Going full time.....

[Louise C]

I'm feel almost ready to start going full time, and was wondering if any of you would like to share how you went about it.

Did you do it in stages? Or were you full on in one go? What was the reaction from others?

Most of you have probably posted this info before, but i'm fairly new around here so thought i would ask anyways.:)

[Teri Jean]

Louise, everyones journey is different so don't be discouraged if yours is different than others. For me I came out to my primary care giver and he referred me to a center for sexual health and my first appointment with a gender therapist. After a year and half I have made my date for GRS and completeing my physical transformation as the blending of the physical and mental takes time beyond the surgery, IMO. Life is fluid and so is our growth. So the answer for you is yes it is stages but more fluid than stepping stones or mile markers. I want to wish you the best and remember friends can and will help you through at each step on your path. Hugs Teri

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Louise,

I started by consulting my GP and being referred to a psychiatrist who confirmed that I am not only mad :heehee:

When I went full-time, I started by planning it with management and HR at work. We had a series of meetings where we discussed practicalities and timescales. I also prepared an FAQ to be given out to people who would need to be briefed about my transition (principally the two teams that work for my manager). I had already been coming in dressed on "dress-down" days for a few months so it was not a big surprise to anyone in the firm. If you would like to see either of the documents I prepared for work, send me a PM and I will let you have a copy.

On 30th June my manager witnessed my deed poll which we dated 1st July for administrative reasons. That's when the fun began - telling banks, DVLA, utility companies and so on. I got 5 originals of the deed so that I didn't have to wait for one to come back before I told someone else. I think only 1 copy has gone astray in the post. If you re doing a deed poll, make sure that you include the change of title (not all deed poll companies offer this) otherwise you will become Mr Louise C... :eek:

On 1st July I came to work as Rianna and a few days later received my new security pass.

Everyone at work has been extremely supportive and I am no longer referred to as Robert or "he" (at least not to my knowledge). In fact, I have since been nominated to a
role as staff rep because the manager who nominated me wanted to have at least one woman in the running for the post. As it happens, there were only the right number of people nominated so there was no need for a vote.


In my home town, I had planned to take things slowly. I changed my details at the doctor's surgery and went into the local council to change my electoral registration. They made it very easy for me, I just had to sign an affidavit and show them my deed poll. Coming out of the council offices was where the wheels fell off my plans a bit because someone recognised me and told the press that they had just seen former Borough Councillor Hull leaving the Town Hall dressed as a woman. It was not long before I was pages 1 and 3 of the local paper and the story was then sold on to the Sun (Boo! Hiss!). I would not recommend this method of "coming out" although I am still getting people come up to me in the street to wish me well (including former political opponents).

Possibly not a completely typical story, but it worked for me.

[Karen564]

I worked up to it...prior to going FT, for about 6 months I was presenting 4 out of 7 days, as completely female, it would of been 24/7 then, but my youngest girl was still having a hard time seeing me presenting as completely female when I was staying with them during the week nights....but after they didn't need me there anymore, their the ones that encouraged me so I could go 24/7...
Then a few months after that, I signed up for an 18 month Medical Professional program at a local college so I could change careers, which worked out great for being full time girl from the get go & has allowed me to interact with so many people at the school, mostly all females....so far after a year there, it's been fantastic to just be myself & make so many new friends there. Plus it has allowed me to hone my skills as a woman so I'm better prepared for when I re-enter the workforce..
I would think it's much harder for everyone involved when someone transitions on the job vs. the route I took..

[CharleneT]

Like Karen above and many others, I kinda slid into place. I was presenting female about 80% of the time for a year before I started RLE. Honestly, it was such a relief when I did though. No more trying to figure out the bad places to be seen. I have been transitioning "in place" on my main job though. That I will admit is difficult. Fortunately for me my clients are very understanding (mostly) and have been supportive. I have had a second job for the last 3 months and I started there just as a woman - much easier !! I'm starting a new (and much better) second job next week. I'm a bit nervous about how it will go because I will be around doctors and nurses all the time. If anyone can "read" me ....

