My brain has still not caught up to my soul, when it comes to CD'ing

[Jay Cee]

Maybe I should clarify: I should say that my ways of thinking, or my prejudices, or however you wish to describe it, are still "old school". I still cringe sometimes at the thought of attending CD'ing meetings, or discussing my CD'ing with my SO (who is very supportive, btw), or even reading about it. Part of me is offended by everything to do with crossdressing.

Yet, here I am, in my office/den, where I store all my femme clothes. Here I sit; with pretty much all my body hair epilated, wearing a pair of panties and a satin nightie, ears recently pierced; asking for advice on a crossdressing forum.

How can this dichotomy exist? If I am allowing myself to do all of this, and if I enjoy it, how can I also be so uncomfortable with it? Has anyone else here gone through this? Does it get easier with time?

I have signed up for therapy at a LGBT clinic, but there is a pretty long waiting list. So, until then, you folks are my therapists. ;) Sorry if my first paragraph has offended anyone - I am just trying to be honest.

[JenniferR771]

Jay, you are in Canada--put on somethin warmer!
Also the urge to cd comes and goes--and no it is not logical. So your old school thinking, your logical side, sometimes gets stronger. It comes and goes--try not to panic.

[Maddie22]

I understand how you feel. I am often ashamed and embarrassed by what I do. I go through different stages often of not knowing or admitting how big of a part this plays in my life. Sometimes I feel I should embrace it to the fullest, and they're are other times I just wish to be normal.

I will say that I have become more openly tolerant since I've started to be more openly tolerant of myself. While I was never prejudice of the LGBT scene, I never really stood up for it either. However as time passed on, and I started to embrace my gender variance more, I also started to embrace the LGBT scene more openly in public.

[StaceyJane]

This can be tough for a lot of CD's. society has taught us that CDing is wrong or something to make fun of.
Nobody likes to be something that everyone makes fun of.

Self acceptance is a key first step in finding happiness as a CDer.

Remember what you are doing isn't hurting anyone.

[Karren H]

Truthfully I'm the same way... Kind of... But I don't consider it old school but my personality or personal preference... I have meet other cd's and dressed with them.... And it is awkward.. A lot of time we have nothing really in common except liking to wear the same clothing.. And to me that's not really a big deal imho, and not something I'd build a relationship on.. Kind of like people who wear brown shoes starting a club and getting together to discuss the trials and tribulations of wearing brown shoes and all the crap they have to take from those a-holes that wear black shoes and look down upon them!! That make any sense at all?

I guess I really don't need any support to do what I do.. I see crossdressing more as a personal sport than a group activity. and though I love talking about crossdressing online and to anyone in person... Reguardless of gender... I don't know.. Just the way I am.. Not old school or being prejudice or anything like that. Its just the way I am.. Lord knows having a gay child and all that goes along with that... I don't judge anyone anymore on anything... Ok.... Unless your wear feminine jeans then your like dirt to me!! Hahaha. I don't judge anyone else....

[JohnH]

Maybe I should clarify: I should say that my ways of thinking, or my prejudices, or however you wish to describe it, are still "old school". I still cringe sometimes at the thought of attending CD'ing meetings, or discussing my CD'ing with my SO (who is very supportive, btw), or even reading about it. Part of me is offended by everything to do with crossdressing.

Just tell yourself that women are free to wear what they want - there are tuxedos for women, and a woman can wear a plaid shirt and jeans, along with hiking boots. Likewise as a man I feel that I should be able to wear skirts, dresses, heels, and wear makeup if I want to. What I wear does not alter my sexual orientation any more than for a woman when she wears traditional masculine attire.

In a way it takes a bit more courage to wear traditional feminine apparel as a man instead of trying to pass as a woman. As I have written before it is really striking that the Male-to-Female Crossdressing section is much much bigger than the Transmasculine section. I think it is due to the double standards that apply to men vs. women.


This can be tough for a lot of CD's. society has taught us that CDing is wrong or something to make fun of.
Nobody likes to be something that everyone makes fun of.

Remember what society thinks is right does not necessarily make it right.
In the 1600's and 1700's in certain places it was thought immoral for a woman to sing publicly. However, there was the need for adult altos and sopranos. So there were the castrati. There were plenty of boys that got the knife that did not have good voices. Obviously that was a terrible thing, but that is what society demanded.

