My husband wants to crossdress, and I want to help!

[onemorefirst]

This is my first post, and I'm hoping you wonderful folks can help.

My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for 2. About three years ago, he and I were having pillow talk and he admitted that one of his fantasies is to wear "fancy clothes," which he told me (after a lot of begging) meant "stockings and stuff." Now, I know that crossdressing is usually not a sexual thing for most men, and I can't say for sure if this is this case with my husband, though he did present it as a sexual fantasy.

I'm asking for help because since mentioning it this once, my husband has been resistant to discussing it further. He's resistant to discuss anything that has to do with sex and sexuality in general, no matter how the subject is presented. I've only mentioned the crossdressing twice since he told me, and both times he said he didn't want to talk about it.

I think this must be something important to him or he wouldn't have mentioned it. He did say he has had this fantasy since he was a young teenager. I don't think he is crossdressing already, since he only mentioned it in the context of sex and is terrible at hiding things from me, but I could be wrong.

My question is, do I purchase some stockings in his size and bring them to bed, despite having never had a conversation with him about living out this fantasy? How do I get him to talk about it? Should I just drop it? I'm new to this and any feedback is appreciated.

Thanks in advance. :)

[Marissa]

Hi and welcome to the site. Most who read your post will say WOW!!! a woman who is open to experimenting with crossdressing he is very lucky to have someone in his life that has an open mind such as yours. Very rare to find someone who is willing in just dressing
You could try the old trick of being in bed..and somewhere along the line, tell him how sexy if would be if he put on your stockings or panties.. and then introduce 'his' new items :)

Some will pull back when confronted with the questions as they are unsure of where it will go..so that is not new. Handle delicately..

Thank you for sharing..

Hugs,
Marissa

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I have a very hard time talking to my wife about it as well, still a lot embarassed about the whole thing while discussing with my wife. I wear womans clothes most days at home and always to bed, we have a modest sex life only because my wife says she is not a lesbian and doesn't want to be with a woman. She humors me though. I would say that he will be reluctant to bring it up again until it really gets bottled up and has to get out, you could buy him a nice nightie and some panties and garter and stockings and have a few drinks and then tell him to go try on the clothes you have laid out for him. , if he is anything like a bunch of us he will love you forever.

[Dana]

I wouldn't so much accent on the sexual side of it all as I would accent on your helpling him letting out the "woman within" out ~ and his expressing his feminine side.

Nuture and encourgage him to explore and express his feminity ~ indeed discover it ~ as he's probally had littile if any opportunity to do so.

Go slow ~ so as to allow him to become comfortable with it. And to enjoy it as you do yourself. Help him to explore it and to become accoustmed to it.

Most of us are socially and cluturally conditioned against anything feminine.

I personally would love to be the wife of a GG.

Not only that but to have a GG nuture me into being feminine.

And I understand that women have their wants and needs as well ~ and that at times they need and want a man to "Man-up"

[Edwina]

And you have waited three years? Sorry, I know this is a support forum but I am a little puzzled.

[AKAMichelle]

my bet is that he is embarrassed about telling you. He has probably done it for most of his life, but wants it to go away. He is ashamed of it. It will take a lot of talking to get to the root issue of this. He is also probably really worried that it will somehow destroy your relationship

[wadevikingfan]

i think he is emabarassed to talk to you about the whole thing...i know i sprung the suprise on my wife in august, and we haven't said a word about it since....and for me, at this time, the cross dressing is sexual...i know i get very excited about it..., maybe the cross dressing and everthing is all fantasy...i would sit down and talk to him..the pillow talk is fine..and tell him you support the cross dressing all a guy needs is support from his wife...i know i would love to have that...

wendy

[Dana]

While its true that most CDer's are more likely to be heterosexual ~

I think its also true that that most of us would like to be more submissive in the relationship with GG

At least part if not more than half of the time.

Because of societial, cultural and religious conditioning? I believe many of us "fantazise" about so-called "forced feminization"

Rather focusing on the sexual content it? I would suggest that you work on brining out "the gril" within him out. Letting him express the "her"
that he/she kept bottled up with her/him so long.

Inded I would a suggest using a chaisty device to deny "Her" and outlet and release from his/her "feminity"

This might sound like or suggest some sort of bondage etc ~ but its not ~ its forcing him/her to come to terms with his/her feminiity which he/her has denied themselves for so long ~without any other means?

[Naomi Rayne]

Everyone is different and we all have different levels of comfort. In my case i can talk to my SO about anything it doesnt matter. But when it comes to the practical application of her seeing me dressed im still a bit on edge about it and the point of me being comfortable in fem clothes around her just hasent come to me yet. But when she is supportive or suggestive its nice. So buying him some stockings and stuff and introducing it to him might be a good idea. He may have to reach his level of comfortableness before he can reach out and address his comfort around you. But if you are supportive it will really help. A couple ways that you can go about it that just kind of pop into my head would be. You can leave the stuff out into the bathroom and tell him theres a surprise in there for him that you want him to wear to bed. You can introduce it while in bed. Or if you could possibly give the things to him as a gift and tell him that you want to see him in it soon or something. You know your husband the best so only you can decide. I hope this helps.

