I was the prettiest girl in the world until...

[Christy_M]

BAM BAM BAM "YOU NEED TO COME OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM!"

"Uh, excuse me?"

"THIS IS THE MANAGER, YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM!"

I peek out the door and there is this woman, 5' 6" ish late twenties maybe early thirties. "YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM NOW!"

I was wearing a beautiful sweater dress that fit perfectly and I really wanted to buy it. "Do I need to change?"

"YOU NEED TO PUT ON YOUR REGULAR CLOTHES AND LEAVE THE DRESSING ROOM NOW!"

Holy crap. One of my worst fears ("There's a guy in a dress!). I changed as quick as I could. I almost threw up a little. I was a wreck. I lost one of my earring clasps. I gathered up my stuff and took the 4 dresses I was trying on and walked out of the dressing room with my head high as though I did nothing wrong.

There were people standing around and as I got near the manager, she made a comment to someone else (There's a situation going on right now but it is almost over."

Apparently, I was a situation.I hung the clothes on the rack next to the young girl who let me into the dressing room, grabbed my jacket out of my cart (which by the way was filled with a new jacket, two sweaters, some pants and a pajama set in leopard print). and walked out of the store as though I owned the world.

When I got to my truck, I started to break down. I felt every eye from the store peering out at me so I drove away to a mall parking lot where I parked and cried for about 45 minutes.

I couldn't get out of my clothes fast enough. I threw up. I felt so embarassed and disgusted with myself. I have so much shame wearing on me that I can hardly move. I feel as though I weigh 200 pounds more than usual and I don't know what to do.

I am leaving to see my shrink in a few minutes but wanted to get this off my chest before I leave so I at least have it vented before the drive. I can't seem to stop choking up. WTF am I doing with my life? AAAHHHH!!!

For those wondering, the store is Ross Dress for Less in Lynnwood, Washington.

[Rianna Humble]

You have no need to feel disgusted with yourself just because you met with intolerance. The manager's overreaction was her problem, not yours!

If the store is part of a chain, you should consider writing to the head office to explain why neither you nor your friends will spend any money in their chain of stores again. If it is privately owned, and the manager is not the owner, I would write to the owner explaining that their manager doesn't like the colour of your money.

[lynnrichards]

Christy,
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wouldn't take it lying down, though. I'd register a formal complaint with the company. You could ask what their official policy is and demand an apology.
Lynn

[StaceyJane]

I know I would be sending in a complaint to the headquarters as soon as possible.

[TiffanyTgirl]

Don't let the actions of a narrow minded bigot ruin your self respect. I think you are very attractive and pass very well. They obviously don't need your money. So don't let it bother you. Find a store that appreciates you and your business,

[Kathi Lake]

Christy, thanks so much for venting to us. I know that I feel for you right now. I echo the others here when I say that you are still the prettiest girl in the world. It's the manager (and, most likely, a complaining customer) that are the ugly ones here.

Kathi

[tgirl2b]

What They did to you is wrong . ([email protected]) I would let them know what kind of people they hire. Every one is a customer and should be treated the same.

[Holly]

Christy, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!! The manager's actions were totally inappropriate. She should be reported to corporate. If, I repeat IF there was a situation, she is the one who escalated it, not you. I'm glad you walked out with your head held high. I would estimate somewhere in the area of 5% of Ross's sales come from the transgender community. Are they willing to risk taking that kind of a sales hit due to the bad publicity this will generate in the community? You are owed an apology, if not much more.

[msginaadoll]

Christy, you were definitely mistreated. You did nothing wrong. As you mentioned you were let into the dressing rooms. The store owes you the minimum a major apology. They also need to educate there employees. Saying that that does nothing for the trauma you went through. You are definitely in my thoughts, and I hope you get the support and encouragement you need.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I stongly urge you and anyone who feels like it to register a complaint with the corporate office. You can use this link:

I looked at a couple of websites and that particular store has over 20 posts for bad customer service.

You do have the right to be treated as an equal customer.

Please mention the store address.

http://www.rossstores.com/cu.aspx

Ross Dress For Less

18520 33rd Avenue W # A, Lynnwood, WA 98037-4726 (425) 771-0607 ()

[Jenny Gurl]

Christy, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!! The manager's actions were totally inappropriate. She should be reported to corporate. If, I repeat IF there was a situation, she is the one who escalated it, not you. I'm glad you walked out with your head held high. I would estimate somewhere in the area of 5% of Ross's sales come from the transgender community. Are they willing to risk taking that kind of a sales hit due to the bad publicity this will generate in the community? You are owed an apology, if not much more.

Well said. I just want to add a voice of support. She was the one yelling fire in a crowded theater. You did nothing wrong. I would not let one bad employee that needs either retraining or an opportunity to go find a job elsewhere get you down. You are a beautiful person, and she needs to not get away with this. I hope you got her name or at least the time it happened as they can search the employee records to see who was working there that day. Since she said she was the "current" manager, it should not be hard for them to track her down. Wouldn't it be nice to go there in the future and be nicely greeted by the "new" manager. You have our support here. Vent when you need to.:hugs::hugs:

[Olivia2]

On top of the mistreatment, I'm sure the store owners would not be happy to know they lost quite a lot in sales from your treatment as well as future sales and customers as well.

[Christie ann]

That was totally uncalled for and that manager deserves to be called on it.

[KateSpade83]

I can't tell how passable you are because you've never posted a Picture Thread. But did they read you by your voice?

Same thing happened to me in Ross in Houston - was very embarrassing. Also happened at Macy's because I shouldn't have outed myself to one saleslady.

[StaceyJane]

I just sent in a complaint. I hope someone gets the message.

I need to add that in the past I have sent in compliments to the corporate offices of Dress Barn and Sephora naming the names of the SA's who were very helpful even though they knew I was a male.

[Stephanie Miller]

I re-read just to make sure I read it right the first time. "I hung the clothes on the rack next to the young girl who let me into the dressing room,"
Looks to me you better get some serious attention from corporate. Being lead into a "situation" by one of thier emploees only to be totaly humiliated by the manager... What comes to mind is two simple words...... Perry Mason. ( O.K., so I dated myself)

[Jenny Gurl]

Kind of makes you wonder if there is a law suit possibility since the employee induced trauma sent you strait to your shrink. Makes you wonder also what would happen if a GG were in there that did not look so feminine and they made that mistake. Sounds like they need to upgrade their training program for sure.

[CharlotteW]

I hate the litigious side of life but this is an awful case and a claim should be made in my opinion. It takes less than two minutes to send the head office an email of complaint and that's what we should all do IMO.

[KristinSkye]

OMG Christy I'm soooo sorry you had to go through that completely unnecessary embarrassment. As I was reading your story I actually felt myself getting very angry; that manager had absolutely no reason to handle the "situation" like she did. Good for you for walking out of their with your head held high! I really do think that you handled the situation in the best possible way you could have especially being under such pressure.

Like others have said, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. The only person that deserves to be ashamed of themselves is that intolerant and ignorant manager that obviously isn't capable of handling certain scenarios responsibly and respectively.

I would certainly file a complaint with corporate. Also, I'm in no way a fan of frivolous law suits that go on in the United States but Stephanie and Jenny make some very good points.

Anyway I hope you're feeling a bit better when after you have a chance to talk to your doctor. Try to keep your chin up, I wish you the best :hugs:

[JohnH]

BAM BAM BAM "YOU NEED TO COME OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM!"

"Uh, excuse me?"

"THIS IS THE MANAGER, YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM!"

I peek out the door and there is this woman, 5' 6" ish late twenties maybe early thirties. "YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM NOW!"

I was wearing a beautiful sweater dress that fit perfectly and I really wanted to buy it. "Do I need to change?"

"YOU NEED TO PUT ON YOUR REGULAR CLOTHES AND LEAVE THE DRESSING ROOM NOW!"


For those wondering, the store is Ross Dress for Less in Lynnwood, Washington.

It would have been your perogative to yell - "IS THAT HOW YOU TREAT A CUSTOMER WHO IS ABOUT TO BUY A DRESS?"

You did nothing wrong. If I were in your shoes I might have yelled back at the manager.

I would have told the SA straight up that I was a man, and I would like to try on some women's clothing. The SA could have had the option of leading me to a men's changing room. After that was done, if the manager came by and conducted herself as described above the whole store would have heard my response.

Yes, I think you need to sue for emotional pain and suffering, and damages.

[Inna]

WASHINGTON STATE LAW
RCW 49.60 The right to be free from discrimination because of
race, creed, color, national origin, sex, honorably discharged
veteran or military status, sexual orientation, gender identity or the
presence of any disability. This right shall include, but not be limited
to the following;
(a) The right to obtain and hold employment;
(b) The right to the full enjoyment of any of the accommodations,
advantages, facilities, or privileges of any place of public resort,
accommodation, assemblage, or amusement;
(c) The right to engage in real estate and (d) credit transactions
and (e) insurance transactions or transactions with health
maintenance organizations;
(f) The right to engage in commerce free from any discriminatory
boycotts or blacklists.
SHB 1444 - A safe and civil environment in school is necessary for
students to learn and achieve high academic standards. The
legislature finds that harassment, intimidation, or bullying, like their
disruptive or violent behavior, disrupts both a student's ability to
learn and a school's ability to educate its students in a safe
environment. Each school district shall adopt or amend if necessary
a policy that prohibits the harassment, intimidation, or bullying of
any student, school employee, or volunteer. It is the responsibility of
each school district to share this policy with parents or guardians,
students, volunteers, and school employees.
The Washington State Human Rights Commission enforces the
Law Against Discrimination. The Commission works to prevent and
eliminate discrimination by investigating civil rights complaints and
providing education and training opportunities throughout the state.
Contact the WSHRC to file a complaint or find out more at:
www.hum.wa.gov or 800-233-3247

January 31, 2006--Washington State--Governor Gregoire signed a bill that explicitly prohibits acts of prejudice against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Washington becomes the eighth state to include gender identity in its non-discrimination law, and the seventeenth to include sexual orientation.


I usually am very understanding and try to find a mutual grounds for negative responses from folks who do not understand. This time while reading your post Christy I felt your anguish and pain and couldn't contain the anger I felt. This was a personal and obviously intended attack on client going about her business and without merit to summon such a commotion. I am so proud of you having strength to overcome this, even though with costly consequences. This girl, should never been put in a managerial position and if she might have suspected foul-play she should have confronted you with respect and resolve her issue directly with you in private. I am sure this is just an unfortunate event brought on by unkind, unconsidered and miss-hired to a managerial position person. I am willing to write an email or a letter of utmost anger and frustration directed at Ross and to transgender publications which might like to write an article or two about the chain.
Baby, brush this incident off like a bad case of dust, I know it struck deep and I felt it as well but not everyone is as scarred and phobic like she was, most folks out there are tolerant and helpful. Love, Alexia.

[DonnaT]

Washington State The Human Rights Commission includes gender identity among groups protected from discrimination and harassment.

http://apps.leg.wa.gov/documents/billdocs/2005-06/Pdf/Bills/House%20Passed%20Legislature/2661-S.PL.pdf

[randumbness]

I'm shocked because I went shopping at a Ross up in Santa Barbara and no one batted an eye at me shopping for a dress in the dressing isle, though I did get a weird look from the SA who let me into the dressing room. Which one did the young lady send you to, the men's or women's dressing room? It's a safety issue if a man was in a women's dressing room, because, let's face it, it's a dangerous world and people stereotype males for being the ones to rape women in dressing rooms. It's always another safety issue for you when you go into the male side of the dressing room in women's clothing or in drab with women's clothing in your hands because it might cause some sort of trans panic of sorts. At least, that's what I assume. But if you were sent to the male dressing room, or if there was only one dressing room, a complaint should be in order. I don't think stores have the right to refuse service from anyone based on orientation, sex, or religion. This is just my speculation though, I guess, but this situation just sounds completely unjustified, and I hope you feel better about it. I also hope it didn't discourage you from being who you are, because frankly, managers shouldn't care who buys their clothes.

[divamissz]

I seem to remember someone having problems at another Ross before-maybe it's a pattern?

I'd have been as upset as you were if that'd happened to me and I've been going out for ages. It's hard to think rationally when you're being assaulted (and that is exactly what happened). Now that you have some time to calm down, write to Ross and tell them what happened, then follow it up with a phone call. And let them know that you'll never, ever shop at a Ross again and posted your story to this list so that everyone will know just what kind of transphobic people manage their stores.

And I can tell you that I'll never set foot in a Ross again.

[Karren H]

Awww..... I hate Ross!!! Just one more reason not to shop there!!!

[TxKimberly]

I am SO sorry to hear of this. I can only imagine how badly that must have hurt your self confidence, and for no good reason at all. As others have said, the problem was with the managers actions and not yours.

[VictoriaP]

That is HORRIBLE!!!!! That should never have happened. Although I understand your feeing the way you did and wanting this all to just go away, you should register a complaint. After all the Law is the Law. Lets make it work for US! And you ARE still the prettiest girl in the world sweetheart!

