Nursing home blues, don't feel like dressing.

[Alice Torn]

Recently, I have had to care for my elderly dad, and regularly visit my Alzheimer's mom in a nursing home. I have seen so many people, mostly women, in their last months, and right now, I am just not up to dressing up. Maybe depression again. I also have done some fishing lately, and other guy stuff. I really dig my stash of lady stuff, and have some time to dress, but, am tired, and weary, and seeing my mom, who i look a lot like, suffering, has got me out of wanting to dress for now.

[Karren H]

I know what your goint through.... My mother-in-law has been camping out in our spare bedroom and it's driving my wife and I crazy.... She has a good case od dementia going on and it is very depressing.... Not enough to stop me from crossdressing but I don't know about my wife? lol

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Take it easy, breathe in and out very slowly and relax. You will need your energy for looking after yourself as well as your parents. This is very, very hard and believe me you will feel depressed at times. Only you will know when is the right time to dress again, at present make the time for yourself and your parents. This is a very hard and harrowing time believe me. Take care.

[Tanya C]

A lot of us go through dry spells at one time or another. But it's almost guarenteed that your crossdressing will come back. The important thing is to be able to accommodate it when it does by not purging or arranging any situation in your life that precludes any future crossdressing.
You have to take care of yourself too.

[Oilpainter35]

Louise, I believe that the first and most important thing is that you continue to see after your mother as long as she needs looking after. I understand the depressed thoughts, and the not having anything left for your dressing after dealing with an important issue like family. The emotional draining issue of an ill family member that is in a situation that you are helpless to change, is all consuming. (as well as frustrating you where you feel helpless as they are) Time will apear soon enough and you will have all the time and interest in Dressing again. In fact you will be out buying that new outfit, make-up and accessories that will lift your spirits. Untill that time comes along, just hang in there and support your family, and when it is over, you will feel really good about doing what you could, when you could. You will not have regrets. Regrets are those helpless feelings you feel now manifested later into the phrase....I should have....Smile Louise, things will be fine, and you will be fine as well...Take care and write me if you care to sometime. You are in my thoughts..........Drew

[AllieSF]

Hi Louise. I just went through that for the last 1 1/2 years. I visited my Mom a lot and got to be friends with a lot of her neighbors there, who she really did not know, dementia does that to wonderful old people. I just decided to have fun and bring cheer to my Mom and everyone else. It made a difficult time more bearable. Good luck, enjoy your fishing and keep up the exemplary work.

:hugs:

[donnalee]

I've been going through the same thing with my SO for the past 8 years, since her first diagnosis; as she slid further into dementia's grasp. The most horrible thing about it is you can't save her; you can only try to delay the inevitable progress of the disease in the hope that somehow, somewhere, a cure can be found. She's still my beautiful girl and somehow I must keep her safe and loved.
I know your grief and the huge drain it puts on every aspect of your being; you must hold onto the hope that no matter how bad things get, eventually they will get better.
:hugs:
Donna

[Diane Smith]

Brrr, pretty soon it's going to have to be ice fishing!

You have friends not too far away here if you need to talk about anything. (But I don't do outdoor sports in the wintertime.)

- Diane

[Alice Torn]

Thanks everyone for sharing. The more difficult person is my father, who never has dealt with his issues. He is trying to make me into him, now, and it is very stressful. I can't live his life, and he can't live mine. He is very controlling, of me. Sometimes i wish it was him with the Alzheimers, and not my mom, but, thats not reality. He is getting senile. I go to a few Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families meetings, to help cope, too. Us baby boomers are facing these hard issues. It is going to be much tougher for the next generation, unless, the second coming comes soon!

[ronny0]

My dad was in Alzheimer's grip for just over 3 years till he passed. It is a living hell for the care givers, watching loved ones become strangers etc etc. You need all the support you can get, and all the friends you can find. You have to take time for yourself so you don't become overly depressed. Helping a loved one as they age can leave you with some great memories, also some bad ones. Sad part about this illness you can be with them 23:55 min, and 5 min after you leave them they will ask when will you come visit I haven't seen you in weeks. Mo matter what you do, they only know about it as you are doing it. 5 min later they have forgotten, it is a awful life for all involved.
Do try to become more active outside of your care giving duties, to try to keep a healthy outlook on life.
Good Luck.