[Juliemckay]

My advice is to go slow. Introduce one thing at a time, like say panties. You can make a game of it. If he pushes back (like says, no) don't push it. At first, for most CDs, there is a lot of both social and personal hurdles that need to be addressed. You can also do some things that aren't directly related to CDing, but still a bit en femme. Try something asking him to shave his legs or arms (or other areas). Maybe take him to the mall, while there have him follow you into the lingerie department. Find something cute and sexy and tell him this would look good on him. Maybe go to the MAC/Sephora counter and get him some lipstick, masquera and/or eye liner. Matbe go with him to get his ears pierced. But go slow and try to make it seem like a whim, if it seems really planned, he'll likely resist

just MHO

[Sophie86]

Many men associate this side of themselves with feelings of submissiveness and vulnerability. That makes it a very delicate thing to approach when dealing with a man who is masculine in all other respects. We're taught that those are bad things to feel. We want to be in control, and to feel emotionally impregnable. There's a lot of fear keeping those defensive walls in place, so you shouldn't try to tear them down by main force. What you want is to be invited inside the walls, and that requires a bond of trust.

If your goal here is to give him an experience that he deeply desires, then you have to ease your way into it. My suggestion is that you should buy the 'fancy clothes' for yourself. Wear them to bed when you make love. Let him experience them vicariously through you. If the two of you are close enough in size, he may try them out when you're not around. Give that some time to simmer, and then tell him some night how much you would love to see how his legs would feel wearing your stockings. Don't present it as a chance for him to fulfill his fantasy, tell him it's yours (as apparently it is). Once he's tried it, you can move on from there. Always be sure to let him go back to being the guy afterwards. Don't be derisive even in a playful way, or you might find yourself shoved outside the wall again.

The key is to be someone he can trust.

[Andrea's Lynne]

You're so sweet for coming on this forum to seek advice on how to move forward. I agree with the others who recommend going slow (and that is for both of you). I know when i raised the subject with my wife it felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest!

In our case it has opened a whole new level to our relationship (both things you mentioned ;) ) and we have had great "fun" together.

Perhaps asking him to wear some panties for the day, with the anticipation of more to come later, will help you both to enjoy it. Or maybe offer to put lipstick on each other, then plant little "lipstick" kisses over each other. Or suggest you both have a steamy shower and shave each other legs. Or ..... holey cow, I need to go see my honey:o!!

You sound like a wonderful, caring woman. I certainly wish you both the best!

[Alice B]

At the start, cross dressing for most men is sexual in orientation, even if they do not admit it to themself. Based upon what you have posted there is little question that his desires are tied to this. The very fact that you are willing to come to this site and ask for assistance says a lot about what a truly great wife you are. In my opinion (and it is only that) I would buy him a sexy nightgown and nylons, leave them out for him to find with a note inviting him to wear them and take you to bed. He will either reject the idea, which says he has a lot of issues to deal with, or accept the offer and you can take things to the next level, if there is one. Again. You are a very special person. Good luck.

[Dana]

I don't see what all the big huff and fuss it about?

You know that he knows that you know he's part "girly"

And not only do you know? Not only do you accept it ~ but you like it?

So get rid of his BVD's and "Tighty-whities" and get him some VF panties already.

Get him to shave and a nylon nightgown already.

Teach him how to get and be girlly.

[Elizabeth Ann]

A lot of good advice here. I would only add that I think it IS sexual for a lot of us, and at least partly sexual for most of us, though many will deny that. Embarrassment and shame is a powerful force for us. I know that I oscillate between enthusiastic and not about many aspects of my sex life with my wife (including, but not only, the crossdressing).

At the right moment (you'll know when that is), tell him that you love him unconditionally, that you want more than anything for him to be happy, and that the rest is just details. If they fit okay, take a pair of your panties or a sexy nightgown, and help him get into it. I think this is important. He might be too embarrassed to put it on himself, but would love for you to put it on him. After all, he might reason, where is the guilt in cooperating with my wife.

Make sure you tell him that your love is unconditional.
Liz

Sophie86 has some terrific advice a few messages back. Read it twice. Good luck

[JenniferB]

My advice: Just go real slow. Maybe purchase some panties, bra, hose and heels for him to try.
Tell him it's also "your" fantasy.

[Maxi]

My suggestion would be to buy him a gift card to a place that sells lingerie. One he can shop online. Let him decide what he would like, or when he is ready. Just be supportive, and let him take his time. This is his fantasy.
To someone who is not fully comfortable with their sexuality, crossdressing can be a very touchy subject. Be careful not to degrade him. Good luck.