The "how" of this is so individual ... it is hard to give much advice. Your circumstances are likely so different from mine etc. I will say that you should go only as fast as you are comfortable and confident. Those two things are easily as important as all the physical aspects that we worry about. Personally, I think more important in fact. I do not "pass" all that well ... yet I do. I attribute that to being relaxed about it. I no longer think about trying to look like a woman or act like a woman. I just act like me and it seems to work out.

[Melody Moore]

Hi Louise

What reaction? When I went full-time I found that I had virtually had no reaction from any member in the general public.
Everything went really well and for the most part noone noticed really, the fears I had were very unfounded. But having
said that you must understand that not everyone will be accepting, so its best to be prepared to deal with some rejection.

[MJ]

after being true to myself i saw my gp who sent me to a gender shrink who in turn said i had GID gender identity disorder after that i got my letter to start my transition gave it to my place of work set a date for mj to start work and that was it'
Louise my story:---

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?42285-My-Story&highlight=

[Louise C]

wow! thanks to all of you, just hearing your stories gives me more confidence.........helps me to feel less isolated.

MJ, thanks.

[Ross]

Hi Louise im a new member my name is Lisa I waited for years before I went full time after going to charringcross last August I was told to dress in a safe zone then when the time was right try and go out to a cafe.When I got home I told my wife,she told me that she would help me also her friends would help me, so the next day I desided to go in town with my wife and friend. The town was a little bit busy I felt nervous, a few people gave me funny looks apart from that every thing went ok, after a while I felt more relaxed I think it helps a lot if you go with friends. Now I go 24/7 dressed I do still get the odd stair and gigle you will get use to it

[MJ]

your welcome I'm impressed the pictures are still there we all need a little help from time to time that's why were here inspiration from others

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Before I went full time I CD everyday and when I knew it was me I went for it and there was no turning back.

[Louise C]

Yeah, thanks, MJ- it's been a rough ride the last couple of years since i last spoke to you. Glad i came back.:hugs:

Lisa, Jennifer, thanks too.

Hey, Melody, i think the rejection is what i fear the most......

[Jorja]

I had just left the US Navy and was between that and going to collage. I just did it over night. Yesterday I was him, today I was her. From that point on I was Jorja 24/7. I graduated from collage and got my first job as an Architect as a woman.

We all travel diffrent paths to get to the same place. There may be some rejection along the way that is part of life. You have to keep your head held high and keep your eye on the prize.
Nothing in this life (at least mine) comes for free. You have to work hard for it. If you know in your mind body and soul that transition is right for you, then go for it and damn the nay sayers.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you find as much happiness as I have.

[Rianna Humble]

I can't promise you that you will never get a hostile reaction - only tonight on the way home some young drunk yelled "transvestite" after I had gone past him. If he hoped to get a reaction out of me he is still waiting.

The vast majority of people will not be hostile. I make eye contact with other women and smile as I approach them. I often get a smile in return even from somone who had looked like they might disapprove.

Last week, I was waiting for a taxi in Crawley High Street when someone came out of a restaurant specifically to say how much she and her husband admire me for having the courage to transition. Having said it, she went back to her meal.

[Saika]

Even in doing my best to present as a woman, when I came out full time, transition developed in stages. I dressed very conservatively to begin with and it has taken me the better part of a year to be walking around how I want to be dressed. I began hrt, laser and started my full time transition all at once. Has been very stressful at times.

I get reactions that aggravate me no end but for the most part people are too busy doing there own thing to worry about some translady going about her business.

[Felicity71]

I cant say Ive reached full time status yet. I still have some male shoes and a couple of old Shirts, and one pair of work trousers. Its getting close to 1 year on HRT. I probably should dispose of them, but im in no hurry. Im also being very conservative when I wear clothes around my parents and other family. The clothes are female to a point but I dont wear skirts or dresses in some sort of unwritten rule.