Maybe some of us need to think about ourselves as freestylers wearing what we want instead of being crossdressers. I don't have nearly the emotional baggage when I think in those terms.

Then it becomes a matter of my considering the feelings of the ones around me. When my wife comes home late in the evening from the "snake pit" [work] the last thing she wants to see me in is a dress. I wear feminine attire only on Saturdays and Sundays to respect her feelings.

[mklinden2010]

me up, Scotty.

[Christy_M]

Old School used to describe it pretty good for me. I thought that this must be wrong if so many people think it is wrong. It is true that self acceptance is the key to releasing all those "old School" thoughts. I haven't figured that out totally yet and have a little set back that I am dealing with but I know I am me and I can't get rid of me regardless what I do...I have to live with who I am.

[Misti]

Jay Cee, It is very interesting to note the Thread Informaton (at time of my viewing): "There are currently 6 users browsing this thread. (1 members and 5 guests)." "Very intersting!" I've been a macho male for a long time and am only just now finding my new self. It took me a very long time to join this group and I, too, have a daughter who has a life partner, and their very normal adopted children are highly-ranked seniors in High School now. I have also been a girls nationally ranked, plus being a collegiate women's softball coach of some reknown, which speaks for itself. Which goes to say, I am not biased and have finally come to realize that I am totally infatuated with my new-found self, and since I am 99% clean shaven, abolutely adore the feel of smooth clothing against my bare skin all the time now. Some day I'll be able to proclaim and display all of that openly, not just here amongst my new-found girl-friends. Point well taken by the other girls on this thread. Keep on truck'en. All the best Misti

[Jane P]

[QUOTE
--and no it is not logical.[/QUOTE]

That is the part that always gets me , there is no logic to what we do yet we are somehow driven to it. I like it when things make sense and when I look at some of the things that I do and others do , I do not see the sense of it. That is what I am clinging to right now and since I have joined this site. I know that for some reason it feels good to access these feminine feelings , but I am trying very hard to abstain. and have been relatively successful so far. It is difficult at times and again ........ that doesn't make sense.

Round and round we go. Good luck to you JayCee

[MissBobbi]

Jay Cee, I can relate to your post. The two parts of me are tiresome, one half says I shouldn't CD 'cos it's not normal and the other half says 'go ahead, there's nothing wrong or strange about it.'

[Olivia2]

Like others here, I can relate. I've been debating this subject with myself for 30+ years, at least. Have long abo come to the conclusion that the behavior itself is not wrong, just trying to figure out my motivations for it and whether they have gotten in my way in life, and kept me from more productive pursuits. On the other hand, as some here have proven in their own lives, the struggle itself and the see-sawing back and forth may have gotten more in the way than the dressing itself ever would. Anyway, you're not alone in your struggles. If you can, I would encourage you to seek out another therapist if the wait at the LBGT center is too long. Maybe you can find a private practitioner, who has some experience in the area or one who at least has an open mind.

[mklinden2010]

Is over-rated.

[Jorja]

I wish I had a logical concrete answer for you. The fact is there just isn't one. We in the tg/ts/cd....... world are just different. We like to emmulate women. What could possibly be so wrong with that? At least we are not out raping and pillaging the village. We are not pedophiles. We are not dealing drugs. We are not invloved in terrorist activities. All we do is dress like women. Yet, we are treated like the scum of the earth. We are humilated at every possible opportunity. We are forced to either live in complete and total misery or hide away and dress in secret. It makes no logical sense.

Let me suggest that you quit thinking so much. Relax and enjoy the time you do get to be your true self. If necessary, go seek out a therapist that can help you understand yourself.

[mklinden2010]

in.

[sterling12]

I imagine that you will have to work toward accepting whom you are, good or bad, smart or dumb, saint or sinner! As long as you don't do that, your going to continue to "Guilt Trip" yourself. Now, I imagine that you understand this is counter-productive, and a huge waste of time and emotions! And, I hope you understand that Nobody can do this for you. YOU have to be responsible for ALL your strengths and faults, and somehow come out The Other Side as a stronger, and happier person.