[JenniferB]

My suggestion would be to buy him a gift card to a place that sells lingerie. One he can shop online.
that's a fabulous idea.

[Cassandra Lynn]

I'm hesitant to suggest anything without knowing EXACTLY how you feel about it. All i read from your post is that you are thinking of bringing the items to bed, but you seem to want to do that to get him to open up about it. If you succeed in getting him to wear any items of lingerie to bed only to find out it makes you uncomfortable he will sense that and it will prolly be a very bad situation.
Now if you truly like the idea of having your man in feminine clothing and especially in your bed (there are more GGs who do not allow there CD/TG SOs to dress for bed, or take it into the sexual arena), then by all means take it slowly and carefully in that direction. Make sure to instill in him that you are totally fine with it.

But do you know how you really feel about it, or do you just want to get him to release all this stuff that is bottled up in him? If you are just trying to get it out, i would try to do so just through speaking about it.
I wonder how many SOs out there have said "you want to wear my lingerie?, ok, that sounds like it could be fun" , only to have a very different and awful reaction to seeing their guy dressed.

Be careful what you ask for. Now then if the idea is a turn on for you and you know you can enjoy it, then Hallelujah, best wishes for you both.
mj (Cassie)

[AmandaM]

Even now, it's tough for me to tell my wife stuff about crossdressing, etc. The best thing you can do, is take the lead on this if you want to help. He's probably scared. Just get the stockings, panties, bra, whatever. Start with one item. Tell him you want him to try it "for you". That'll give him the excuse he needs. You might have to coax him a bit. That's up to you. Good luck!

[MJ]

you are the woman of my DREAMS :love:

[onemorefirst]

I really, really appreciate all the feedback I'm getting. It looks like I have a lot to learn.

Something I'm getting from a lot of your posts that surprises me is the assumption that the "stuff" in "stockings and stuff" means things like sexy nightgowns, panties, heels, etc. I guess I didn't automatically assume mentioning one item of clothing meant that he was interested in wearing a LOT of different types of feminine clothing. Do you think this is the case? Did any of you start with a fixation on one type of clothing in particular and expand to others, or do you think an interest in stockings means he wants to fully dress?

Also, very good point, MsMjSerene, about being careful what I ask for. While I am almost certain I wouldn't mind my husband dressing in bed, I can't be 100 percent sure.

I'm also interested in the fact that a lot of you mentioned that dressing IS sexual for you, or at least partly or at first. I also wonder about what some of you have said about your crossdressing being tied to a desire to be submissive.

Please, please, please continue with the feedback. I want to learn as much as I can so I run the smallest risk of hurting my husband or having him lose his trust in me. Thanks again.

[Marie-Elise]

I can say that my situation is very similar to yours except that I don't mind talking to my wife about it. In fact, when I first read this thread I thought you might have been her.

No matter. The biggest fear to get over for me was fear of being laughed at or humiliated by her. I dressed fully for the first time last night and she helped me get dressed and even gave me one of her camisoles when she didn't like the top I had on.

Then she kissed me and told me she loves me. That boosted my confidence so much. Do the same for your husband.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Since reading your thread I can tell it's important to you as well...How???

Stephanie

[MJ]

also this wanting to try " cross dressing " is a very deep and most sacred of secrets i would have died if anyone found out. he may well be very shy about it all.

if he is the submissive type then you be the dom give him the stockings tell him to put them on have fun

we are all different the problem is your husband knows what he wants he just too shy to tell you in case he hurts your feelings

it's not exactly a typical guy thing to get all girlie and play with the wife ....present company excluded as in this website

[anonymousinmaryland]

Everyone has posted what all there is to say. Just enjoy your visits here at this site; every question you have has been or will be answered for you. And OMG, he is a lucky man to have you. Have fun.

[joyce483]

Buy matching outfits for the bedroom and say the first saturday of every month is dress up night!!!

[carhill2mn]

************************************************** ***************************
I really, really appreciate all the feedback I'm getting. It looks like I have a lot to learn.