[aggi123]

I'm so sorry this happened to you! There's one store I'll make sure NEVER to shop in ever. You should file a complaint! I might for your sake just to let them know how I feel!

[Barbara Dugan]

I am so sorry , you werent doing anything wrong. I remember one time a T-girl sued a gay club in NY because she wouldnt let in, this situation looks even more discriminatory.

[Juliana Hart]

Christy - I'm also very sorry that you were hurt today. That type of behavior is not acceptable, especially considering this is 2010. That person needs to answer up for that behavior. Stay strong.

A fellow Washington T-Gurl,

Juliana

[Nicole Erin]

Ross is about a sorry excuse for a store, it seems quite often we read complaints about them on this forum.
I know a few other stores get mentioned but Ross seems to come up most.
So our money isn't good?

What I emailed Ross was similar to above but in a more civil tone.

Hey for those who have never been in a Ross -
Quite frankly, the clothes they have there are usually pretty crappy to begin with, hince the low prices.
I used to stop in one from time to time and it is basically a junk store, so really don't even waste your time shopping there if you have any fashion sense.

[aggi123]

I sent a complaint because I was so mad! Even if they just know how we feel, it might be nice to receive an "I read your e-mail and am taking it seriously" reply

[TGMarla]

Man! This is exactly what we want to NOT happen. That manager was completely in the wrong. It is not in hers nor her company's best interests to make a scene out of nothing, humiliate her clientele, and allow customers to leave the store without purchasing the cart full of clothing that would have made a nice sale for them.

But hey, don't let this get to you too much. It's not on you, after all. You're not the narrow-minded bigot here. She is.

[donnalee]

That's just AWFUL! :sad::eek:
Ross has stores all over the West Coast - I don't know how many they have further East - maybe using a different name but owned by the same people. From this day forward they won't get a DIME from me! I want to boycott them; tell family, friends & anyone who'll listen that this is a store that discriminates against people and should not be patronized by ANYONE! :thumbsdn:
And you're STILL the prettiest girl! :hugs::love:

[Michelle James]

Awww..... I hate Ross!!! Just one more reason not to shop there!!!

Just what would happen to that manager if we all sent in a complaint with our intention to boycot Ross stores everywhere? Then maybe we should burn our bras!! LOL

[Christy_M]

You all are so sweet. I really appreciate your support and compliments. I can't seem to settle down from this. I keep thinking about it and it makes me break down. It is one of the most awful things that has happened to me in my life and I am sure it has set back my self confidence quite a bit. Feeling the love from this community is so touching. I can't say enough about how you better my life.

The worst part of this is that I was on a pretty good high from earlier today when I was at a local Fred Meyer (Northwest Super K-Mart type store) and they treated me with dignity and respect. I tried on and bought numerous items. Even the woman at the self checkout helped me check out. I thought everything was coming up roses for me today and then a big fat helping of reality was served up - cold I might add...

My fear is that my typical reaction to emotional isues when in drab is to disengage and withdraw from the people I love. I am trying to force myself to let the emotions flow so I can keep Christy's presence in other aspects of my life. Specifically, by making me more emotionally available to my wife and children. It is just so difficult to have this rush come and go like massive waves hitting me on the beach. I just want to curl up and sleep through the next 100 years or so until people don't act like this anymore...

[Amy Lynn3]

Christy, we love and support you and as others have said we are sorry that it happened at all. How would that sales manager feel if she were in some mens clothing store, buying for her son and was ask to leave? You did great, but I'm afraid I would not have been as nice to that manager. If it makes you feel better and I hope it does....I was about to go into one of their stores and look around, however, please, know I will never buy anything from their store now.

[Stephenie S]

I will never shop there ever.

But listen, this is NOT one of the most awful things that has happened to you. You ran into an absolute JERK, that's for sure. But you will always run into jerks in this life. Know that you did NOTHING wrong and in the face of horrible behavior from another human being you held yourself high and acted like the intelligent and civilized person that you really are. Congratulations. You proved to a store full of people (and then to us) what a wonderful person YOU are. Don't feel bad about this. Celebrate it. You won, big time!

Stephie

[Sophie86]

Please follow up, and let us know how they respond. I will be boycotting their stores until I hear that they apologized.

[Tanya83]

I find it really shocking that this happened to you in this day. You should make a lot of noise over at that store. Call the main office, send letters and get that "Person" fired. Completely unacceptable behavior. I don't go to dressing rooms with the things I buy but now I will. Just to see how I'm treated.

[juno]

Washington State has transgender protection laws. This action was probably illegal.

We should all go to that store dressed very unpassable and insist on using the women's dressing room. The next time I am in the Seattle, I will make a point of it. But, I won't actually buy anything.

I go into women's dressing rooms all the time en homme to assist my partly disabled wife. Nobody has ever complained, SAs or customers.

[LeannL]

Christy,
One thing I would suggest is to follow the advice of others who have cited the Washington state law against discrimination against us. This is not about revenge but taking control of your life. You have the right to expect to be treated as every other person expects to be treated with respect.

A quote comes to mind from someone I do not normally relate to, George Will. He said something along the lines of: "Some people say we can't legislate morality but we can. The civil rights laws legislated the open accomidations laws which substituted the rights of one group (the owners of hotels) to choose their clients with the rights of another group (afro-americans) to treated like every other american in their public accomodations."

The state of Washington has chosen to do the same for the LGBT community. So if you so choose, you have the opportunity to assert your rights as they are are yours to enjoy and not to have abridged by some jerk.

Good luck and hold your head high.

Leann

[CatAttack]

Cristy, I am so sorry to hear this! That is like every transperson's nightmare! Just reading it made me mad!! If that happened to me I would've definitely given the manager a piece of my mind.

But don't let this get you down!

[Kara in CT]

I can't believe that someone can be so cruel and insensitive to another person. I am so sorry that this happened to you. :sad:

[Cherie]

I agree with a lot of the others a complaint to management telling of your treatment and you have let a lot of people know a lose of clientelle will help to change the SA atitude . Hope it works out for u .

[leliani]

That's disgusting. That lady needs to be fired, sent to training or something. No-one deserves to be treated like that.

[Loni]

one harvard study found out one bad word from a disgruntled customer cost the store $10K in pro ad's to replace the bad.
let the store corp people and the main manger of said store know what happened and i bet next time you go there that woman will not be employed there any more.
money is money and in these times the b.o.d. want as much as they can get.
that manager is the problem...not you.
she is just a very narrow minded *****.

[Rachel M]

As an action against Ross Stores, I think all the Active sister groups on here should send a letter to the corporate offices and quote the above laws. They need to inform them that a sisters civil liberty was broken at that washington store and an open public apologie as well as a reprimand of the the employee are in order.
Rachel

[docrobbysherry]

I know a few girls who would have decked that b-----!

However, there may be messages in your experience for other CD/TGs that go out dressed!:straightface:

1. I'm glad that what happened to u doesn't happen more often!

2. U could go out dressed every day of your life and NEVER have this happen to u!:thumbsup:

3. U could go out dressed and have this happen to u TOMORROW!:thumbsdn:

Christy, PLEASE don't let ONE ROTTEN APPLE ruin your life style! Remember how many GOOD PEOPLE you've met and have YET to meet! :hugs:

[rocketscientist]

:straightface: This is what I sent to [email protected].

I just read this story of a trangender customer at your store in Lynwood,WA being treated horribly by the store manager. As the story goes, this customer was shown into the dressing room by a Ross employee, then, while in the dressing room, was accosted by the store manager and told to "get out". This person was doing nothing wrong and not harming anyone, only there to use the dressing room for its' intended purpose. Furthermore, this harmless transgender customer was loudly ousted in front of other customers in a most undignified manner. Is this how Ross treats their customers? Frankly, I am shocked at the ignorance and intolerance shown by the manager. As you may or may not know, the State of Washington outlaws this type of discrimination. This is would very easily be a slam dunk for any lawyer with half a brain. This person who was victimized at one of your stores should sue for damages. I, for one, will be boycotting all Ross stores as a result and will be informing others via internet blogs and emailings so they can do the same.


You should see a lawyer as fast as you can and find out what your options are. This behavior should not be tolerated by anybody. Hugs, Tonya

[Jorja]

Cristy, I am so sorry you had to go through that. Know that you are not at fault. Seeing as how Washington State does have protection laws, I would for sure file a discrimination suit against Ross and the manager herself. You do not have to put up with it.

[JohnH]

Awww..... I hate Ross!!! Just one more reason not to shop there!!!

They probably don't pay their help very much so you get the bottom of the barrel!

[Tanya C]

Christy- I want to tell you how horrified I was to read about your ordeal at the lynnwood Ross. The humiliation you had to endure was no less than outrageous. In fact, by angrily ordering you to immediately exit the dressing room without explanation, they came close to exhibiting threatening behavior.
I definitely think that the Lynnwood Ross should be pulled up short on this one. They must be made to understand that as a place of public accommodation in Washington State they are not entitled to discriminate on the basis of gender expression.

[Mindymaycd]

I am so sorry this happened to you, I sent a complaint and let them know their actions are a violation and an exposure to a tort.

[AKKaren]

:hugs:First of all, Christy, consider this a hug from me...How awful an experience! The "Guy" side of me wants to thump a person for that kind of cruelty! Chin up, girl, keep being true to yourself!
Hugs again to you

[Vicki-Z]

OMG Christy! I can't believe it! :eek: That's terrible you poor girl! How can anyone be so ignorant as that. What does it matter to anyone that you are in a private changeroom cubicle by yourself trying on some dresses. How is that harming anyone? The manager's behaviour is outright shocking and should definately be reported. The store owes you an apology and the manager should be fired for treating a customer that way.

My heart goes out to you.


Vicki :hugs:

[kay2]

Christy, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!
I hope you feel you can use this as an opportunity to combat a form of pernicious discrimination. Here is the Human Rights Commission's complaint page that deals directly with this form of discrimination:
http://www.hum.wa.gov/ComplaintProcess/Index.html

I understand that you might be reluctant to be open about the situation, but it would be a way to claim your right, in your own mind and in the eyes of society, to be who you are. You might also inquire of the Commission if there is a way to file the complaint while preserving your privacy.

I wrote the following letter and sent it to the store using this page:
http://www.rossstores.com/cu.aspx

Store: 18520 33rd Ave W Lynnwood, WA
I just discovered that a transgendered individual was harassed and humiliated in your store today. After being let into a dressing room by a sales associate, the manager then loudly demanded that the customer leave immediately. In addition to the moral reprehensibility of the manager, it appears that the manager, and thus the store, are in direct violation of Washington State law RCW 49.60. You can read about the law here:
http://www.hum.wa.gov/ComplaintProcess/Index.html
In particular, the law prohibits discrimination "in a public accommodation" on the basis of several factors including "Gender Identity." The Human Rights Commission's page clearly cites a store as being an example of public accommodation.

The actions of the manager were appalling even if the law had not explicitly covered the situation. The illegality of the actions is serious. And, ultimately, as word of this is spreading, you should be concerned about your profits even if you are not concerned with human rights. I am telling acquaintances to avoid your stores until there is a clear and strong message from your corporation that you will not tolerate discrimination.

[Loni]

i do not know if i did something wrong, of if ross is no longer accepting reports about this. but they rejected my letter noting this event.

Loni.

.

[Lynn Marie]

Well Christy, sounds like you've got lots of supportive friends here. Count me in their number too. I never shop in the brick and mortar stores because of size difficulties so I've never encountered anything so gross as their shocking behavior at Ross.

Take care sweetie. Time will heal.

[LitaKelley]

Wow!! I'm sorry you were put into this situation and what that manager did to you was wrong.. She should be fired AND you should file a complaint and lawsuit ASAP.
I sent an email to complain.



As a transgendered person, I am a member of an internet based discussion group, whereupon I read one members horrific ordeal suffered at one of your stores, specifically the one located at 18520 33rd Avenue W # A, Lynnwood, WA 98037, where this transwoman was discriminated against and deliberately humiliated and accosted her in a loud and undignified manner causing this innocent transwoman much mental anguish, pain and suffering due to the managers treatment of her. This transwoman was trying on clothing to ensure that they fit and she had intended on making numerous purchases, yet your store manager willfully discriminated against her and treated her in such a horrible way that she should immediately be terminated from employment.

Further, I suggest you train your store employees to treat ALL customers with RESPECT. It is ILLEGAL in the state of Washington to discriminate against anyone, including for gender identity, consequently, you're very likely to be defendant in an upcoming lawsuit should this transwoman or any of the transgender rights groups file suit against you.

I for one will boycott your company until you remedy this situation by firing that manager, and apologizing to the transwoman that would of been your customer had your manager not been a prejudiced bigot.

Note that I fully intend on spreading word of this story to hundreds of my transgendered friends on facebook and twitter.

Yours Sincerely,
Lita.

