had a talk

[Being Paige]

ok, so I had a talk with my wife yesterday about my dressing and it went ok. I have been going out in the public for over 35 years, she had never known about this, only that I dress until of course one night a few years back she found out :sad:. Anyway she flipped out and told me that she could live with everything except me going out of the house dressed. She knows that I have alot of guilt about my dressing up and that she told me that I should go for some counceling. Our marriage is solid and we have been together for almost 30 years total, We both have way too much invested to throw it all away and we are still each others best friends. I have to stop going out, but it is so much of apart of me I don't know if I can stop! I have people I have met that I enjoy talking to and seeing. They are just friends! I think I am going to lock my self in with a chain to keep from getting out. Knowing it would upset my wife should be more then enough of a reason, I know but how do I just stop after all these years. I am so torn :sad:

[Sparkles]

did you explain how important it is to you to be able to go meet with other people that are like you?over the past 30 yrs how did you go out without her knowing?

[Josie M]

One thought would be to find a transgender support group. Usually, significant others are invited as well. You could even consider going in drab initially or (if it's an option) changing at the meeting place. This could help alleviate her concerns and give you a safe way to go out.

[Tanya C]

It's possible that your wife has been very hurt over the fact that you kept your outings from her for all thoses years.
I think you have work on communicating to her why it is important for you to go out dressed, and find a way to put her mind at ease. maybe even include her.
The key is honesty and communication. One of the things that I've learned being a married crossdresser is that the activities that we regard as very innocent and harmless are potentially devastating to our spouses.
Put yourself in her place.

[girl_in_pantyhose]

I remember when I told my girlfriend that I was CD. She initially hated me and wanted to separate. I felt she was still the one, and so I risked it and told her to talk to some of her friends about breaking up with me over being a crossdress.Lucky for me she had some very open minded friends and they talked her out of leaving me. That was about 3 years ago today. Now she cannot imagine why the whole crossdressing thing bothered her to begin with saying," I could not imagine you any other way". To this day I count my lucky stars for her.

I wish I could give you some advice better than my experiences. All I can say is that she has to come to the conclusion that this is an important part of you. No matter how convincing your argument may be, no matter how much proof you provider her, she still has to make the decision on her own. Be the best person you can be!

[Debglam]

One of the things that I've learned being a married crossdresser is that the activities that we regard as very innocent and harmless are potentially devastating to our spouses.
Put yourself in her place.

That is a good point. I think some wives feel that the crossdressing stems from something THEY aren't providing to the relationship and that couldn't be further from the truth.

[Josie M]

I remember when I told my girlfriend that I was CD. She initially hated me and wanted to separate. I felt she was still the one, and so I risked it and told her to talk to some of her friends about breaking up with me over being a crossdress.Lucky for me she had some very open minded friends and they talked her out of leaving me. That was about 3 years ago today. Now she cannot imagine why the whole crossdressing thing bothered her to begin with saying," I could not imagine you any other way". To this day I count my lucky stars for her.

I wish I could give you some advice better than my experiences. All I can say is that she has to come to the conclusion that this is an important part of you. No matter how convincing your argument may be, no matter how much proof you provider her, she still has to make the decision on her own. Be the best person you can be!

That's a good point, when I told my GF (now my wife) I also told her is was ok to talk to her friends and even family about it. She told her sister, her mother, and a close friend. Oddly enough, it all worked out. Being open worked out for me, but it was real scary at the time.

[suchacutie]

My only help is from my own experience so I have no idea if it can be applied in your case...but...

take her with you!

my take is that she needs to be a part of your femme self if she is to ever accept that you have a part of your life apart from her. unless you both have separate parts of your lives, I can see why she might be a tad unhappy. if you wouldn't be unhappy if she had a "separate life" (platonic as it may be), then maybe you have the basis for a shared conversation.

best wishes!

tina

[danielletorresani]

Not an easy situation. I don't envy you at all.

However, if after everything you try, it boils down to choosing between your wife and your dressing up...me, I'd choose my wife. It's probably a good idea to figure out what you'd decide ahead of time, should it come to that.