[Melody Moore]

Hey, Melody, i think the rejection is what i fear the most......
Never fear bigotry or rejection, because it shows you more about the bigots than what it does you - this exposes the people with the real issues.

Ive had one situation where my former house-mate tried very hard to vilify me to all his
so-called good friends, but I was pleasantly surprised when they all jumped on his arse.

That was a bitter sweet revenge and justice that was very well deserved. :)

[Noemi]

I am inspired reading about all of you that are reaching for the stars. You really know everything all of the time. So go through with it, be the women you are. You are all very beautiful. You are connecting with the energy that creates all things. or at least lets em know what to do, that is what is telling you to transition, that is powerful.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Take a step back..what are your goals? To what extent do you have a feeling for what your life is going to be as you transition and then post transition? or like many of us, do you have no idea, you just want to get going!! LOL...
that last feeling cost me alot because i really should have thought through things, but i was hellbent on nothing stopping me or even slowing me down...

this is an important point...the shit that happens to you will impact you..if you are pointed at by small children and sneered at by adults, it will impact how you feel about what you are doing.....the bitter sweet revenge melody talks about doesnt do much for you if you if you are having a tough go of it at first..this isnt about them...its about you.

if the first person you meet as louise proper is wonderful (lets say you pass ! or lets say they know everything, but they make you feel wonderful), then you are getting the right start.. so set it up that way...do what you can to make the start a good experience...pick the folks that support you, girlfriends to share a dinner your first night...

i planned out my first day as a trip to my hairdresser...in as a guy, get a cut and color and out as myself....i never ever looked back after that, it worked for me...it helped ME to start off in a friendly place..i made sure i looked ok, and off i went...
they sent me out the door with my best face, best hair and best confidence...i went shopping , went home, and woke up the next day to a new life...now its not that simple, but the approach is simple and it was helpful to frame real life decisions and frame how i came out to people...i could tell people i knew that July 20th was my last day...i set this day in advance so i could stop obsessing about my fears, but i set it well in advance to give me time to get my head in the best place possible..i got stuff done as a guy that would be trickier if i waited (i had guy id for months)...

looking back, the stuff i took care of and planned in advance worked to my advantage..

[Melody Moore]

the bitter sweet revenge melody talks about doesnt do much for you if you if you are having a tough go of it at first..this isnt about them...its about you.

Kaitlyn, you are right in saying, its not about them, its about you. And trust me when I first stepped out I was nervous as hell but I just kept giving myself lots of reassurance that I would be OK if I didnt show my nervousness and I proved that this theory worked. And that night my former housemate got put in his place for trying to vilify me I was also nervous knowing I was going tp be walking out in front of 6 guys who according to my house-mate where going to bash me. But I just said to myself "F**k it" the walked out confidently and with a smile on my face, looked everyone in the eye, waved to these guys and said "Hi".

The moral of this is don't let people fool you into believing that they can intimidate you so easily. I know that for some people that is easier said than done, but I have proven to myself many times now that my theory does work - be proud in who you are, walk tall & with confidence and smile. People do back down when you don't come out with body language that shows that you are feeling very intimidated & under threat where you are ready to kill the first guy who opens his mouth. Your own body language will affect the situation, if its good you can turn a bad situation around, but if its bad, it only serves to make the situation even much worse.

[MJ]

Yeah, thanks, MJ- it's been a rough ride the last couple of years since i last spoke to you. Glad i came back.:hugs:

Lisa, Jennifer, thanks too.

Hey, Melody, i think the rejection is what i fear the most......

hey sis i lost everything my family the wife the house a year later my apartment my job my car ended up in a woman's shelter with nothing it's not easy sometimes that's the price we must pay.