Something I'm getting from a lot of your posts that surprises me is the assumption that the "stuff" in "stockings and stuff" means things like sexy nightgowns, panties, heels, etc. I guess I didn't automatically assume mentioning one item of clothing meant that he was interested in wearing a LOT of different types of feminine clothing. Do you think this is the case? Did any of you start with a fixation on one type of clothing in particular and expand to others, or do you think an interest in stockings means he wants to fully dress?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I would suspect that nearly all of us CDs began with a fascination for one or two items of clothing or some other thing deemed to be "feminine". A few will continue to be fascinated by these things - sometimes referred to as a fetish. Most of
us soon want to experience how other things feel or look. This may or may not include dressing totally en femme.
************************************************** ***************************
I'm also interested in the fact that a lot of you mentioned that dressing IS sexual for you, or at least partly or at first. I also wonder about what some of you have said about your crossdressing being tied to a desire to be submissive.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IMHO there is a sexual response for nearly all at first, especially for younger CDs. Often times the person will feel great embarrassment and/or guilt feelings as a result. He has probably heard repeatedly from parents, society, friends, etc. that this behavior is "wrong, bad, sinful, etc.". It takes a great deal of effort, support, self-evaluation to get beyond these feelings. My experience has been that the sexual excitement will lessen with age and as one spends more time en femme
especially if supported by someone like you.
Generally, it is assumed that the female is more submissive but most of us know that is just a "generality". One of the things
that many CDs say is attractive to them is that as a woman they can be more submissive and not not have to continually "prove their masculinity". As I am sure you have already figured out, this is a very complex and not completely understood subject. There are no "one size fits all" answers.
It is great to know that there are women like you who are able and willing to try to understand and to help their SO. You can pick and choose from the different opinions as to how best to proceed. Good luck!

[ziggie]

Buy matching outfits for the bedroom and say the first saturday of every month is dress up night!!!

I love this idea. I wonder if I can get my wife to go along.

[kristinacd55]

hmmm...sounds like he's DEEP in the closet & you being so enlightened could help him get out of it. You sound like a very empathetic and enlightened person. Keep trying to open that closet!

[Christy_M]

I don't want to sound like a curmudgeon but if he generally expresses manly behavior that seems over the top the he probably isn't feeling real good about this part of him. The ideas that society has placed on all of us about what is and isn't normal are not easily shed. I have been greatly embarrassed by my need to dress en femme and I still get quiet when the subject is brought up. He needs to feel safe enough to talk without feeling embarrassed by the topic. I am sorry I don't have a sure fire way to bring it up but certainly talking about it in a context that is less than direct couldn't hurt. A movie called Soldier Girl could be watched together and then talk about the characters or emotions surrounding the film without directly addressing the fantasies or needs of you SO. Of course the movie is a little more than just fantasy and the people are not in a similar situation but it gets transgendered issues on the table and could start the conversation. This is only one idea...there are many others as previously mentioned. You have to weigh what you know about your SO and then make a decision about how to proceed based on what possible fallout may occur. I do wish you all the luck in pulling this out into the open. It should make the relationship much stronger.

[Samantha B L]

Hi there, It's great that you accept your husband's dressing and that you want to help. He's closemouthed about it because in many quarters confessing to being a CD is almost like inviting yourself to being hanged. in other words a lot of people don't like it. Take it slow and take an easy tack and he'll come around sooner or later. As a couple of people have suggested maybe bring him some nice hosiery and lingerie.

[StacyCD]

It took a long time after my SO knew of my crossdressing before she ever saw me wear anything feminine. I started with panties. Then I did my toe nails. Followed by satin women's pajamas. Next I had my ears pierced. This past August I started wearing long nightgowns to bed with a bra and forms. This has taken a LONG time for me and my SO to be comfortable. Don't push him beyond his comfort zone. I was embarrassed to admit to my SO that I crossdressed even though I had done it for most of my life. The fact that you are encouraging your husband is something most of the people on this list are envious of!

[Shananigans]

My SO was shy about it too, and I took out some clothes for him to wear to bed one night.

Turns out he didn't know how to put any of it on! Haha! So, then we joked around that he was a "fail CD."

I think the key is just to have fun. If you want to experiment in the bedroom...make the first move because it sounds like he won't. If something awkward happens (like maybe he doesn't know how to put a bra on), just make it into a joke and have a good laugh to take some stress off. It's supposed to be fun.

[Maria in heels]

Hi..it is great and wonderful that you are being so open and understanding ! To me, your idea sounds wonderful, but maybe just leave the stockings in his " sock drawer " without any words...he would be sure to see them and understand that you are respecting him, and giving him license at the same time. Trying to talk with him may be too embarrassing or uncomfortable to him.

[DaphneATX]

the most important thing you can do is always talk to him about it and express your opinions dont leave anything out, my ex wife pulled my fantasies out much like you did with your SO she bought me things but when i wanted more like makeup and other girly things she never told me she was uncomfortable about it all in turn causing a rift and the demise of our relationship........... on a lighter note im with a woman who im incredibly open with and in turn shes open with me she tells me im pretty when i dress she helps me with my clothes and makeup and makes me feel secure and not weird about it... so thats the most important thing to do is be honest and open.. it has already been said above that hes probably been dressing up for years which is very true and likely dont make him feel like an outcast about it, he might further suppress his feelings

[Dana]

My SO was shy about it too, and I took out some clothes for him to wear to bed one night.

Turns out he didn't know how to put any of it on! Haha! So, then we joked around that he was a "fail CD."

