Venting..

[CatAttack]

Ok, so some of you may have seen my thread about my decision to transition.. but that is just all the positive stuff going on..

I don't usually like to talk about my problems [which may be a problem in itself] because I don't like to show weakness I guess, but I am just having a horrible time right now. There are so many things that are stressing me out right now and I just have to let it all out here because I feel somewhat safe in this forum I guess.. Only one person that I know in real life sort of knows about my issues..

First of all this is my 3+1/2 year in college and lets just say that I am struggling. I'm borderline failing [have about 2.0 gpa :(] because of the whole transgender/depression issue which I tried to cope with but it would always come back with a vengeance.

This is related to my second problem. I can't sleep at night.. I have terrible insomnia which makes going to class and doing work extremely hard. I literally have not been able to fall asleep before 6-7AM or later for the past couple of years at least. This makes me always tired all the time, messes up my eating schedule [not anorexic but just eating a odd times], or just really everything.

Anyways, this semester has been my breaking point. I can't finish my work and am failing.. and I'm going to have to tell my parents about this which won't go over well and also have to tell them about my decision to transition. My parents work so hard and don't really have very high paying super-jobs so I feel like a huge failure and a waste of their hard earned money. And I'm an only child which makes the failure issue weigh even more heavily.

What I've decided right now is to drop this semester and take a year off to transition and correct my wrongs.. anyways that is me venting..

[sandra-leigh]

Academically, if you are still before the withdrawl point, withdrawing rather than roughing it out and failing is usually better for your GPA. I don't know about the area you are in, but in Canada, withdraws appear on your academic record but do not affect your GPA. Also, your programme might have a limit on the number of classes you can fail or the number of times you can retake a particular topic or exam.

Knowing when you are over your head and taking action on it can be a very responsible decision. I don't like going to my boss telling him that I can't handle something, but it is the responsible thing to do for the team.

[donnalee]

How far away from graduation are you? If you're close, it may be better to push on through, get the degree, and then take care of your personal issues. Get treatment for your health problems first of all, that may help with the insomnia and the depression. Decisions this important should be made with a clear head. Good luck; I hope everything works out well for you.
:love:Donna

[Danni Bear]

Katty,

Far be it for me to tell you what is right or wrong. As far as venting on here,we all do it at times. It is healthy to be able to just let it all out.

School is hard, and dealing with gender issues makes it even worse. I hope that you don't let the emotions and stress cause you to do anything you will regret.Being open and telling your parents about your decision could be a portion of your stress and causing the problems you are seeing in not sleeping or eating right. I don't know if you have seen a therapist or not about this. If not I would recommend that you do. look for a LGBT organization on your campus and talk to them. There are many avenues that you can seek help through to deal with all your problems.
Don't think that you have to do everything at the same time.

Danni

[CatAttack]

Hey thanks all for the responses.. this is just me venting really.. Feels good to vent. I just gotta take one step at a time.

[suit]

de stress ! stress will#$%@#$% with your ability to learn and sleep and all the rest..leading to crashes ....when all the plates stop spinning and crash off there posts their is no stress, ,their all broken . you can sleep ,that leeds to less stress , that makes learning eaiser ,less stress ,less stresss >>clear head >>..success >>less stress more fun ...dont buy into the stress..it is bad. Nova had agreat show on it .

[Karen564]

Venting is good for the mind...bu all means, vent away..

It really is ashame you couldn't of transitioned earlier..
I was a terrible student as a boy...but all that changed drastically after I transitioned, and I don't dare tell you what my GPA is now...

Think it has to do with freeing the mind of crap...living with gender dysphoria can & does put ones life in such turmoil...I had insomnia for years starting from the age of 4...
many of us had that, some still do to some extent sometimes.

What are your schools policies regarding gender presentation/transitioning.....many school insurance /health care policies have made huge strides regarding transitioning students.

[dilane]

Hi Katty,

Sorry to hear about all the problems. You may be depressed. Severe insomnia often accompanies clinical depression.

I strongly advise you to get some mental health help, I'd go to a psychiatrist. I suffered from depression years ago, and getting treatment made a Huge difference in my life. It's hard to think that far ahead when things look black, but things do get better.
In my case, things started getting a lot better within a couple of weeks of finally admitting that I needed help.

I would definitely not go on E until you get a handle on your other issues and your mental health advisor agrees. I've always found that E can be a mild depressant -- something that does not go well with being depressed. Make big life moves from a solid base.

All the best,

Diane

[7sisters]

Look I cant give you advice. But my own experience with academics and college was an absolute and complete horror story. I'm here to tell you that things will get better.