But i made new friends found new
trans brothers and Trans sisters. got my own place going to cosmetology school yep makeup school who would have guessed

oh right post op as well

today life is great but i went through hell and back to get here and i have the love and support of everyone here my on line family i shed many a tear in the beginning but it was worth the heartache i can see that now not so much then,

Please remember you need us as much as we need you sis

[Louise C]

Melody, what you say makes real sense to me, but i'm really very timid and not very good at being mentally tough. I'm glad it worked for you - i'm sure i would cope if push came to shove. Thanks Melody. :battingeyelashes:

Kaitlyn, your comments about preparation are exactly what i have been trying to do - i've prepared people as best i can, stayed close to my supporters and tried to keep away from negative situations. When i'm confident that i'll pass for most of the time, i'm sure i will feel a lot stronger.

MJ - i hear ya. x.

[MJ]

When i'm confident that i'll pass for most of the time, i'm sure i will feel a lot stronger.
.




but you do pass better than i do for gods sake i am amazed at how good you truly look.
just do it .....get out there and sort it out as you go. it's the best way or you will never be good enough pretty enough smart enough add reason here ............
you should come over here for two week fully enfemme i'll fix you
hugs

[Stephanie Anne]

I went out a little bit more and more. I would just tell my self "what the hell" and go. Eventually I stopped concerning myself so much with passing and just made my mind up to be full time.

started my name change, have come out to work and family which makes it much easier to not feel uncomfortable with myself.


I think the biggest milestone was accepting and being ok when not feeling myself like going out and not be depressed about feeling I failed myself.

[Areyan]

but you do pass better than i do for gods sake i am amazed at how good you truly look.
just do it .....get out there and sort it out as you go. it's the best way or you will never be good enough pretty enough smart enough add reason here ............
you should come over here for two week fully enfemme i'll fix you
hugs

heh, i agree... there is never a perfect time for anything, though it does help to approach a life path with some plans, don't let your fears derail you at the last minute. i feel that i'm actually too overweight and may have medical issues that could cause a problem for me with transition but i'm not letting that stop me from getting out a bit more now, dressed masculine. before anyone says "but natal women can get away with wearing guy stuff etc" yeah that's just the thing... i have to work a bit harder at it with my mannerisms and other masculinizing things that give off that "guy" gender expression to others for it to really work.

and i get just as scared doing it, believe it or not. i can be intimidated by much bigger guys looking twice at me because they sense something a bit off about my behaviour/appearance and it makes me cringe but i tend to act a bit more girlie when that happens, because sometimes they look like they might get in my face. exactly the opposite here with the FTM thing but i can relate to the fear of going full time out to everyone.

[Louise C]

you should come over here for two week fully enfemme i'll fix you
hugs

Better book meself a flight then..............:D :D :daydreaming:

[Melody Moore]

Melody, what you say makes real sense to me, but i'm really very timid and not very good at being mentally tough. I'm glad it worked for you - i'm sure i would cope if push came to shove. Thanks Melody. :battingeyelashes:
I've seen your pics and there is no reason at all why you need to worry so much. You pass better than me & many other TS girls I know and noone bothers me at all.

I think you should just go for it & start your real life experience and you will soon be amazed at how free you will feel.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Louise, my transition was not done in "stages" more like an evolution or metamorphosis. When I started transitioning, I did so in our home and on our property (we own a very large piece of land that our home sits on). In the very beginning I purchased two wigs and wore them for maybe two weeks. I hated them especially when having a full head of hair to begin with - but it was just not long enough.

So like my hair growing out slowly inch-by-inch, so did my metamorphosis. I perfected my make-up skills, settled on fashions that were "me" and started venturing out more and more with each coming week until my hair was long, my clothing style solidly in place and my comfort level high.

The next thing I knew, I had reached 24/7 with such ease and without any trepidation. Then the HRT and my androgynous appearance began to transform into a very feminine one.

Today, I am just me, mentally the woman I have always been and now a body that represents my womanhood.

[MJ]

Better book meself a flight then..............:D :D :daydreaming:

you are welcome anytime sis just say when... but it's very cold over here right now. try spring, may is good