I think the key is just to have fun. If you want to experiment in the bedroom...make the first move because it sounds like he won't. If something awkward happens (like maybe he doesn't know how to put a bra on), just make it into a joke and have a good laugh to take some stress off. It's supposed to be fun.

I was once "with" a GG that knew about my so-called "tendencies" and "preferences toward being feminine attire.

So to "clue" you into the mind of me, myself, and I ~ a cross dresser? I'm just going to lay it out there and on the line?

I LOVE women and all thing feminine ~ I know I'm not suppose to ~ but I do!

It just "sends" me each and every time I walk through a department store and see any and all things feminine. It drives me wild.

Mentally, emotionally, physically, and yes even sexually ( I guess the last part I'm not suppose to admit)

There are GG's that are bisexual and even homosexual (the get as special name ~ Lesbians)

And there are women that are heterosexual who are more masculine than they are feminine? They're called "Tom-boys"

But if your a man ~ masculine and you like femininity and feminie things?

In traditional society your considered to be a "freak of nature"

My SO was shy about it too, and I took out some clothes for him to wear to bed one night.

Turns out he didn't know how to put any of it on! Haha! So, then we joked around that he was a "fail CD."

I think the key is just to have fun. If you want to experiment in the bedroom...make the first move because it sounds like he won't. If something awkward happens (like maybe he doesn't know how to put a bra on), just make it into a joke and have a good laugh to take some stress off. It's supposed to be fun

That's the thing of it ~ quit taking it so seriously and just have fun with it.

Its not a Life alternating experience!

And yes after a Life time of social, cultural, and religious condintiong? You as a woman if you want to be with him as a Human being ~ a soul mate are going to have to "[B]teach him how to "let the woman within him/her out"[B]

That dosen't necessarly mean being intimate with someone else? That doesn't mean infideliy,

Marla and Rachel come to mind.

Two souls that have fused together.

So many women regect men that are such soul mates? Because they're effininate. Because they have femminine tendices
~ while the bery *******s thier with are the worse POS they can find?

[Jacky Aikou]

Bravo for you for trying to crack your husband's shell. If he's a cancer like me, it can't be easy. He is lucky to have you!

Your husband was only able to breach the subject during your most intimate moment (pillow-talk), so no doubt his desire is buried deep under lots of insecurity. In the 3 years since that conversation you brought it up again twice, only to get the cold shoulder. But did you say he begged that first night? What was your response? If a little time passed with no developments, your husband might have gotten discouraged or felt ashamed or foolish for asking you about it. Maybe he's scared of rejection. Or just wants to will himself to be the good husband and not crossdress. Only he can say! That's why it's important to keep communicating, like what many of the members here said. Let him know he can talk to you anytime, about anything.

But if you feel you want to be proactive - go for it and have fun! :D
I'd say just be subtle and compassionate. One girl here suggested you should surprise him by wearing some tempting lingerie and stockings to bed, and letting him experience the sensations vicariously, which I think is a wonderful idea. That way, if you sense he wants to go a little further (and if you feel you are okay with it), you could mention you have a few items for him to wear, too, if he wants to share the fun.

If he opens up to you, you could try doing regular "Special PJ" nights, too. They've been fun for me and my wife and I'm sure for a few other couples here, too...

[Maxi]

I first started crossdressing when I was going through my divorce. It started with me buying a white half slip, as I liked the feel of a slip. When I started dateing, and brought a woman home, they generally found it on the bed where I had left it that morning. When asked whose it was, I said mine. Then the questions came. I just answered then. Nobody ever had a problem, as I was honest about it. They had an interest in having me model it. Then a wild night of passion. My current wife included.

[donnalee]

While its true that most CDer's are more likely to be heterosexual ~

I think its also true that that most of us would like to be more submissive in the relationship with GG

At least part if not more than half of the time.

Because of societial, cultural and religious conditioning? I believe many of us "fantazise" about so-called "forced feminization"

Rather focusing on the sexual content it? I would suggest that you work on brining out "the gril" within him out. Letting him express the "her"
that he/she kept bottled up with her/him so long.

Inded I would a suggest using a chaisty device to deny "Her" and outlet and release from his/her "feminity"

This might sound like or suggest some sort of bondage etc ~ but its not ~ its forcing him/her to come to terms with his/her feminiity which he/her has denied themselves for so long ~without any other means?
I'm a bit confused - who wears the chastity device?

[busker]

This is my first post, and I'm hoping you wonderful folks can help.

My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for 2. About three years ago, he and I were having pillow talk and he admitted that one of his fantasies is to wear "fancy clothes," which he told me (after a lot of begging) meant "stockings and stuff." Now, I know that crossdressing is usually not a sexual thing for most men, and I can't say for sure if this is this case with my husband, though he did present it as a sexual fantasy.

