Good News!

[Leanne2]

I have to tell you what happened. Of course my wife and I have been fighting about our “situation.” On Monday I had another session with my gender councilor. Even though I had scored high on a previous test for transsexualism, some of the results were inconclusive. I was given another test Monday and it left no doubt that I have GID with an attraction to women. My councilor told me that I qualified for hormone therapy and she would sign the paperwork for that.
My wife knows that I like to be out in the public as a woman so she asked me to stop by the Wal-Mart in this distant city after my session to buy a few things. Because my session started and ended thirty minutes late I had to skip Wal-Mart because my adult son would get home from work before I could get home and change back to drab.
That evening when we were alone, my wife asked about my session. When I told her about the hormone therapy she asked if that would affect my ability to perform sexually. I told her it would. Now remember, a month ago she wanted me to take male hormones to cure me. When I told her that I wouldn’t do that she told me that she couldn’t ever have sex with me again. That was a very intense argument and of course I have honored her wishes ever since then. So when we argued about my hormone therapy on Monday night I told her that I thought there wasn’t a chance for sex anyway. Needless to say, the rest of the evening was a quiet one for us.
When my wife left for work yesterday morning I told her that I would do the Wal-Mart shopping before I went in for my evening shift. She said,” Fine” and then left. At Wally World I had to pick up a few things near the pharmacy. Then I noticed the condom/sex aids display. There were several potions for “male enhancement.” I had always laughed about those things before but I decided to check them out. I ended up buying one of the magic potions.
Back home later my wife helped me put the groceries and other things away. So we talked about the potion. I told her that if I went on the hormone therapy that this might allow me to perform. She nodded her head and said,” We’ll have to see if it works.” That evening it worked wonderfully and we made love again.
This morning before she left for work she said,” Thank you for last night.” We hugged, kissed, and said that we loved each other; and then she was gone. I am so happy! We have a lot to work through in the future but at least we have hope that we can stay together. Thanks for the long distance hug everyone. Leanne

[Traci Elizabeth]

That sounds all good but I would not place any bets that "anything" will work the longer you are on HRT.

I can only tell you about my experience on HRT. We are all different, HRT effects us differently, and we are each on a varied drug regime for our HRT.

I too am married. Thankfully to a very supportive deeply loving wife who puts my happiness on the top of her priority list. But both my wife and I are realists and keenly aware of our sexuality. Personally, I have no desire for M/F intercourse. But as I started HRT my wife and I adapted our sexual activities around my abilities. The first thing that went (don't ask how I know) was I became sterile. Second erections became impossible fairly quickly. In an attempt to slow down my sexual transition just a bit, I took Viagra which worked "SORT-OF" for about another two or three months. But after that not even Viagra maximum dosage could help me to perform...well as a "male."

Mind you, I am not wanting that anyway. So where are we now? I do get sexually satisfied but not like a male nor do I release any fluids anymore. Now, I get multiple orgasmic climaxes like many females. The sensation is far better than any "male" sexual pleasure I ever had.

I will have to admit, however, that after all the years my wife and I had sex M/F, it was indeed a sad day for both of us when we made love that way for the last time. It was extremely difficult to achieve and barley happened. And we were in a romantic resort with a fireplace, candles, soft music, Viagra Max Dose. After wards, we both knew M/F love making would never be possible again. We both embraced for a very long time (actually the rest of the night and into the morning). We cried together but found a deeper emotional bonding that has carried us forward into F/F love making.

I tell you this personal information about my experience to try and give you at least one outcome that can happen. There are many other outcomes that others have or are going though but just don't count on the fact that M/F sex will indeed last. It may or may not. Then you also need to take into account that you may very well get to the point where just the thought of performing as a "male" is disgusting/revolting to you. You will genuinely feel as a woman wanting female sexual satisfaction.

[Melody Moore]

I have to agree with with Traci has said here about the magic potions your pinning your hopes on.

And to be honest I really don't see any good news here, in fact I see lots of bad news and you are only putting off the inevitable with your wife. The first thing that really concerns me is you are having some very intense arguments. Secondly you seem very reluctant to let go of your wife and will do almost anything such as 'honouring her wishes' to try and keep things together - even resorting to 'magic potions' to see if it will keep your male libido alive when you haven't even started on hormones & anti-androgens. Your wife does not come across like she is really supportive of your decision with what you have told us here and in the past. In fact she has made it very clear in saying that "she couldn’t ever have sex with you again".

If I'm understanding this correctly then the type of 'magic potion' you bought from the pharmacy more than likely increases sensitivity of the penis and doesn't do anything else. I also think you will be very disappointed if you believe that such 'magic potions' would still work once you start on Hormone Therapy. I'm not sure you are aware of how your male libido will be seriously affected when your body is producing a lot less testosterone. After awhile you wont even manage to get it up. If such 'magic potions' worked for those of us who are already on Hormone Therapy, then I'm sure that the girls here would be using it & talking about it. Although these 'magic potions' you are using might work now, I really doubt that these 'magic potions' you speak of will help you at all after 2 or 3 months on hormones. Your testes will shrink and most likely disappear, then you will be sterile. Sure they might make your penis more sensitive, but the hormones will counteract the effectiveness of your penis when it comes to getting & maintaining an erection which obviously seems necessary in satisfying your wife's needs.

I'm really not sure if Hormone Therapy is right for you.

[Sandra]

As a GG who is married to a TS this to me seems as though it could be giving the wrong signals to your SO. She is probably thinking that if you go on hormones and take this portion then everything is going to be ok. I'll through in a question, does she know how the hormones will affect you both physically and mentally?