[LitaKelley]

Grrr.... I just posted on their facebook wall
http://www.facebook.com/RossDressforLess?v=wall


DISCRIMINATION based on gender identity is ILLEGAL in the state of Washington. I DEMAND that the manager of your store located at 8520 33rd Avenue W # A, Lynnwood, WA 98037 be FIRED IMMEDIATELY for her deliberate discrimination and humiliation of a transgendered woman today.

[Rianna Humble]

I too wrote on their facebook wall

It seems Ross condones unlawful behaviour by their staff. Recently in their Lynwood, Washington store, a manager discriminated against someone on the basis of her gender in direct violation of state law.

[Christy_M]

You ladies are so wonderful. I can't express enough how much your support means to me. Here is a copy of the mail I sent to their customer service e-mail and their inverstor relations e-mail. I couldn't find any executives addresses otherwise, I would have peppered them as well.

To all concerned,

As a transgendered person, I am sensitive to the reaction I get from the public
regarding my appearance. I take great pride in my ability to weather those
storms and still function within the world we all live. It is because of this
that I am so troubled by the treatment I received in your store today (18520
33rd Ave W Lynnwood, WA). I came into the store in my skirt, sweater and heels,
presenting as a transgendered woman and proceeded to select items for purchase.
There were a handful of items I needed to try on prior to purchase and so I made
my way to the dressing rooms. I hung my clothes on the rack and after receiving
my card with the quantity, left my cart full of other items to try on four
dresses.

Once I had the first dress on (which fit beautifully), the following
confrontation ensued:
BAM BAM BAM "YOU NEED TO COME OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM!"

"Uh, excuse me?"

"THIS IS THE MANAGER, YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM!"

I peek out the door and there is this woman, 5' 6" ish late twenties maybe early
thirties. "YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM NOW!"

I asked "Do I need to change?"

"YOU NEED TO PUT ON YOUR REGULAR CLOTHES AND LEAVE THE DRESSING ROOM NOW!"

I almost threw up a little. I was a wreck. I lost one of my earring clasps. I
gathered up my stuff and took the 4 dresses I was trying on and walked out of
the dressing room.

There were people standing around and as I got near the manager, she made a
comment to someone else "There's a situation going on right now but it is almost
over."


Apparently, I was the situation. I hung the clothes on the rack next to the
young girl who let me into the dressing room, grabbed my jacket out of my cart
(which by the way was filled with a new jacket, two sweaters, some pants and a
pajama set in leopard print and a pair of shoes).

I have been told by others in my community that they have already written
complaints and for that I am so grateful to them for taking up a battle that I
am not even sure I have the stomach for. It is for them that I write this to you
tonight.

What you have done to me is so incredibly humiliating. You have managed to steal
my dignity and turn me into a public spectacle. The acts you have taken upon me
are not only morally reprehensible but also violate Washington state law. I am
being encouraged to start litigation and seek remediation from you. I have not
sought the advice of counsel yet and I am still trying to deal with the emotions
I am facing.

I have been other places while dressed as a woman and never received such
treatment. If your policy is to not serve the transgendered community, you
should post this where it can be easily seen. As I have heard throughout the
day, there is a small wave of people spreading the word about this incident
throughout the LBGT community. I think there is a contingent of people looking
to me for an answer from you on how this will be rectified. Your response to
this mail (or lack thereof) will be conveyed in the same manner as the original
incident was discussed.

I am in no way demanding any action on your part. You have treated me wrong as a
fellow human being and in the eyes of the laws of the state of Washington, you
have discriminated against me based solely on gender.

I will anxiously wait for your response.

Sincerely,

Christy

I will keep you posted as things progress. Thank you again for all the support and kind words.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Christy,

Hope you are feeling better with all the support you are getting, it's one of the great things about having a home here :hugs:

Ross just received a another customer service issue email, from all the way across the Pacific Ocean. Hope this helps wake them up.....or at the very least, one individual in particular.

Keep your head up.

Tash :)

[sterling12]

Just read about this, and I'm going to send hdQtrs a message ASAP. No one has mentioned it, but I imagine that The Manager got a Complaint from some busybody, and certainly over-reacted. I have shopped Ross in The Past, and I THOUGHT they were TG friendly. They certainly make enough money off of us, that they ought to be! Initial Evidence points to A Shift Managers Stupidity in handling a Delicate Situation.

I can't imagine this is Corporate Policy. You should be getting a HUGE Apology, freebies, and a plea to "let bygones, be bygones." Since they have probably broken Washington State Law, they probably realize they are looking down The Barrel of A Legal Cannon. I suspect somebody up at Corporate Legal is going to be very Pissed Off! All of these messages of complaint will certainly have an effect, I am pretty damn sure they will quickly recognize that they have mightily angered The Community....That's a Bad Idea!

I know your hurt, and rightly so. But, your Bad Incident may cause a lot of Good! Corporate is going to have to respond to situations like this. If they haven't set policy, if they haven't started Gender-Sensitivity Training, I bet they soon will. Your (Pending Lawsuit) is going to make "The Suits" sit up, and take notice.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Rianna Humble]

Here is a copy of the mail I sent to their customer service e-mail and their inverstor relations e-mail. I couldn't find any executives addresses otherwise, I would have peppered them as well.


As I have heard throughout the day, there is a small wave of people spreading the word about this incident throughout the LBGT community. I think there is a contingent of people looking to me for an answer from you on how this will be rectified. Your response to this mail (or lack thereof) will be conveyed in the same manner as the original incident was discussed.

Christy, I am so glad you have written that email. I hope you get a response soon, I agree with others that the "suits" at Ross head office will probably be looking at what kind of damage limitation will be needed here.

If you need to up the ante at all, you might look into the Washingto Human Rights Commisssion.

[Edwina]

You Go Christy. I fully support you although I am about as far from you as I could possibly be and we have no Ross stores here.
The suits deserve a huge wakeup.
There is a saying here "strike a woman and you strike a rock"
:love:

[erickka]

Oh Christy. what a bummer. I agree with everyone else. Ross deserves a formal complaint! Most of my experiences with Ross stores here in the southeast U.S. have been very positive. I have even had lots of help from the s/a's. Seems like the store you were at has an a$$-hole for a manager, who has let that position go to her head. Although this incident probably is not an isolated one, the more complaints a retailer receives, the more likely changes will eventually be made.

P.S. WAY TO GO !!!! Your letter is the bomb!

[Kathryn Martin]

Here is a copy of the email I sent this morning to support Christy. I think we should all write something like this.

Dear Madam/Sir:

A friend of mine living in your area attended your store in Lynnwood Washington yesterday. She is a transgendered person who was shopping for clothing in your store. After having made several selections and was trying on more clothing the following happened.

After my friend was let into the dressing room to try on clothes by a sales assistant, she was "removed" from the dressing room by your store manager in the most inappropriate way. The manager behavior was not only indiscreet by shouting at my friend, and making inapproriate comments, but also embarrassed her in front of other customers.

Most other clothing stores are embracing transgendered persons as good and loyal customers. It would appear that your manager at Lynnwood needs to be alerted to her behavior and requires sensitivity training to enable her to deal with these situations appropriately.

I would appreciate if you could report back to me whether this matter has been addressed.

Yours very truly

Martin D*****

In my view we should do this not only when something happens but also let stores know if we had a good experience. I have done this for a while now and it has paid off in our local stores. Almost all of them got positive feedback from head office and this has made the experience for me even better.

Christy, I am so proud of you that you wrote to them. :hugs::love:

Kathryn

[Nicole Erin]

For real, sounds like law suit is in order, just talk to an attorney and see if you have a case cause normally attorneys will do a free consultation to see if you could have a case.

If we don't fight at each opportunity, we will continue to be held down.
You think other groups would take this lying down?

[Gerrijerry]

Ladies stop for a second and think. Every one in the area should go to that store and go to try on a dress. The larger the group the better. Let everyone know LGBT needs to hear about this and any local groups. This is the perfect time to show the store that we are feed up with being treated like that. Not only complain but put it on the WEB. one person saying that they will no longer shop there is nothing to the store but hundreds will effect the store. If I was near that store I would be in it today.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Christi,

Not only would I register a formal complaint, I would copy this entire thread and send it to them. They need to know we are a community that supports each other, and if this is going to be a company policy, then they need to know what the economic fall out would be for the chain.

The best part about this incident is that Christi has been able to see the support from a close knit group of friends (even those she had no idea she has) and also how rapidly we as a group can come to action.

Congratulations Girls

Jenny

[DAVIDA]

Add me to the list of E-mails sent! I will not put the whole thing up here, but they know at length of my disappointment.
I really think that they are getting the message.
The more the better!

[JaytoJillian]

Just sent in my complaint--

I am so disappointed in Ross. A transgendered friend of mine just recounted a shopping experience that no one should ever have to endure. The incident occured at at a RDFL located at 18520 33rd Avenue W # A, Lynnwood, WA 98037-4726 (425) 771-0607.

My friend, who is transgendered, was presenting as female and had been shown to a dressing room to try on several items by a Ross employee. Minutes later, my friend was loudly ordered out of a dressing room by a store manager. The manager caused a huge scene, embarrassing and mortifying my friend who actually became ill later that day.

I would think that in this day and age, any corporate HQ would ensure that it had a clear, fair and lawfully complying policy in place with regard to transgendered people who patronize their retail operations. I would also expect that some sort of action--from termination to remedial training--take place with the manager.

Regards,


Jillian Jones

[lauraabdl]

I stongly urge you and anyone who feels the same to register a complaint with the corporate office. You can use this link:

I looked at a couple of websites and that particular store has over 20 posts for bad customer service.

You do have the right to be treated as an equal customer.

Please mention the store address.

http://www.rossstores.com/cu.aspx

Ross Dress For Less

18520 33rd Avenue W # A, Lynnwood, WA 98037-4726 (425) 771-0607 ()

I have also contacted my local Ross Store and talked to the manager. She assured me that that won't happen at her store. She was very nice and encouraged me to shop in femme as I would be welcome at anytime. I have given this some thought and will be visiting this store in femme this week will let everyone know how it goes.
Sorry for your event, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG !!!!!
I applaud everyone who voices there opion on this subject to there local store. Its HIGH time we are treated with respect. Thats my rant for the day.

[giuseppina]

Hello Christy,

I am saddened by the treatment you received. Your reaction afterward is not uncommon for abuse.

It appears an infraction or two has occurred. Perhaps a visit to the store manager in question from the local police department will set them straight if they aren't willing to lay charges.

Please pursue this, if not for your own healing, then for the protection of others.

Good luck. :hugs:

[linda allen]

I agree with everyone else and if a law has been broken, I would take it up with the authorities. The store owes you an appology and the assurance that all their employees will be properly trained in these matters. Perhaps they owe you compensation as well.

That said, my guess is that another customer went to the manager and complained that "there is a man in the woman's dressing room" and the manager felt compelled to tell you to leave to pacify the customer. If the manager had known the law, she could have explained to the customer that you had a legal right to be in the dressing room.

It's easy to forget how intolerant some people can be.

[Michelle James]

I just e mailed them as well.

[Stephenie S]

I just sent off my email of complaint to Ross Customer Service.

Does anyone have the email address of Corporate Headquarters?
I will email them as well, but I can't come up with a good address.

Thanks

Stephie

[Stephenie S]

My email to the complaints department was rejected. Let's hope Ross is getting tired of complaints on this issue.

************************************************** ***************

Not being able to reach them by email, I wrote a snail mail to them at:

Ross Stores Corporate Offices
4440 Rosewood Drive
Pleasanton, CA 94588

[SherriePall]

Christy -- Chin up, girl. That manager has a problem, not you. I just finished sending off a complaint to Ross.
Take care.

[Rianna Humble]

Another email to their customer service address:

Dear Sir or Madam,

As a transgendered person, I am a member of an internet based support group. Today, I read one member's horrific ordeal suffered at one of your stores, specifically the one located at 18520 33rd Avenue W # A, Lynnwood, WA 98037.

This transwoman had intended to make numerous purchases in your Lynnwood store, and to that end been led by a sales assistant to a changing room where she was trying on clothing to ensure that they fit adequately.

Your store manager willfully discriminated against her and treated her in such a horrible way that she was forced to leave and indeed later became physically sick.

It seems that your store manager does not believe that she is subject to the laws of the state of Washington isofar as she appears to believe that she has the right to discriminate against someone and to humiliate them based solely upon their gender status.

Might I request that you inform me what steps you will take to ensure that all of your staff - from senior management to sales assistants are made fully aware of their legal obligations?

I hope that your response to my enquiry will enable me to encourage other members of this community to feel safe to shop in your stores without fear of such unlawful discrimination.

--
Rianna Humble

[kimdl93]

I'd definately complain to Ross's management. My god, what a ridiculous reaction.

[Roxanne_Alternate]

I'm so sorry that something this bad has happened to you. This is exactly the reason why I prefer not to try on clothes in stores and why I order them online/buy without trying them on. We don't have Ross stores here, but I know that some CD/TG's here have had issues with that with other stores as well.

