How do I assure wife that nothing is lacking?

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Hi all;
I informed my wife through my counselor that I am a crossdresser and that these urges just don't go away. She thinks that there is something lacking in my past or that she is doing something in our relationship that is causing me to have these desires. I explained to her that I've had these desires since I was 7 years old and it has nothing to do with her. Its hard to explain to her why I like to crossdress or why I want to crossdress.

Can some one help me to explain this to her. I would especially like a GG's viewpoint.

Thanks

[Kelly DeWinter]

there are tons of threads here that should help. and a section for spouses.

[Joanne f]

A lot of talking and a lot of reassurance will help and it is better now not to hide things as that will only make your wife feel that there is more to come , and i am sure it would help your wife to join the FAB forum as a lot of them may have been through the same sort of feelings like your wife must be going though .

[Sandra]

She thinks that there is something lacking in my past or that she is doing something in our relationship that is causing me to have these desires.

Thanks

A lot of us wives/partners feel that it is our fault, something that we have done or not done. She is probably feeling very very scared at the moment and needs a lot of re-assurance, answers to questions and yes I know that some maybe hard to answer, but you have to don't tell her something just because you think it is what she wants to hear.

We have a private forum here called FAB it is just for wives/partners, if she joined the forum she would get a lot of help and support.

You have a lot of talking and listening to do.

[alluts]

I had alot of trouble coming out to my GF. It didn't help that she woke up to find me in womans panties. She wouldn't speak of it for weeks. I just acted casual about it, even though I was a nervous wreck, and let her think about it for awile. Then I one night told her it would be fun if she dressed me up as a woman, we picked out a wig online and over the next week she went shopping for some clothes(woman,ALL woman love to shop). She had a great time doing my makeup and taking pictures. I think thats the key to it, letting them get involved. Now she asks if she can see her GF, leaves for awile to let me get ready and returns with great anticipation to see what I'm dressed in. She loves to shop for me and with me, she asks my opinion about clothes and shoes alot more and actually takes my opinions much more seriously. I think she loves the secret we share.

[suchacutie]

Luckily for me, my wife and I discovered my feminine side together after being married for more than 3 decades (I was 55). Thus, she knew all about her "man" and wasn't threatened at all. I also assured her that I love being a guy and don't want to lose that part of me.

She gave me her perspectives almost immediately: 1) She was proud of the fact that we found this together and that I was willing to make myself so incredibly vulnerable (in so many ways) by letting her be a part of this. 2) My feminine side suddenly brought about a multitude of conversations about growing up in the two genders and what that meant for our outlooks on life...conversations most married couples wouldn't even think of having because "the guy just doesn't understand women!", but since I wanted to understand about being a woman I was completely enthralled with the conversations. We both learned so much, 3) In our conversations we did find that it was a wonder that I had never crossdressed before. As we learned more about who my feminine self is, we saw that many of the characteristics that attracted her to me to begin with were associated with my femme self (Tina), and 4) it was clear from the beginning that Tina was important to the total makeup of who I am, and understanding Tina was a window to understanding parts of me that were, hitherto, a bit of a mystery. Unwrapping Tina was, and is, a present to both of us all the time!

As mentioned above, please invite your wife here, encourage her to join the FAB section, and also to read this thread!

all our best to both of you!

tina

[Jenny Gurl]

Luckily for me, my wife and I discovered my feminine side together after being married for more than 3 decades (I was 55). Thus, she knew all about her "man" and wasn't threatened at all. I also assured her that I love being a guy and don't want to lose that part of me.

She gave me her perspectives almost immediately: 1) She was proud of the fact that we found this together and that I was willing to make myself so incredibly vulnerable (in so many ways) by letting her be a part of this. 2) My feminine side suddenly brought about a multitude of conversations about growing up in the two genders and what that meant for our outlooks on life...conversations most married couples wouldn't even think of having because "the guy just doesn't understand women!", but since I wanted to understand about being a woman I was completely enthralled with the conversations. We both learned so much, 3) In our conversations we did find that it was a wonder that I had never crossdressed before. As we learned more about who my feminine self is, we saw that many of the characteristics that attracted her to me to begin with were associated with my femme self (Tina), and 4) it was clear from the beginning that Tina was important to the total makeup of who I am, and understanding Tina was a window to understanding parts of me that were, hitherto, a bit of a mystery. Unwrapping Tina was, and is, a present to both of us all the time!

As mentioned above, please invite your wife here, encourage her to join the FAB section, and also to read this thread!

all our best to both of you!

tina

Sounds like the perfect relationship. My S.O. discovered my fem side together too. It was the beginning of a journey we will take together. Like you, my fem traits were all part of the total package and some of the good parts of me. These are many of the things that atracted her to me. She has said we will explor the girl in me together as time goes by. She is such a beautiful person, and also wants to help me discover who I really am. She's definately a keeper. The Native Americans call it two spirit, two spirits sharing the same body. The quality is considered special because one person has perspective from both sides. I feel these traits would have made me a good therapist as I listen to people well and always try to see things from both perspectives. I feel blessed and cursed at the same time. I feel I am a better person and am thankful for my extra quality, but it does make the road harder since society has not matured.

http://www.baaits.org/two-spirits

[mklinden2010]

that down.