The mirror giveth, and the mirror taketh away...

[discoveringsophia]

I never know what I am going to see, when I look in the mirror.

Going out last week in a long dress, I looked at the image in the mirror, having applied all the unguents and snake oils that promise to make women of any variety young, vibrant, healthier-looking (or another focus-group-approved adjective) and the person there… it was a guy in a dress. I stood looking at that person for a long time. It was not someone I could identify; I didn’t know that person.

A large part of me wanted to cry, run from the room, rip off that dress, get in bed, pull the covers over my head, and never leave. I stood looking at the image for a long time.

Just today, I put on average clothes to get out of the house in a hurry: my guy jeans, a white camisole, a long-sleeve t-shirt. I paused to tuck in the camisole and the image in the mirror poked the corner of my left eye. I turned to look, facing the mirror.

There, in the image, was an attractive woman with small breasts, wavy hair, fine features, thin wrists. There was a woman. There is a woman.

Last week, I mustered the strength to turn my back on that mirror. I grabbed my wrap and my purse and headed out the door for dinner with friends. It was a wonderful night.

This morning, I mustered the strength to say to that woman: thank you.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Ah yes! We all have those moments. EVERY ONE OF US! But the great thing is was muster up the courage to go on and it gets easier and easier as we master our ability to look our best as beautiful women.

But I also need to say, welcome to the "real" world of womanhood! As even the most gorgeous woman looks like crap from time-to-time. It is a reality for ALL natal women as well.

Hold that beautiful head up high and don't twist your ankle in those high heels! :D

[Sejd]

I know what you mean, and I appreciate the thread. Mirrors, allthough they are good for putting make up on, are sometimes horrible reminders of what we are, caught in gender disphobia. I like to think of my own woman from the inside out, and not put too much value on that mirror image. I really like it when I look natural and my age. I think that the times when I feel most naturally femme is when I look the best also. I tend to avoid spending time with other trans gender people because I see what a difficult problem it is and it is right there in my face. Then I get stupid thoughts like: Do I really look like that too? and it discourage me. But no matter how I turn the mirror or my perception. I have to face the truth which I cannot change : I'm a TG and that's what I have to learn to balance and live with. These are ofcourse just my own thoughts about this. Thanks for letting me reflect on it yet again :0)

[CharleneT]

Often, we are our own worst critics. Try and concentrate on the times when you no longer see that guy in a dress. . .

After a while, you'll see the guy only occasionally. THEN you get to go thru the whole "I'm not pretty" etc.... it can be just as tough, but that's the wonderful life of a woman for sure !

In either case remember that what anyone else sees varies a lot and try to not worry too much about it !! ;)

[Karen564]

Yup, That dam mirror can really play with your head...lol
Some days I see a young & somewhat attractive woman in the reflection & other days see an old something, I don't know what it is reflecting back at me....lol

But I feel much worse when I see photographs of myself every single time...I'm like OMG! is that what I really look like?, I'm so ugly....Oh well, I can't help it....so I'll take another peak in the mirror & go Whew, that's a little better....lol

[Stephanie Anne]

Add in some mood lighting, aka evil shading, that highlights the masculine facial features your evil psyche has dreamed up and you have a winning combination for never wanting to leave the house.

I have never experienced this so called mirror injustice so I have no way to relate at all, nope never.

[Jorja]

First, all the mirrors in my house are turned facing the wall now. I have been exactly where you found yourself. Looking in a mirror saying WTF? Well here is a saying a gg friend of mine gave me. Mirror, mirror on the wall..... you liar!

[Bree-asaurus]

It's funny, I never see myself as a guy in the mirror anymore (even when in guy cloths)... I see a very masculine woman about half the time though :-P

[docrobbysherry]

What a wonderful, inspirational post, Sophia! THANK U!

[Melody Moore]

Oh the mirror how good and how evil they can be. The mirror has been associated with my gender dysphoria for such a
long time now. As a child I used the mirror to see the little girl that was inside of me when I got dressed up in girls clothes.

Mirrors started to become my worst enemy about 5 years ago because I really hated what I seen when I was in male mode. I felt like smashing them many times & the horrible feeling I was left with lasted for hours & sometimes days. But eventually I realised that the mirror wasn't really the problem, because I was angry at the image I seen in the mirror - I use to say to myself "you are one very ugly arsehole" as I clenched my fists & shaped up to take a swing at the arsehole in the mirror. I thought about taking the mirrors down, but then I thought that wouldn't really fix up what I felt inside.

The memories I had of the pretty young girl I seen as a young child from the age of 6 or 7 & the beautiful young woman I seen was in my 20s were permanently etched into my brain thanks to the mirror. So I realised that it was the mirror that allowed me to see who I really was. It was the mirror that helped me realise that I had to change the image of what I saw of myself as a male who was always angry to that of the female who made me happy & gave me so much comfort & peace. I knew then without any doubt that if I was to survive in this world that I had to change the image I seen in the mirror permanently by starting my transition. For the next 2 years I lived as a female in secret in the security & sanctuary of my home and at times I was confined to my bedroom when my house-mates were around. But I didn't mind that because I could live with what I did see in the mirror.

I live my life as a female now & with total freedom from Gender Dysphoria, so I feel extremely happy & finally at peace within myself, so when I
look in the mirror now, I find myself always smiling back & saying "This is really who you are.... well done girl, you really have come such a long way!"

[Inna]

Hon, just the thing I was thinking today, how can it be that I see her once then I don't, just to see her again disappear and be replaced by this ugly bloke who bothers heck out of me, staring straight into my eyes without saying a word. Well, sometimes he does, and usually says "what were you thinking". Dhahmmmmm!

[Jeanna]

Hon, just the thing I was thinking today, how can it be that I see her once then I don't, just to see her again disappear and be replaced by this ugly bloke who bothers heck out of me, staring straight into my eyes without saying a word. Well, sometimes he does, and usually says "what were you thinking". Dhahmmmmm!

Alexia, ce n'est pas possible! Vous êtes toujours belle n'est-ce pas?:)

J'aime dire ,"plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose":straightface:

Jeanna

[Inna]

Jeanna you are so sweet but realities are that I am male transitioning to female and the maleness has been here over 40 years so couple measly years will not erase what has been built for decades. I hope one day, soon, I will awake and look in the mirror and see unmistakably girl looking back! Love babe!

[Stephanie Anne]

I want to give some advise that I gave myself recently after looking in a mirror...

STAND UP STRAIGHT!

I slouch from being tall and getting into bad habits. when I do, I look more masculine in my head. Standing up straight with my back straight and my head actually up, makes me feel better.

[danielleb]

Mirrors started to become my worst enemy about 5 years ago because I really hated what I seen when I was in male mode. I felt like smashing them many times & the horrible feeling I was left with lasted for hours & sometimes days. But eventually I realised that the mirror wasn't really the problem, because I was angry at the image I seen in the mirror - I use to say to myself "you are one very ugly arsehole" as I clenched my fists & shaped up to take a swing at the arsehole in the mirror. I thought about taking the mirrors down, but then I thought that wouldn't really fix up what I felt inside.

Our own perception = Our own reality
As long as you make the effort to see the woman within, the world will see it too. Sure, those that aren't willing to accept you as you are won't. But, the people that can accept you will see when you tell the world you're a beautiful woman, and they'll read when you feel subpar. It's an awful battle we all have to take on every day, and cosmetically speaking I feel like we were all dealt the short end of the stick, but the down moments pass!:)