I hope that you will feel better really soon! Don't be discouraged, hold your head up high!

[LitaKelley]

lol.. they deleted the comments from their facebook page.. I gather they're trying to prevent this from going more public.

[Stephanie Anne]

There is no way that manager could be in the right on what she did. you have state level protection against harassment.

You need to document this with the store's corporate office, watchdog sites like the consumerist or social sites like reddit and file a complaint with your local aclu or other equal rights organization.

the worst thing you can do is let this go. Doing so will enforce the ability for bigots like this and other customers who obviously thought they were in the right to complain. Do everyone and yourself a favor and fight for your rights girl!

BTW, I fired off a complaint of scandalous inflammatory writ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIBzxajTLuo) the likes of which the western united states has rarely seen.

[joank]

COMPLAIN!!! And go to Kohl's (or other places).

[Sarah Welch]

These EFF'in people are deleting our comments made to their Facebook wall.
Unmitigated gall.
I bet they will try to out Christy just to shut everyone up, these corporate B******s have no concience when it comes to making the all mighty dollar.

[Rianna Humble]

They deleted one comment of mine, so I added another 6. If we all do the same, they'll be spending so much time chasing the negative publicity that they'll eventually work out it is cheaper to act on the unlawful conduct.

[Mary of Long Beach]

What an awful thing to happen. I feel for you. Second hand stores are usually privately owned and I find it easier to deal with them. You might try it. Good luck, mary

[JulieC]

I thought everything was coming up roses for me today and then a big fat helping of reality was served up - cold I might add...

Christy, take the following with the love and kindness meant. I know this was a terrible, awful event.

You were not served a big fat helping of reality. You were served a steaming pile of bigoted hatred, breaking of the law and serious, unabridged stupidity.

You have rights. Your rights under State of Washington law were DIRECTLY VIOLATED.


I will anxiously wait for your response.

Sincerely,

Christy

Christy, you won't get a response. I'm sure they've turned this over to their lawyers now, and therefore them talking about it will not serve their purposes. I will be very shocked indeed if they admit wrongdoing and attempt to right their most serious wrong.

Also, please be aware that it is highly likely that in any legal proceedings, this thread will likely be brought into the fray during discovery. If you are going to pursue legal avenues in this, I encourage you to consider that, and talk to a lawyer before posting your thoughts or further accounts of your actions.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I agree with everyone here that this should not have happened to you.

I do however feel that it could have been worse.

The police or store uniformed guards could have escorted you out of the dressing room and perhaps taken some legal actions against you. Not to say it would have stood up in court but you could have gone through a lot of legal hassles and legal expenses just for trying on some clothes in a woman's dressing room.

I have never had a problem (yet) and can't see that I ever would BUT your situation does give me cause to think out how I would react under such a situation.

Nevertheless, you have my sympathy and support. And I hope you never have to go though that again.

[rocketscientist]

The ACLU should be made aware of this. Since Ross is trying to sweep this under the rug by deleting Facebook postings, maybe the local media should be alerted as well. I bet the News at Six would really sink their teeth into this. Let's see Ross delete that.

[kay2]

Down a ways on their wall is this posting by them:


Thank you for your comments everyone. We appreciate your feedback and are sorry that you had negative experience at some of our stores. We are following up with teams at the locations you have mentioned. If any of you would like to provide more details, please email [email protected]. Thank you for letting us know!
I assume this is in response to our postings.

Meanwhile, there is a posting from Lita Kelley that has remained there for an hour. Maybe it is because Lita Kelley indicates the possibility of a print article.

I assume we have their attention. It will be interesting to see what happens. I know nothing about the store or their policies. Hopefully this is an isolated problem with one store and they will fix it fast.

[JulieC]

Lynwood, Washington is Seattle metro area. Somebody should contact the Seattle Times over this. Nice juicy story to run.

[Christy_M]

I certainly understand the discovery comments and the need to moderate comments based on future use. I really want to try and be a voice of reason. Having been a big fish in a publicly traded company, I know the cogs of the business usually turn slow. I am sure their lawyers are reviewing their position and trying to investigate their internal exposure to this. I would be surprised if they came out and admitted anything but I would imagine at some point they will try and reach out to me and others who have commented. I know one of the first things on their mind has to be damage control and that would explain removing the facebook posts. I would guess that is driven by minimizing external exposure until they figure out what happened in their store. As stated, the law was violated and I am sure they know this. They can't cover that part up but there are things big companies can do to sweep things under the rug. There are store videos and customer receipts that are also discoverable and that will show enough about who wa around and what transpired. If they get real brave, they could potentially destroy as much of that as possible. Maybe I will get the courage to call an attorney and see about what my options are.

I am not trying to support them but rather try to remain level headed as this moves forward. It was like a train leaving the station, slow to start but as it gets further along, it moves quite a bit faster. I don't want to come off the tracks and I am just so scared to be the Rosa Parks of the transgendered community. I am sure she didn't feel like doing it either.

My wife is trying to be supportive but doesn't understand other than acknowledging that I am hurt. She doesn't want our lives opened up to the public becasue of this and I can both understand her concerns and strive to keep her happy. She is a good woman who doesn't deserve to be drug through the mud becasue her husband is transgendered. The company's reaction will play a major role in how I proceed and their lack of response would certainly be construed as ignoring the issue instead of trying to get in front of it and be proactive in their remediation for how we will be treated in the future.

I am trying to be brave today as I have my family and career that should not suffer. I have only choked up a few times today which either means it is slowly passing or I am burying it deeper to keep from breaking down like I did so many times yesterday.

I can not say enough how touched I am buy everyone on this forum. I never in my life thought I would find my self in this situation and even if I had thought about getting outed, I always assumed it would be me against the world. Thank you so much for your efforts. They weigh heavily on my next moves and how I can best represent our community.

Love to all.

Christy

[JulieC]

Christy, you may be able to advance a court case with your name kept from public view. An attorney can help with this. I'm not a lawyer, but if I was a lawyer I could easily imagine serious $$$ punitive damages here. It's not that I think you should get rich off this, but the lesson has to be driven home and HARD that discrimination will NOT be tolerated.

Can you even begin to imagine how bad this would go down if a black woman was thrown out of the dressing rooms because her presence, as a black person, created a "situation"???? Ross is in SERIOUS hot water on this one. They blatantly, unequivocally, broke the law.



Here's another thought for all of us brave enough to do so; it appears their facebook page allows image uploads? We could upload images of ourselves, en femme, but maybe not too passable :lol:

[subaru_forster]

They can sweep the first x complaints about the situation under the rug if they like, but ultimately a company can only do what it thinks will make them the most money. The TG community accounts for a good chunk of their business, and they deserve to know that I don't want to give my money to a franchise that condones this treatment to its customers.

I see a beautiful woman in your avatar pic. You deserve to be treated better, and I wish you the best of luck in how this whole thing pans out. *hugs*

[My Lady Marsea]

I have just hit "send" like to the Ross corporate office link given in this posting. This situation is like so totally lame and uncalled for. They woulda had a fight on their hands right then & there as I held my phone in my hand and like demanded the number and called the regional office in front of everyone else. I'm like way past the embarrassment stage of who I am to tolerate this in any store I deal with.

To whom it may concern:
Dear Sir and/or Ma'am,
I just found out about how a fellow sister was treated at your store located at...Ross Dress For Less

18520 33rd Avenue W # A, Lynnwood, WA 98037-4726 (425) 771-0607
It seems she was publicly ordered to vacate the dressing room by your store manager. It appears from her account that there was much raised voice and drama involved by the manager. It sounds like there were customers who were there to witness the whole "situation". I believe that the sister involved would not be making this up as we tend to present ourselves in public in a discrete and proper manner, including buying our wardrobe from establishments such as yours.
I feel this could have been handled in a quiet, one on one conversation between the manager and the sister involved without the drama. I feel that she would have quietly left anyway and not set foot back into the store in light of the fact that store is obviously doing so good in the present economy that it needs no more revenue.
I live in the Yuma, AZ area and frequent the local Ross here and have never encountered a problem. It appears at this time the managers here are more sensitive to others and treat all with the dignity we deserve, because I would have really protested had it been a managers mistake to get on my case.
I like to believe you'll investigate this further and take steps to ensure it will never again happen in either the Lynnwood Ross store or any other.
Sincerely,
Marsea Petry

[JulieC]

Well, they appear to have stopped deleting posts from their Facebook wall. I'm sure things are spinning fast on this at corporate headquarters. They can't stick a finger in the leak in the dam on this one, and I think they know it now.

Yes, the store manager acted extremely poorly. Due to how viral this is going, I expect she'll be fired as the fall person, regardless of the circumstances, to give Ross a means of saying "We took care of that". But, the reality is they didn't take care of that. The store manager is not some shmo off street. Ross has trained that person, and obviously blew it in their training. This points to a systemic problem, rather than just a problem with a single manager. Not that they intentionally set out to discriminate, but at a minimum their training regimen is seriously lacking.

[SherylynJade]

I've now sent my concerns to them, on facebook and an email.

[JulieC]

Just found this on their web site:

" A commitment to diversity

At Ross, we value and respect diversity. What matters is how a person performs on the job. That’s why we promote the hiring, acceptance, and appreciation of every individual. Our workplace is one in which personal dignity and respect for the individual is expected in all interactions with our associates and our customers." (url (http://www.rossstores.com/c_wwa.aspx))

Seems their store manager didn't read that part.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Christy, i am so sorry this has happened, please keep your head held high. I would also like to wish you the best as this moves forward, from your words i can see that you are a wise and honest person, so i think whatever you decide to do will be the right thing to do.

So very nice to see the community stand up for one of our own and for justice in general.

Hopefully as an outcome from this, the movement for free rights for all will be furthered.

One thing in particular that stands out for me is that something needs to be done to make John and Jane q. Public aware of these rights. I say that because this dreadful happening seems to have been precipitated by a customer in the store that day. Something similar happened to me just a few weeks ago in a Kohls store. I was making my way to a fitting room stall and was being glared at by a woman who was with her daughter, she was waiting for her daughter outside the door. She continued to watch me and as i entered a stall, she rather nastily asked her daughter to "hurry as we need to leave now".
Yes, i was in drab but that shouldn't matter.
Maybe i'm crazy but wouldn't it help if there were signs posted simply stating that these fitting rooms are for all genders, transpersons, or something to that effect?
Signage complete with the significant laws could also be of use to the managers and SAs working in that store to point out to any complaints issued by unaccepting (narrow-minded idiots) customers.
Just my thoughts.
mj (Cassie)

[aggi123]

. There are store videos and customer receipts that are also discoverable and that will show enough about who wa around and what transpired. If they get real brave, they could potentially destroy as much of that as possible. Maybe I will get the courage to call an attorney and see about what my options are.
Christy


There may not be any store video of it. I work Loss Prevention in Maryland at wally world and I recently had to remove all camera shots facing the dressing rooms because it didn't comply with state law. I'm not sure if it's the same in Washington or not, but it may be.

[Tammy V]

You did nothing wrong and there is nothing to feel bad about. But, stories like this make me even more nervous to try something like this myself. I have been shopping en femme once, last month, and plan to go again. However, I may go with my usual method of looking and buying clothes then taking them home to try on. I would rather have to return a few items than be subjected to this kind of abuse.

[Kathryn Martin]

Christy

I think you should get some advice from an attorney. Go to the State Bar Association and find someone specializing in human rights issues. Then buy an hour of their time and get them to tell you what this is all about and what remedies you might have against the company. I am a lawyer in a different part of the world. My advice, get a advice

[Warcraft_Girl]

Why in this day and age do people take MTF dressing as a personal attack? There should be nothing wrong with trying on any clothes what so ever. I wish people would get over their old ways of thinking and just accept people how ever they come.

[Sheila11]

I feel so bad for you. I can't imagine how terrified and humiliated you were. I have been fortunate down here in PDX to have nothing but help from every SA.
Don't give up. There are a lot of people willing to help you out.

[JulieC]

The Yelp page for this store:
http://www.yelp.com/biz/ross-lynnwood

The YellowBot page for this store:
http://www.yellowbot.com/ross-lynnwood-wa.html

CitySearch page for this store:
http://seattle.citysearch.com/profile/45400939/lynnwood_wa/ross_dress_for_less.html

Enjoy.

[rocktheplank]

I dont know if there is anything I can say that hasn't already been said, but I am sorry you went through all that. You shouldn't have to be a spectale of like that, it's just wrong and you should not have been treated like that either, its 2010, get with the times.

You've got a lot of people's support girl, including mine (for what that is worth) Hold your head high!

[Kathryn Martin]

They just got clobbered in public and have released this statement shown by KittyKitty. If we keep on them until they follow through on their promise in a visible way then we have accomplished something major.

[Melanie Bryant]

I am an employment lawyer...what they did violated the law. The links to the Washington State Human Relations Commission and to the Ross Complaint site is all you need.

Hope it went well with the counsellor...hang in there. Then get even and complain.

