Are you the problem?

[mklinden2010]

Really?

[TommyII]

A lot of similar thoughts here. I just try to be a real person with what I wear in public. So many people have bigger issues to deal with than what you are wearing. Be a good person and all will be OK with who ever you deal with.

[Karren H]

I don't have any problems I can't handle!! Sure I wish it would go away since it makes my life way to overly complicated... more than it should be but I accept that I am who I am and it isn't going away..... So I have no problems except maybe a lack of time...

[NathalieX66]

I'm happy being imperfect.
perfect people are boring, IMO. :wine:

[StacyCD]

My SO has become much more accepting as of late--I've been going at a glacial pace. However, despite that I'm not where I would like to be a while ago I never thought that I would be where I am now!

[Pythos]

Oh I know I am part of the problem. I have become a right coward. I don't like it, but I have.

I would love to look how I like every now and then, not everyday, if it did not run the risk of getting me tarred a sicko.
That is the fear.

irational.

Honsestly, what we chicken Cds need is support. And not over whelming support, just a wave of righteous indignation when some that dresses and appears differently is discriminated against.

We may be seeing that what with this absolute lunacy taking place at the airports.

That is an example of fear really taking hold of your lives. Why don't they use the pooches instead of the pawing technique? LOL

[Sarah Doepner]

I don't know if I'm well adjusted. If the truth be told, I'm probably nowhere near that. What I can claim is a fine skill set when it comes to rationalizing what I like to do, and being convincing enough that others accept what they see. However, it only goes so far, there are still boundaries and frontiers that need to be acknowledged and dealt with. Reading, thinking about and responding to the posts here is my attempt to fit it all in and maybe move beyond what appears to be well adjusted and actually get there.

[Kathi Lake]

I wonder what you mean by the phrase, ". . . crossdress (successfully) . . ." What, exactly, do you mean by success? Do you judge it by passing? Do you judge it by not caring what others think? I think I am a successful dresser when my bra is on the right way (and with my littlies, sometimes I never notice :)), when my makeup is done to my satisfaction, and when I just feel good about myself. Do I pass? Heck no! Do I care? Heck no! That's not exactly my goal. My goal is to be happy being me. That, to me, is success.

Kathi

[Starling]

...It's the crossdresser - those guys are usually a mess."

As for me, I'm a mess if I can't dress. Otherwise, I'm a decent human being who has learned how to live with being dealt a joker. I'll never have what I really, really want, but I make do with what I've got.

:) Lallie

[marny]

Who said it was a problem? ...Presumptor...:tongueout

[Joanne f]

Yes i have a big problem with it as it has cause me big problems in mine and my family's lives so it becomes a problem for me, i am happy and comfortable within myself as to what i am to the point that i do not see myself as cross dressing as i am only being me, what i am not happy with is the way i have to fight society to be just ME and that has become a problem for me . ( a lot of me`s in there) :heehee:
( Am i in a mess , i expect so as it go`s beyond cross dressing and the clothes will never sort that out ) :D

[Sejd]

I got stuck on your last sentence:

"those guys are usually a mess."

I think you hit something there, because in some ways it is usually a mess, but it is a mess we figure out, learn to live with. To be different than the most cause some problems for sure. Try to embrace it, and you will find that it's not as messy as it looks :0)

[melissacd]

Hopefully, if we work through this part of ourselves honestly, we eventually get out of our way. I agree that the biggest challenge in all of this is ourselves, but if we allow ourselves to evolve through this in our own way it is possible to get to a place where it can and will work for us. We just have to allow it to happen, get comfortable with who we are and strive for a place that feels right for us. We must learn to stop beating ourselves up and just accept that we are this way, that acceptance will help you find your way forward, will remove yourself as the limiting factor.

[eluuzion]

I'm just wondering... Why do people get in their own way so much? All these "well-adjusted" CDs, etc, have jobs and families and will all probably live to a ripe old age.


I firmly believe...
Two things determine the differences you mentioned Perception and Attitude.

:love:

[Gerrijerry]

FEAR is the problem. Until you can overcome that and accept yourself how can others. No fear, then little or no problem. The reason I say there could be a little problem is because there are others out there who will never accept anyone who is different.

[erickka]

It (the crossdressing) is only a problem if you make it a problem.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I couldn't agree with you more. Before I came out, I often let my crossdressing be a problem. I let it be a distraction and I let it make me feel unhappy like something was actually wrong with me, but all that was wrong with me is that I wasn't willing to accept myself for who I am. I also absolutely know that I'm a happier person now than I was before coming out, and that people seem to like me better. And, while there's still the occasional person who has issues with it, in general I find people are super comfortable around me when I dress the way I do. In fact just last night I did a set at a comedy club and I was talking to a woman at the bar afterwards because I recognized her from another show, and we were talking about our acts and I mentioned how I now have to do a bunch of material about how I dress, and I motioned to my skirt and she was like "You know what's funny? Until you pointed it out I hadn't even registered that it was something to notice."

[Jocelyn Quivers]

In my very simplified view. I'm me, this is who I am. No problems, no concernes, no need to complicate anything, I am happy with the way things are for now.