Now the Good Part! I suspect that JayCee ain't a bad person! But, My Opinion means about nothing. You have to start realizing that for yourself.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Frédérique]

Maybe I should clarify: I should say that my ways of thinking, or my prejudices, or however you wish to describe it, are still "old school". I still cringe sometimes at the thought of attending CD'ing meetings, or discussing my CD'ing with my SO (who is very supportive, btw), or even reading about it. Part of me is offended by everything to do with crossdressing.
Yet, here I am, in my office/den, where I store all my femme clothes. Here I sit; with pretty much all my body hair epilated, wearing a pair of panties and a satin nightie, ears recently pierced; asking for advice on a crossdressing forum.
How can this dichotomy exist? If I am allowing myself to do all of this, and if I enjoy it, how can I also be so uncomfortable with it? Has anyone else here gone through this? Does it get easier with time?

Be thankful that this “dichotomy” exists, for it is the key to happiness. I would enjoy meeting another crossdresser or two, and talking about our mutual passion (much like I do here), but, since I’m not the least bit offended by the aspects of crossdressing, I do not, or cannot, share your “old school” way of thinking. Yes, it’s hard to explain, and perhaps hard to swallow, at least initially, yet it’s a beautiful thing – if you just give in to the desire to crossdress, and let the doubts or prejudices (which you weren’t born with) fall away, you may be more comfortable with our shared effeminacy. Does that last word bother you? It’s just a word, you know...

Does it get easier with time? If you want it to, but, in your case I would modify my thinking, or nix the thinking part entirely, and just give in to the sensations of the moment. Come and go, all in the name of this un-namable, unknowable, inexplicable something. To "be" or not to be – are you ready to do THAT?

[suchacutie]

Maybe it's because the very first moment that I was "dressed" it was for my wife? Maybe it's because she instantly wanted to see me in a dress? Maybe it's because we talk about Tina (and she and Tina talk about me!). Maybe because suddenly I realized that Tina has always been there.

Whatever the reason, from the moment it started the whole process of living in two genders has seemed so obviously correct. What do other people think??? I really don't care. It's really none of their business. This is betweem me and my wife. LOL...maybe that's why it seems so natural!

tina

[Debglam]

Kind of like people who wear brown shoes starting a club and getting together to discuss the trials and tribulations of wearing brown shoes and all the crap they have to take from those a-holes that wear black shoes and look down upon them!! That make any sense at all?...

Big Smile!:D

Thanks Karren

[Theresa1955]

Why is it wrong for men to wear makeup, nylons, dresses, and heels? I believe that is the bottom line. Somewhere and sometime ago, someone decreed that men are to be hairy, wear pants and like it! Women are to wear fine clothing, have smooth soft sexy skin and adorn themselves with jewelry. Wait a minute! Women made a choice many years ago that allowed themselves to dress as they wanted. Why can't we men do the same. And are we not doing that here on this site. Let's face it, dressing in fine clothes, and feeling the soft smooth feel of nylon on our clean shaven skin makes us (at least it does for me) feel good. Why shouldn't we feel good. If dressing in clothing designed for women to wear makes you feel good then do it and enjoy life. We just need to change society's rules and unfortunately it will take some time.

Don't be confused with you feelings JayCee. Everywhere we look someone or something is trying to tell us how we should feel about this or that. Let yourself decide in which direction you want to go and enjoy:D

[Patty B.]

It sure causes some issues thinking that way myself, because I came out later than sooner, I guess its just a matter of time before this type of thinking goes away or you are not torn by this. I feel this way at times, personality, upbringing or whatever being the cause. These thoughts are starting to fade somewhat as I become more accepting of myself.

[Jonianne]

.....How can this dichotomy exist?....

That's called cognative dissonance or having conflicting beliefs. I used to go through such a struggle, nearly to the point of going insane, but I did come out the other end after much therapy. In the end, it finally sunk in my my thick skull, that no one was making me feel bad about myself, I was the one who was making me feel bad, no one else was. When that sunk in, my depression lifted and never returned.


.....That is the part that always gets me , there is no logic to what we do yet we are somehow driven to it.....

I certainly can't speak for everyone, but for me, it does makes plenty of logic. I know my personality and even though I know I am male, my personality is emotionally drawn to identifying with females. I have always looked up to strong women as my role models and in my spirit, when I can do some of the same things women do and see the feminine in myself, it gives me a peace in my heart. And yet, I have no driving desire to take it any further.