Melanie

[Maria in heels]

I actually have read all of these posts, and I am appalled at the lack of consideration and respect given by the store manager. I followed the link posted by Julie C and posted this on Yelp...

"I heard from several friends on a posting board that the manager of this store is insensitive, unprofessional, and overall and demerit to the Ross Stores. Several formal complaints have been filed with the corporate office, and this manger needs termination to her closed minded performance, and rude manners. Do not shop in this store, as you will be supporting a bigot from what I have been told. Mrs. Archie Bunker is the manager of this location --- I guess that she is also Meathead at the same time....."

[Danni Bear]

Christy,

I also sent an e-mail to Ross over this, also I took an excerpt of your OP and showed it to a friend who is the store manager at my local Ross store. He immediately sent that excerpt by his corperate e-mail to their human resources dept. manager in their corperate office. A short time ago he called me at home and told me of an e-mail he got back from her. In it he was instructed to post on the office bb the policy statement and to have all personnel to read and sign it. It also stated that further complaints registered with the company would be dealt with severly. he made it clear to me that Ross is determined to make sure that nothing of this nature ever occurs in one of their stores again.

Danni

now we have to wait and see if they mean it or not

[Stephanie Anne]

I just got back a reply as posted by KittyKitty. Good to know we made a dent.

[Tina Marie]

Sorry to hear of the abuse. Did you catch a name. I am from Washington also and shop at Ross through out the state. I have never had a problem in their stores. But I will now avoid them until this is cleared up. Please keep us informed of any updates. I also like the Brulington Coat Factory. They are always polite. Hope this helps.

[Rachel Morley]

Going what everyone here has said and done, I feel very sure that this person (the Ross employee, the perpetrator) is going to get "performance management" about this issue. That's people power!:)

[Mahoro]

Christy,
You are a wonderful, courageous person, who has displayed incredible grace and poise in the face of an awful and unmitigated personal assault. Kudos to you for keeping your composure long enough to remove yourself from the situation, as I am sure that many of us (including myself) would have reacted in a much more undignified manner right in the middle of the store (I'm imagining lots of four letter words coming out of my mouth, followed by a flying shopping cart). My best wishes and prayers that you can quickly overcome this trauma, and return to experiencing the sparkly fun excitement that the CD/TG world has in store for each of us, don't let this stop your adventures or hinder your forward progress towards self acceptance.

As far as Ross goes, I have also sent an e-mail to them this evening expressing my extreme disdain for the egregious treatment you received in their Lynnwood store. In it I explained to them that they would be loosing my frequent business until some remediation was made directly to you (I have been going there at least once a week for years), that I could no longer recommend their company to others as I had frequently done in the past, and that I would do my part to spread word of this incident until corrective measures were taken, including them releasing some type of a public statement which asserted All patrons would be treated with dignity and respect.

There is power in numbers, especially numbers with $ signs in front of them, so I encourage other forum members who have not already contacted Ross to do so as well, and share this story with your friends and family who may not be part of this site.

[t-girlxsophie]

I too am Sorry to hear of your terrible experience Christy,What that assistant did to you was unforgiveable,she obviously doesnt know anything of basic human decency

I must say too that you handled this situation with the utmost dignity,and that shines out above all else.I along with many others,Im sure may not have reacted as well as you did,but you have ensured that the fault lies entirely with them.

I am pretty sure the wrath of everyone on here has certainly put the fear into The headquarters of Ross,and will make them ensure that this will cannot,and will not happen again,by not staying silent,and fighting our corner we will surely make them see sense

"Do not go gentle into that good night" Dylan Thomas

[DianeDeBris]

Like so many others, I have just sat here and read this entire thread, start to finish, livid at how Christy was treated -- plainly the only adult, and the only lady, in the incident was Christy. I agree that we should all give the company a couple of days to respond, but I would also suggest that we not merely accept some press-release assurance that "they really do love us;" perhaps we should all, a week or so from now, test out our own local Ross stores, maybe on Saturday the 20th, all over the country, by all going shopping en femme and finding out whether they indeed do match their conduct -- all over the country -- to their promises. Even the past 24 hours or so have demonstrated how much public pressure can be generated, starting from zero. Let's wait and watch!

[sterling12]

Christy unfortunately gets to be A "Pioneer," and as she said it's probably more than a little unsettling to be compared with Rosa Parks. But, here's The Good News! Judging from subsequent Postings, Ross has certainly "gotten The Message!" You all can be assured, that The CEO, Everyone in Legal, virtually all of The V.P's in Marketing and Public Relations already know about this incident. Very soon, all of The Board Members, and just about all The Worker Bee's are going to be aware of what's happened. Even if they don't directly tell The S.A.'s about The Specifics of This Incident, can't you imagine they will start asking questions when they are asked to sign Directives aimed at assuring that Customers don't face discrimination! Then The Corporate Grapevine will go to work!

Even better, The Retail Business is very incestuous. People move around a lot, people send E Mails, people have Cocktail Conversations. This Incident may not get an Article in "Retailing News," but other Companies are going to hear about it over The Next Few Weeks. Try to imagine The Corporate Conversations: "Hey, did you hear what happened at Ross last week?" "Man, did they handle it badly, or what?" Then....other stores and corporations start to make their own plans and policies in case they have to deal with the same eventualities. That's how "Big Change" comes from much smaller incidents.

See....you all have more power than you can imagine. We can "effect" things. Now, we have to learn to always use That Power wisely.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Patty B.]

Just got caught up on your experience and it's good to see that corporate is paying attention to what its managers are doing. Its great to see all those who've responded to corporate have made a difference. Way to go everyone.

[Jenny Gurl]

Christy,
Kudos to you for keeping your composure long enough to remove yourself from the situation, as I am sure that many of us (including myself) would have reacted in a much more undignified manner right in the middle of the store (I'm imagining lots of four letter words coming out of my mouth, followed by a flying shopping cart).

There is power in numbers, especially numbers with $ signs in front of them, so I encourage other forum members who have not already contacted Ross to do so as well, and share this story with your friends and family who may not be part of this site.

We in the crossdressing community should make every effort to prove any bad stereotypes wrong. Had she thrown a fit the person and witnesses would have just said ejecting her was justified and put a black mark on the entire crossdressing community. Definitely Kudos to her for hanging the cloths up properly and walking out with her head held high in a dignified manor.

Also, I hope our anger is not misplaced permanently. Currently, everyone is doing exactly what needs to be done as the store is responsible for it's employees. We can't always control what our employees do at the moment. If they do nothing to the employee, or back up her actions then further actions should be taken from our community to back up a member. If they fire the manager, make an apology to the offended person, and statement reaffirming their acceptance of all persons using their stores, then what? I don't know what else they could do to make amends for an employee's bad actions.

I hate that this happened, but it since it already has, I hope the remainder of the story is our rights are reaffirmed and a few companies take notice that it is not good to offend your customers. I mostly hope you get past this, recognize it for bigoted actions of a closed minded individual, and become a stronger more beautiful person for it.

I hope you are feeling better. You look great in your avatar, and I am sure there are many stress free shopping trips in your future. Take care and always know you have a safe and supportive place here. :hugs:

[Kathryn Martin]

See....you all have more power than you can imagine. We can "effect" things. Now, we have to learn to always use That Power wisely.

Peace and Love, Joanie

I completely agree with this. Using this power wisely is a very important thing. There is no utility in keeping to clobber them, but rather make this a (wait for it, I apologize in advance) teachable moment. If we want long term change we have to provide the opportunity for Ross to change and then have it recognized by us. The value of them actually introducing and re-emphasizing their diversity policy with a specific reference to transgender people is huge. It desensitizes part of our environment to us which is so important. And that is what this unfortunate event could really be good for. We need to keep writing to them until some substantive response comes back. Then when we see a difference we need to commend them and let them know that their reaction was appropriate and no reservation against them remain.

[siantv2003]

They deleted one comment of mine, so I added another 6. If we all do the same, they'll be spending so much time chasing the negative publicity that they'll eventually work out it is cheaper to act on the unlawful conduct.

I agree - swamp them with more comments and complaints! Whoever made the decision to delete has no clue about PR. Think of all those who've seen the comments and are now wondering where theyve gone - apart from us! All they need to do is issue an apology and follow it up then ast least people will see them taking action - more positive than deleting comments

[JulieC]

The thing is, I doubt they'll make any public apology. It's pretty simple. To do so is to expose them to some serious consequences in a lawsuit. The right thing to do is to admit they were utterly, completely wrong. But, companies are run by $$$. To admit wrongdoing would be to throw away a significant chunk of money. Their lawyers are almost definitely telling them to publicly shut up about this, and keep it that way, until (at least) it is certain a lawsuit isn't going to be filed, or a lawsuit has completed.

Their postings on their facebook profile are exactly in line with that. No admittance of wrondoing, an abstract stance on their policy, and they are 'investigating'. You will NOT get anything more from them.

That, to me, is why a lawsuit is so important here. All they've done so far is to attempt damage control. They're terrified of an expanded class action lawsuit, which is why they're having their employees sign the notice (if they're telling the truth about that, and it's not just one store). This is how corporations work. Look at how Toyota handled the mass recall; did everything they could to protect their pile of cash. There's thousands of other examples. Ross will act no differently. Count on it.

There will be no public apology. There will be no public admittance of wrongdoing.

[Christy_M]

I just received an e-mail from their customer service representative with the same canned response from their Facebook post. I am reviewing the Washington RCW and trying to detremine if their is anyway to make this complaint without outing myself to my job, my friends and even my wife and kids friends and family. These issues all weigh heavily on how I proceed. I can't put my family through this without damaging them or my relationship with them. They shouldn't have to carry my cross and I would never want them to have to answer for my life. I will find an attorney in the next few days and and find out what my options are.

I am humbled in the presence of giants here. You are all so beautiful in your help and support of me and I just want to live up to the hope you have given me through this ordeal. You have given me courage and have made my voice so much louder than it would have been had I been alone throughout these past few days. I have managed to stop the uncotrollable sobbing and breakdowns and have been able to bury these emotions enough to actually return to work. Although, I am sitting here on the forum instead of working. Tomorrow should be a better day.

Thank you so much for all the support. It is truly overwhelming the love and friendship I feel I have received. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish I will be able to give back as much as has been given to me.

With much love and admiration,
Christy

[JulieC]

I just received an e-mail from their customer service representative with the same canned response from their Facebook post.

Sigh. Well, this is preciesly why we all here need to bear down on Ross even harder than we already have. Their continued response to this is predictable (see my earlier posts) but unacceptable.



I am reviewing the Washington RCW and trying to detremine if their is anyway to make this complaint without outing myself to my job, my friends and even my wife and kids friends and family. These issues all weigh heavily on how I proceed. I can't put my family through this without damaging them or my relationship with them. They shouldn't have to carry my cross and I would never want them to have to answer for my life. I will find an attorney in the next few days and and find out what my options are.

This is precisely what you should do. Many lawyers offer a 1/2 hour consultation for free. It's good business for them, as they can get a shot at representing cases where they can make $$$. This is just such a case. Not sure what the punitive limits are in Washington, but I imagine it would be substantial. That should make a lawyer quite interested. A lawyer can also advise you as to how to proceed in such a way to keep yourself anonymous in these proceedings.




I am humbled in the presence of giants here. You are all so beautiful in your help and support of me and I just want to live up to the hope you have given me through this ordeal. You have given me courage and have made my voice so much louder than it would have been had I been alone throughout these past few days. I have managed to stop the uncotrollable sobbing and breakdowns and have been able to bury these emotions enough to actually return to work. Although, I am sitting here on the forum instead of working. Tomorrow should be a better day.

This sort of psychological damage is precisely why Ross needs to be brought to the table over this. A little "we're investigating" message is a continued insult and slap in the face.

Again, just imagine for a moment what their response would be if instead of a transgendered person being in the middle of this, it was a black woman that had been thrown out. They wouldn't be "investigating". They're getting away with this because transgendered people are an extreme minority that they think most people won't care two rips if they are discriminated against. Hate is hate, no matter from what quarter it comes, or towards what quarter it is given. It is the same tyrannical principle.

[Jay Cee]

What they did was wrong on so many levels. They elevated a totally non threatening situation to something just short of a bomb threat. They drew attention to you in a negative way. And, ironically enough, they drew a lot of negative publicity to their own store. Bad karma for them, Kristy. Two thumbs up for you, for walking out with your head up high. And a hug for comfort.

[JulieC]

I've just posted to their facebook page, noting the parallel to throwing a black woman out of their store for being black.

[Rianna Humble]

I continue my policy of following up sycophantic prais with a question about their refusal to condemn unlawful discrimination.