I'm asking for help because since mentioning it this once, my husband has been resistant to discussing it further. He's resistant to discuss anything that has to do with sex and sexuality in general, no matter how the subject is presented. I've only mentioned the crossdressing twice since he told me, and both times he said he didn't want to talk about it.

I think this must be something important to him or he wouldn't have mentioned it. He did say he has had this fantasy since he was a young teenager. I don't think he is crossdressing already, since he only mentioned it in the context of sex and is terrible at hiding things from me, but I could be wrong.

My question is, do I purchase some stockings in his size and bring them to bed, despite having never had a conversation with him about living out this fantasy? How do I get him to talk about it? Should I just drop it? I'm new to this and any feedback is appreciated.

Thanks in advance. :)

Personally, I would be very cautious at this point. If he is resistant to talking about it when YOU bring it up, he may feel he is being pushed into something if you can't get him to talk. It is usually the other way round if you read enough threads here--the wives don't want to talk about it when their husbands do.
He is very likely really emabrrased about it, he is obviously not comfortable with sex talk as you indicate and THIS kind of sex talk is really the worst for him. 3 years is a long time to bottle up desire. What is his upbringing? Is religion of any importance? Is he social? Guy friends, a loner? Get along with women easily? More description would probably help but I think going out an getting him some panties at this point might not be appropropriate.
Christmas is coming and if you exchange gifts, something like a nice pair of ladies dress slacks or something like St John's Bay ladies cords and a blouse would likely go better than panties which are very intimate. You don't want the clothing to demean in any way. New years eve constume party ? Switch roles, you be superman, he can be Supergirl? IF you socially drink, a few drinks might loosen him up to talk about his desires. Take him shopping for you and have him suggest somehting that would look nice on YOU. He needs to talk first, dress later. IF he can't talk about it now, shopping on line for himself isn't going to be the ticket either. He will have to give a name and that may bother him. Being a CD is something that is NOT accepted generally in society so the stigma attached is going to be great.
Maybe try viewing a movie--Tootsie, or Priscilla queen of the desert, Some like it Hot. It might get the ball rolling.
best wishes to you both in working this out

[Naomi Rayne]

I really, really appreciate all the feedback I'm getting. It looks like I have a lot to learn.

Something I'm getting from a lot of your posts that surprises me is the assumption that the "stuff" in "stockings and stuff" means things like sexy nightgowns, panties, heels, etc. I guess I didn't automatically assume mentioning one item of clothing meant that he was interested in wearing a LOT of different types of feminine clothing. Do you think this is the case? Did any of you start with a fixation on one type of clothing in particular and expand to others, or do you think an interest in stockings means he wants to fully dress?

Also, very good point, MsMjSerene, about being careful what I ask for. While I am almost certain I wouldn't mind my husband dressing in bed, I can't be 100 percent sure.

I'm also interested in the fact that a lot of you mentioned that dressing IS sexual for you, or at least partly or at first. I also wonder about what some of you have said about your crossdressing being tied to a desire to be submissive.

Please, please, please continue with the feedback. I want to learn as much as I can so I run the smallest risk of hurting my husband or having him lose his trust in me. Thanks again.


Some of us may say "stuff" because it could possibly be more than just stockings, and some of us say "stuff" because we can not assume that you just have stockings in mind. It may not just be his mind that expands it could be yours as well. Or maybe neither if your minds expand to other things. I Have a huge love for stockings on myself and on my SO. My dressing up came after my love for stockings because i have always had that. So what really would need to happen is communication between you and your husband in order to figure out just how things work between the 2 of you

[gagina]

The real question are you ok with it. I think that's what he's asking

[JenniferB]

I guess I didn't automatically assume mentioning one item of clothing meant that he was interested in wearing a LOT of different types of feminine clothing. Do you think this is the case?
Oh yes, Hon...all men have a burning desire to wear panties, bra, and heels, whether they admit it initially or not. Just go slow and work with him at first. Tell him the thought of him wearing these things is really turning you on.
And as far as (the matters we're not supposed to chat about here - the intimate penetration part)...just go slow and be very tender with him and I promise you...it will be a breathtaking experience for both of you.

[RikkiHauser]

I'm assuming that you are okay with it, since you are here. :) Which is great! For him to take the first step and mention his feelings to you is a huge step. He has probably wondered how you would react and if that would be the end of your relationship or not. I wouldn't mention it to him again. I would suggest being a little more sneaky, if that's the right word for it. Start wearing a garter belt and some stockings to bed and see what he says. Do this a few times and if he doesn't say anything, spring it on him and tell him that you would like for him to wear these with you. Surprise him even more by having already purchased them and give them to him before he can say anything.