[minalost]

Hopefully, if we work through this part of ourselves honestly, we eventually get out of our way. I agree that the biggest challenge in all of this is ourselves, but if we allow ourselves to evolve through this in our own way it is possible to get to a place where it can and will work for us. We just have to allow it to happen, get comfortable with who we are and strive for a place that feels right for us. We must learn to stop beating ourselves up and just accept that we are this way, that acceptance will help you find your way forward, will remove yourself as the limiting factor.


FEAR is the problem. Until you can overcome that and accept yourself how can others. No fear, then little or no problem. The reason I say there could be a little problem is because there are others out there who will never accept anyone who is different.


It (the crossdressing) is only a problem if you make it a problem.

Thanks ladies, these replies all revolve around one of the central problems that I (and I assume many other crossdressers) had or still have: self acceptance. How can you expect others to accept you if you can't accept yourself? I believe that I have come a long way on the road to self acceptance, but I still stuggle (this site and the girls who contribute have helped A LOT!!!). There is no doubt in my mind that my wife may have been more accepting/understanding earlier in our relationship if I hadn't acted so guilty about crossdressing. My inability to easily communicate with her on this topic is still a constant road block - but I THINK I'm getting better.

So, yes, for some of us, WE are the problem, not our SOs or freinds. Accept yourself, be happy with who you are, and I THINK some of our problems with others would solve themselves.
:2c:

[Pythos]

But I do accept myself. WHaaaaaaa!! LOL

[Christy_M]

I can state with a great degree of certainty that my male persona is a problem. I spent too much time as a kid fighting the "Ginger hating" crowd that I never wanted to fight this battle and give more cause or righteousness to that battle. Cowardly? Maybe. It is always hard being different than most people, regardless of what anyone says. People develop a shell of indifference but usually underneath that is just another self conscience person trying not to draw attention to themselves while they try to express themselves. It is the accumulation of these expressive moments where ther were no adverse effects that bring self acceptance faster. When there are set backs either through negative reaction from people or some other negative reinforcement (pain, financial loss, etc), it delays the self acceptance. On some level, people accept themselves enough to prevent the infliction of pain unto themselves. If/when that starts, it is clear they're a long way from accepting themselves. The fear of being the butt of jokes or whispers or negative stereotypes or whatever negative reaction people bring produces self doubt which in turn develops a different kind of shell which I believe to be slightly different for everyone. So I say all this to say that there is already some level of self acceptance just by being here and getting validation of being me. The ability to travel through society is governed by either indifference to those negative reactions or an incredible ability to pass without being "caught" or outer or read.

If you have read any of my other posts, you surely know I am very opinionated so please take this as just another one of my opinions and not something I am trying to project on anybody else. I appreciate any disagreement with my opinion since it usually educates me on why I may be wrong...

[Starling]

...I appreciate any disagreement with my opinion since it usually educates me on why I may be wrong...

I tried really hard, Christy, but I couldn't find anything you said to disagree with.

:) Lallie

[Jenniferpl]

There are no problems that I cannot handle. The issue is how crossdressing complicates one's life and how to deal with it. Since crossdressing refuses to go away the only choice is to learn how to live with it.

[noeleena]

Hi,

I see the words self acceptance , ill take that a bit further..is that for those who dress in womens clothes & how far that goes. or those who have surgery ,& those who use it for sexual reasons .

is that the accptance of what we are talking about ,

Or is it of accepting of ones self as a person . first & then accepting of the things we do.

I wear womens clothes because i have no other clothes to wear .

I dont wear them for sexual reasons because im a non sexual.



& i did not dress in womens clothes as many here do .because they are males . no probs there.

i accepeted who i was 53 years ago for who i was / am . i was allways comfortable in my self just because a few details were out of sorts as how i saw my self did not stop me accepting who i was or am.
& being born the way i was has helped in how im accepted now as a woman .

as said , (( its not the crossdressing they are clothes , )) just clothes ?? may be , its what those clothes represent is the problem & whos wearing them as under western thinking . i could have worn a kilt for 50 years & no one would ?? me because im a scot. now if that was a skirt ..see the difference western thinking. so yes crossdressing is the problem when its in context of what people percive it to be.

I know of many , many people who would ?? why are you wearing our clothes , because im accepted as a woman proper it does not ever enter in to any thing concerning what we talk about.

You have to be involved with people every day live with them work with them you know join clubs to know what people are thinking , not be only involved with trans groups . in other words live in the real world.

...noeleena...

[Brynna M]

I don't have a lot of insight here but I'll just chime in because it's something I've wondered about. I've accepted my crossdressing for myself but I'm still afraid of the social stigma that is attached to it. Its a part of my life but i'm afraid of losing other things that are important to me if I came out or made it a bigger part of who I am. But it is a part of who I am and will never go away. My S.O. knows but is not accepting. I've often asked if the people I associate with are worth being with if they won't accept me or something that is different but not harmful to anyone. I haven't found the answer. For now I'll just keep growing.

[Cheryl T]

CD'ing is not a problem in my life anymore since my spouse and I openly discussed it and cames to terms with it. I certainly don't have a problem with it and never did. It's always that others have issues with it and I've come to realize that that is THEIR PROBLEM.
I'm who I am and that's the sum of it. If someone takes issue with who I am then they are spending more of their time on the issue than it's really worth. To paraphrase Obi-Wan "Move along, these aren't the CD's your looking for".... LOL