[Christy_M]

I just made an internet request for assistance from the ACLU of Washington. Their site says it could take 3 to 6 weeks to get back to me. I will also try to find an attorney who specializes in human/civil rights issues. As the day progresses, my emotions are spinning. hurt, disgust, anger, shame, embarassment, et al. I don't want to make emotional decisions on this and I am not sure where that line gets drawn. Wrong is wrong and so many people not directly involved can see this maybe a little clearer than I. If I had to state a desired outcome form this, acceptance - both personal and community acceptance. Is this really the issue that brings that on? how long were laws in place for racial equality and yet we still struggle with it throughout the country. I want to take this step for all of us but I am certainly scared of what this will do to my life. As I consider this I hit the send button on the ACLU request knowing it is a step I cannot take back. maybe this ball won't be as big as it already seems...even if it is, I won't stop it from rolling where it needs to go.

[MandyLee]

don't let that beep beep stop you. I will never set foot in a ross again

[Juliana Hart]

Way to go Christy. I support your decision to at least make the inquiry and move forward how ever you choose. I'm not sure if acceptance of the transgendered lifestyle is the root of this issue as is discrimination. You were clearly discriminated against and humiliated in one of most egregous ways I have ever seen. I'm sure if we turned the clock back a generation or two, some of the minorities would have similar stories. I'll mention this again...it's 2010 for heanens sake. Stay strong as you can be assured there are plenty of us that support you.

[CatAttack]

Hey I keep reading about a response from Ross as posted by kittykitty but can't seem to find it. What was Ross's response? I want to know [will probably be mad after reading it though]..

[Stephanie Anne]

Just wanted to update on my email reply from Ross:

Dear Stephanie:

Thank you for your email.

At Ross Dress for Less, we take all of our customers’ shopping experiences very seriously.
We have an inclusive policy and value and respect all of our customers. We are investigating the incident you referred to and following up with the staff member.


We will also be sending a reminder to all of our stores reiterating this policy.

If you have additional questions or concerns, we encourage you to contact a Ross Customer Service representative at xxx-xxx-xxxx


Kind Regards,

Valorie Wilkinson
Customer Service
I removed the numbers just to be respectful

Oh and the response kittkitty was referring to is na email response form the facebook page of Ross.

Edit: Mandy, I think never setting foot into a Ross again is a tad harsh. this seems to be one incident that, while horrible and they should be sued for allowing someone like that to work for them, is not indicative of Ross as a whole.

[AKAMichelle]

Here is my email that I sent them:

Ross Dress For Less

18520 33rd Avenue W # A, Lynnwood, WA 98037-4726 (425) 771-0607 ()

Throwing a Transgendered person out of the store because they wanted to try on clothes is a terrible event. This manager made matters much worse by the way it was handled. I run a group of over 150 transgendered persons in Denver and we will boycott your stores buying both our female and male clothes there unless this problem is resolved. I have shopped in your store in Fort Collins was treated with absolute respect but this store apparently needs some training to handle Transgendered persons. I hope that this gets corrected without the need of telling others in other cities about your companies policy of intolerance. That policy will result in people not shopping with your stores all across the country.

Michelle Tayloe

I got the same response as Stephanie Anne. Maybe they understand now that this issue was mishandled and has the power to disrupt their company nationwide.

I hope you get at least an apology from them, but I wouldn't hold your breath. At the very least, you can take comfort that the manager was made to feel very uncomfortable by all of the attention that occured. It probably will cost them a pay raise or promotion.

[Christy_M]

Stephanie Anne,

Your response appears identical to my response except mine was from the Customer Service Manager.

Dear Christy,

Thank you for your email. At Ross Dress for Less, we take all of our
customers' shopping experiences very seriously.

We have an inclusive policy and value and respect all of our customers.
We are investigating this incident referred to and following up with the
staff member.
We will also be sending a reminder to all of our stores reiterating this
policy.

If you have additional questions or concerns, we encourage you to
contact a Ross Customer Service representative.

Kind Regards,

Kerry Gonzalez
Manager of Customer Service
Store Operations

They have obviously given their team a script which any good legal department would draft and recommend. Here is the FB post by Ross

Ross Dress for Less: We appreciate the feedback of our Ross Stores Facebook audience. Ross Stores takes our customers’ shopping experience very seriously. We have an inclusive policy and value and respect all of our customers. We are investigating this incident and following up with the staff member. We will also be sending a reminder to all of our stores reiterating this policy. We encourage customers who have questions or concerns to contact Ross Customer Service.

Does anyone remember the term circling the wagons? This is clearly the Ross strategy right now. You really can't blame them for trying to minimize exposure and still try to calm the affected/disgruntled parties. I have to admit, up until Tuesday, I was pretty gruntled...

[Sarah Welch]

I found some interesting reading about Ross and a little insight into their corporate culture.

http://www.consumeraffairs.com/retail/ross.html

It's all about the money here folks, pure and simple. Until they are hit in the bottom line there will be little to sway how they do business.

[jennifer1965]

Here's a wikipedia link about Ross.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ross_Dress_For_Less

I disagree with whoever said a boycott is too harsh. The company has $6.5 billion -- yes billion -- in revenue in 2009 and $300 million in net income. It will sweep this horrible incident under the rug. And run Christy over with lawyers. I say hit them as hard as we can in their pocketbook! This incident should be raised at all annual tg/ts/tv conferences and we should all stand united to support Christy.

[Victoria Anne]

Christy I am appalled by what I have read , the treatment you received was completely uncalled for , there response is in my opinion unsatisfactory and I will be sending my own e-mail momentarily . You have my support and respect , keep your head high you are a lovely woman .

[lisalove]

You know they can delete all the posts they want on their Facebook page, but they can't touch any posts on somebody elses page. Something along the lines of Trans Community Against Ross Dress For Less.
Perhaps you all saw the news story about a Kalamazoo college student that started his own page against a local tow company for ripping him off. That page helped get things rolling with the local gov, and in turn that tow company lost their contract with the local gov.

[Debglam]

Christy,

I am SO sorry for what happened to you. This is terrible and as a lawyer I would love to help you but I am just coming to terms with my own identity and am not ready to step forward yet. I can give you some advice though. That Washington State law may be enforceable by the State's Attorney General, probably the Civil Rights Division or something to that effect. You may want to contact them also but I fully understand your position and unfortunately no client means no case. E-mail is great but if you really want an answer you will have to write a letter. I would demand a formal appology from that store manager. I think the real solution here is for group action from some of the TG groups against Ross. Without an individual lawsuit, political pressure needs to be brought to bear.

Keep your head high.
Debby

[RachelDee]

I just wanted to add in my support, while I do not live in the US, this isnt an attitude thats limited by oceans im sure. I was very shocked to read your story, and this is not a way you would ever dream of being treated by staff in a store.

I really hope you get some form of justice of of this. I also think you did very well how you coped with the situation at the time.

[Rianna Humble]

I got the same stock reply as everyone else but mine had the name Valorie Wilson.

I think that they have stopped deleting negative comments from their page as they have seen it only brings more.

Living across the pond, I cannot hit them directly in their cash registers so I'll keep up the pressure by following up on sycophantic postings on their facebook page.

[JustineFallow]

I'm not in the U.S., either, and there isn't a Ross in the state I'm next to (MI), but I wish there were just so I could raise a little hell there, myself. I am SOOO pissed on your behalf, Christy.

[donnalee]

Christy, it sounds like you are suffering from severe emotional trauma resulting from your horrible, damaging and unfair treatment. Ross' response is TOTALLY inadequate; they are not even offering a conditional apology (i.e. "if you were treated badly, then we apologize"), probably because they don't want ANY appearance of guilt. As they pretty much are trying to stall and do nothing (just smile and nod until the crossdresers go away), they need to be hit in the wallet.
Everybody, just repeat after me:
Boycott.
Boycott, boycott, boycott.
BOYCOTT!

[SusanLCD]

I have also had difficulty at Ross Dress for Less in the DFW area. I posted it in another thread, so, won't go into it here. And, it was nowhere near as traumatic as what you've described. Wow! How terribly humiliating!

I agree that boycotting their stores is entirely appropriate. It's apparent from these multiple incidents that this lack of respect is "systemic." Not only don't they support a respectful treatment philosophy, but, their internal promotional practices put unqualified people into authoritative positions. Not a good combination.

I have visited their stores in the past, but, won't do so going forward. I hope we will all consider the same. Vote with your feet.

[linda allen]

Here's a wikipedia link about Ross.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ross_Dress_For_Less

I disagree with whoever said a boycott is too harsh. The company has $6.5 billion -- yes billion -- in revenue in 2009 and $300 million in net income. It will sweep this horrible incident under the rug. And run Christy over with lawyers. I say hit them as hard as we can in their pocketbook! This incident should be raised at all annual tg/ts/tv conferences and we should all stand united to support Christy.

I don't think a boycott by CDers is going to have an effect on the company. In fact, it will solve their "problem" of having CDers trying on clothes in their dressing rooms.

Far better would be for CDers to visit their stores in great numbers on busy shopping days and make a point of trying on clothes. Going in pairs or groups would make a statement. We don't have to buy, just try them on. OK buy something small just to stay legit.

[linda allen]

I've never been in a Ross store, but wouldn't making all the dressing rooms "non-gender specific" pretty much solve their "problem" ?

Just put all the dressing rooms in one place with individual locks on the doors.

[Stephenie S]

I too got the canned response as follows:

"Dear Stephanie:

Thank you for your email.

At Ross Dress for Less, we take all of our customers’ shopping experiences very seriously.

We have an inclusive policy and value and respect all of our customers. We are investigating the incident you referred to and following up with the staff member.

We will also be sending a reminder to all of our stores reiterating this policy.

If you have additional questions or concerns, we encourage you to contact a Ross Customer Service representative at 1-800-335-1115.

Kind Regards,

Valorie Wilkinson

Customer Service
1 800 335 1115"

Notice that they did not even read my original complaint letter closely enough to see that my name is not "Stephanie", but "Stephenie".

Perhaps we should be actually calling that number.

S

[JulieC]

Far better would be for CDers to visit their stores in great numbers on busy shopping days and make a point of trying on clothes. Going in pairs or groups would make a statement. We don't have to buy, just try them on. OK buy something small just to stay legit.

Each of us responds to conflict in different ways. My natural inclination is to form a flash mob of CDers to show up at that store. I think I'd wear a pretty skirt, nice heels, etc., and a shirt that said "I'm a crossdresser. I shop. Get over it."

[Sarah Doepner]

I think it is important to make sure Ross understands that it's not only Crossdressers who are offended by this, but their families and friends as well. Many of us have come out to at least one other person and that expands the impact of their actions considerably. Don't let up on the pressure, don't let this go away.

[Leelou]

Christy,

I've read through all the responses to your post, and we've got a pretty amazing group of ladies here. I'm so sorry this happened. Just know we're all behind you. A couple of replies referred to the manager in this case as a bigot and I couldn't agree more. Be strong.

Leelou

[SherriePall]

A couple of days ago I shot off an email to their customer service department as directed on their web page. As of now I have received no reply. So, this morning I went to their facebook page and told them I was upset that after several days I had received not even a form-type response over my concern about the way Christy was treated. I just checked and, three hours later, there is a message on the facebook page that they apologize that I have received no answer and that they would forward my message on to customer service. DUH.
Rhianna -- Love your messages!

Forgot to tell you that when I wrote the comment, I told them that I had planned to go to their Wilkes-Barre store today, but I cancelled the trip -- perhaps permanently!

[Presh GG]

I really hope Ross is watching this [ I'm sure they are ]. Do they realize how many wifes, children and supportive family members are also not spending any more money in Ross?

In fact, I have several articles I bought the day before this hit, They are going back. And when they ask why I'm returning them, they will get an ear full from this GG.

Presh GG
READ Wife, Ross!

[SherylynJade]

If you've went to their facebook page, you've probably seen my post to them, for those who haven't, here is the reply they gave me:
We appreciate the feedback of our Ross Stores Facebook audience. Ross Stores takes our customers’ shopping experience very seriously. We have an inclusive policy and value and respect all of our customers. We are investigating this incident and following up with the staff member. We will also be sending a reminder to all of our stores reiterating this policy. We encourage customers who have questions or concerns to contact Ross Customer Service at 1-800-335-1115.

[Noemi]

You Poor dear. I am so sorry that happened to you(hug hug hug). And the advise that it is the managers problem and not yours is entirely true. I always wonder if you made Miss Narrow minded confront some part of herself with your/our blurring the gender lines, and it made her uncomfortable.
Conflict brings resolution. And all those tears and emotion you produced will open you up to a new experience, embrace the positive, gain more perspective(turn the other cheek). We are as we are created, what she or some one else thinks about us will not change what we are. And what we are are ladies, who are sensitive and caring and loving. People who have their eyes shut do not see this, but many people do see us and welcome us.
It will take a few days for the emotional hang over to subsist, but it will pass. Good for you for going shopping. I would like to do some shopping soon myself.

[Cassandra Lynn]

I don't think a boycott by CDers is going to have an effect on the company. In fact, it will solve their "problem" of having CDers trying on clothes in their dressing rooms.

Far better would be for CDers to visit their stores in great numbers on busy shopping days and make a point of trying on clothes. Going in pairs or groups would make a statement. We don't have to buy, just try them on. OK buy something small just to stay legit.