[Areyan]

i'm sorry, but i also don't see this going the way you are hoping. i don't think your expectations about hrt are realistic and it seems sadly obvious that your wife does not want to or is unable to compromise on her side of things. if having intimacy as a male is important to you and your wife then going on female hormone therapy could be detrimental and may not help your issues with being tg and married. i agree with the others about using herbals/magick potions - these will not work after so long on hrt and you will be faced with the mental and physical changes that female hormones will create. you may feel/think differently about things after awhile and have even more problems relating to your wife with her holding onto your previous role in her heart. you may also lose interest in her romantically... not something that happens all the time but it can and does.

you point out that you're having intense arguments and there is your wife's social transition to take into account here too... if she believes your living fulltime makes her appear to be a lesbian publicly and she's really not ok with that then the two of you really are not on the same page here at all.... get her into therapy with you if she's interested. trust me this will not work out how you want it to if she's not agreeable to it. this may come down to a choice of either/or for you and this is a hard one to make. do you stay with your wife and delay medical transition as long as possible to keep her happy and see if you can manage that for years, or do you choose transition regardless of the consequences? again, a lot to think about and it may not work out how you want. this is basically the question you're faced with here. i am so sorry you are facing this issue with your partner. really, this stuff is hard on relationships.

good luck and try to think hard about this before you go on hrt. i am not saying don't do this if you and your therapist are both convinced this is a logical and necessary step... but be aware that this could change everything in your life... i am speaking from experience here... (former GG partner of a MTF, now FTM myself - with an oddball story, lol).

[Melody Moore]

you point out that you're having intense arguments and there is your wife's social transition to take into account here too... if she believes your living fulltime makes her appear to be a lesbian publicly and she's really not ok with that then the two of you really are not on the same page here at all....

Areyan, you hit the nail right on the head there and this is why I believe that it is vital to be prepared to let your partner go. I broke up with my partner & moved out & went so I could start my transitioning on my own and without a relationship to complicate matters and most importantly of all because I do really love her and didn't want to complicate life for her anymore than it already is. I eventually got back in touch with my partner to let her know what was really going on with me.

Initially my partner didn't believe it when I told her over the phone I was transitioning, but then I went out and confronted her as a female with another TS friend who was further advanced in Hormone therapy than me then she was in shock and had that to now deal with. but I knew I had to back off & had to let my partner get over the shock with adequate time & space. Once I felt I had given her enough time to get over the shock - I dropped by to see her. Then we started to work on understanding, then acceptance. The whole time there wasn't any pressure for sex because I knew that she would have to be accepting of a lesbian relationship & that was something I was still unsure about at this point because I knew that she was straight.

Eventually I invited my girlfriend out to a GLBT event one night and here she got to meet other gay & lesbian people who were non-judgemental, accepting of her. Another lesbian girl started showing me some attention then she got jealous because I think she realised at that point she really did still love me. But later that night we started to explore her sexual boundaries for the first time ever as lesbian lovers and not as a heterosexual couple. Even today she still questions if she can accept the lesbian relationship, so I don't put any pressure on her whatsoever for sex. Ironically she is the one who calls me up when she wants to spend intimate time with me.

If didn't take into account her social transitioning by give her the time & space to work through the issues and forced her in anyway to have sex then Im 200% sure that I would lose her, but as it stands now we are the best of friends and she knows that Im there any-time she needs me. That is what true friendship, love and respect is really about.

Previous to any of this she was always affected and controlled in her relationships by her parents who still try to emotionally blackmail her with their stupid funny games. Her father is an ex-cop who use to use his position to even carry out background checks on her boyfriends so that should give you some idea how meddling her parents are. They caused heaps of problems for us when I lived with her as a male. But now she is telling them to butt out of her life and our relationship - they have no clue I'm transitioning and their daughter is now having a lesbian relationship with me.

Our relationship is casual & discreet and I would rather keep living apart and keep things this way. One day we might get to a point that she wont really care & we want a close relationship again, but then again I might not want that - I might prefer eventually to be with a male now that I know how my mind, emotions & libido is all changing through hormone therapy and these are all the things that Leanne needs to be considering before she ever thinks about taking hormones.

[Hope]

I don't mean to pile-on, but this will not end well.

Instead of having a conversation that involves around your ability to maintain a big throbbing rigid penis... Why not talk about the ways you can both be pleasured without a giant penis? Why not try to make sex a bit less heteroerotically phallocentric? When my wife and I finally realized that penile-vaginal penetration hadn't been doing much for either of us for the last several years (despite having a healthy sex life) - the sex question got a lot easier to deal with. That is the easy, fun conversation.

The harder conversation is the one that lingers around what this all means and where it is going. And that is the big one, the one that is certainly influenced by all of the others, but ultimately the one that needs to guide all the others.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I don't mean to pile-on, but this will not end well.

Instead of having a conversation that involves around your ability to maintain a big throbbing rigid penis... Why not talk about the ways you can both be pleasured without a giant penis? Why not try to make sex a bit less heteroerotically phallocentric? When my wife and I finally realized that penile-vaginal penetration hadn't been doing much for either of us for the last several years (despite having a healthy sex life) - the sex question got a lot easier to deal with. That is the easy, fun conversation.

The harder conversation is the one that lingers around what this all means and where it is going. And that is the big one, the one that is certainly influenced by all of the others, but ultimately the one that needs to guide all the others.

I stand up and applaud you, I could not have said it any better or in any fewer words! :clap:

[Sejd]

Since you are married, this whole question is about how two people who love each other can move forward on a harmonious path. Sex is not about penetration alone, but if your wife is straight why would she walk around as a lesbian because of your need to go on hormones. A hard but good question which I think she will ultimately ask you. Sounds to me like you love each other and some good couples therapy could go a long way, that is if the therapist undersstand TG issues AND understand the needs of your wife as well.