[Vikki Vixen]

For me it is primarily a sexual thing, I started with High heels and stockings and moved on to being fully clothed as a woman. Yes I do fully dress when we get intimate and I am always in control. I just like wearing girly clothes and shoes but I am still very much a man. I agree with others to go slow, as he suggested stockings I would start off with a nice pair of hold ups and ask him if he would like to wear them, tell him you would like to see how he looks and take it from there. If he wants more I am sure he will let you know as time goes by. As others have said the most important thing is to have a partner who understands and helps you out, it intensifies the love between you. My wife is wonderful and you seem to be of a similar nature. Good Luck

[Kate17]

I keep reading "go slow" - I say why go slow. He told you his deep secret. The very fact that he said that tells me that he very much want to dress up in sexy lingerie. He was just testing the water. It is very sexual at his time in my opinion. He told you in bed, didn't he? If you are going to have a serious talk about being a cross dresser with your mate, you would not do it in bed - or at least you shouldn't. But if you are talking about something you feel sexual about, that is the place. So, go get some lace top stockings, a garter belt,panties and bra and nightie and lay them on the bed. Tell him you have a big surprise for him. Have the candles ready and say please - for me !!! to take the pressure off him. He just wants your approval. So many men who are straight want so bad to wear panties and and other fem clothes. The first step is sexy lingerie because it is the most visible form to the male - look at playboy type magazines, VS, etc. It may in time allow him to express his feminity beyond the sexual aspect - if you are encouraging. That you should go slow with.

[Nancie64]

This is an interesting tread. I'm glad that you are looking to help your SO to maybe find himself or should I say his fem side. Went through this with my 1st wife and again with my 2nd wife. I would go to a department store and buy a couple nice thing, in your size and what you might think in his size. Maybe stay ups and panties. Surprise him with your things on and if he likes it, simply tell him that you also purchased the same for him to try on. If he puts up a fight, tell him like my wife tells me "try it you will like it". If it's a no go you can always take them back and get your money back. "they were just the wrong size" . It's hard for us guys to admit that maybe we like to be him but also like to be a little femme too! I think most girls on here could still cut wood if we had too!

[busker]

I'm asking for help because since mentioning it this once, my husband has been resistant to discussing it further. He's resistant to discuss anything that has to do with sex and sexuality in general, no matter how the subject is presented.

Thanks in advance. :)
I think the readers here have missed the operative words--he doesn't want to even talk about sex, and everyone is pushing sex and panties.
I think his wife needs to try a different tack then just ramming the undies down his throat. The suggested "sink or swim" solutions may work with swimming but I doubt that it will work here.

[Jorja]

We could dispatch the Help A CDer Task Force. Strip him down and Dress her up in 30 minutes or less or your next trip to VS is on us. :D


Sorry, my mind got this picture goin in it. Once that happens it has to come out.

[yvonne10]

if your husband has mentiond this chances are he is trying to tell you something

[Danni Bear]

sorry folks. in most respects I have to agree with Busker on this.

The fact that he doesn't want to talk or discuss anything to do with sex or sexuality is indicative of insecurity. Trying to get him to open up now has the probibility of causing him even more stress and confusion. It has to happen when he is comfortable and opens it up.

Be there for him when it does come up again. show him through your attitude that there are no restraints on your acceptance and love. he will key on those and open up to you. gve him the opportunity to releaise that he is your love.that you are his.

Good luck and good fortune

Danni

[mklinden2010]

Indeed.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I've only mentioned the crossdressing twice since he told me, and both times he said he didn't want to talk about it.

My question is, do I purchase some stockings in his size and bring them to bed, despite having never had a conversation with him about living out this fantasy? How do I get him to talk about it? Should I just drop it? I'm new to this and any feedback is appreciated.

I'm curious to know the context of how you brought it up twice those other times. However, in general I think the people on this thread pushing "take it slow" or even "do little or nothing" have it right. If this guy is as repressed as he seems about his ideas, having you suddenly bombard him with all things girly is the last thing he needs.

Also, what sort of happened here is you came in with a legitimate real life issue and I think people are treating it like a fantasy, namely theirs, namely what they dream would happen to them. The idea of the wife coming home with a new girl wardrobe and letting the woman inside of her husband out is a fairly common occurrence in transgender fiction stories I've read on websites, but that doesn't sound like it could be very healthy in real practice.


I really, really appreciate all the feedback I'm getting. It looks like I have a lot to learn.

Something I'm getting from a lot of your posts that surprises me is the assumption that the "stuff" in "stockings and stuff" means things like sexy nightgowns, panties, heels, etc. I guess I didn't automatically assume mentioning one item of clothing meant that he was interested in wearing a LOT of different types of feminine clothing. Do you think this is the case? .

It could be, but it could also not. I started with stockings, or more to the point tights and pantyhose, when I was a little kid, and now I wear a lot of other stuff too. But there are also lots of men who don't. There's groups and websites specifically dedicated to pantyhose/stockings/tights as a fetish and that's it and those men make a point of insisting that what they do isn't about crossdressing. You're getting the "Buy him a nightie!" type responses here because that's the type of people on this forum, people who embrace crossdressing and are excited by that.