I think this idea has some merit to it, and should be given due thought. We could always suddenly change our minds at the register, women's prerogative and all that. Certainly is making a large statement, might not be directly seen by the corporate big dogs, but would be more likely to get general publics attention (which needs to happen).

mj (Cassie)

[carolinoakland]

Don't let this get you down. I don't know what the gender presentation laws are where you are, but still, I would complain to corporate and ask why you where asked to leave. If you are not out this might not work as they will want contact info, I would have been reacting diferently of course. Carol

[katrinakat]

I know the feeling and your pain. But it will pass! People have the ability to affect others in the most hateful ways. For some reason crossdressing has polar effects on me. I love it and feel so
great. But when i return back to my male ego, i get depressed. Just be the best you can be; and rise above. Little people like her should not have such a powerful impact on your tempermeant. Stay
stron, stay femme, and be yourself to the best that you can be. xo KatT

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I am so sorry for the pain you experienced. Your post makes me want to go to this store and see how they treat me, I am not one to back down from controversy and would have held my ground until a satisfactory reason for the expulsion was given. Of course the only good reason was a bomb threat or something of that nature in which case everyone would be leaving the store. As the others have stated, you did nothing wrong and you handled yourself very well in spite of the circumstances. At the very least you should document this in writing and send it off to the store upper management, possibly written on a lawyers letterhead. This is all BS and should never happen to anyone.

[Rhonda Jean]

Keep in mind this was one manager at one store. Let's face it, some people REALLY don't like us, and there's not telling what goes through their mind when they see a man trying on women't clothes. We don't further our cause by making spectacles of ourselves to retaliate, as some have suggested. Besides, I don't want anyone to let me try on clothes or just shop in their stores because they have to. I want to be welcomed! Let our behaviour and our appearance be such that we'll be viewed as valued customers. They sell women's clothes, I buy women's clothes. As many as any female customer they have. I'm pleasant to deal with, and I understand that some SA's and some customers my be uncomfortable around me. That's OK. I'm uncomfortable around some of them. Let's not shove it down anyone's throat. If we feel unwelcome there, let's simply go where we're welcome. There are plenty of places where we are. Ya know, there are some women who wouldn't want to buy an article of clothing that has even been tried on by a man. There are some who think you go into that dressing room to try on women's clothes to get your jollies, not just to see if it fits. That's kind of a uncomfortable thought, and I understand that. Let's just try to behave in a way that will make them happy to see us, not dread it.

Crissy handled herself in a classy way. It was a bad situation that any of us would hate to be in, yet she handled it in a non-confrontational, classy way. Let's not make a bad situation worse.

[JulieC]

Any updates from anyone (Christy or otherwise)?

[JohnH]

I think I would simply go to the store in drab, and ask to try on the dresses and other clothing in a man's dressing room. If Crissy did that maybe the whole ugly incident might not have taken place. After some thought and reading Rhonda Jean's posting I have determined that we have to work with people the way they are, not the way we want them to be.

At this stage I'm sure the manager now feels as if she stepped on a land mine, and wishes she never came to work that day. I'm not defending her actions but she probably is in a world of hurt.

[Rianna Humble]

Any updates from anyone (Christy or otherwise)?

None here


I think I would simply go to the store in drab, and ask to try on the dresses and other clothing in a man's dressing room. If Crissy did that maybe the whole ugly incident might not have taken place.

That's fine for you, John, because that is the way that you like to present. If Christy goes down that route, then she will be letting the bigots dictate which parts of the law apply to her.


After some thought and reading Rhonda Jean's posting I have determined that we have to work with people the way they are, not the way we want them to be.

There is a limit to that attitude, the kind of discrimination that Christy suffered is unlawful in that location. We don't have to work with people "the way they are" when they are intent on breaking the law. We have every right to demand that they stop behaving in that way.


At this stage I'm sure the manager now feels as if she stepped on a land mine, and wishes she never came to work that day. I'm not defending her actions but she probably is in a world of hurt.

If, as you suggest, she feels that she stepped on a land mine, perhaps it will help her to remember her duty of care to all her customers who are going about their lawful business and not just the bigots with whom she agrees (as demonstrated by her actions).

I am not one of those baying for her to be fired, but she does need to be disciplined for what she did and to be put on warning that this kind of behaviour will not be tolerated. She also needs to be made aware of the harm that she did to her customer (Christy).

In my book, discrimination on the basis of gender (especially where unlawful as in the state of Washington) is at the very least professional misconduct and definitely borders on Gross Professional Misconduct.

[SherriePall]

Rianna -- I, too, have not received a response to my initial email I sent off to Ross. I then followed it up with a comment on Ross' facebook page early Friday morning, noting that I hadn't received a reply to my email concerning Christy's treatment. They did answer my facebook comment by saying they were forwarding it to the customer service department (which is where my original email went).

To me it seems as though Ross believes the storm has passed and no further measures need to be taken.

[Stephenie S]

I did receive a response. See a copy above.

But I sent my complaint DIRECTLY to corporate headquarters. Notice that they say (IN RED) that they are "following up with the staff member ".

How much of a brush off this is is anyone's guess, but we can only hope.

S

[Christy_M]

there is no real news. I reached out to both the ACLU of Washington and the Seattle tg group. I also reached out to an attorney that specializes in LGBT rights. Of course all this is electronically since I am not ready to sit in front of someone (besides my shrink) and tell this story.

As for me, I think I am OK. I can't imagine shopping en femme again but I can't change who I am or what I get out of being Christy. I really think most people have the upbringing to not say anything and the inbred idiots who find diversity troubling won't ever have enough power to dissolve my spirit. The current dent is getting worked out and will be good as new soon.

I really want to say again how much the support and kindness shown in this string means to me. I really hope I can live up to the examples of compassion I have witnessed here. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You mean the world to me.

Hugs to all,
Christy

[Rianna Humble]

I think I am OK. I can't imagine shopping en femme again but I can't change who I am or what I get out of being Christy.

PLEASE don't let the bigots win by preventing you from shopping as Christy!

[Danni Bear]

I spoke again with my friend who is a store manager at one of the local Ross's after church yesterday. The emphasis that ross is putting forth with its SA's and asst.mgrs is ongoing. He also said that the person in Washington was not a store manager but was an asst. mgr. The store mgr has recieved a warning from their Hqtrs. over the incident and the asst. mgr. was reprimanded and warned that any further complaints would result in immediate termination. This policy was further extended to any and all employees that any complaints of a biased or"bigoted" (his words) nature would result in time off leading to possible termination of employment.

now it is a wait and see if this really happens or not

Danni

As a result of this occuring I did some checking with some other retailers on their dressing room regulations and rules concerning the use of them by transgendered customers.

Walmart Single person enclosed-per gender presented
K-mart similar to walmart
J.C.Penny open format gender presented as appropiate(user level at time) possible ask to use Mens
Kohls no stated rules

Danni

[eluuzion]

hhehehe...anytime I see that boiler-plated letter that begins with "At so-n-so, we take the (privacy of our customers) (the shopping experiences of our customers) ( >_____________) fill in appropriate customer concern, lol), I know what the rest of the letter is going to state...

Read any "Privacy Policy" if you want to see Used Car Salemen psychobabbling doubletalk in action. First paragraph states how important your "customer data confidentiality" is to them.
The rest of the letter explains in detail how they will exploit and share your personal data with every entity on the planet...:heehee:

Life is now a process of carrying a calculator to check every overcharge on every receipt, using expert listening skills to ferret through the quadmire of "restrictions" attached to every sale offer. (Just went to KFC, asked the gal at the window why my order was always $5 more than the "sale" price. Answer was "that is why I asked you if you wanted Breasts...the sale price is always all dark meat. It is $5 more for white meat.") Go figure...

I waste an exorbitant amount of nonsense time fighting mini-legal battles that are required to get what I paid for, was promised, or correcting overcharges from merchants.

Those helpful HR and PR folks that appear so concerned about addressing your injustice at one of their stores...are not exactly what they appear to be. They are concerned alright...but not about you...about covering their a**! You watch how fast that rubber band that seems to be wound so tight now...unravels into a worn out band of rubber lost in the smoke and mirrors of the ("promise everything, do nothing") department.

I might be wrong though. Maybe we will track down Bin Ladin tomorrow, continue that witch hunt to bring those lying CEO's of companies cheating us to justice (that mysteriously faded away), and return to that mission of monitoring and spanking those naughty bankers, and hold the drug cartels responsible for their actions, and beef up that FDA to inspect our food, and go after those oil polluting BP companies poisoning our oceans, and clean up New Orleans and Katrina aftermath, and rescue thost Haitians, and all that other stuff we promised ya''...we have not forgotten about it...really...we are right on top of this stuff...

"and the wheels on the bus go round-n-round, round-n-round, round-n-round...
oh, the wheels on the bus go round-n-round...all day long..."
:brolleyes:

[ChristiesGurl]

My first thought was to call the manager at the store personally and tell her what I think of her. How dare she? What right does she have to be so hurtful in such a mean spirited way. A situation? She made it a situation!

My guy has been through so much in his life even without the DQ aspect. Every time he talks about his family, etc... I feel his pain and hurt and it makes me upset and angry on his behalf.

People like the manager at this store are the ones that should be 'outed' for their horrible, unkind behavior!

I'm sorry, hon. I hope you will be able to let this incident pass and feel comfortable being who you are at another, more accepting, place.

*hugs*

[Angie G]

That really sucks I think they have several stores You should get in contact with them And let them know they will be losing you and some friend from here as costumers. In fact I just may.:hugs:
Angie

[DonnaT]

I spoke again with my friend who is a store manager at one of the local Ross's after church yesterday. The emphasis that ross is putting forth with its SA's and asst.mgrs is ongoing. He also said that the person in Washington was not a store manager but was an asst. mgr. The store mgr has recieved a warning from their Hqtrs. over the incident and the asst. mgr. was reprimanded and warned that any further complaints would result in immediate termination.
Result!

[Alice Torn]

I am so surprised that such treatment to u would happen in the very liberal Seattle area. I recently moved from there, after 29 yrs. That was awful!! Sadly, discrimination against males is still very strong. You were in drab, as a guy, and they considered you a pervert, or predator. That is blatant discrimination, and I really feel for you. I would be devastated also, if it happened to me. Treated like a criminal. In Seattle area, at that?! Emotionally, i would also be devastated. I feel for you.

[scarlett]

Climb down from that tree Louise and read the OP. She was not in drab. Is she now a pervert?

[Rianna Humble]

I received a friend request on fb today from someone who says that they are just starting at Ross and asking for more detail about the incident - presumably because of my posts on their fb page - I was going to give the gist of the story, but then thought I'd ask peoples opinion on here first. She seemed to think the incident might have happened to me, so I have sent the following reply for now


The incident didn't happen to me but a transsexual person with whom I correspond. As I don't know the current legal situation, I'm not sure I can tell you much more than has already been said at this stage.

So what does everyone think? More importantly, what do you think, Christy?

[zoe m]

So sorry this happened to you... could have been any of us. They´re the ones who should be ashamed of their intolerance, not you....

[Christy_M]

I received a friend request on fb today from someone who says that they are just starting at Ross and asking for more detail about the incident - presumably because of my posts on their fb page - I was going to give the gist of the story, but then thought I'd ask peoples opinion on here first. She seemed to think the incident might have happened to me, so I have sent the following reply for now

So what does everyone think? More importantly, what do you think, Christy?

I don't see any harm in sharing this story. If Ross truly has an inclusive policy, you would think it would be something they shared during the new hire orientation. The absolute best outcome from this situation for me would be that noone ever (never, ever) has to feel like I did walking out of that store. If this person can affect that positively, we are all better off.

Did I answer your question or go off into a different direction?

[Yolanda_Voils]

When registering a complaint about a store, just make sure to inclued the NAME of the person who was so insensitive..

Since dressing rooms are "single occupancy" unlike restrooms, I know of no state or federal code restricting the usage..

You may have rights to compensation under civil action.. Contact a civil rights atty locally..

lots of luck
Hugs
Yolanda

[Christy_M]

OK, so I spoke with an attorney tonight and she recommended that I try and make contact with Ross again before doing anything else. She did recommend to me that I have an idea of what I want out of this issue before I make contact. Since what I want is total global acceptance of all things TG, I am not sure that will do me any good seeking this lofty goal from Ross.

I am asking all of you who have been so loving and supportive of me during this issue to help me decide what a good outcome would be for us. I am not looking for monetary gain so recommendations to sue their shirts (or skirts) off while welcome don't really present an option that all of us can gain from. Ultimately, this is our fight that I am presenting and would like your input as to what would be a good end point from Ross for us.

Consequently, I do believe the state of Washington has maximum damages for stuff like this so without permanent mental or physical damage that affects future earnings, any monetary gain wouldn't even get their shirts (or skirts) off. :)

[Zoie]

I've been in that very store and shopped myself I used to be stationed at ft Lewis and lived in milton prior to moving. I would do a huge complaint letter and take action that is bs and they are idiots not to mention u are a customer it doesn't matter what u buy or try on! Do not blame yourself over some small minded people.

Sorry that made me mad hearing that...

[Rianna Humble]

One realistic goal is an advert in a Lynnwood paper stating that Ross supports the transgender community and will actively welcome them as customers. This to be dispalyed in their stores for (say) at least 14 days.

Meanwhile back on facebook, I have just added something to their wall
The management might think that their wishy-washy response to the protests about discrimination in their Lynnwood store was sufficient - we don't

[ReineD]

Christy, I'm very late to this thread, but I just want to say how happy I am that you're a member here and that you had a place to come to in your hour of need.

I'm so very sorry for what you went through, and I think you're handling all of this with a lot of grace, just like a true lady. :)

I like Rianna's suggestion above. :hugs:

[Danni Bear]

:iagree: with Rianna and ReineD


Danni

[SabrinaDubh]

You may not be looking for a monetary gain but Ross is surely looking to prevent a monetary loss. Remember that a business will continue it's practices until said practices effect the bottom line, that is, until it costs the company money. Hit them where it hurts. Make them pay. If not to you then make them donate money to a trans or LGBT charity.

[My Lady Marsea]

I opt for both the public apology through the local paper as well as like the posting in a PUBLIC area of all stores that they are GLBT friendly as well as a sizable donation to a trans or LGBT charity or wutever. Perhaps this was like meant to be and you were also meant, albeit involuntarily, to be the one to bring public awareness of the transgender community to the world of business. This whole incident is like a golden opportunity in light of how much agony we, through you, as only one little community on a website have been able to inflict on corporate America or wutever based on the amount of publicity this has generated and damage control done by Ross. If this were handled right, any future dealings of this nature would have like a precedent on the next case.

[SamanthaS]

I wish I could give you a big hug and make you feel better. I'm sure everyone on this site has worried about this, and it happened you ;( When you've collected your thoughts, you should consider contacting their main office and complain. They may have rules about men in the ladies dressing room, but it could have been handled with some discresion instead of making a scene! You are who you are and should feel proud that you are brave enough to go into the world as a woman. "It takes a real man to wear a skirt" :)

[linda allen]

OK, so I spoke with an attorney tonight and she recommended that I try and make contact with Ross again before doing anything else. She did recommend to me that I have an idea of what I want out of this issue before I make contact. Since what I want is total global acceptance of all things TG, I am not sure that will do me any good seeking this lofty goal from Ross.

I am asking all of you who have been so loving and supportive of me during this issue to help me decide what a good outcome would be for us. I am not looking for monetary gain so recommendations to sue their shirts (or skirts) off while welcome don't really present an option that all of us can gain from. Ultimately, this is our fight that I am presenting and would like your input as to what would be a good end point from Ross for us.

Consequently, I do believe the state of Washington has maximum damages for stuff like this so without permanent mental or physical damage that affects future earnings, any monetary gain wouldn't even get their shirts (or skirts) off. :)

Christy,

Some people go through life with the hopes of making a living suing others for their mistakes. I am not one of those people and I don't think you are either. Ask your attorney for suggestions. To start with, actual expenses legal fees, court costs, counselling, etc. You have suffered mentally, you shouldn't suffer financially. You should be paid for mental anguish, perhaps a couple thousand dollars or so.

I think what you really want is to make sure they take this issue seriously and that it doesn't happen again. Adds in the local papers stating that they will not discriminate against crossdressers and transgendered people would be a start. Signs posted in the dressing room area or on the doors of the dressing rooms would be appropriate. Not just at the local store, but at all the Ross stores. Also, they should commit to a formal sensitivity training program for all employees and especially management.

My guess is that Ross didn't want this to happen, that it was a (poor) decision of a single employee. They don't need to be put out of business, but they do need to take this seriously. :hugs:

[JulieC]

I am asking all of you who have been so loving and supportive of me during this issue to help me decide what a good outcome would be for us.

To me, a very important underlying issue here is that Ross, while taking internal action towards their employees following this incident, has issued no apology to you in any respect nor attempted to make any amends. That is incorrigible behavior from my chair. I understand why they're not; they're afraid of legal implications of doing so. But, at a minimum I would demand that.

Second, as others have stated requesting they make a sizable (like $25k or more) donation to a transgender support group of your choosing would be a nice outcome as well.

Third, despite multiple inquiries on my part, they've failed to produce the inclusive policy they supposedly have with regards to customers. I would request that such a policy be presented to you, and if it in fact doesn't exist that they create it and post it on their employee relations noticeboard, which I'm sure they have in every store (where they post minimum wage signs, etc).

Fourth, that they modify their training system to include education regarding LGBT issues that may happen from time to time in their store, how employees should respond, and how management should seek to resolve any issues that arise. It's blatantly obvious from their responses that such training does not exist. The lack of this training WILL cause this situation to happen again, and again, and again. If they're serious about being inclusive, then they can start training their employees to be so.

[Jaydee]

Christy,
I have been following this thread since the original posting. I am so proud of you. I often shop at Ross stores around the Puget Sound, in drab. Your experience would have been my worst nightmare. I don't know how I would have handled it, but I think you have shown remarkable inner strength and grace. If Ross has to reinvigorate their acceptance policies, and other stores hear the story, then you have won a great victory for all of us .:hugs:

Jaydee

[Olivia2]

Christy,

I don't have any more to add than anyone here has said about what you should ask of Ross but just affirming the advice about a genuine apology to you, disclosure of an official inclusion/non-discrimination policy, at least. I would think that the attorney might want to hear what you decide about what you want from this (after the feedback you've been seeking), and help you formulate some way of requesting this in an effective way-but I'm no attorney. Best of luck and thoughts and prayers are with you.

Olivia

[Presh GG]

Christy,
I understand your need for privacy, however I would love to see this evolve into education of all peoples, not just Ross.
For instance, how many in the general public know this Saturday , November 20th is national rememberance day for GLBT people who have been killed [ murdered] for being who they are ? I'd like to see a full page posting of the names and circumstances of these victims, in the Seattle Times and on television.
I'd love to see the Washington State Law against GLBT discrimination posted in all public places and on Buses
in the Seattle transit center and in the Seattle Times.
I'd love to see an education program, documentary,AND / or commercials [ prime time ] on antidiscrimination

All this takes Money, That's where Ross comes in.

Anyone care to add to this ?
Presh GG

[giuseppina]

Go get 'em, Christy. Corporations need to know the law will be enforced, whether by the government or by civil suits.

Presh has some good ideas.

[donnalee]

OK, so I spoke with an attorney tonight and she recommended that I try and make contact with Ross again before doing anything else. She did recommend to me that I have an idea of what I want out of this issue before I make contact. Since what I want is total global acceptance of all things TG, I am not sure that will do me any good seeking this lofty goal from Ross.

I am asking all of you who have been so loving and supportive of me during this issue to help me decide what a good outcome would be for us. I am not looking for monetary gain so recommendations to sue their shirts (or skirts) off while welcome don't really present an option that all of us can gain from. Ultimately, this is our fight that I am presenting and would like your input as to what would be a good end point from Ross for us.

Consequently, I do believe the state of Washington has maximum damages for stuff like this so without permanent mental or physical damage that affects future earnings, any monetary gain wouldn't even get their shirts (or skirts) off. :)
Don't worry about the maximum damages. I think the idea of making them contribute to an organization that opposes this kind of behavior is a good one, and it's pretty normal for the members of the class suing to get near nothing and the lawyers to get millions. In most of these cases there is no limit to legal fees, as those who write the laws and vote on them are attorneys. This should provide Ross with a "sit up and take notice".You might want monetary damages for yourself; although the lawyers will do most of the heavy lifting, this will still take up your time & energy.

[KateSpade83]

I know why the manager was harsh - because they didn't want a man in a dress in the ladies dressing room. I pass very well and when I used Ross's ladies dressing room I sometimes went out in the mirror and I would pass ladies who were shirtless / just their bra showing / or sometimes a boob hanging out. Surely they don't want a man to see this.

So the best thing to do when trying out women's fitting rooms is to make sure you pass nearly 100%

[Rianna Humble]

I know why the manager was harsh - because they didn't want a man in a dress in the ladies dressing room.

I think you are overlooking a couple of points here:

1 Christy was taken to that changing room by a member of staff.

2 The so-called manager (who apparently was not an actual manager) had not seen Christy close enough to know how well she passed.

[Kathryn Martin]

...to sue their shirts (or skirts) off while welcome don't really present an option that all of us can gain from.

There are three possibilities in my view. Firstly, as Rhianna says, there should be a commitment by Ross to support the Transgendered communities in the areas in which they have stores. Secondly, they should take a visible step in their diversity training. Thirdly, they should be asked to make a donation/contribution to some highly visible transgender charitable organization like PFLAG. This way there is no personal gain but a lot of things happening for the whole community.

[t-girlxsophie]

I know why the manager was harsh - because they didn't want a man in a dress in the ladies dressing room. I pass very well and when I used Ross's ladies dressing room I sometimes went out in the mirror and I would pass ladies who were shirtless / just their bra showing / or sometimes a boob hanging out. Surely they don't want a man to see this.

So the best thing to do when trying out women's fitting rooms is to make sure you pass nearly 100%

With due respect,if you are presenting as a female,There shouldn't be a problem if you use female changing facilities,AS long as you respect others privacy,and the etiquette involved,also I would think most rooms will have Internal Mirrors.

If only way we should go in dressed is when we pass 100%,then am afraid there wont be many of us getting in

:hugs:Sophie

[linda allen]

I know why the manager was harsh - because they didn't want a man in a dress in the ladies dressing room. I pass very well and when I used Ross's ladies dressing room I sometimes went out in the mirror and I would pass ladies who were shirtless / just their bra showing / or sometimes a boob hanging out. Surely they don't want a man to see this.

So the best thing to do when trying out women's fitting rooms is to make sure you pass nearly 100%
The best solution for that "problem" is to have individual (unisex) dressing rooms with mirrors so nobody would think of leaving with a boob hanging out.

Just a central area with a clerk to assign dressing rooms to whoever wants to try something on. It's not rocket science.

[Amy Lynn3]

I agree with what Julie stated, but also ask for money for yourself. I must pay for my mistakes and Ross should too.

[juno]

I have never been turned away from going with my disabled wife into a women's dressing room or restroom, while in drab. We may be getting some leeway due to the handicap, but I think it proves that a man in a women's area is tolerated by most people, and the real issue here is trans-phobia.

If you have a handicapped female friend, try it. It is a good way to boost your confidence later when entering en femme.

[Presh GG]

I too am disabled, but when I need Tea's help [ if he's in drab ], all stores send us both to the men's dressing rooms.
Heck, I don't care [ in this circumstance ] due to I need his/her help and we don't leave the room.

Now, Tea dressed is ENTIRELY differant.

Presh GG

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I know why the manager was harsh - because they didn't want a man in a dress in the ladies dressing room. I pass very well and when I used Ross's ladies dressing room I sometimes went out in the mirror and I would pass ladies who were shirtless / just their bra showing / or sometimes a boob hanging out. Surely they don't want a man to see this.

So the best thing to do when trying out women's fitting rooms is to make sure you pass nearly 100%

I've been in a number of fitting rooms in stores that *only* sell womens clothes and thus only have womens fitting rooms and have never seen such things happening but even if it does, you're glossing over the fact that the sales associate let her into the dressing room, and she was closed off in her own room and not out ogling women whose boobs were hanging out. In no way does this justify the managers behavior, nor do I think it's very nice of you to try to make this thread about how well you pass vs. how well she passes.

To the topic at hand I agree that a charitable donation is the best idea. It shows this isn't just a personal opportunity grab plus it also avoids a court case that would out you.

[AmberM]

That's an unbelieveable injustice. You did nothing wrong. No person should ever be treated that way.

[abigailf]

Christy, Don't let it get you down. Some people feel the need to willfully exert power even if it is pointless.

I not only think you should write them a letter, but everyone here and everyone you tell should also write them a letter or send an email. Let them know that there is a market segment being impacted by the rash decision of an ignorant manager.

FYI: email addresses to send a note to: [email protected], [email protected]

[SusanLCD]

Christy, as has been stated before, we're proud of you for the way you have handled this and continue to handle it. You continue to show a great deal of class under very trying circumstances.

So many good suggestions have been made regarding what to seek from Ross that I don't have anything more substantive to add. I can see from your postings that you don't want to be an icon for transgender rights, but, may end up in that role, just the same. Be assured that whatever you decide will be right and we will respect you for your decision.

[kristinacd55]

Guess what? Umm, there's a recession going on...almost a depression & the NERVE of them to treat you like that is a DISGRACE!!! No matter the economic times, so sorry to hear about your experience. That store does NOT need your business. There are plenty of other stores that will gladly accept you, no throw up allowed! btw, i was on a boat in the ocean & threw up 6 out of the first 7 days, BUT it had nothing to do with cding! Great way to lose weight though!