I believe people, if left alone, will gravitate to where they get their needs met. And there is nothing wrong with that!

[donnalee]

Logic is a strong horse, but can't be ridden everywhere.

[Christie ann]

There are many very well written posts here that I will just agree with. I too sometimes "feel ridiculous" when girling up. I promise to change my behavior and then watch my wife get ready for work in a pair of pants. They fought their fight and wear pants now (everywhere) and our fight is just getting strong, that we can wear skits/ dresses if we so choose.

[Sarah Doepner]

My brain has still not caught up to my soul, when it comes to CD'ing
How can this dichotomy exist? If I am allowing myself to do all of this, and if I enjoy it, how can I also be so uncomfortable with it? Has anyone else here gone through this? Does it get easier with time?

I just read about a study that shows we daydream nearly half the time we are awake, but it doesn't make us happier. Our minds are like butterflys, flitting here and there, attracted to this colorful piece of information and then just as quickly going on to something else as the breeze changes. So I would hope that our souls have more substance or at least a bit more inertia that will keep us grounded. When our soul connects with crossdressing our minds begin fluttering about looking for the reason, trying to fit it in with all we've been taught or picked up over the years. The later we come to it the more of that other stuff we need to filter through, until at some point we hopefully make the connect you are seeking. That point where there is congruence between mind and soul, between what I'm feeling and what I think about it.

Does it get easier? For me it did, but I had to run my mind through a lot of paths with many dead ends on the way as I attempted to link back up with my soul. It was a nice reunion and I think I cried just a little. Then we got dressed up, drank a toast and tried not to let the mind wander away without adult supervision.

[sometimes_miss]

I can't speak for anyone else; but if you want the logic theory, well, read my bio and you will conclude that it's logical that I would want to crossdress. But there doesn't have to be a logical reason; many men are subject to various things, such as pre-natal hormone fluctuations, perhaps genetic influences, and various influences during our development that cause the desire to crossdress. Whether we subject ourselves to the stress of denying that desire, or give in to it and relieve that stress, is up to the individual. Some people cope with it using alcohol, drugs, or aberrant behaviors. Others just feel we should do what our minds want us to do, and keep it a secret because of society's problem with it.
So do whatever you feel is normal for you, especially since it doesn't hurt anyone; that's the primary concern. We're not out there beating anyone, killing anyone, or hurting anyone in any way. There will be some people that will claim that we're hurting others because they expect us to be and act as normal men; well, that's their problem. We aren't here to live up to others expectations, or do what they want us to do just so they feel comfortable.
We are here to pursue happiness, as the U.S. constitution says, and guaranteed the right to do so.

[mklinden2010]

Not?

[katrinakat]

You've summed up many of the emotions I've struggled with my whole life. Good news...it does get better with time. It's difficult to balance a life
being 2 different people. At times I thought I was bi-polar due to the emotional highs I got from dressing up and going out; only to awake again
full of guilt and shame. Eventually, you have to confront yourself, admit to yourself that this is a part of you, like your eye color. It can't be changed, so embrace,
yourself and your dichotomy of a life style. Those that love you always will, and those who don't **** them. It's your life, so make it your own. Loosen, up have some
fun, your not hurting anyone....other than yourself.

Stay femme, stay strong! KatT

[ChristiesGurl]

Kat,

I think that its interesting that you think of yourself as two different people. My guy does that also, his female persona is a completely separate person. I'd be interested to find out what makes you feel that way. When you are a female does your personality change? I've notice that in my guy... she is a lot different from him. PM me if you want to chat about it.

[katrinakat]

I think that you can get away with more being in femme mode. Plus if your totally dressed up and presenting yourself as a girl, you should play the part.

[Rianna Humble]

This can be tough for a lot of CD's. society has taught us that CDing is wrong or something to make fun of.
Nobody likes to be something that everyone makes fun of.

Self acceptance is a key first step in finding happiness as a CDer.

Remember what you are doing isn't hurting anyone.

:yt: There are plenty of influences to put us onto a guilt trip - I should know, I had decades of guilt trips, but I eventually learnt to accept myself for who I am.

Perhaps you could ask yourself what it is that you most dislike about yourself to make you feel this way?