But there's a reason your husband isn't on this forum, it could be that he's barely admitted this desire to himself, or that he's lacking the confidence to share it with others, or that his reasons aren't the same as people here. I will say that even the most closeted person on this forum still has some degree of openness about themselves, even if they don't admit it, to be willing to come on here and talk about it however anonymously they choose to do it.

If you do anything, the most you should do is this, in my opinion. Buy him some stockings. Sit him down on the bed and try your best to keep the feeling of an open and safe space and say to him that you know that this is something difficult for him to talk about, and that you aren't going to push it on him, but that you love him and care for him, and want him to be happy, so you bought him these. Then, give them to him and tell him it's his choice to decide if he wants to explore his fantasy or not, and that you're here for him when or if he decides to. Then drop the issue entirely and never mention it again unless he does.

[JenniferB]

I keep reading "go slow" - I say why go slow. He told you his deep secret. The very fact that he said that tells me that he very much want to dress up in sexy lingerie. He was just testing the water. It is very sexual at his time in my opinion. He told you in bed, didn't he? If you are going to have a serious talk about being a cross dresser with your mate, you would not do it in bed - or at least you shouldn't.
Good point. Why go slow? Start sneaking female hormones into his food asap. Start throwing away his male clothing. In six months or so, he won't have a choice whether he wants to wear a bra or not. Yep, that's the way to go...

[giuseppina]

:sw:
I hope this isn't serious, because where I live sneaking hormones into his food or drink will bring a charge of administration of a noxious substance. If someone did that to me, the marriage would be over as well. Hormones are not to be trifled with.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

It seems pretty obviously a joke to me, it heightens how unsound the advice being commented on was.

[JenniferB]

If someone did that to me, the marriage would be over as well. Hormones are not to be trifled with.
Oh come on...you know you want hormones! All CD's do, don't they?

[tracijae]

He's done it before, and he knows he likes it. A lot of us start dressing at five or six years old! For many of us, it has nothing to do with our sexuality...but it is a sexual thing. We like pretty things including pretty girls....and the things the are wearing!!

I could be wrong, but I truley doubt there is a crossdresser on this site who felt the urge to first try it well into adulthood and marriage. We start sneaking off with our sister's or mom's clothes long before we ever meet the wife. Then....when we get married...we try the wife's clothes if there is any chance they may fit.

He has been thinking about this for a long time. He finally brought it up....he is now embarrassed...and if you two are going to let it happed, he has to have complete trust in you. He is scared to death someone will find out.

Soooo.....Go buy him something sexy, put it in the dresser drawer. Tomorrow night give him a few beers, a glass of wine or whatever loosens him up, then while you paint your toes...talk him into letting you paint his (promising of course that you will remove it before morning!) If he lets you, Put your sexy nightie on, lead him to the bedroom and introduce him to his. Oh BTW Get the stockings too! Good luck and God bless you for wanting to help!

Let us all know how it turns out

[Danni Bear]

Oh come on...you know you want hormones! All CD's do, don't they?

No Jennifer, all CD's don't want hormones. In all actuality most don't. The ones that do are the TG/TS that are either 24/7 or in transition towards being the woman or man that is their true gender.

Danni

[Rachael502]

Hoo Boy......This is why I hesitate to bring my crossdressing to another level with my SO who knows, "allows" (that one kills me), but doesn't necessarily go out of her way to "support" or otherwise actively engage in "helping "me in my endeavors. There are some who just go so overboard with their "girly" squeeky rants that hey, might be appropriate if we were 12 years old here, but WOW! I do congratulate those who time and time again offer words of encouragement where encouragement is needed, but sometimes that "Pink Fog" just totally envelopes them to the point I don't dare let my SO see this stuff.......embarrassed? Yup........Anyway.....I guess I know it takes all types, but geeze.........and they let 'em drive and they let 'em vote.......Ok, kevlar on, fire away! love you all! Rachael

[JenniferB]

No Jennifer, all CD's don't want hormones. In all actuality most don't. The ones that do are the TG/TS that are either 24/7 or in transition towards being the woman or man that is their true gender.
Danni
Wow, are y'all always wound this tight? Lighten up. It's not brain surgery afterall.

[Rachael502]

My point exactly......

[Danni Bear]

Wow, are y'all always wound this tight? Lighten up. It's not brain surgery afterall.

Jennifer,

It is not about being wound tight. most of us take hormones very seriously. Actually brain surgery may be easier than some of what we all face daily. a nice change of pace LOL

[bridgetta]

uh,,, if he said it was a turn on.. then just try it very slow... do something like make him put on one thing.. wait a while and see where it goes...