere in the UK that I could go and not be "that guy from the article in the Sun who wants to become a woman to get more votes". On the other hand, I had another person come up to me two days ago to say that she and her husband think I'm brave and support what I'm doing.

Still don't know about the brave bit.

[Byanca]

My biggest problem is that I'm hyper sensitive. It's like I can feel peoples emotions, especially women. From a distance. Especially how they look. In general women really should be more careful with where they look. If they don't approve, they just can't hide it. Men are much more likely to keep their eyes on the way ahead. Rarely even notice me. Just small things like this can be devastating for me, causing depression. This is my problem, and my fears. For all I know I could be transmitting them. And women who pick up the waves are reacting to this. Therefore seeking my eyes. Or I seek theirs. Dunno. Sometimes I almost have paranoid attacks. I can feel eyes almost everywhere, almost so I worry I have schizophrenic tendencies. Most often I can go by my business as everyone else. But sometimes I have clearly done something wrong, that get my eye contact almost every step by women...freaks me out. If they don't smile I get worried.

No one says anything. It's just this emotional energy that sometimes overwhelms me.

Dunno, probably not making any sense.

[Louise C]

Thanks for the vote of confidence, ladies.......:battingeyelashes: